Friday, June 29, 2012
I feel like I am broken...
I don't know why exactly, just that I am not what I feel I should be.
Stepped down as a leader from a group I love, because I felt I wasn't able to give what the other leaders give. Why be an anchor and drag them down when they are a speedboat surging ahead?
Am in a negative circuit, which is not usually me. I like to be positive and upbeat. It keeps me going.
That is why I think I am broken.
I work out hard and try to eat right. Did so well and am so frustrated that the numbers don't change. Even went to the Dietician/Nutritionist to get some feedback. I should know better, the Standard American Diet doesn't work for me, it is what got me into this mess in part.
Instead of losing I am gaining! WTH?
But being in a funk leads to emotional eating and we all know what that means.
Well I may be broken, but I will fix myself. It just may take me a little longer than it should.
I am trying to keep up with your blogs and posts, I love to hear how your doing my friends.
Struggling along even when Spark is making me log back in on every single flipping page. That is frustrating.
I may be leaking some tears and my heart is heavy, but so is my scale and that will change.
I will make it move. I will be back to my happy self soon.
Sorry for the downer.
Hugs and love,
Sunday, May 27, 2012
No Shame Binges…
What I need to tell myself and my Diabetic Friends…
So you found yourself stuffing yourself and eating everthing in sight. You can’t even remember all what you ate, but know you feel awful. You feel like a failure. You feel unworthy. You feel great shame.
The first thing to know is you should not feel shame. You should not feel this way.
Yes it happened. Let us move forward not live with regrets. You recognized that there was a problem and now we can figure out how to rectify it.
I have done things very similar and I can say that 9 times out of 10, I no longer react in the same way.
I am a diabetic as well. Let us address this first.
Diabetes and insulin can be a vicious cycle. Next time you feel hunger like this, or find yourself eating uncontrollably, make yourself test your blood sugar.
It may be midway through an eating binge, but test it anyhow. Many a binge is due to our 'mindless eating' caused by low blood sugars. It takes at least 20 minutes before the food we are consuming (depending on the type of food) starts to be converted to sugar. I don't know about you, but I can consume a heck of a lot in 20 minutes. I can also be a beotch with mood swings at times due to these low blood sugars; Just putting that out there.
You have been losing weight and eating less, that means if you take insulin and I am assuming you do, you need LESS. Otherwise you have lows and the mindless eating happens. I have had this experience and it is not pretty.
BUT! It can be fixed.
FIRST OFF YOU SHOULD BE IN CONTACT WITH YOUR DOCTOR OR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL. Explain to them what is happening and have them help you with your adjustment of medications.
SO TEST TO BE SURE, hopefully at the beginning, but at least when you become aware of it.
Then take something that dissolves quickly into your blood stream like Dextrose sugar tablets or juice.
You will be aware and you will stop your eating, because you know WHY.
Bread and protein are not the choices to fix a low, they take even longer and slow the process which again allows us to eat even more.
The next thing to do is again leave it in the past and go forward. We have to work on our ALL OR NOTHING mentality. We all have it. So what if you had a binge and ate something you shouldn't have, you can much more easily overcome that meal or treat than an entire day+ of bad eating. As the Italians like to say 'FORGET ABOUT IT!'
If you feel your family may be enabling your bad eating by bringing things you don’t want or need into the house -- BE BLUNT! You have to spell it out that you don’t want it anywhere near you.
My DH recently said to me as he looked at my before pictures that 'HE NEVER SAW ME AS FAT, HE SAW ME AS HE KNEW ME AT MY BEST AND THAT WAS THE MENTAL IMAGE HE ALWAYS RETAINED.' Just like we don't see ourselves in the mirror, they don't see us as we are either.
ASK for their help. Tell them that if DH is to pick up dinner that he makes an honest effort to only pick up one serving of something healthy, no extra add-ons and certainly no super-size. (HAVE YOU WATCHED SUPER SIZE ME? YOU SHOULD, IT IS EYE OPENING).
Suggest that if they want a treat that they have it outside the home; never in sight of you; and certainly nothing left in the house. This will not be forever; it will be until you have learned not to eat what is in sight. I still struggle with this, but it is doable.
I know I haven't touched on all the issues that we can suffer when doing a mindless binge; but this is what is predominant to me and what needs to be addressed first.
More than half of my mindless eating binges were medical. I had low blood sugar. Once I addressed this so much fell into place and I could proceed with a feeling of control.
It is important not to 'GIVE UP'.
It will happen again as we lose the weight and inches it is a given that our medications or insulin need adjusting, so beware of what is happening to your body.
If you find yourself in the mindless eating binge again…ask yourself WHY?
So let me reiterate.
Insulin and diabetes never work the way we expect them too. I am not the norm, and I suspect you are not either in the sense that you are having ‘unconscious’ blood sugar lows. You are not aware you are having them and the high blood sugars you kept finding while eating and exercising is actually the after effect of your body’s response to correct itself.
The thing you NEED & HAVE to do is start logging your blood sugars before each meal and at bedtime for sure.
That is 4 times a day. Once you have that base line established you should start to see a pattern, if a pattern is showing highs (for example always in the morning after waking) when the preceding reading was normal, then you need to suspect that there is a blood sugar drop happening somewhere in between. Start testing in the middle of those time frames (for example high in morning; normal at bedtime with no or normal snack before bed; then test about 2 or 3 am).
