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Who Are YOU?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Who are You?

Do I know You?

You look familiar but...not quite sure.

Have we Met?

OH! Your Me?!

Wow! you are me? You are me???

Which one am I?



Am I You?

The One I never realized had gotten so BIG?

Who hid her hurt under layers of food?

Who smiled and laughed and wished with all her heart that she would wake up one sunny morning and realize that it was just a bad dream. The one that dreamed that it was just pillows under her shirt and she would pull them out and be a skinny, just like those around her. ...

Bet no one realized that when I was smiling and laughing, I was also crying inside.

Nobody really looked...
I am not saying they didn't care, they just never really took the time to look...

Or Am I You?



The one I see in the mirror lately....

The one that I stop and look twice at?

Not quite sure it is me looking back.

I mean you are me, but not quite. I seem to like you better than the other me. You tend to do more and try new things. You are happier on the inside than I ever was on the outside. Your healthier and embracing a healthier lifestyle, whereas before I tried, but didn't get anywhere. I didn't always pick myself up...Now you pick yourself up before you touch the ground.

You inspire the old me.
You shame the old me.

When I look at you both side by side....



I think I am really somewhere in the middle. I am no longer the girl on the left, but I don't feel like I am the girl on the right yet either. My mind is slow to catch up to the physical changes that are affecting me.

What is that? You are not done? Your not where you want to be yet? There is another me to come?

Oh My....Who are You? emoticon emoticon

Who am I....

Hugs,
Angela

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVINGFREE19 11/2/2011 8:34PM

    You are doing awesome!
Keep it up!! emoticon

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MSDIAMOND600 10/31/2011 12:12PM

    You look awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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THISISPRIVATE 10/30/2011 11:43AM

    This is so beautiful just like you!

Colleen
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISSILENE 10/29/2011 6:27PM

    That was lovely. It was probably what we all want to say to ourselves. You are such a pleasure to be friends with. I appreciate all the support you have bestowed on me.

Keep going, your on the right track.

xoxoxo emoticon

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JUDITH316 10/29/2011 3:43PM

    emoticon blog post, I love the photo's and the way you have put this post together is fantastic, congrats on your accomplishment, you are doing a fabulous job, wow, the pictures paint an awesome photo of Success...Keep up the great work my friend. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PCOH051610 10/29/2011 3:39PM

    You certainly have a way with words and are very inspirational to many of us! Keep your chin up! emoticon

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TWILIGHTEYES 10/29/2011 11:11AM

    Oh Angela, that was beautiful! You speak for all of us making this journey. I'm so happy for you, how far you've come and the fact that you're not done, you're going to make it to that goal! I love you, beautiful friend!

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LITTLETEAPOT17 10/28/2011 12:50PM

    Angela-you are beautiful inside and out! I love the way you spoke of your feelings--you were able to put into words what many of us are feeling too! WE LOVE YOU, DEAR~
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Have a wonderful weekend with the girls and we'll chat on Monday.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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BOVEY63 10/28/2011 11:36AM

    What a beautiful blog Angela! You are doing so awesome and look fabulous!


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SNOWMAIDEN 10/28/2011 10:08AM

    Wow! That is one powerful blog!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/28/2011 9:41AM

    I LOVE this blog! So VERY WELL PUT!!! This is a BEST BLOG if you ask me! It's a best blog to me, that's for SURE! You need to print this one in color and put it where it will catch your eye often! I am so inspired by your photos, and your ability to express your heart!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/28/2011 9:41:20 AM

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GIGALENA 10/28/2011 6:49AM

    Thanks Angela I am sitting her with tears in my eyes. You are very gifted in many ways. And I just found another. Writing! You put into word what I am sure so many of feel. I am so lucky to have you as a friend.

Thank you, Thank you
Hugs
Angela

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LYNMEINDERS 10/28/2011 6:23AM

    Brilliant blog.....something to ponder over for all ov us.....

I can tell you who you are to me.....

You are loving, encouraging and a privilege to have in my life....
thankyou for being you.....you are so special.....

