Saturday, July 10, 2010
Ok, yesterday is over, today is a whole new day and I woke knowing today I would get back into my usual routine of meditating first thing in the morning. I'd decided last night I would then weigh myself, document the changes and sit by the fire while I drank my morning mug of tea .
I feel wonderfully at peace again after my morning meditation, I gained 2 pounds over the past fortnight but during that time I learned that I prefer fresh fruit over cakes and rich desserts, I prefer simply cooked vegetables, grains and legumes rather than meals including meat, be it barbecued or not (I used to find that almost irresistable), and that I feel much healthier and less bloated when I eat the way I now consider usual. Those two pounds are a small price to pay for that knowledge, and had my tastes not changed there would have been a far greater gain. I'm happy with the knowledge and know those 2 pounds will soon disappear.
I am now about to sit by the fire and enjoy my tea, after which I am going to put on my Leslie Sansone Miracle Mile walk aerobics dvd and do that mile. I am actually looking forward to the wonderful feeling of exercising again, of getting my heart pumping and my body working. I know it will help free me of the pain and stiffness in my knees that I've noticed has returned since being home and doing very little physical work. Who knows, I may just do a second Miracle Mile before the day's over.
Just wish my Cardio Twister would hurry up and arrive - two phone calls now, and I'm sure you can guess the latest answer - it was shipped yesterday- what else would they say?. I was promised it would arrive by the end of next week and am now really looking forward to its arrival so I can get started on it. I guess the wait has at least done that for me, made me more enthusiastic.
As I wrote in yesterday's blog, today is my new beginning and I feel great about it. Once again my favorite emoticon,the butterfly, is back in place rather than the turtle and that is a wonderful thing.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Today I am disappointed in myself.
I am disappointed for two reasons -
I have done no real exercise since returning home.
I have no excuse, no reason for not exercising other than laziness and lack of motivation.
I feel sluggish, lazy, my knees are really painful once again, something they haven't been in months.
I need to exercise to feel well and happy and to be without severe knee pain, but I have done none.
I know I have let myself down and I am annoyed with myself.
I haven't weighed in since being home although I intended to weigh in this morning.
I didn't weigh in this morning because I had done no exercise other than walking the dogs since being home.
I have spent no time in meditation since returning home.
I know I am not the calm settled and grounded person I am after meditating.
My friends have commented on my seeming distracted, imagine its because I'm wishing I was still in Brisbane.
I know they are wrong.
I know I feel this way because I again have let myself down.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow there will be no more excuses.
Tomorrow I will get out of bed before daylight.
Tomorrow I will spend 30 minutes in meditation sitting in front of the fire while the sun comes up.
After my meditation session I will weigh myself and document the results.
I will then make myself a cup of tea and drink it in quiet thoughtfulness.
I will then get out of my chair, put in my Leslie Sansone Walk Aerobics dvd and will do the 1 Mile session.
I will do these things with all the enthusiasm and dedication I can muster, if there is none to be found I will do them anyway.
I know I will feel all the better for having put an end to the current self-destructive way of thinking.
As of tomorrow morning I will no longer accept the feeble excuses I have been making these past few days.
As of tomorrow the 'real me' will be back and the 'unmotivated me' will be banished for all time.
I believe God gives us nights so we can end each day by sleeping.
I believe God gives us mornings so we can wake to a brand new day.
I believe each new day is filled with infinite possibilities to do right by ourselves, our families and friends and by the world as a whole.
I believe tomorrow I will start afresh with renewed enthusiasm and motivation.
I believe tomorrow once I have spent time in meditation and exercise I will again experience the joy of feeling truly alive.
I believe I needed to experience these past few days to truly appreciate these things.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
I have always hated having my photo taken, even when I was a young girl, I'd be the one with her face screwed up cos she didn't want to be photographed. When my weight ballooned I was even more adamant that I was never going to be photographed cos I didn't want anyone to have a lasting reminder of how I'd neglected taking proper care of myself.
It was while I was on holiday my grandson showed me a photo he had displayed proudly on his dressing table, by his bed so he could see it every night before he went to sleep - it was a photo taken about 8 years ago, a photo of Kurt and Emily sitting beside me, all of us so obviously happy to be together. When I looked at that photo I realized its not what a person looks like in a photo to those who cherish it, its the reminder of that happy time in life, that it wouldn't have mattered whether I was fat, thin (I was then by the way), whether I was wearing good clothes and dressed to go out somewhere special or just in an old cheesecloth wrap around skirt and tank top (as I was). What mattered was that Kurt loved being reminded of the time we'd spent together when he saw the photo. Suddenly my attitude to photos changed.
