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The Simple White Envelope (a Christmas story)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


It's just a small white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree.
No name, no identification, no inscription.
It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas
--oh, not the true meaning of Christmas,
but the commercial aspects of it -- the overspending,
the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry
and the dusting powder for Grandma
-- the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way,
I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties, and so forth.
I reached for something special just for Mike.
The inspiration came in an unusual way.
Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year,
was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended.

Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team
sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings
seemed to be the only thing holding them together,
presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms
and sparkling new wrestling shoes.
As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team
was wrestling without headgear,
a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears.
It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

Well, we ended up walloping them.
We took every weight class.
And as each of their boys got up from the mat,
he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado,
a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly,
'I wish just one of them could have won,' he said.
'They have a lot of potential,
but losing like this could take the heart right out of them.'
Mike loved kids -- all kids -- and he knew them,
having coached little league football, baseball, and lacrosse.

That's when the idea for his present came.
That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.
On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree,
the note inside telling Mike what I had done
and that this was his gift from me.
His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years.
For each Christmas, I followed the tradition
--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game,
another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers
whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.
The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas.
It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning,
and our children, ignoring their new toys,
would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents,
but the envelope never lost its allure.
The story doesn't end there.
You see, we lost Mike last year due to cancer.
When Christmas rolled around,
I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up.
But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree,
and in the morning it was joined by three more.
Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others,
had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad.
The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further
with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation
watching as their fathers take down the envelope.
Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us.

May we all remember the true Christmas spirit this year and always.

*(this is a story shared with me from a friend. I do not know the author).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PCOH051610 12/21/2011 5:49PM

    What a beautiful story! I had tears in my eyes when I read it.

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CAROLYNINJOY1 12/17/2011 4:10PM

    Bless you for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes & joy to my heart. I'm so glad the tradition will continue. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GIGALENA 12/15/2011 4:40AM

    WOW I am sitting her crying my eyes out. What a wonderful blog. We should all have that kind of spirit. Thanks Angela


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MNJONES2 12/14/2011 11:59PM

    You have reminded me of the true meaning of Christmas . Thank you for sharing.

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LITTLETEAPOT17 12/14/2011 9:26AM

    I loved reading this story and it brought tears to my eyes as I though how lovely it was to remember the true spirit of Christmas in such a meaningful and simple but powerful way.
Thanks for sharing with us.

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FITJOY1 12/14/2011 6:28AM

    Thank you for the story, for sharing your time and money with others and for passing the tradition on to your children - you should feel so proud of what you do, this story really touched my heart today. I have been trying to share the love of giving with my young daughter by picking a name each year from a giving tree (you but a gift for someone in need) and letting her pick it pick it out - she really seems to love doing this especially because we try to pick out someone close to her age. I was so proud this year because we picked out a gift for a 4 year old girl (my daughter took quite a while looking for something perfect) and then my daughter (who is 5) said "mom we have to get more to go along with that - one gift is not enough for a little girl, can we get her more." I was so proud that she wanted to help make someone else's day special.

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HICKOK-HALEY 12/14/2011 3:16AM

    Love it! emoticon

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BARBIE176 12/13/2011 11:58PM

    What an awesome story!

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COMPASS_ROSE 12/13/2011 10:41PM

    The true spirit of Christmas is the greatest gift of all. Thank you for sharing.

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UNICORN212 12/13/2011 9:58PM

    What an awesome story. It brought tears to my eyes not just because it is a heartwarming story of giving, but my husband Mike and I were at his oncologist's office today and we were given the written results of his PET/CT scan from last week - clear of any signs of cancer. And then to read this on the same day. God is good.

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KMICHA 12/13/2011 9:14PM

    this story reveals the true gifts of Christmas.

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 12/13/2011 8:38PM

    Such a wonderful Christmas story! Thanks so much for sharing! Those Sparklers reading this blog will certainly be touched with the Christmas spirit!

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PATTIE441 12/13/2011 8:01PM

    That is absolutely heartwarming and the true meaning of Christmas. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELLIE381 12/13/2011 7:59PM

    Beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us. Sitting here in tears. emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/13/2011 8:00:02 PM

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    The world turns out to be a better place when we think of ourselves just a little less and others a little more. Thank you for bringing this story.


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BUTTERFLYBLUE67 12/13/2011 7:19PM

    Wow what an amazing way to remember someone you love. Merry Christmas and thanks for sharing. Sometimes we don't realize that those moments are much more special then any gift.

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MDGARDENGIRL 12/13/2011 7:06PM

    That's a beautiful story Angela. We have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes it takes some one else who has much less to remind us.