Comment edited on: 10/28/2011 6:23:37 AM

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LEENACAKES 10/27/2011 11:13PM

    You definately hit a spot there with me! Way to go, you really do look amazing. I feel the same way now as you felt in the beginning. You have inspired me to keep going! *HUGS*

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MOSTMOM1 10/27/2011 10:41PM

    Both of you are gorgeous, either way you look at it. Grats on the 70 lbs. That's amazing!
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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/27/2011 10:08PM

    And you look simply fantastic! Look at your chin! Such a pretty shaped face.

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PURESTILLWATER 10/27/2011 9:37PM

    Angela, you are a gifted writer. Your artistic flair comes out. :-)

Great blog. Actually made me tear up.

You inspire me!

I love you!

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LINDA! 10/27/2011 9:24PM

    emoticonGreat blog!

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I get so MAD!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I get so MAD!



So very MAD at myself!

Why? You ask...well you asked for it!

I get MAD when I eat right!
... I exercise the way I am supposed to!
... and it ALL falls apart in a matter of seconds, maybe minutes.

I could just, just ....

BITE SOMETHING!



...and there in lies the problem.

With all my healthy habits lately, my insulin is again going out of whack.



I had a Diabetic low last night, that found me filling my face with the wrong foods. I had already downed a couple greek yogurts, a banana, a rice pudding, 2 sugar tablets, before I became conciously aware that I was in trouble and what I was downing.

Of course then I skyrocketed with my blood sugar into out of orbit!

It blew my caloric intake out of the water; my sugars into orbit; my mood down the toilet; and my energy into the past.

It also made me appreciate the day more. The people whom I love. That includes you my spark friends.

If one day I don't wake up, I want you to know I love ya.

But! I am not ready for that, so in the meantime, I am around to cheer you on and appreciate all the little things.

Hugs,
Angela

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EGARCIA16 10/26/2011 1:02PM

    SUCCESS IS NOT FINAL, FAILURE IS NOT FATAL: IT IS THE COURAGE TO CONTINUE THAT COUNTS!!

Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my mama said...MAMA SAID! MAMA SAID! emoticon

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PURESTILLWATER 10/24/2011 12:10AM

    First of all, I love the photos you chose, really cute.

Second, we are here for you and will support you in any way you need.

You will figure this out, you will succeed. You are determined and that is what it takes.

I believe in you.

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MERRIKATE 10/23/2011 11:47PM

    Glad you're keeping alert and on top of the scary stuff, Angela, but not glad that you're cheezed at yourself about it! Managing levels is challenging enough without the self-scolding so CUT IT OUT!! Yeah, I recall the shock of finding out about the Somogyi Effect that can cause horrible cycles in Type 1...please work super closely with your health team (and if you don't akshully have a 'team', please build one?). THEN things will get sorted and you will be bopping with glee rather than snarling -- YES you will!

BTW, I decline to fear that you might fail to wake up, as your body can kick in if you fall too low in your sleep, and helpers can rescue you if you go too high to think straight. And the love surrounding you from all directions, near and far, holds you afloat in this life, so suck this up: you ARE gonna be Fine as Fine can be, Love!

Hugs to you, always.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/23/2011 11:48:31 PM

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LITTLETEAPOT17 10/23/2011 10:56AM

    Angela,
I know you are frustrated and scared right now, but you and your Dr. will figure this out and we will be right there cheering you on.
Don't be discouraged....we love you.

p emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISSILENE 10/23/2011 9:32AM

    I hope that you are feeling better. I am sure that you will find out what is wrong and right the wrong DEAR FRIEND emoticon

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SURENDERISNOTME 10/21/2011 2:10PM

    Angela, I know what you are going through! My DH has had the same problem with his sugar readings and then eating to get his blood sugar back to normal. I am not sure if this will work for you. We keep oj in the house, soft cheese *baby bells or happy cow) and peanut butter with crackers. When he now has sugar lows. He either drinks 4oz of juice, or snacks on soft cheese or peanut butter with crackers. We are here for you. We all fall apart occasionally. Don't beat yourself up about it.

