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So You Will Only be My Friend IF I am FAT????

Thursday, September 29, 2011

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Let me get this straight............

You are too busy right now to return my calls.... (not even to let me know if you are ok or not)

You have nothing in common with me anymore either............

You really don't care to hear about anything I have to say...........

You have lost all sense of human decency and what freindship stands for..............

I could go on....

But basically what you are saying is "YOU WON'T BE MY FRIEND UNLESS I AM FAT????"

I never, ever thought this would happen. I heard about other friends experiencing this, but oh no it won't happen to me! I poo-pooed this and wouldn't believe it. I am so sorry my friends if I was on my high horse and basically told you this could not be the reason that the friendship was failing.

I was wrong. emoticon

I am having a real hard time accepting that this is happening, especially from someone I have been close friends with for a very long time. From someone who led me to believe that I was important to them.

Yes, I believe I am (was) always there for them. To lend a hand or shoulder or just be there for them. I like to think I am the type of person who truly cares about you my friend.

I am sorry if I let you down. Maybe I talked a little too much about my weight loss lately. But can you not understand how important this is and just accept me and my hard work. You know if you had spoken and said that you had heard enough, that I would of shutup very quickly and NOT been offended.

But you being the 'close' friend should also know what my losing this weight truly means. Did you never listen when I told you my LIFE was at risk or did you think I was over reacting and being a drama queen? Have I EVER LIED to you????

I have not changed inside... I am still me... the one you professed to be friends always with. The one good enough to always listen and help you.

Why won't you help me??

Oh Sorry that is me being selfish again. What was I thinking!

Is it that I am ugly now? You can't stand the sight of me? Why do you have to make me feel like an awful person?

Am I?

I don't believe I have ever made you feel bad. That is just is not me. I try to encourage you and compliment you and build you up.

So why would you tear me down?

I just don't understand.

Yes, I am busy with the gym and trying to eat right. BUT have I ever excluded you? Not made time for you?

No, I haven't.

I would rearrange my schedule in a heartbeat for you. Especially if you needed me.

Well, don't you understand what I am saying?

Let me say it plain.

I am hurting.
I need you.
I need my friends to help keep me strong and on track.
I don't need to be derailed now and fall into depression and binge.



Friends need only respond.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGMOMMA2THREE 10/9/2011 9:17AM

    Wow, I really didn't realize that was a side effect of weight loss but I guess I can see it happening to some friendships. I know it must be very painful especially at this time in your life when you are so full of life and happiness. Maybe the "old" you was a security blanket for this particular friend and now that comfort has changed ever so slightly until she feels threatened by your success. Like she thinks you are going to soon find new friends to replace her so she might as well cut the strings now.

My suggestion would be to call her up or better yet meet up and tell her how you feel. Then it the ball is in her court. Sometimes friends come and go in our lives just like the seasons and although she was a dear friend to you in the past will she won't be what you need in the future.

Sending hugs! emoticon

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GINIEMIE 10/2/2011 7:33PM

I'm so sorry that you had to experience this fact of life. Friends will leave you for a variety of reasons: "you lost your spouse so I don't want you around me and mine", you are doing better than I/we am/are--I can't handle your success... You're different now, since your motorcycle accident and I cannot face being around you, besides I cannot figure out what you are saying. (this for my son who had a traumatic brain injury-the friend actually told his brother this)
There are others too. I know it hurts, but you are brave, strong and beautiful and have made a commitment to your health and your family. We sparkies support you and wish you success and peace.

Comment edited on: 10/2/2011 7:35:47 PM

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MISSILENE 10/2/2011 1:53PM

    Angela, of all the people here, I know you could never have done anything to warrant this. EXCEPT lose weight. I've had the same thing happen to me. I think it is just jealousy. The way I handle it is wish them well and go on with my life and my journey. You are doing great and I know you have lots of friends in this group. I, proudly am 1 of them.