I think of you every day and hope each day gets easier. emoticon

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TAMIPCHICAGO 12/13/2011 6:54PM

    I am balling my eyes out right now. That's the most beautiful Christmas story I've ever read. May the message of Mike and your family's beautiful tradition spread across the world, in many ways it already has.

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KAYYVAUGHN 12/13/2011 6:44PM

    That is one of the sweetest stories that I have ever read.
Thanks for sending it to me.

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SUGARPUNK52 12/13/2011 6:39PM

  What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing it with us.GOD bless.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/13/2011 6:37PM


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TEENY_BIKINI 12/13/2011 6:25PM

    Oh my god. That was beautiful. Thank you.


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    Thank you for sharing this story with us Angela.No matter who the author is. It truly brings the meaning of Christmas out. There are people out there today that actually give of themselves at Christmas time and expect nothing in return. Merry Christmas Angela!


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TEXASFILLY 12/13/2011 6:12PM

    O my dear Angela~ *hugs* Your story has me in tears~ absolutely beautiful! It is truly a blessing that your immense loss and grief has transformed itself into such a miraculous blessing shared by your children and, someday, grands! How beautiful that is! No doubt your beloved is smiling upon y'all from heaven. God bless~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 12/13/2011 4:01PM


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    Wow... This story touched my heart in such a tender way. Thank you, Angela, for sharing it! emoticon

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SNOWMAIDEN 12/13/2011 2:43PM

    Well, that got me crying...What a lovely way to remember someone.

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ASHAIXIM 12/13/2011 1:06PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

What a great way to honor someone's memory and spirit and to really truly exercise the meaning of Christmas.

Comment edited on: 12/13/2011 1:06:50 PM

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DEBBIEANNE1124 12/13/2011 12:58PM

What a meaningful message. thanks so much for sharing this angela.

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BLUE42DOWN 12/13/2011 12:15PM

    I remembered this story - it was so heart-warming. (Looked it up to give proper credit: It was written in 1982 by Nancy W. Gavin. It was a Woman's Day contest entry.)

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BOVEY63 12/13/2011 12:09PM

Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.

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PURESTILLWATER 12/13/2011 11:49AM

    this is so beautiful.

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DEE0973 12/13/2011 11:44AM

    What a wonderful story and tradition. Thank you for sharing.

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L*I*T*A* 12/13/2011 11:05AM

    very nice....
so heart warming....
blessings and hugs..............lita

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/13/2011 10:54AM

    I have tears in my eyes reading this. Lovely. Big hug.

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EOWYN2424 12/13/2011 10:54AM

    What a beautiful story!

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A Hit to the Head...a hole in the heart.

Friday, December 09, 2011

A Hit to the Head...a hole in the heart.

this is not a feel good blog update...this is something that is happening to me now and I am trying to find my strength and hopefully my smile again.

I think I have it all together...

...that I have my mask on and the world will never know how much I am hurting inside.

It has been 3 days since it happened and I think I am getting better only to realize I am not.

How can strangers see I am in trouble and no one close to me?

The First day, I must of looked rough, even though my hair and makeup was done as usual. I don't think I missed any steps in my routine, maybe my smile wasn't as bright as it usually is. I had people I don't know asking me if I was ok or if I was sick; or just doing very kind things for me.

The Second day, I really think I was better, better in control. I had a plan of action and was going to do all of it...and I did. It probably helped that I was with friends (who didn't know) and we were painting and having a good time.

The Third day...Today...

I again have a very full schedule, I am running here, there and everywhere with so much to do and no time to do it. But that is ok, it keeps me going.
Thought actually that I was doing really, really good.

Then I heard from my friend that her 18 year old son was in a car accident last night. He has a concussion and is pretty banged up, but he should be fine. WE are praying he will be fine...and he will.

But I guess this news rocked my mask.
A stranger who I volunteered with at church today, asked if I was ok, because I looked like I was going to cry....and I did.

I am again in fact while I write, miss bubbly.

I seem to have lost my smile and joy, my happiness. I had it three days ago...

I put on a good front, I have to.

But how do you deal with a loved one, very close to you, telling you they are going to jump off a bridge? That they can't 'handle' the job; life; whatever anymore.

It was not a joke.

I take this very seriously, and that is why I feel like I have been kicked in the head and my heart torn from my chest.

I am not 'allowed' to talk to anyone about this and they will NOT go to the doctor. I am wracking my brain as to all that I should do and am doing allot.

But will it be enough?

I feel like it is now I who has depression and am teetering on an abyss.