HUGS
Debbie

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BOVEY63 10/21/2011 12:46PM

    Hope your counts are better today!
emoticon
Lots of love back at you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/21/2011 11:51AM

    Just take one single day at a time, Angela! I know your blog was on a rather serious subject, but your photos really had me laughing! emoticonLori

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MDGARDENGIRL 10/21/2011 9:27AM

    Oh Angela...... do take care of yourself cause WE NEED YOU !!!

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LAURELSPARK 10/21/2011 9:24AM

    I hope that you can get things under control ASAP!!!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/21/2011 9:25:12 AM

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GIGALENA 10/21/2011 8:25AM

    Oh girl I hope things get under control for you. Diabetic lows are are very hard to deal with. HUGS!

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LYNMEINDERS 10/21/2011 5:22AM

    I know what that feeling is like....out of control and peeved off....
Praying that it will pass for yoiu and you will be back on track again.....

You can do it

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SYLPHINPROGRESS 10/21/2011 1:49AM

    I came running as soon as I saw the blog's title on 'friend feed' for fear I'd done something and was being scolded here. Imagine my relief when I saw that I''m not the cause of your ire. Reading farther, though, has me preferring to be scolded than your having a night like that. I'm putting you on notice, however. You are forbidden not to wake up any time soon, as I am not yet done making your life miserable -- I have important work ahead.

Angela is loved in return. How do I know? I'm one of the ones.

Laurie

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/20/2011 11:05PM

    Cute Pictures.

GGGGrrrrr @ those diabetic lows. I know how that goes.
Have you tried a 1/2 cup of orange juice? that usually works for me.

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Love it!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I love my new bedroom suite!

Been wanting one for like....forever!

DH finally gave in for our 24 Wedding anniversary. What a sweetie!







Hugs,
Angela
emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSILENE 10/22/2011 8:16AM

    Lovely room and bedroom suite. Do you think I could come over and sleep all night?

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MDGARDENGIRL 10/20/2011 1:03PM

    Happy Anniversary Angela! So nice to have the new bedroom suite as well!!!

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BOVEY63 10/18/2011 11:38PM

    Looks beautiful and relaxing. What a wonderful gift! Enjoy!

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ASHAIXIM 10/18/2011 10:32AM

    SWEET!!! LOVE the color and style... really nice :) I WANT ONE LOL!!

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LITTLETEAPOT17 10/17/2011 5:32AM

    Angela,
It's beautiful! Congratulations on 24 years of marriage. I'm sure DH thinks YOU'RE the sweetie! Now you can get lots of pampered rest after those lengthy spinning classes.
Thanks for sharing....
p
emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 10/17/2011 5:30AM

    A very Happy Anniversary to you both....
LOVE the bedroom suite

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L*I*T*A* 10/17/2011 12:20AM

    happy anniversary to you both!!!
awesome milestone!!
blessings and hugs...........lita

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/16/2011 11:44PM

    I love it! I dream of a new one!

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PURESTILLWATER 10/16/2011 11:18PM

    Angela, it is sooo fantastic. I LOVE IT... And, there looks like plenty of room for us to come stay with you.. LOL..

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TWILIGHTEYES 10/16/2011 8:25PM

    BEAUTIFUL!!!! Love it!
emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/16/2011 8:12PM

    Oh myyyyyyyyyyyy!
How lovely! It's like a luxury Suite in the most lavish hotel! Love it!
Now tell me... How much epr night do you charge?

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GROEDER 10/16/2011 8:10PM

    Happy anniversary!!!! The bedroom really looks great!!

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I Did It!!! And I will do it again! My NSV...

Sunday, October 09, 2011



emoticon Well I have a NSV !

I actually went outside (weather permitted me finally) and ran with my son.

Not long, not far but I did it!

IT was way harder than the treadmill and I am currently suffering cold air, exercise induced asthma, but it will get better and go away.

I am so glad I went out and did it! I was worried of failure and of being made fun of. Dumb eh?