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MYBRUTUS 10/1/2011 11:54PM

  Well all I want to say is.... I know that it hurts to have friends who distance themselves for whatever reason. I just thank God for the support of new friends who truly understand my journey. I would be honored to be your friend.
This is a heavy load and requires many helping hands. I offer you mine.
Keep in touch and good luck with those who may not understand.


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BOVEY63 10/1/2011 10:33PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this pain Angela. You are such an amzing spark friend which leads me to believe that you are even more awesome in person. I would love to live close enough that we could do the things friends do together - and I'd give you a big hug to make you feel better.
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MERRIKATE 10/1/2011 6:24PM

    People are complicated, and so are friendships when someone undergoes a visible and behavioral change, that's for sure. I feel for both of you. It must be scary for your friend who feels inferior now because of your success. She may be fearing that you will drop her, so has to back off first to protect herself.

Hope you two can have a real heart-to-heart, as that is the one way to try to mend things proactively. What you have shared in your blog would likely mean MUCH to her. Whether she could rally right away or only after a while, it would be good to let her know how much you care! You are not getting more fit 'at' her, but for yourself. She needs to know that you do not look down on her now!

We are all here, hoping the bond can be reshaped to be as strong as ever!


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    The first inkling that friends are seeing us differently and behaving differently toward us hurts. It's not only friends. Spouses and beaus and co-workers and others, even children, can have negative reactions. Each negative reaction comes from the individual's psychology.

It's common for overweight people to have overweight friends. Same for slim people and hip people and others -- friends tend to look somewhat alike or, at least, there's a likeness. Is this the case? Your friend just may be envious or jealous or fear that she's losing you because she won't be good enough for you. Insecurity may have her feeling that you chose her only as long as you couldn't do better. There are other possible reasons.

Have you asked point-blank why she's pulling away? Told her all the things you wrote here? Told her that you wish she could be happy for you? As the friendship is important to you, it must be worth a shot or three. If she doesn't wake up to the fact that, while you've changed in a number of ways, your feelings toward her and the friendship are unwavering. If she's still stand-offish, you may want to give it another shot in a few months. The sad part is that there may come a point where it's just time to let it go. You can hold up only your end of a relationship.


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    Yes unfortunately there are those out there that are that shallow. It is sad. I have had friends or those that I thought were friends drop our friendship for the same reason They can't live with the fact that we are making better lives for ourselves when it comes to our health and well being. They feel like they are being left behind that they are not as important to us anymore and then there is also the guilt they feel because they don't have the "balls" to do the same for themselves They are would rather remain blinded to the fact that their health isn't in as good standing as they "think" or have themselves in denial about. And they can't deal with it so they would rather walk away.
And even though it hurts and leaves us feeling like there's been a death in the "family" it's actually the best for us. I would rather have them detach than belittle and mock and criticize wouldn't you? Because that is what they do to cover up their true feelings.

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KSHARP25 9/30/2011 12:36PM

    I too have had to deal with this. I suppose all my excitement, nutrition and work out talk, weight loss talk has made some feel self-conscious about their own weight issues. If so, get off your rear and do something about it and join me. But don't punish me because of my success making you feel bad about yourself.

Others may have felt all my talk was me throwing it in their face and subtly calling them fat. Nope its not. I even came out and said that once or twice. Friends share sorrows joys and successes. If you cant...well then...I cant be your friend anymore.
Reading comments it seems this is WAY more common then I thought. Sorry you are having this as well my dear. But the true friends will remain true to you. Mine have.

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    It is so important that you take care of yourself. I'm here for you!

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BOE4LIFE 9/30/2011 7:56AM

    Wow I never thought something like that could happen. I am sorry to hear it. I am not your "friend" as it were I haven't met you officially but I am here for everyone I do what I do and try to lend a smile or a boost up from time to time. So stop by my page if you like and maybe get a lift. I truly hope your friend comes around, try to be patient with them. Keep on keepin on. One day at a time. I will shup now.