Thanks for listening.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PCOH051610 12/21/2011 5:56PM

    Hi Angela,

I'm so sorry that I missed this before now! My heart goes out to you and to the person (s) involved. I have been suicidal so I know how it feels to be like that low that you don't know where to turn or if you can keep it together to get through another hour.

I'm glad they confided in you BUT I think you need to seek help both for yourself and for this person. My husband became very depressed just after I was suicidal because he had to be strong for both of us. Fortunately his depression is situational and hopefully will not be lifelong as mine is.

I am going to read the update now and I hope it has some good news

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CAROLYNINJOY1 12/17/2011 4:12PM

    Sweet Angela, I'm so glad I read the update first. Prayers coming your way still. emoticon

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SNOWANGELDIVA 12/16/2011 5:20PM

    I'm a week late to this blog. Angela, I was suicidal and it was a humilitaing place to be at and I understand why they want you not to tell, but, I hope you helped them reach out. It's too much for one.
Strength in numbers...

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SAMI199 12/13/2011 6:33PM

    Just beautiful...thank-you.


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MISSILENE 12/12/2011 8:16PM

    Today is Monday and your blog was written on Friday. I am sorry that you have to carry this burden. Usually when someone tells you such a thing ~they mean it. If you call the hotline they will suggest to you what to do. You have received so many great comments. Prayers are being sent to you and your friends.

I will be thinking of you. Dear friend emoticon

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    Yikes! I knew I was getting behind reading blogs! I am just now reading this and have read a lot of the comments for lack of knowing just what to say. I, too, believe you cannot keep quiet about this. If the person were to follow through on their threats, you would forever be beating yourself up for not stopping them--and YOU cannot stop them! They need the help that can be given them professionally. Oh, I wish you were not having to deal with this! I did actually notice that you weren't your usual bubbly self but I couldn't put my finger on it, so I just figured you were super busy with the holidays, etc. Love ya, my dear friend! emoticon

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LITTLETEAPOT17 12/11/2011 2:35PM

    Is it possible that you could talk to a professional counselor in confidence? If not, you always have us, dear friend. We are sending up prayers now on your behalf. Love you....

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HDHAWK 12/11/2011 12:30PM

    You've gotten good advice above. I would seek some qualified help. You aren't equipped to deal with this. Even though the person may be angry at you for a while, you need to do what's best for them. emoticon

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COMPASS_ROSE 12/11/2011 11:12AM

    This is a burden way to heavy for one person to bear alone. Please seek help for your family member. The road will be hard for a while but no matter how long it takes to mend the relationship--it will be shorter than an eternity. May God watch over you and your family member and keep all of you safe from harm. Please, please feel free to email me or anyone else that you have become friends with on Spark. This is a lot to carry alone. God bless you and please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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CATHYGETSFIT 12/11/2011 4:55AM

    Oh Angela, I am so very sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Whomever this person is that is in trouble you really, really need to get them some help ASAP. They are crying out for help. If you have to call one of those suicide hotlines and I'm sure they'll be able to help you out. You obviously care about this person very much. Just don't lose yourself while trying to save them. I may not respond to your blogs very often but I do think of you often. I am here for you along with all of your Spark Friends!!

emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 12/10/2011 10:52PM

    Angela, I am so sorry you are going through this. You have indeed received some great advice; and I agree that you shouldn't carry this burden by yourself.

What I can give you right now is my love, support and lots of prayers for you, the person who confided in you and the young man in the accident.
Take care Sweetie!

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LIVINGFREE19 12/10/2011 9:20PM

    I am so sorry you have to suffer at a time like Christmas. It is sad for your other friends to be suffering too. I hope the advice the others gave works because they are right with it being a cry for help.
We all love you and worry about you, please keep us updated. You will be in my prayers.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MDGARDENGIRL 12/10/2011 5:51PM

    Oh Angela! What an awful thing to have to endure. I am so glad you told us.... your SP friends through thick and thin! We are here for you as you have ALWAYS been there for us. Laurie certainly said it all and said it best. I hope you can follow her advice and get your loved one the professional help they desperately need. And please don't forget to take care of you! You are so precious, warm, caring and loving to everyone. Now is our time to return the favor.

With much love, hugs and prayers emoticon Marg

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MNJONES2 12/10/2011 4:20PM

    Yes Angela, TELL A MENTAL HEALTH PERSON , suicide hotline or someone close to the person who told you! If the person says I thought I could trust, you promised.... then you tell that her life was more important than a secret. You tell her how much you needed her.

PLEASE dont carry this burden. The person told you as a way to ask for help! AND you would carry an even heavier burden if the person did something.

I am so sorry your friend's child was hurt in an accident too. It makes us all remember how precious life is.