Hugs!
Angela

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEWELRYLOVER 10/15/2011 4:28PM

    Might be stupid question, but what is NSV???
emoticon Congratulations on the running!! I love to run, but trashed my knee a few years back, so am just getting back into it--SLOWLY!! Don't want to mess it up again. You will be great. The worst part is over-getting out there the first time. emoticon

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MISSILENE 10/13/2011 6:00PM

    Hey Toots Running is such great exercise. Ray does not like it so we just walk (EVERY 12 HOURS) That's why I am in pain all the time.

You are doing terrific...One day at a time. It will be there...
xoxoxo emoticon

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EMPRESS8800 10/12/2011 8:14PM

    Angela I am so excited for you!!!!! I think the last time I ran was when I was in High School and HAD to do it for some physical fitness challenge. I'm not a runner, Hate it actually. I like walking, and walking fast, I don't mind the treadmill, elliptical, bikes, and LOVE, yes LOVE the StairMaster! But sadly I have had a bad run with being Vertically challenged. Last April I slipped at fell at a pool and shattered my left kneecap. It was horrible, I have had 2 surgeries to repair it, and then to take out the hardware. About 9 months of Physical therapy, and was raring to get back to working out a few months before I had my lap band placed 4/20 this year.
Since the surgery I was walking around my neighborhood, going down to the beach and walking a trail that is about 3 miles long, enjoying being outside. Then I had to have 3 nerve blocks in my back which took me out of commission for six weeks, and then, the day I was approved to start working out.....well the NIGHT before, I tripped over the laundry basket in my kitchen and broke my left knee cap. Yeah I know. WHO Breaks BOTH knee caps in 16 months? Well me. I've had a bone density test to and it said that I'm "moderately prone to fractures". You think??? DUH! Anyway, that was 11 weeks ago. I had surgery to repair it, and sadly found out last week that I have to have the hardware removed in about a month.
BUT
The surgery is not here yet, and I have signed up to participate in a 3K for Children's Hospital of Orange County at Disneyland this Sunday. I signed up for it even before my lap band surgery so I'd have a goal to strive for, and I am going to do it!!! I will, walk, hobble, limp myself through and around Disneyland on Sunday for the children. I will do the best I can, and be proud of my accomplishment. I plan on signing up for a 5 or maybe even 10K by my one year anniversary of my surgery. and who knows.........maybe I will LIKE it, even enjoy running, and sign up for a 1/2 marathon by end of next year.
However I do it, I am in this for the long haul. I am so excited for you, and hope we can help encourage each other along the way.

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PCOH051610 10/12/2011 2:13PM

    Hopefully one of these days, in the not so distant future, you will look back on this and say, "Remember when I did my first run outdoors and how afraid I was"

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L*I*T*A* 10/11/2011 11:52AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/10/2011 8:16PM

    Way to go!
You are doign well!

Oh and bte your new picture is the BOMB! You are looking thinner. such a pretty face and your collar bones are sticking out girlfriend.
Yeah!!!

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BOVEY63 10/10/2011 12:35PM

    emoticon
You did so great!
emoticon
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/9/2011 10:19PM

    Yay Angela! That is super! And hey, I love your new profile picture! emoticon emoticon

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NEWKAREN43 10/9/2011 10:13PM

    That's great Angela! I just ran a bit on Friday night outside too...and it was hard! Keep moving, even if it's not at running pace!

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SHIHJABO 10/9/2011 10:01PM

    emoticon you go, giro,
Barb

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TWILIGHTEYES 10/9/2011 9:52PM

    You ROCK Angela!!! Keep it up... it really is addictive. When those endorphins start kicking in you'll be hooked. I'm going to try to get hooked again myself!
emoticon
FIT Girl Running!


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MY_5_KIDZ 10/9/2011 9:08PM

    emoticon emoticon

emoticon

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ALL4MYSPIRIT 10/9/2011 8:54PM

    That's emoticon! Go Girl!

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SKINNYMISSKASEY 10/9/2011 8:40PM

    I run outside ONCE in a while because I don't like people watching me run, and a lot of people live on my road (half are family) and it's so much easier for me to stop when I run outside, which is why I prefer the treadmill over outside. But way to go! :) I'm glad you did what you wanted to do!