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BARCLE 9/30/2011 2:32AM

    emoticon sadly it can be a sign of our success. I am experiencing this RIGHT NOW. My former friend (I cannot be bothered with it any more so have given her up) has been treating me like this for some months now. We are the same person regardless of weight but it seems to matter more to some than others. I guess it's a perceived threat thing or something - I don't know. Sorry you're experiencing this buddy - don't let it beat you. I'd sooo love to meet you in person but am happy that we have the sparkbuddy opportunity in the meantime emoticon emoticon

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THISISPRIVATE 9/29/2011 9:49PM

    Hello Angela,

Well I lost all of my friends a long time ago when I decided to move to another province and take care of my family. Unfortunately the move was not the best thing for me and I packed on the pounds while I dove into the never ending land off depression. Now it is Lap-Band and healthy living. I have avoided contacting them due to my fatness.

Once I lose weight I may try and re connect. If they do not want to then that is there choice...I have a hand reached out to them as do you to your friend. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know it really hurts and you are only trying to improve your life not hurt others. Just remember you have all of us at SparkPeople. You are a doing the right thing and maybe your friend will come around. You must Make sure you look at all the good things that your weight loss will bring you. You are SPECIAL and deserve a big hug. emoticon

Keep the faith, Colleen

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RESULTS361AP09 9/29/2011 8:43PM

    Angela-I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Maybe she doesn't like being the "fat" one in the relationship and now is jealous of your success. It sounds like she is very insecure and threatened by your weight loss. With time she may come around and even ask for your help-I hope she does! In the meantime, this might be one of those curve balls that life throws at us and we just have to move on. I have appreciated your friendship and love you no matter what size you are. Even though your outside is changing, I know your heart is still as big as it ever was! emoticon


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LYNMEINDERS 9/29/2011 7:31PM

    I am so sorry that you are feeling like this and I haven't been there for you....
Forgiveness please.....

I AM here.....
I am cheering for you.....
I am following you....
I am expectantly seeing your amazing acheivements and I am celebrating with you......

is there something else I can do to help you????
If so please let me know.....

You are amazing
I humbly apologise if I have let you down.....

Having said all that....i totally understand about friends not being friends when you loose weight....I have had that happen over the years....I am sure they were jealour because they didn't want to do what i had done to achieve what i had achieved.....
didn't make it any easier though.....

Comment edited on: 9/29/2011 7:34:24 PM

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KARALIANNE 9/29/2011 3:56PM

    Aw, hon, that sucks. A true friend would support you through the weight loss, congratulating you and everything.

I have a friend who had weight loss surgery (forget which one) and lost many of her friends afterward. Not because she was a different person (she wasn't; that's why I stayed friends with her!) but because suddenly she was thinner and I guess her friends didn't like that (especially the ones who were still struggling with their weight). It's not an easy thing to do that surgery, either the decision or the changes you have to make afterward, but she did it because she was concerned for her health and nothing else had worked. I'm proud of her for making such a difficult decision, following through with it, and then doing what she had to do to keep herself healthy afterward!

Stick with it. You will find new friends, and you will keep the ones who are really your friends. And you'll be healthier all around!

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DEE0973 9/29/2011 2:27PM

    Im so sorry and I so understand where you are right now (been there right after I got married in 4/2010). Although hard to believe and possibly accept right now, just as there are seasons we have that in our relationships as well. Maybe the season for you and this friend has passed and you're just now really seeing it? Keep doing what's right for you even with all the hurt going on, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!! I am here for you!!!!

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/29/2011 1:57PM

    Sorry Angela. emoticon I ahd a friend like that myself. when I joined SP i was preaching the healthy stuff like good nutrition and exercise. I wanted to live a long healthy life and everyone else was eating wrong. I lsot a good friend because i wanted my diabetes to be in remission and she didn't want to walk or eat healthy and even said i wnt my friend to eat the good bad stuff with me. It's true. that's life.

bless your heart. You ahve me as a friend.