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PARKERB2 12/10/2011 1:08PM

    Take these comments and use them to find some comfort during this trying time. Remember all of these friends are pulling for you and wishing you the best along with your loved one. I agree they need professional help with whatever is giving them this attitude. Not one is an island and you be sure to seek help from various sources if you need it. Take Care.

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SURENDERISNOTME 12/10/2011 11:56AM

    Angela, I can only agree with most of your friends who have already responded to your blog! Your loved one would not have told you that they were planning on jumping off a bridge if that wasn't a call for help. Get this person some help! We are here for you!


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LYNMEINDERS 12/10/2011 4:06AM

    My sweet....I am so soryy for what is going on in your world at present and I would follow the advise of Sylphinprogress....
it is the same thing i would say to you....
You need support and you have to be able to go to someone you trust tokeep you confidence so you can process all this and find direction....

Praying for you

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SLIMLILA 12/10/2011 2:33AM

Sorry I sparkmailed you without reading the other comments. You've got some good advice here for sure..and remember this person turned to you for help, they trust you and need you right now.. emoticon emoticon

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PURESTILLWATER 12/10/2011 1:26AM

    Angela, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am worried for both of you. This is giving you undue stress. Praying for you both.

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CARO488 12/9/2011 10:48PM

    Please listen to sylphinprogress and the others who have given you great advice and much love. hugs and prayers for you and your needy loved one..

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    My love, most often what is told to us in confidence should of course be kept as such. This is different. When someone is despairing and hopeless, getting the right help is what matters most. For you to bring in another party who would be able to give appropriate help is in no way betrayal of a confidence. The party whom we're not identifying on this page seems to be relying on you as sole support. There is a chance that he/she is also being manipulative, perhaps testing whether there is anyone at all who cares, but you would know whether that might be the case better than I.

This person in your life isn't the only one who needs support now. As the one being leaned on, you do, too. You're taking on a role that's extremely wearing. You're already feeling it. It is in your own best interest and the best interest of your person to call on someone else. It might be his/her primary physician, who would be able to provide a referral. If the person is in treatment with a psychiatrist or psychologist, that's the way to go. Keep in mind that it's likely that, when an individual may do harm to self or others, a professional is required by law to phone in an emergency so that the police and an ambulance come. I'm not trying to scare you, but rather make you aware of what to expect. Some things shouldn't be surprises.

As to you alone, I love your fine face and find it even finer when unmasked. You're not an automaton. You are a complete person who flinches from time to time. Your response is completely sound, sane and understandable. There's nothing to hide or apologize for.

I'm sending you an SPmail.

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L*I*T*A* 12/9/2011 7:29PM

    so sorry this is happening..........
please listen to the advice from others with the experience...
sending prayers for you and yours...may they guide you...
blessings and hugs....lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 12/9/2011 7:13PM

    emoticon Oh angel... I'm so sorry this is happening with you. bless your heart. It's kind of like being stabbed in the heart when this happens. I wish you only the best. Hugs and blessings to you my friend. Know that I'm here if you want to talk. Sometimes we can't help others. they have to want to help themselves.
Love you!

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TEXASFILLY 12/9/2011 6:32PM

    *hugs* I'm so sorry for the bad news about your friend's son; I pray he makes a complete recovery. Also, I'm terribly sorry to hear about the sticky wicket a loved one has placed you in~ one of confidence for a serious circumstance that is most unfair to you. I agree with our SP friends~ tell someone who is in a position to help this person. So what if they get mad? He/she will get over it and when they're in their right mind will love you for having the courage to take action when they could not. *hugs* God bless and guide you, sweetie~ *hugs* BB~

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BLUE42DOWN 12/9/2011 4:50PM

    I'm sorry, but really, no one is "allowed" to dump that on you. If they're not serious, that's extremely cruel. If they are serious, they need help - and they would not have told you if they didn't somewhere deep inside WANT someone to stop them. Call a suicide hotline. Please.

If that person wants to claim they hate you for telling someone, they'll have to be ALIVE to hate you. Much better than mourning them if you stay silent and they actually make the attempt and succeed.

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/9/2011 4:43PM

    I understand this situation all too well. If that person does decide to do something harmful, you may never forgive yourself for not seeking help when there was a chance. It's a really tough spot to be in. And, yes, it really is a hole in the heart for those of us who've been through this. You've gotten several responses from people who are here for you, including me. Let me know if I can provide a shoulder for you.

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ASHAIXIM 12/9/2011 4:32PM

    I do feel for you very strongly. I have been on both sides of this and can tell you it is never easy. If your loved one is having mental problems, you can also call the hotline for your county for assistance and if it is physical I would highly recommend you call the person's doctor if they have a primary care physician. If you need anyone to vent to or have any questions please feel free to email me!