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MISSILENE 10/9/2011 8:16PM

    Great news.. Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your dinner. emoticon

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RESULTS361AP09 10/9/2011 6:42PM

    emoticon Angela-you overcame a fear and just did it! That is so awesome. Keep up the good work, but take care of yourself too! Have a wonderful week. Kim

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SYLPHINPROGRESS 10/9/2011 6:07PM

    You are our lithe chickadee.

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PURESTILLWATER 10/9/2011 5:06PM

    Angela, that is so AWESOME. I am so proud of you. You inspire me and many.

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A Look to the Past that at that time made me want to drop a load, now I just want to wee with laugh

Sunday, October 02, 2011

* Ok this is a look at something that happened to me in the past and was inspired after reading my spark friend SUNSCREENISGOOD's blog. I enjoyed reading her adventure so much that I thought I would share what had happened to me.

It was a very cold, (minus 35*C) dark winter Sunday morning. I was a new Mom, but my maternity leave had ended and I was back at work at a Bakery for a local supermarket chain. I had to be at work by 6 am for my shift, which meant that it being across the city, I had to leave by 5 am. After leaving my family sleeping snug and warm in thier beds, I set off in my frozen Chevrolet Sprint. (Not the grandest car but got me from A to B)

As I left our community, I remember thinking to myself that the gas station on the corner had installed new lights as it sure was a lot brighter there. ( I know wierd thoughts hey, but I was still sleepy!)

Then as I merged on one of my connector roads, my radio went wonky. Having watched a scary movie the night before, I couldn't help but think ... 'Aliens!' ( Yeah, I know corny but true! I was thinking outside the box.) emoticon

Continueing along I saw a helicopter drop low near me, close enough to see the guys in it. Then it rose up in the sky again. I didn't really think much of it, except that they must be looking for someone. No big deal. Now this all was happening in the 5 - 10 minutes since I had left my house.

Driving along for another 10 minutes, nothing eventful was happening on the deserted highway that ran through the center of our city. In fact I was the only vehicle to be seen in either direction. Being such a cold morning, I was having the usual problems with my car. It was having a real hard time keeping my windows defrosted, let alone keeping me warm. I was basically driving in a frozen ice box.

Enjoying my radio and the middle lane of the vacant highway, I glanced in my mirror to see the first pair of headlights since leaving home. They were quite a ways back, but seemed to be closing in rapidly. And close they did.

That so and so could of gone around either side of me, but pulled right up on my bumper. This made me nervous, so I pulled over to the left lane, hoping he would go on by. emoticon

Nope...He pulled up on my bumper too. Ok now I am freaking. Young lady alone on the highway in the dark, no one around. What kind of *ss could this be? I didn't have a cell phone with me and I definitely was getting nervous!

I had no idea how nervous I was going to be in the next few minutes..............

Well, he hit is lights at the same time that the helicopter pulled down beside me.

Yes, Cops and Copters!!!!

(* I just want to insert here that I am a law abiding citizen and have never even had a traffic ticket!)

Well are you wondering if I made a run for it??

No, I pulled over. And never having been pulled over before, I am sure I should of rolled down the window. But let me remind you I was driving in an ice box. If I had wanted to roll down my window, there is no way in heck that it would of moved. Plus my windows except my front windshield and 1/2 of my front drivers and passengers were even remotely clear to see into.

So I did the only thing I could logically think of.......... I opened my door. emoticon

OMG!!! Freak out!!!!

Me and them!!!

I had guns on me!!! A freaking rifle out the hellicoptor trained on me in the spotlight and the cop approaching me from behind had his gun out of his holster!!!

Well if dropping a load could of had me losing weight, I would be in the weight loss winners circle. Yeah didn't happen, but it sure made my bowels weak. Good thing that didn't happen I was wearing my baker's whites!

If anyone knows me my voice gets quite high when nervous, so there I am guns on me and I squeak out...

"Is there Anything wrong Officer??"

Once he assesed that I was not the threat they thought I was, he explained a bit of what had happened.

