CHUBERASER   21,166
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Incoherent Ramblings Of A Chuberaser

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

So...the month of December was a relatively good time for me.

I lost three pounds even though I wasn't really trying (just imagine what I would have lost had I been exerting effort!!!)

Had medical tests done and got a good report. My heart cath showed no blockages whatsoever...AWESOME!!! My bloodwork with my GM showed all good except for my glucose levels. Fasting glucose was 108 and doc said I needed to work on my diet and exercise. And, the doc prescribed me some "happy pills" which is helping, too. Hey, I'll be the first one to acknowledge I need help with my emotional well-being! And if taking "happy pills" work for you...I say go for it!!

My daughters' birthday was December 31st. She would have been 29 years old. That day was really hard for me. I suppose it always will be. And, of course, I cried and cried and cried. I still miss her terribly. But, we were able to have her daughter, Bailey, with us for a week and that softened the pain a little. Bailey is growing so so fast! And, is turning in to a beautiful little girl. She's not a baby any more! Well, she will always be "my baby pooh" to me!

I am not going to have any New Year's Resolutions...those never work for me. I am simply going to try my best to be vigilant with my SparkPeople-ing! Tracking my food and exercise, reading SparkBlogs (you guys keep me sooo motivated!!!), all the good stuff that makes you feel positive and happy!

Thank you, all of my SparkFamily peeps! I truly appreciate each and every one of you!

Deb

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRESSWANN 1/3/2013 5:14AM

    How lovely to have your granddaughter and good news on your health. Keep on moving forward

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 1/2/2013 9:23PM

    Congratulations on the good medical tests! I'm glad you got to spend the time with your granddaughter -
Your "non" resolutions to track and be vigilant sounds like a good one!
good luck to you!

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ARW715 1/2/2013 8:06PM

    Those were perfectly coherent. Congrats on the great blood work. I lost my best friend right before Christmas 13 years ago. It makes the holiday hard. Glad you were able to enjoy your granddaughters.

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LLTS01 1/2/2013 8:04PM

    There are a million hugs in this note to you. I can never imagine how much pain you are going through. Wish I could make it go away.

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MIDROAD 1/2/2013 3:12PM

    Deb I'm so proud of you! And three pounds without trying, nice!

So "see" you around my original sparkfriend!

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One Week Back

Monday, December 03, 2012

So, I'm back on the wagon for a whole week now...tracking food and exercise. I honestly did not realize (or maybe I just forgot) just how many calories I could consume in one meal! Breakfast and lunch is fairly routine...oatmeal or cereal for breakfast...a TV dinner (Lean Cuisine) for lunch...but it's going out to dinner that really throws me out of whack! I really have to work on my choices! Aaarrggghhh!!!

Anywho...I had re-listed my weight (starting over) as 262. But I did not weigh in on that Monday morning that I put it in...I guesstimated...so when I weighed on Tuesday morning it was 265. Another Aarrgghh! So, it has been one week as of today and I am down to the 262. Which is great...except I wanted to move the ticker! Silly, I know. Childish, I know. Selfish, I know. But, just the moving of the ticker is a big thing to me...especially when it's going DOWN!

I use to be soooo self conscious about telling anyone my weight. Now...I don't really care. I'm fat. I know it...anyone looking at me knows it...my best friends second cousin twice removed probably knows it. Vanity has never really been in my vocabulary...maybe it should be...but not after 35 years of marriage, two children, stress, depression, anxiety....life!! You kinda get the picture. And, vanity is not what prompted me to get back on the wagon! My health is what kicked me in the behind and said, "DO SOMETHING!! NOW!!!"

So, I will celebrate my 3 pound weight loss and be ecstatically happy!!! Even if I can't move my ticker.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LLTS01 12/3/2012 8:00PM

    You always make me smile. I adore you. Keep on logging!
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TRESSWANN 12/3/2012 7:29PM

    Excellent. You are moving. And doing the right thing

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MIDROAD 12/3/2012 4:03PM

    Way to go girl! We give the scale way to much power anyway. I'm so happy to have you back! We can do this my friend! emoticon

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AINTSKEERD 12/3/2012 3:15PM

    For your health is the BEST reason! Glad to see you back at it after such a challenging year. emoticon
Try getting online and checking out the menu before you go out. That way you can figure out the best choices without getting too caught up in the moment.

xoxo tam emoticon

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NORWOODGIRL 12/3/2012 3:08PM

    Congrats on the loss! You will move the ticker! emoticon

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I'm A Ten!

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Ten pounds down. Ten pounds that were once gone and came back and left again and, hopefully, will not return. Baby steps...I know...one pound is better than none at all. That's what I'm gonna keep telling myself as I hack away at each and every pound until, someday, I reach my goal. It may be 10 years from now but, hey, I've got the time. And, the healther I get the more time I'll have!

I haven't figured out which part of my body lost the 10 pounds. I sure can't tell a difference. I know it's not gone from my turkey neck. Nor is it from my chicken arms...they still flap just as much as ever. Must be from some portion of my body that I can't see. Not from my "love" handles...I can definitely still see them! Alas, I shall simply be happy that I am on my way to a healthier me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICADEE26 5/2/2012 9:54AM

    emoticon

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LLTS01 5/2/2012 6:57AM

    emoticon that is an amazing accomplishment.

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GOLFGMA 5/1/2012 2:57PM

    Atta girl! Humorous and, oh so, correct. A pound lost any where is a pound gone! If we could only select where we want to lose them my love handles would go first! emoticon

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GEEKYGRANDMOMMY 5/1/2012 2:21PM

    Great blog. Your so cute.