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DEE0973 12/9/2011 4:23PM

    Please, please don't keep this to yourself any longer. Tell someone so they can get help. The person will be angry and not speak to you for awhile, but that's ok because as long as they are alive there is hope that the relationship can be mended. Show how much you love and care and notify someone immediately. It was selfish of them to place this burden on you.

Stay strong, you will both get through this. I will lift you and the person up in prayer.

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LINDA! 12/9/2011 4:07PM

    Please call the police. I send prayers! emoticonThis has to be such a stressful situation.

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MCMIKE0104 12/9/2011 3:54PM

    I am in law enforcement and I have seeen what suicide does to families. You MUST call someone...even if they never speak to you again, it will hurt much more if they do it and you have to live with knowing you could have called...please for everyone's sake make the call!

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Friday, December 02, 2011


Thunder thighs,
Buffalo Butt
Big Bum (in a variety of languages)
Fat A$$
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

The list goes on…

These were names that I called myself…

These were names that others called me…

Yes, others called me these…

Some professed to love me…
And yet...

Why would someone who loves you call you names? Why would you call yourself these names?

I am sure there were other names that I have buried in the recesses of my mind, due to the hurt they inflicted.

Sure maybe they didn’t know that it hurt…

…maybe my laughter hid the hurt…

I mean why not laugh if the other option is to cry?

It didn’t make it hurt any less; it just made me feel more successful in the role of uncaring, but fun fat person that I was…

I think if someone were to call me this now, I wouldn’t stand for it.
But then who am I kidding?

I CARE about others feelings, so my loved ones who call me by nicknames that they have called me for years may not understand my sudden turnaround from funny fat person to offended not-so-obese person.
I don’t want to hurt them…
Can’t they see they are hurting me?

Though Chubrub may be the mildest of them all, I will keep that as a reminder of where I was and what I left behind…
Figuratively and literally…

I am still bigger than I want to be…
But that is ok, because my journey is not over...
I am a lot smaller than I was….
And I will be smaller yet…
It doesn’t matter how hard the journey is or will be, I will succeed.

I am not going back to those derogatory names.

So let’s love ourselves.

Let’s make a stand.


emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNOWANGELDIVA 12/16/2011 5:21PM

    OH MY GOSH, I always misread your names as cherub....

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MYBRUTUS 12/12/2011 9:58AM

  I would like to give you some new nick names too!

Oh and CHERUB just Cherub an angel among us. One who should be cherished and appreciated!
Angela you have been so sweet to me. Especially in those dark moments when you start to lose hope and that is alot more than most people would do for a complete stranger.
Thank you for being my spark friend and put a stop to those people who love you!!!!

Comment edited on: 12/12/2011 10:05:58 AM

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MNJONES2 12/10/2011 4:22PM

    Yes you are so right! We all need respect and love.

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RELIVE 12/8/2011 12:20AM

    I feel you. I was always the fatty... very nice, huh? It sucks. It's okay, because going through this journey we'll learn and be more than any of these other people will ever be. Don't let these names get to you, because all they do is describe how the person looking at you feels inside... about themselves.

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ELLIE381 12/4/2011 7:54PM

    I cannot understand anyone who could think those names were funny. So sorry for the hurt you feel.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/4/2011 12:01AM

    Never okay to call names. Good for you for taking a stand.

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LIVINGFREE19 12/3/2011 11:57PM

    Those names are really bad, and you know what, I have done the same thing myself, and called myself these names.
You are so loved by all of us on here that are your spark friends so please try and not say these names to yourself anymore, my dear friend!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 12/3/2011 11:33AM

    What an awesome blog Angela! Here's some of my nicknames for you:
Sweetie emoticon
Motivator emoticon
Angel on earth emoticon
Big Loser (in a wonderful way) emoticon
Inspirational emoticon

And the best of all
Friend emoticon emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 12/3/2011 6:55AM

    *hugs* Yes, I agree. Derogatory nicknames serve no purpose except to hold one down. I'm so happy you've liberated yourself from accepting unflattering nicknames, AND for the AWE~some release of weight you've accomplished. Truly, you are a wonderful inspiration, Angela. Keep up your wonderful success! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonBB~ emoticon emoticon

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BBAMMOM 12/2/2011 10:13PM

    Beautifully said! I would never call anyone names, I don't allow my children to call other people names, rarely has anyone called me names, but for years I allowed myself to call me names!! No more. Thanks for the reminder!