Apparently there were vandals doing thier thing in and around the area of my home. And being I was the ONLY vehicle seen leaving, they logically thought I was them.

The first time that I saw the helicopter they were trying to asses how many were in my vehicle. Which they could not, due to the baby seat, baby buggy and me in my huge winter coat ( I was freezing! Of course I am going to wear the biggest and warmest I have.). And of course the windows were frozen and they really couldn't see in.

So yeah, no aliens either. That was the helicopter interferring with my reception, and the bright lights at the gas station...yep you got it the helicopter.

So finally they let me go with no apology for scaring the *hit out of me.

Now if you have ever been through anything remotely hair-raising, you may have experienced the after effects...

By the time I actually reached work I was a shaking bundle of nerves. No I wasn't late.
But my fellow Bakers didn't know what to make of me slamming in and running off at the mouth from the get go! When usually we barely say hello in the morning. LOL! emoticon

Had to phone home and wake my hubby to tell him of all that had happened too.

Now I look back and get a chuckle of it. Yep, that was my brush with the law. emoticon

A case of mistaken Identity!

Stay safe my fellow Sparkers!

Hugs,
Angela

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PCOH051610 10/9/2011 9:28AM

    I loved this story and you had me on the edge of my seat! I loved the reference to your white pants and fearing you were going to soil them. I think I would have....just for the record!

My brother and his partner were visiting New York from Australia several years ago in the dead of winter. They had been out for dinner and since they were too full decided to walk back to their friends house in the wee hours of the morning. Gary claims they were dressed in more layers than humanly possible (having come from the heat of down under) and were strolling home when a cop car pulls over ahead of them and blocks their way. Then they heard sirens from behind them. Apparentlty they heard the words "drop to the ground and keep your hands where we can see them" so they did....Gary's friend actually did a face plant in the snow! Turns out it was a case of mistaken identity. Whew!

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SNOWMAIDEN 10/9/2011 7:46AM

    Guns are completely alien to me so you did well to get out of the car! I think I'd have froze at the wheel and they'd have had to taken the door off!

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PURESTILLWATER 10/6/2011 12:00AM

    What a delightful story. I can't even imagine.

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SUNSCREENISGOOD 10/5/2011 11:00AM

    That's great! Thanks for sharing your post!

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BOVEY63 10/3/2011 12:01PM

    OMG! That would have scared the crap out of me! Can't say anything like that ever happened to me. I was pulled over once for speeding, but knew the patrol so he let me go with a warning; and once I pulled over, the officer came to my window and said he was stopping the car in front of me, thanked me for stopping and told me I could go on my way (I was so happy because I had my son and three of his friends in the car, who I had just picked up from divers' education class).
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LYNMEINDERS 10/2/2011 9:40PM

    haha....glad you can chuckle now however hair raising at the time would have been an understatement....

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RESULTS361AP09 10/2/2011 8:36PM

    Angela-I can just picture all of this happening! There have been many mornings (although none recently) where I had to warm up my car for 10 minutes before leaving for work. And I too, am a law-abiding citizen, so I wouldn't have dreamed of something like this happening to me! I can't imagine how scared you were! Now when I see flashing lights behind me, I will think of you & your adventure! emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/2/2011 6:54PM

    Oh geez... you ahd me on he edge of my seat here. You poor thing. I can only imagine what you must ahve been feeling.
Overall I hope they did eventually catch the culprits.
I'm jsut cglad you were safe.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/2/2011 6:31PM

    Oh, you had me hanging on your every WORD! Oh, that IS funny! I would have wet my pants, at LEAST! That is a great story for the grandkids! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 10/2/2011 2:47PM

    it sounds funny now but then?????
thanks for sharing....
blessings and hugs.............lita

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MISSILENE 10/2/2011 1:45PM

    that was so funny. Thanks for sharing..

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3HOUSTONS 10/2/2011 1:20PM

    I am sure as you look back at it now it is funny as all get out. But I can only imagine how scared you were to find all guns and police staring at you. Funny story now. Thanks for sharing!

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