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    Oh, Angela! What a touching blog! I read all the previous responses, and I also agree with everything that MNJONES2 said... all of it. Friendships can sure be "funny" things, and so hard to figure out! I don't have a lot of really close ones (other than my dear husband), and that is probably why. emoticon emoticon

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MIMISOCKS 9/29/2011 1:38PM

    So sad that you are experiencing this! Unfortunately, it looks like your "fat" served some underlying purpose in this person's life that is threatened by your weight loss! Hopefully, this friend will see the folly of being jealous, afraid, etc and get back to what really matters - having a real relationship with you. Best wishes! emoticon

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SUZEEEK 9/29/2011 1:16PM

    That sucks! Just try to keep communication "open" so that when she/he comes around you'll be there.

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SNOWMAIDEN 9/29/2011 1:01PM

    This has happened to me. A very close friend stopped phoning me, didn't reply to my emails, letters...though when I bumped into her she did say I hadn't done anything to upset, she was "just busy". I heard through the grapevine that I'd changed, apparently.

It's very odd, very hurtful but please carry on. You will find other friends. Please don't let this shake your belief in you. Keep going...

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PURESTILLWATER 9/29/2011 12:43PM

    Angela, I am so sorry. I wish I lived close so I could come over and give you a big hug. I agree with MNJONES2. As hard as this is, you may need to find new friends who embrace your new life. Most of my dearest friends are ones I made through support groups or fitness activities. They get me.

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YICHE12 9/29/2011 12:39PM

    Oh, I was sad reading your blog. I hear you! You know something, if this person has an email, why don't you send this message to him or her. There are people who are not comfortable with people who like to progress in life. If this is such a person, he or she cannot be a good friend because friends are there come rain, come shine, for better for worse. Honey, we, your Spark Friends are here for you. Many emoticon

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LINDA! 9/29/2011 12:37PM

    I am so sorry! emoticon

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MNJONES2 9/29/2011 12:22PM

    Angela - I am hurting for you!! I would like to say please dont let this derail your progress with becoming healthier. AND I would like to gently suggest a couple of things: A. Expand your friendships to people who are working out - make new friends at the gym or other places - this is what i have done in my retirement. B. Realize there may be some jealousy behind the loss of friendship -- but dont let it stop you!!

Keep going girl, hold your head up high and smile!! You are getting better and you are good enough to be anyone's friend! emoticon

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ALICIAYOUNG1127 9/29/2011 12:14PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this! I hope your friends wakes up and smells the roses soon! emoticon

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Just a little ditty that my Mom taught me...LOL!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Mom's are wonderful!

At least when we are not butting heads, especially as teenagers.

I have lots of memories of my Mom and I am still very fortunate to have her with me today.

Every now and then I find myself walking down memory lane, today being one of them.

It came up on me unexpectedly and left me smiling and laughing to myself.

...So...I thought I would share it with you and hopefully bring a smile to your face.

Here goes....

emoticon "When your dancing with our Honey....
.................And Your nose is really runny.............
..... Don't think it's funny.............
................cause it's not!" emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Sorry I couldn't resist!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGMOMMA2THREE 10/9/2011 9:19AM

    My grandmother (the 98 year plus wonderwoman) and I always shared ditties like that. Apparently I'm the only one who ever took and interest. Thank you for reminding me how precious that is.

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CATHYGETSFIT 9/25/2011 1:52PM

    Cute! It's great when we remember good times! I too am fortunate to still have my mom! Mom's can be really great friends!!

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BOVEY63 9/23/2011 1:48PM

    I love it!
I am so fortunate too, to still have my mom and living so close - so many wonderful memories we have shared.

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SUPERDUPER26 9/23/2011 12:26AM

    Thats funny, at least now that I said it outloud.... : P

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SHIHJABO 9/22/2011 10:43PM

    I bet we could " boogie" to that! Couldn't resist emoticon

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LAURELSPARK 9/22/2011 10:38PM

    I agree about moms. I've been looking through old slides and there are some pics from the 60's with my mom in her Easter bonnet. What a riot!