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TWILIGHTEYES 12/2/2011 7:32PM

    Love you friend!
Awesome blog!

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JUSTBIRDY 12/2/2011 7:25PM


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DEBBIEANNE1124 12/2/2011 7:22PM

    That is so sa that people feel they have to cal others names. I'm with you on this one.

Chubrub seems to be an affectionate nickname not really insulting.
Hugs and blessings!

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PURESTILLWATER 12/2/2011 12:22PM

    Great blog... I have names I used to call myself too that are no longer welcome

And even phrases like going to the fat lady shop when I needed clothes.

side note, I prefer to just call you my friend Angela :-)

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SNOWMAIDEN 12/2/2011 11:41AM

    Oh bother! Now I feel I have to confess. I have always mis-read your name. From the start I thought you were "Cherub". I thought how pretty it was and how clever you were to play on your name - Angela/Angel. It was only three or four days ago I actually read it properly!

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L*I*T*A* 12/2/2011 10:52AM

    nicknames can take on positive or more often negative vibes etc.......
so glad those days are behind me now.....
thanks for reminding us the power words can have....
blessings and hugs........lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    My sweet, warm, kind, caring, loving, pretty, talented friend,

Do you recall that I hated "Chubrub" from the moment you signed up? None of those names are you. Better yet, you're even more fun now because you are more comfortable being yourself. Best of all, you're also all the wonderful things you've always been.

A new nickname? Woman.


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TEXASGIRL48 12/2/2011 9:28AM

    Angela I can remember those days too. I still remember my brother calling me Lard Butt. He did it to be hurtful. I bet he doesn't even remember calling me that but it has stuck with me for 50 + years.

I do call myself fat when I look in the mirror but that is only because I have gained 40 pounds in the last year and it is all around the middle. However, no one else things I have gained very much. So it just shows things are not as bad as an adult as they were as a child.

Like the others I never read your name as Chub Rub. I thought it was something else all together. I guess I wasn't pronouncing it right.

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    Angela, you are PRECIOUS!!! I have to tell you, I have a tendency to read things as my mind chooses. Do you realize that all this time, I have been "thinking" that CHUBRUB3 read the word, CHERUB? I'm SERIOUS! That is ANGEL in another word (I just checked on WordHippo)! So, all this time, you may have thought you were thought of as CHUBRUB, but to me, you've always been an angel! emoticon emoticon

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LITTLETEAPOT17 12/2/2011 6:38AM

    First, let me say, Ilene you crack me up! Make me laugh out loud.

Next, good for you Angela. After we talked about this in the castle I'm so glad you blogged about it. It's interesting how we will usually take the insults (even if spoken in "love")and laugh them off on the outside as funny but cry on the inside because they do hurt.

Remember WE teach people how to treat us. AND if we continue to allow the people we love to say negative things to us and just laugh it off, they will believe that it's ok with us and continue to say those things.

It's time we let them know it hurts and it's not allowed anymore. It's time to teach them(with love)....let's all pledge to do it.
Love ya...

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GIGALENA 12/2/2011 6:03AM

    Angela, your words express what so many of feel. There is so many hurtful names that others say. Lets put an end to that.


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MISSILENE 12/2/2011 5:22AM

    I know just what you mean. You are gorgeous outside and inside. To me you are an angel. Isn't that what a cherub is ? Omg. I just looked at the dictionary and it said a chubby winged child. To me Angels are beautiful and that is what you are to me.

They did love you, but the thing is you have to love you. I used to have an Aunt who loved us no matter what. But I grew up with a Mom who put the chubby in the mix.
She and her sister used to call each other: fat elephant. BUT the love they had for each other was so great.

To me you are Angela. The Angel. And you are not chubby anymore.
Regarding nicknames: are you going to replace them with positive names? It is all about you any way. Love and hugs. Ilene aka as 10 1/2 (which is another story) emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 12/2/2011 2:06AM

    i used to get called names when I was at school because I was not thin.....
the names DO hurt...I don't think some people understand the power words have ..... are not like that now so they can learn not to use those names.....

i know a lot of the people that used to call me names got a big shock the last time they saw me as I was not what they thought I would have

Its sad because so many people NEVER see the real us!!!!!.they miss out on so so much

Comment edited on: 12/2/2011 2:07:11 AM

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SLIMLILA 12/2/2011 12:40AM

    I know growing up they always said "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names can never hurt me".... (but they did) and they have made that saying politically correct today and it is now, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names can break my heart". So what is wrong with standing up and saying,"I find that belittling or offensive or it just plains hurts your feelings" emoticon emoticon

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Sunday, November 20, 2011


I USED TO BE a quiet introvert, who stayed home as much as I could... I am an extrovert most times who is like a social butterfly upon leaving her cocoon.