You need to start listening to your body; it wants to be healthy too. If the readings are high or low, adjust.
Talk to your Doctor that would be best.
Listen when it tells you EAT NOW AND EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT; It is trying to protect you, and has slipped into Do or DIE mode.
It is not your fault and you can regain control.
Just start to recognize and question why.
It is important that you make your family aware that you are possibly having Diabetic issues and if they notice you behaving oddly or inhaling everything beyond reason to ask you if you have checked your blood sugar.
This is serious and should be taken so.
I know because I have been there too.
Hugs and love,
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Sometimes it doesn't matter....but it does.
Let me explain...
I have a friend who eats right all the time.
I have a friend who exercises on a regular basis, doing all the things we should be doing.
I have a friend who loves life and all it brings, who brings joy to all who know her.
I had a friend who died when she did all the things right she was supposed to do.
Sometimes it doesn't matter....but it does.
I could continue to cry 'WHY?' but why?
She lived life to the fullest.
She scuba dived to the depths of the ocean.
She now soars to the highest heights of heaven.
She inspired me.
She continues to inspire me.
I will and am eating right.
I will and am exercising and doing the things I should.
By doing this for myself, I inspire and love the people around me.
As she did.
So as her favorite quote says...
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN AND LOVE MUCH!
By doing this we live our lives as best we can, with no regrets.
Hugs and love,
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
No say it isn't so!
I have looked for years back at the goddess of screen, Marilyn Monroe for many reasons.
The one main being that if she looked that good, that sexy and was a size 14, well there was hope for me too!
Little did I know that clothier companies have decided to do a bit of 'VANITY SIZING' for the expanding population.
I mean I suspected, but it wasn't until I could say I am wearing a size 12 that I really decided to have a look. I haven't worn a size 12 since high school, it is a big deal to me, and I thought hey I am going to celebrate being Marilyn's size or smaller.
According to vintage clothing sizes, and Marilyn's clothes fall into that category, what we call a size 14 now was....wait for it....
a size 8!
If I want to look as hot as Marilyn Monroe, I have more work to be done.
I really should of known better, I mean come on this is the film industry where minuscule can be too big.
Oh well, i am still rocking my size 12's!
Monday, April 09, 2012
Little Red Riding Hood … and breaking with Tradition
Off to Grandma’s house I go (or in this case Nan’s).
Over mountains, rivers, lakes and streams,
Through forests, clouds and freezing rain,
Only to be stopped in my tracks by a back log of vehicles…
What?? How could this be?
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, yes it snowed, yes there was ice but?
Oh, prayers to the individuals hurt in a semi rollover. No fatalities that I know of, thank you God.
The highway was closed for hours and I was only 2 hours from home. Of course stuck where I could not turn around or get off. I am Thankful for a full tank of gas and a few snacks, if only there was a washroom!
Finally our journey began again, over mountains and through the snow, to Grandma’s house we go!
After what normally would take about 6 hours we got there in 9, safe and sound.
However the wolf had tried to stop us.
You see it is tradition to stop for lunch in Golden, BC and usually I would have donuts, or sweetened ice coffee or both. The wolf offered…
I stayed strong and had a coffee, my water and light yogurt with fruit (fresh). That was all I wanted, all I needed. I stayed strong.
The wolf disappeared for a while, only to appear in Sicamous, BC where tradition reigned again.
You see it is Tradition to stop there at the D DUTCHMAN DAIRY for fresh made ice cream. The wolf offered…
Take that you wolf! We were on our merry way to Grandma’s house again.
Our arrival was joyous and filled with love.
My Grandparents are in their 90’s and every moment is precious. I know I have blogged of them before, but they are such an important part of my life, that you’re bound to hear of them again.
My basket (or trunk in this case) was filled with soups, delicious healthy food, and yes, a few chocolates for my Nan. It was Easter after all!
We had a healthy delicious dinner with them. The wolf in sheep’s clothing (my Nan) offered me chocolates…
The wolf in sheep’s clothing had planned a birthday party for me (early for me as it is on the 25th) as I would not be seeing my Grandparents until some distant time in the future. The wolf offered me Black forest cake…
I accepted….a small piece.
Hey! It was my birthday celebration. I can be strong in many ways, but I choose to have a piece. It was delicious and I did not go back for more.
The next day I walked almost all of Salmon Arm, BC. I had to walk off my treat. I think I did pretty good.
We even went to play mini golf and enjoy the warmer temperatures and spring green showing through. The wolf showed himself again.
You see it is tradition to have an ICE CREAM after a game of mini golf.
My breakfast was only fruit and yogurt; my lunch was only soup; My afternoon snack was a coffee and we again had a nutritious dinner with my grandparents.
The wolf tried to raise his head many more times during our visit and journey.
I am proud to say I declined.
It is paying off this declining of the wolf. I found a gorgeous dress in a MEDIUM that fits perfectly.
That is my reward.
All though the greatest reward was the awe and happiness in my Grandparents eyes when they saw me in the flesh so to speak; it had been almost 8 months since they had seen me. We can’t travel well in the winter over the mountains.
I have lost a lot of weight and a lot more inches, now that is progress to see it measured in a loved one’s eyes.
Hugs and love,
The Three Sisters near Canmore, AB
Mount Rundle near Banff, AB
Snow along the highway
Shuswap Lake, Salmon Arm, BC
My son, My Nan & I
My Son and Grandpa (his great)
The dress I bought compared with one I wore last summer.
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