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    I loved it! Ha! Ha! Ha! emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/22/2011 8:17PM

    That was cute. && yes I did smile.

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LYNMEINDERS 9/22/2011 8:02PM

    Love it...great when we remember precious things

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'SPIN' right round baby, right round...

Monday, September 19, 2011

'SPIN' right round baby, right round...

Yes I have that song in my head. Love that song...

Have a listen if you would like...

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"You look like your lots of fun baby, you spin me right round, right round..."

Yes, the 'SPIN' class was lots of fun...afterwards... Just kidding!

It was lots of fun, but oh boy did we work hard. It was called "TURN N'BURN", a lot of cycling and breaks were core and strength training. Some break hey!

I felt a lot of muscles, that I guess have been getting forgotten in my exercise programs. They are certainly letting me know now that they are there, and I won't be forgetting anytime soon.

I went with a new friend of mine whom I met through our lapband support groups. She had hers a month after me. She is totally amazing at what she does and accomplishes. I am so glad that we connected, and we can inspire each other. So Excited!!

I hope you go and try something you never have can be fun! Even if it is work.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLYNINJOY1 9/23/2011 11:47AM

    Spinning, turning & burning! Sounds painful, but GOOD for you!!!

I enjoyed the tune & now I'll have it running in my head all day until a different replaces it.

Singer had great hip moves. Woot! Made me envious since I'm dealing with a painful back issue right now.

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 9/21/2011 7:04PM


I haven't tried spinning yet but will soon and you, my friend, will be my inspiration yet again!

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JEWELRYLOVER 9/21/2011 3:13PM

    I'm not sure what a Spin class is, but it might be fun. I hope when work schedule gets all switched around, I can do more things like that. Zumba was my first excursion doing something that I never had done, but wanted to. I went by myself (you are fortunate to have found an in person friend), but I love it anyway. My cousin said she would go, but I would have to go to a different class, and I really love my instructor, so just keep going alone. Everybody is friendly, and I love it, so it's all great.

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BABARR67 9/21/2011 1:56PM

    LOL. I fell off the stationary bike in Spin Class. My knee gave and this little 80 lb sweetie tried to get me back up. Unfortunately I was laughing too hard to be of much help... I agree with trying something new. I'm doing a couch to 5k and I'm doing okay at it. Still not sure I believe I'll be "running" the whole way by the end. The quotes are because I think toddlers could pass me at at walk when I run. Still fast for me!

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BOVEY63 9/20/2011 12:59PM

    How wonderful. So happy that you found someone to exercise with who has gone through the same procedure as you.

Have lots of fun!

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    Hurray, Angela! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GIGALENA 9/20/2011 8:12AM

    Way to go Angela!

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MOMMABOF7 9/20/2011 7:55AM

    I love meeting new friends!I am happy you found someone to encourage you in person!!!

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JANET552 9/20/2011 6:48AM

    WooHoo!! That spin class sounds like a very serious workout.

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LYNMEINDERS 9/20/2011 4:50AM

    WooHool...go you.....

Am so pleased you have connected with someone who can motivate you and inspire you to press on harder....


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    What's all this to-ing and fro-ing? First, your little friend feed, then the blog, then youtube. You want a lot, don't you? Dead or Alive? That is the question, isn't it? They don't really take themselves seriously, do they? When did I get old? The next time you go spinning, I want YOU to wear an eye patch.

You sound great. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/20/2011 1:34:34 AM

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/20/2011 12:29AM

    Wow! You're in a spin class. tat seems utterly impossible for me to do yet it's a goal of mine. Once i join a gym one day.

glad that it's working for you and you are enjoying it. I jsut can't see me doing it.

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50 lbs GONE!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

50 lbs GONE!!!

Look at that picture! OMG! That is GROSS!

That is what I have been carrying around with me for a long time...well NO MORE!!!

I am not bringing that back and I am going to lose another 50 lbs!