I USED TO BE a mother whose son told his teacher that my favourite position was lying on the sofa reading a book... I am a mother who never sits still.

I USED TO BE a mother who was too tired to play with her son when he was small... I have the energy and will to do so; but my son is too tired from growing into an adult.

I USED TO BE a wife who kept a fairly tidy house and always had scrumptious, yet unhealthy goodies in the freezer and the cupboards... I have a very clean home, with only healthy, nutritious foods in our fridge, freezer and cupboards.

I USED TO BE a wife with a constant headache... that is no more.

I USED TO BE a Baker who loved what she made and ate it all... I am a baker who doesn’t eat bread.

I USED TO BE an agreeable sort and never disagree with anyone... I stand up for what I believe is right for me and for the good of others.

I USED TO BE invisible.... I am very visible.

I USED TO BE a person who walked hunched and never made eye contact... I walk with confidence, head up, shoulders back and eye contact with a smile.

I USED TO BE a person others scorned or ridiculed... I am someone others admire.

I USED TO BE an object of pity... that is no more.

I USED TO BE someone who would buy clothes to hide my body behind... I buy clothes that actually fit.

I USED TO BE classified as morbidly obese... I am just obese.

I USED TO BE a size 22... I am a size 12-14.

I USED TO BE dependent on 5 needles and 90 units of insulin a day to help my diabetes... I inject 4 needles and 38 units of insulin a day.

I USED TO BE a person who exercised rarely... I am a person who exercises regularly.

I USED TO BE a person who never stopped eating... I am a person who stops before she is full.

I USED TO BE someone who only dreamed of reaching for her goals... I am someone who has achieved her goals and created new ones.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEXASFILLY 12/3/2011 6:58AM

    Bravo! *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MNJONES2 12/1/2011 11:34AM

    You are wonderful!! It is amazing how much physical changes affect our mindset isnt it? Have a great day my spark friend!

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BOE4LIFE 11/30/2011 3:35PM

    You have also become a beacon in the community. A symbol of what can be achieved if you love yourself enough. Shine on my friend and never cease to BLAZE ON!!!

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LYNMEINDERS 11/27/2011 2:45AM

    Brilliant blog my friend......
I love it

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TWYLIGHTWUNDER 11/25/2011 7:14PM


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ASRMOM 11/23/2011 11:20PM

    Fantastic blog! I love it! Love the background pictures too. So glad I stopped by your page today--you've made me think and made my day!

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SNOWANGELDIVA 11/23/2011 10:40PM

    Angels, thank you for sharing your victories and the nudge to refocus on mine!

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THISISPRIVATE 11/23/2011 10:59AM


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ASHAIXIM 11/22/2011 3:13PM

    Owo! Okay, I was trying to type Wow and 2x I typed owo instead so I guess you get a special wow!! :D This is awesome!!

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ELLIE381 11/22/2011 8:53AM

    What a great blog! Celebrate in your changes! emoticon emoticon

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SURENDERISNOTME 11/21/2011 10:20PM

    I love this Blog!!!!!!! I can relate to some of these points but there are a few I need to work on!


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BEXNEW 11/21/2011 8:46PM

    GREAT!! It's amazing read about your transformation - haven't you come a long way. Definitely clicked "like" on this blog.

BEX emoticon

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TIBURONA 11/21/2011 7:42PM

    Small steps lead to long journeys...
I hope one day I grow up to be more like you!

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TWILIGHTEYES 11/21/2011 12:32PM

    Beautiful! =0) I'm not yet who I want to be, but so happy I'm not who I used to be!

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LITTLETEAPOT17 11/21/2011 10:27AM

    Angela--this was beautifully written and made me cry emoticon because I am getting to that same place you are speaking about. Even though it's yours, it speaks to many of us.

Please post this in the MBS thread in the castle! It will be great for all of us to reflect on. And if you don't mind, I am going to 'borrow' it and put it in my POA.

Hugs to you my dear friend.

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DIVEGODDESS 11/21/2011 5:59AM

    Celebrate the YOU that you have become!!

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PURESTILLWATER 11/21/2011 12:18AM

    what an absolutely wonderful blog. Definitely worth thinking about.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 11/20/2011 10:11PM

    Now, THIS blog is a MASTERPIECE!!!! emoticonFRAME this! Put it on your mirror or wall! emoticonI am so proud of you!!!

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COMMUNITY10 11/20/2011 7:14PM

    I love this. Throwing out the 'I used to' sounds so freeing and concrete! Congrats on all your progress.

