Friday, September 30, 2011
After 4 months of recovery after surgery, I'm finally able to workout again. I started on sunday and will weigh myself tomorrow to see what a difference it made. i gained about 6 pounds in 4 months, I didn't exercise at all, I didn't pay attention to what I ate at all, but things are starting to look up for me =)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
How on earth did I lose FOUR pounds in one week, BINGING on CHOCOLATE??? HOW? How in Heaven's name is this possible?
I've been eating like normal, I missed one day of working out in the middle because of how horrible I felt and the weather (we got a blizzard here). So I don't understand, it's mind boggling....how on earth did I lose four pounds? I was expecting to see at least a one-pound gain this week.
If anyone has any ideas on how and WHY this happened please let me know. I mean it's not like I'm unhappy about it. On the contrary I'm ecstatic. I just don't understand how this could have happened.
Do I sound like a broken record? I think I do. Please excuse my broken record-ness
Sunday, March 27, 2011
My birthday is fast approaching, in 4 days and 20 hours, but whose counting anyways
I had set myself a goal of being 225 pounds by my birthday, and last week I weighed 231 pounds. I haven't had the best week either. I've been getting nightmares of being in hospital this entire month, and this past week has been the worst. For some background information, I was in hospital from March 5th to March 31st (my birthday) last year. As soon as I left the hospital, I couldn't remember anything that happened there. I'm only now starting to get those memories back.
I had one time after my second surgery, that there was this one nurse, who wouldn't give me my pain medication, because I was supposed to ask a nurse to refill it like 2 hours before I needed it, and I was sleeping so I couldn't and she couldn't verify whether I'd already taken it or not. I cried the entire night because I was in pain, I felt all alone and lonely in a hospital because my mom wasn't allowed to stay with me overnight, and so I cried and cried and cried the whole night long. I called my mom as soon as I knew she'd be awake, and begged her to come over. That was a horrible night. I had to pee a few times, and because I was hooked up to like 6 machines, and I had drains put into my armpits, and had huge bandages covering both thighs, and both thighs burned like crazy, I couldn't get up to use the washroom, so I needed a bedpan. I remember she made me wait almost 25 minutes to use the washroom. That's the worst nightmare I've been having, that it's all happening all over again.
There was another nurse, who was quite rude. I remember how I needed to use a bedpan after my second surgery, and she had been told that I used the camode by the day nurse. Maybe she got her patient information mixed up, because I didn't use the camode that day. She refused to believe that I was in too much pain to get out of bed. *Sigh* I'm crying as I write this.
Another recurring nightmare I've been having is of being as sick as I was before I went to hospital. I was bedridden for an entire 3 years. I do NOT want to go back there again.
Not all the memories I've been getting are horrible though. I remember after I shifted to the rehabilitation centre, I had this one roommate, who told me there was a ghost in the hospital. My other roommate couldn't speak any english, and she was in a LOT of pain, but she smiled all day anyways. My third roommate was another elderly lady who called me Bella, and I wheeled her around the hospital floor in a wheelchair, and one of the nurses told me I should consider becoming a nurse. I remember this one nurse at the hospital I got my surgeries done who was super sweet, she came right when I needed her, and even helped my dad stay past normal visiting hours.
As a result of all of these flashbacks, I've been feeling horrible. My counselor suggested that I write everything out, and burn it, but I feel like I should keep the memories somewhere tangible, so that my mind can't warp the memories into something more horrible than it was. She also told me that the reason I couldn't remember before, was because my subconscious mind didn't think I was ready to process and remember the memories, and I'm remembering now because I'm emotionally stronger. I don't feel any stronger though. I had been feeling a little bit better, but not anymore. I've been feeling horrible, and been binging on chocolate ever since. I ate more chocolate this week than I have since New Years. This is also my first binge this year, which is incredibly frustrating for me.
Therefore, I'm expecting the scale to move up a pound or two this week. At best I expect to see no change. And that's okay. I just hope I have the will power and the strength to move past this binge, and get back on track with my life by Monday at the latest.
I also got an appointment with another surgeon for another surgery I need to have, but didn't think I was going to until at least next year. It so happens that the consultation with this surgeon is scheduled on the 4 year anniversary to my car accident.
March! Full of anniversaries for me, good and bad. It's just a shame that the anniversaries with the sad memories take over my mind and feelings for days at a time, and totally undermine the important ones. Like my BIRTHDAY! *sigh*
I hope to celebrate my 20th birthday in a way that sets the theme for the next decade of my life. I will try to be healthy and happy on my birthday regardless of what happens at that appointment I've got on Tuesday. I even scheduled an appointment with my personal trainer for my birthday.
In conclusion, I set myself a goal. That goal was to weigh 225 pounds and be a size 18 by my birthday. That goal is not going to happen, because it was unrealistic to begin with. At 231 pounds, I'm still a size 20/22, and I don't think 6 pounds will get me to a size 18. I'm not going to make my goal, but that's okay. At least I'm 14 odd pounds healthier than I was when I started this journey. I also have a lot more energy, and I am a lot stronger than I was 2 months ago. All that is cause for celebration. And more importantly, I'm starting out the new decade of my life on a healthy note. What more could a girl ask for!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Who would have known that working out to the resistance of your own body can be soooo painful? Yesterday's workout was brutal, and I'm sore all over today, literally, I've never had this much muscle soreness in my ENTIRE life.