I had a great time while I was away, didn't focus too much on sticking within my limits because I was more focused on enjoying the time I had to spend with some of the people I love most in this world. We ate out, ate some things I know really I shouldn't have, but above all we were happy to be there together. I didn't even bother weighing myself when I got back home, cos it doesn't matter if I have put on a little weight - hoping not, but if I have then I will lose it again.
I dreaded the thought of leaving, but as the time came closer I began to see the things I'd missed out on while I was away - hadn't seen Dad for 6 days and was sure he wouldn't understand why even though the nursing home staff had promised they'd remind him each day where I was, I'd wondered how the dogs and Rhani were coping with my not being there with them at night, with 2 very good friends feeding, watering and walking them, how poor old Rhani would cope with the cold weather while I was away.... suddenly I was happy to be going home again, cos I know I have such wonderful memories of 6 days spent doing nothing special other than enjoying being with family, and I know we will all get together again before too long.
I returned home to a whole lot of urgent jobs to tackle when all I wanted to do really was rest up and find my feet again, but I got to the end of the jobs list (well almost) and now life is back to normal. One thing I was planning to do before I left for Brisbane was to revise and update my Spark Page, but never got round to it in time. I am so happy I didn't, because it gave me the opportunity to spend some time this morning changing it all round AND uploading some photos of myself, my daughter Julie and my grandchildren Kurt and Emily. It was only after I uploaded the photos I realized I hadn't taken any photos of Terry, even though he'd taken some of me with the others. Now I know how Kurt felt when I said I didn't want him to take photos of me, like I've lost a chance to have a reminder of the joy of being with Terry and the others. Next time I am going to do far better, to take far more photos, and I will happily allow photos to be taken of me.
I was disappointed with the quality of the photos my mobile phone's camera took, and am so determined to get right into taking more photos of things that make my days brighter I debated whether to buy another digital camera (the last one was stolen) or whether to upgrade my mobile phone to one with a better plan which will save me money, and make sure it was capable of taking far sharper photos. Saved money by upgrading my phone - no money needed to buy the camera separately, it has an 8.1MP camera, and call charges are way cheaper. I still have another 12 months of my old phone's contract to pay out but even so I will be saving money.
I am now planning (once I master this phone - may take quite some time haha) to take photos of anything and everything I find interesting, not only people. Think I have somehow, thanks to Kurt showing me that old framed photo he loves, discovered a whole new interest. I have often stopped to look at the different textures of the bark on trees when I am out walking with the dogs, maybe the contrasts between trees would be a good way to begin, cos at least the trees stand still enough to photograph.
Can't finish without mentioning the co-incidence of me deciding I want to add some chickens to the family and arriving at my daughter's house to be taken outside in the half dark to check out their two new family members - chickens, one Kurt's, one Emily's. They chose the chicken they each wanted 4 months ago and named them. Names ? Kurt's is Nugget (as in KFC's chicken nuggets) and Emily's is Satay (as in her all time favorite meal chicken satay). They are eagerly awaiting the arrival of the first egg, after having them grow from 8 week old chickens in their bathroom to two very well fed adult hens who can manage to chase Georgia (fox terrier dog) away from her dinner bowl till they've checked it out first. The kids even helped their parents construct a safe, secure and lockable night time shelter for their new pets, and take turns in feeding them as part of their chores. I can't decide against having chickens after all that, can I? Besides, think of the photos.....
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tomorrow I fly out to Brisbane to spend 5 wonderful days with my daughter Julie, her husband Terry and my grandchildren Kurt who is already 12 and Emily, 10. I am so looking forward to seeing them all because our visits are all too infrequent. One of the many things I've recently decided to change is the time between these visits. Dad is receiving wonderful care and has settled comfortably into his new home, our local nursing home, and I can now relax and take a break without worrying what will happen to him in my absence. I know should there be even a minor problem nursing staff will contact me to keep me informed.
I am now going to put everything I've learned through Spark People into practise, not just at home where I'm totally in control of the meals I eat, but at my daughter's family home where she decides what each meal will be. I know she eats healthily but I also know she delights in making the most amazingly decadent cakes and desserts. Now I have to put my new found resolve not to binge eat into practise. I know the likelihood of me losing weight while I'm on holiday is very slim, but I will be happy to know at my next weigh in that I haven't gained any. Time will tell I guess.
So, to all at Spark People a very big thank you for all the knowledge I have hopefully absorbed well enough to eat sensibly while I'm on holiday. A very big thanks to all my team mates and my Spark friends, you have made my transformation so much easier and not only as regards healthy eating. I know you will all continue to do well and hope I can fulfill my expectations of myself.
Hopefully tomorrow evening I will be enjoying a much warmer climate, where I don't wake to a thick frost covering everything outside. I know that no matter what the weather I will enjoy every single moment of my time away, because it will be spent with four wonderful people I love... Who could ask for more?
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