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RASLALIQUE 11/20/2011 6:32PM

    This is so beautiful! Congratulations to you on your brand new life!

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DEBBIEANNE1124 11/20/2011 5:59PM

    emoticon I loved this Angela. I'll borrow it wit your name on it of course in order to help others achieve their used to be's.

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ERICA071678 11/20/2011 4:51PM

    Love this!! emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 11/20/2011 4:47PM

    This was great, it shows how far you have come!
You are inspiring, friend!
emoticon emoticon

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BLISSFUL_ 11/20/2011 4:40PM

    Loved this.


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SLIMLILA 11/20/2011 4:39PM

    Awesome! I want to keep a copy of this to share and then to make my own.... emoticon emoticon

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LMKOBE2 11/20/2011 4:28PM

    this was so motivating. I think when I break into some of my goals, I need to take a look back at who I used to be. Thank you for sharing!!!

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BAISHOFSPADES 11/20/2011 4:07PM

    absolutely AMAZING!!!!! You are totally inspirational! Thanks for sharing!

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MISSILENE 11/20/2011 3:59PM

    I used to be the heavy set girl in the back office.
I used to be the girl that my Mom hated.
I used to be the girl that my daughter hated.
I used to be that girl I hated.
I used to ::::::::::::::::::::::::::

ow I am the girl that every one talks about. Oh how great she looks.
Now I am the girl that my daughter shares her clothes with.
Now I am the girl who shops in nice store in regular sizes.
Now I am full of myself. Now I am the girl that my obese neighbors hate.
But I am the girl who changed herself, I am the girl who looks good. I am the girl who feel great. ***MOST OF THE TIME***
I am the girl who says the mantra: FAT IS OUT AND THIN IS IN and lives it everyday. Yay emoticon

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GIGALENA 11/20/2011 3:59PM

    Love it Love it Love it!

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BOVEY63 11/20/2011 3:52PM

I can hear the excitement as I read your words. You have done so amazing and deserve all the positives that have come your way!

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Fluff and other Stuff...

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Has a lot of meanings............
Sienfeld had a show where people were no longer fat, they were Fluffy.
Did you hear that?
I am no longer fat I am fluffy.
emoticon emoticon emoticon
I kind of like the sound of that.
Goes hand in hand with the vision of myself pulling pillows out from under my shirt.
I know I am losing the stuffing, I am becoming less fluffy.
But I am still Fluffy.
This scale of mine won't move, so it is determined to keep me fluffy too.

Did you fluff?

emoticon emoticon emoticon
OH NO, it was the dog.....
Sure blame it on the dog!
But it was!
Ok, enough of that............

My mind is sometimes filled with fluff of the little substance or consequence.
This could be one of those times...

I am tired today.
Made sure I did my Level 2 Bob Harper's Biggest Loser Bootcamp and it was good. Real good and draining.
I hope you found something to smile about in this rambling bit of fluff and other stuff.
emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNOWANGELDIVA 11/14/2011 3:02PM

    emoticon"It totally was the dog!"
Thnaks for the emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 11/14/2011 10:38AM

    My husband's "fluff" just does NOT rate as fluff! It's more like... HUBOOB! emoticon emoticon

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GIGALENA 11/13/2011 7:10PM

    HA HA that made me laugh so hard. I can relate to it for sure. I would be the Fluffanator!

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MDGARDENGIRL 11/13/2011 5:09PM

    Cute Blog Fluff!

Do you think Fluffy is politically correct??? emoticon

I don't see why not! It makes me feel warm and fluffy inside when I say it!! emoticon

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PARKERB2 11/13/2011 3:44PM

    I friend, guy, used to tell the girls at the office, we were Fluffy. Thanks for brining this memory back to my mind. Have a great day.

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ELLIE381 11/13/2011 8:31AM

    LOL I love the Fluff idea. I am having a hard time right now with the cravings and need to get back on track. I have added a little fluff and need to get it out. Thanks for the fun! emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 11/12/2011 11:05PM

    Love still smiling....
Bless are such a blessing to people....

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BOVEY63 11/12/2011 11:02PM

    In my house, it's always the dog!
Nice workout ~ sleep well!
emoticon emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 11/12/2011 10:40PM

    From one fluff to another...cute blog!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!
emoticon emoticon

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AMYNYNJ 11/12/2011 10:34PM

    You're a fluffer-nutter! emoticon blog

Comment edited on: 11/12/2011 10:35:15 PM

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DEBBIEANNE1124 11/12/2011 10:04PM

    LOL you crack me up! One of the best blogs I've read lately.

Does this mean we can now call you Fluffrubs3?
You are the coolest!

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