Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I have been feeling so overwhelmed lately, hence so few entries. My best friend's daughter-in-law wanted to do a cookie exchange while they are in town for the holidays. The thing is she wants 7 dozen cookies per person. Yes, I said 7 dozen. I work and really don't have time for this. I ran out of sugar and flour and didn't want to go by walmart at midnight when I got off work because I have been so sleepy lately. So now that I have waited until this morning our hot water heater is on the blink so I can't get a shower before starting my day. Yes, I could just tell her it is too many cookies for my busy schedule, but it would be like telling my daughter I am not going to do something important to her. She would understand, but I am just not going to do it.
Then last night just as I got to work, my husband called to tell me my daughter had been in an accident. She is okay, but it totaled her car. It's a piece of junk car, but her only source of transportation and a symbol of her sobriety and much loved. Ol' Rhonda has to go to the coroner in Albuquerque for some odd reason for the insurance claim. So the day after Thanksgiving we have to go to Las Cruces to find her another car. It is always a rushed thing and she ends up with something far differnet than she would have liked just because it is available at the time and in our price range. This is about the seventh car we have had to find for my daughter in as many years. The others were totaled or destroyed during her addiction. This car was well loved and cared for. Timing is the bad thing. I just thought I wouldn't get to see her for Thanksgiving! At least I have days off starting on Friday.
I have all my shopping done and thanks to my best friend should have all my Christmas cookies done long ahead of time. Most of my decorations are already out thanks to my husband not ever having taken them to the shed last year. But in my heart I am not ready for the holidays. It has not been a bad year, just a quick one. The weather is warm which makes it hard to think of winter holidays, but even this year it wouldn't have helped. I don't now if it is subtle depression or just the blahs. I could skip it all this year and be happy celebrating it in July! My weight has gone crazy and I need to fast to get back on track jk! I'm am just a Scrooge this year.
Friday, November 19, 2010
My favorite scripture is "God is love." What I needed most was to know that I was loved. When I knew that God loved and accepted me, my life was totally transformed. The Bible also tells us that no one has seen God, but His love is shown if we love each other. Love, God's love, has its full expression in our loving others. The Bible tells us that He loved us, not when we were all cleaned up and presentable, but when we were at out lowest low and most unlovable. Few would die for a friend, but God showed His great love for us by doing far more. We spend our whole lives in search of love. Babies fail to thrive for lack of loving touch. Every song you hear on the radio is I have love, I lost love, or I need love. If we would just start at the foot of the cross, our search would be a short one. So today, I am going to look for creative ways to show my family I love them. But more than that will show the man who cuts me off in traffic that I hold nothing against him. I will show the greeter at Walmart that they are not invisible. I will treat all the rude and angry people around me that they have value. The are only hurting people in need of love. I will fill my day with love at every turn. And where I cannot, I will ask for help from Love Himself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
As a side note to yesterday's blog, I love the holidays. I love having people come to my home, if I can get it clean,and have the wonderful conversations and enjoy good food together. The thing is this, last year, my middle child didn't come home until just before the meal and left almost right after. I had to go to work at 4 just as I do this year. My youngest son would rather spend the day with his friends and as soon as he feels he can escape he does so. Then when I got home at midnight, I still had all the dishes to do. This is not what I envision of the holidays on a good year. I put so much work in to making the holidays special for everyone. I bake all the cookies and decorate the house. I really do love Christmas, but a lot of the joy is taken out of it when it is not appreciated or no one thinks of how exhausted I get making it special for them.
My vision of the perfect Christmas and holiday season is good conversation and making good family memories. Good food is a must. There was such a closeness that I experienced during the holidays growing up and I don't know how to recreate this for my family. I fee like a failure there. There is the going as a family to look at the lights and joining together at a special service at church, even if one must go kicking and screaming. I guess I just feel it all evaporating as the years go by.
That is why I want to go shopping with my best friend. I want to bond with someone at this time of year. I don't want to become selfish. I want some of the magic to return. I just feel as if the mirrors have shifted and become a reality and the excitement is gone. Maybe what I need is grandchildren!
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