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ANYVAR54 5/1/2012 12:43PM

    emoticon

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Starting Over

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

It's hard to start over. It's easy to let things get in the way. It's easy to make excuses. It's easy to place blame on anything and everything except the one place it belongs.

I gave up. I didn't care. I wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there. Except...I couldn't fit in the hole. So...when you can't fit in the hole...you either dig a bigger hole...or you turn around and face the music. I could have dug a bigger hole...Lord knows some people wouldn't have blamed me. I lost my daughter last year. Not very many people (that I know) know what it's like to lose a child. And, I never thought I would know that feeling. But I do. It's not pretty.

So...rather than dig a bigger hole...I am turning around and facing the world and life again. Embracing the things that I have in my life rather than letting what I have lost swallow me completely. Don't get me wrong. There's not a day that goes by that I don't cry and mourn my Emily. But I also have a wonderful husband, a great son and a beautiful granddaughter that Emily left us. I will concentrate on them and how they brighten my life.

It was hard writing this Blog. It's the first I've written in over a year. But it feels good. And it feels go0d to tell people I've turned a corner and I'm starting over. Baby steps...but steps forward none the less.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICADEE26 4/23/2012 11:06AM

    Bless you sweet lady! I haven't been on SP in 108 days (according to my last update) and I always go first to my friends pages to see if anyone is still around. So sorry for your loss and here's to you being able to move forward. emoticon

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LLTS01 4/10/2012 6:52PM

    I am sitting here stunned. I feel like I have been a part of your family and just can't fathom what you have been through. My heart goes out to you. I am so glad that you have Bailey to keep you going. I wish I could hug you. In my mind, I am.

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SLIMPAM23 4/10/2012 6:50PM

    Well - Welcome back my friend!! I have no words for what you have been going through - Except that I am so very sorry. Your loss is huge. But I'm glad that you have come back to work on being the very best YOU that you can be. Make Emily proud if nothing else pushes you on. I have gained a significant amount of weight back after proclaiming my journey a success. And I did have a stressful year. But it certainly doesn't compare to yours. So - please know - you are not alone re-starting! You are in good company and I know we can both do this. Good luck and God bless - and enjoy that gift that Emily left you - as well as all those around you who love you too!
Pam

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TRILLA09 4/10/2012 6:00PM

    Thank you for sharing. I have been feeling very sorry for myself this past year, but your blog puts it all in a different perspective. Nothing can ever replace what you have lost, but your memories can help fill the void. Your baby steps will encourage many of us to count our blessing and follow your example! emoticon

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NOODLES28007 4/10/2012 2:49PM

  I'm glad that you accomplished something so hard (writing this blog). Congratulations. Everyone starts with Baby steps....but those steps lead us to greater things. I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter, but know that she is with you always and will give you the strength you need..every baby step of the way...Keep going and never give up!

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My "Free" Weekend

Monday, July 26, 2010

I have been tracking my calories very well for the past month (changed my Nutrition to Pre-Diabetic Tracking) and have been doing pretty well. I have been trying to get a wider variety of fruits in as Snacks and staying within the Carb, Protein and Fat ranges (yeah, I know....I'm suppose to be doing that already, but I'm being even more strict now). My appetite has been on an even keel...up until this past weekend (don't know what triggered it). On Friday, I had the biggest urge to eat everything in sight...something that hadn't reared it's ugly head in awhile. I decided to give myself a "Free" weekend and eat what I wanted...maybe as experimentation (if I eat sweet stuff...will it gross me out? will it calm the cravings? will it make me want even more?) Have I learned anything at all about portion control...good foods...bad foods...I certainly hope so!

OK...so Saturday was an OK day...until that evening. Dealt with a total witch with a capital B on the way to WalMart to carry a movie back to the RedBox. So, I made David stop at Shakes for some ice cream. I rationalized it by saying that if I had to put up with that woman screaming obcenities at me as I walked in the door with my bird flying (which is a story for another time)...I deserved some ice cream. Apparently, he concurred because I got ice cream! Not alot...just enough to make me happy. Yesterday was the bad day. I'll admit it. We had Mexican for lunch (no breakfast) and donuts for dinner. How is that for bad? BAD! But, I'm telling you! Sometimes you just have to get it out of your system!! I have no cravings for sweets today and I am happy to get back on the straight and narrow. I don't feel guilty...I'm just ready to move on.

So, how was your weekend?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AINTSKEERD 4/10/2012 10:44PM

    I am so so sorry for your loss. Congratulations to you for finding the courage to stand back up!
xoxo
tam

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LLTS01 8/1/2010 8:13PM

    Donuts for dinner? Hm- I can honestly say I have never tried that. Why are you buying donuts to begin with?


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ARTHURTOM 7/29/2010 8:22AM

    What was it about Saturday Deb? I had one of the highest calorie days I can remember in the last 3-4 years. I had 6300 calories...pudding, jello, brownies, cake, beer, you name it, I slugged it down. I'm right back at it, but man...Saturday was a bump in the road!

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KEAKMAN 7/26/2010 10:13PM

    Sometimes we have to remind ourselves in a rather ugly way why we like eating well. All the bloated and yucky feeling after a pig out makes me realize it wasn't nearly as much fun as I thought it would be, nor worth the after affects. And the next pig out isn't quite so bad because I DID learn my lesson a little bit!

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SLIMPAM23 7/26/2010 2:51PM

    Mine was about the same as yours!! I ate what I wanted and ate out twice! But I am right back at it today....so no worries!!

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CHINAGAL 7/26/2010 2:01PM

    My guess is that you still didn't eat as much as you might have prior to a month of healthy eating.
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