YES, I AM!!!

No wonder I feel stronger and have more energy. I am no longer lugging that around on my body. Some of that has been removed from surrounding organs to help them function better and keep me on track to being healthier; to not being quite so much of a risk of dying early.

Do what YOU can to help you live longer! Get rid of the FAT!

Hugs and love,

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGMOMMA2THREE 9/21/2011 7:02PM

    Sorry I missed this great milestone! Wow! That is all I can say...WOW!!!! emoticon

Oh, and I would like to add "very proud of you" to that WOW!

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    awesome job!! congratulations!! emoticon

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    Hurray! That is fantastic! I am so proud of you! Yes, that IS a lot to lose, and you have done SO WELL! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MY_5_KIDZ 9/18/2011 9:00PM

    That is emoticon


I'm at 49 lbs gone... so I'm right behind you :)


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    emoticon job of losing 50lbs, Angela! I know you can lose that other 50lbs too! You are doing a great job! Keep up the good work.


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LYNMEINDERS 9/18/2011 12:32AM

    WooHoo....go you....
Thats so awesome....
i am so proud of you....
you should be very proud of yourself/.....


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    Are my eyes deceiving me?! Is that 50 pounds of fat sitting on that table?!
HICARUMBA! woman! When you see it that way it sure opens your eyes doesn't it!?

Comment edited on: 9/17/2011 9:42:34 PM

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/17/2011 8:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You are doing terrific! I am so very proud of you. We're doing this together and it ain't easy!
Keep on Angela!

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MISSILENE 9/17/2011 6:01PM

    Great news. Keep up the good work. I am so proud of you.. YOu look great..Bye for now.

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LIVINGFREE19 9/17/2011 5:55PM

    Wow, you are doing so great on the weight loss!
You look awesome!! emoticon

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BOVEY63 9/17/2011 5:48PM

    I am so happy for you Angela! Congrats!
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woot woot

way to go
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JEWELRYLOVER 9/17/2011 4:28PM

    What a great accomplishment!! CONGRATULATIONS and good luck on your journey! You are amazing. Keep up the great work. emoticon

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IOEINC 9/17/2011 4:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KLOE23 9/17/2011 4:01PM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so proud of you and know you will just keep on going and reach your goal in no time. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUPER3800 9/17/2011 3:42PM

  Great job! congrats!

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Enjoyed my Bike Ride

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Had a beautiful day in Fish Creek Provincial Park with my Girlfriend.

A Gorgeous ride along the Elbow River and through the Prairie Meadow.

Me and my bike! Yes I was pumping my little Legs (Laurie)!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLETEAPOT17 9/14/2011 7:44AM

    Angela, you look GREAT! I love the pics and especially love that you had a wonderful ride in nature!
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BOVEY63 9/7/2011 12:21PM

    Looks like a beautiful place, and a beautiful day, to ride!
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LAURELSPARK 9/6/2011 10:02PM

    I"m so envious........I have a cold/allergies and haven't ridden this week because of all of my coughing.


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GIGALENA 9/6/2011 8:48PM


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RESULTS361AP09 9/6/2011 8:41PM

    Beautiful scenery. I bet you weren't even paying attention to how far you had gone! Keep up the good work Angela!

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/6/2011 8:04PM

    Beautiful pictures! I bet you burned quite a bit of calories.

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LYNMEINDERS 9/6/2011 5:08PM

    WooHoo...what an awesome way to get exercise....and such beautiful scenery....

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JUDITH316 9/6/2011 4:18PM

    emoticon emoticon for sharing the photo's...what beautiful scenery..I can see why you'd like to go for a ride there...have a great day and week..Blessings.. emoticon

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LINDA! 9/6/2011 3:25PM

    What a beautiful view.

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    I LOVE to ride bikes! Isn't it just so peaceful!? emoticon emoticon

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DEE0973 9/6/2011 2:42PM

    beautiful view. I like riding but hate the feel on my tosh (hurts)

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