Yesterday's workout routine:
1:25pm - 15 minute warm up routine (elliptical)
1:40pm - 1 hour strength training routing with personal trainer
2:40 pm - 10 minute cardio cool down
3:00pm - 45 minute group exercise class called BodyFlow by LesMills
4:15pm - run home for a quick bite to eat
4:30pm - half hour chiropractor appointment that ran a half hour late
5:30pm - 45 minute cardio workout on elliptical
On top of all of that, I took a nasty fall that morning when I slipped on some ice right outside my door. *sigh* Therefore I left home at 1:20pm to go to the gym, came back home around 4:15pm and ate a quick hot dog (I know, not the best thing to eat, but at least it wasn't mcdonalds right?) and ran back out the door at 4:28 to make it to the gym at 4:30 (my gym is literally 250 metres from my front door). And I finally got home for dinner and a nap at 6:30pm. *phew* I spent almost an entire 6 HOURS at the gym doing various things and was completely pooped by the time I got home. And I'm feeling the pain today. All over. My lovely budgies are keeping me company as I type this blog because I need to vent, and they're so lovely and patient.
Anyways, as sore as I am, I'm going to go to the gym for a half hour low intensity cardio workout. What I wanted to know is what kind of painkiller is best for muscle soreness? Tylenol or Advil, or something else.
Please let me know. And before anyone thinks I'm overtraining, maybe I am, but honestly I did not intend to do that class yesterday, but someone from the gym came up to me and asked me, and so I figured I was curious about group ex classes so I might as well go try it out now. And because I had to run out of the gym so quickly after I was done the class, I didn't get the opportunity to stretch, and I figured my muscles were already cooled down, and I've been told never to stretch a cold muscle, so I figured I would do a little bit of cardio just to warm up my muscles so I could stretch them.
I thought I should document this experience, because I don't think I'm ever going to do it again. Lol....too painful.
Happy training and lots of love,
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I was asked this question by a dear family member, and it got me thinking. What is my reason to lose weight. I came up with quite a few reasons actually, so let's get started.
Reason #1: I want to lose weight to get healthy. I've always been overweight. I was the cute chubby baby, I was the chubby toddler, the fat kid at school, and the obese teenager, the biggest kid around everywhere I went. In particular though, I've been terribly unhealthy for the past 4 years, and I'm only 19 so that's a LONG time for me . I've had absolutely no energy to do anything but get up eat, sleep, eat, use the computer, sleep some more, eat if i feel like it for the third time, and go to sleep for the night. THAT's it!
I want to be able to do normal things that teenagers do, unfortunately I won't be a teenager in a month, but still, I'm still a young adult right?
Reason #2: I am a 19 year old with diabetes. I've been diagnosed as a diabetic since January last year, and my blood sugar readings are HORRIBLE. I've been told that losing at least 10% of my starting body weight will help keep those in check. That's 24.5 pounds, lets round that up to 25. I've only been able to lose 8 pounds so far, but that's 8 pounds closer to being healthy. I don't want to have to be on diabetes medication for the rest of my life, or have to check my blood sugars 3-5 times a day for the rest of my life, and I certainly don't want to suffer from diabetic complications during my lifetime. Studies have shown that the younger you are when you are diagnosed with diabetes, the higher the likelihood of suffering from diabetic complications. Now, I'm no scientist and I'm certainly not a doctor, but I suspect that the increase in likelihood is a direct result of having a longer time TO develop complications. A woman diagnosed with diabetes at 50 has a maximum of another 45 years to develop and suffer from complications, whereas someone my age (19) and diabetic has another 71 years to suffer the same fate. 71! That's a LONG time!
Reason #3: Because of what has happened to me in the past few years (car accident, debilitating illness, etc), I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. Exercise is supposed to make me feel better by releasing chemicals known as endorphins? Correct me if I'm wrong but that's what I think they're called. Anyways, this scientific mumbo jumbo may have some truth to it, because I have been feeling quite a bit happier since I started going to the gym and exercising.
Reason #4: I have a lot of lingering injuries from both my car accident (which have been around for almost 4 years) and my surgery (which happened almost a year ago). Exercise should help them recover, and the pain levels associated with them decrease. I have seen my cardio endurance improve dramatically over a period of 5 weeks, and I've seen my strength increase substantially in a week! When I started out with the gym, I could only do the eliptical at an incline of 4 and a resistance of 1 for 5 minutes, and now I can stay on the eliptical at an incline of 10 and a resistance of 4 for 45 minutes and barely break a sweat! As for improvement with my strength, I had my first personal training session on monday, and I could only do 10 bicep curls per arm at 5 pounds. On friday, my third session I completed two sets of 25 bicep curls per arm at 5 pounds! Is that not insane?
Reason #5: This is the reason most people will state. I want to have a better self image, and I want to be able to look in the mirror and say I look good. Right now I look like I'm 25. My weight has aged me by 6 years. I want to regain those 6 years of my life. I want to have MY perfect body, so that I can be proud of myself when I look in the mirror, and I don't feel like I have to pretend to be someone else in order to be liked by others. I want to be able to be myself. Note that I said MY perfect body, and not THE perfect body. There is a difference between the two, and I understand the difference. Everyone has a different idea as to what the perfect body is. My perfect body may not be your perfect body, and that's okay. I think I'll save this topic for another blog, because this can get terribly long.
I have dropped out of high school, and am currently trying to complete my high school diploma through online schooling. I dropped out due to poor health, and it has to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. I had dreams of being a doctor, or a veterinarian, but those dreams seem out of reach to me at this point in my life. But who knows? Maybe fortune will smile down on me again and the dream I've held onto for almost my entire life will realize.
Those are my reasons, now, the more important bit? What's YOUR reason to lose the weight? I tag everyone who reads this blog to do a reply with your own.
I wish everyone all the best, and send out lots of hugs and kisses to anyone and everyone that needs one. All of us have our bad days, and if no one else is there to tell you they believe in you, know that I believe in you.
Lots of love,
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