If You Love Them, Level with Them (3)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Word For Today by Bob & Debby Gass
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'each part helps the other parts grow' Ephesians 4:16 NLT

A good mentor will affirm in public, and correct in private. Your goal should be to help, not hurt. When you rebuke someone in public you humiliate them, destroying their self-esteem. But when you affirm them in public you build their self-esteem, confidence and incentive. Of course, your praise should be genuine, not just empty words. By affirming sincerely and publicly, you plant the seeds of growth and greatness in the learner.

A good mentor will also build an allegiance to relationships, not issues. We tend to build an allegiance either to relationships, or to issues. We become primarily concerned about other people, their feelings, and the relationship, or we become focused on rules, agendas, quotas, tasks and results. A good mentor always puts relationships ahead of issues. In his book Mentoring: The Strategy of the Master, Ron Lee Davis writes, 'My father was that kind of mentor, both in his own family and in the church he pastored for twenty-five years. Many times I heard him say, "The individual is always more important than the issue." He lived this principle daily and he built it into my life. Today, I try to pass on this principle to others.'

God has called each of us to run our race and finish it successfully. He has also called us to keep the torch lit and hand it over to the next runner. Don't merely be satisfied with doing the job, make sure the job keeps getting done by teaching and training someone else. Jesus, the Master-mentor, said, 'the works that I do you will do also; and greater works than these will you do' (John 14:12 NKJV).

Read the Bible in a year
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/

Displaying day 29
Friday, October 14, 2011

Old Testament Reading
 Jeremiah 29:24-32; Jeremiah 30; Jeremiah 31:1-14
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Jeremiah+29%3A24-32%3B+Jeremi
ah+30%3B+Jeremiah+31%3A1-14&version=niv

New Testament Reading
 2 Thessalonians 2
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=2+Thessalonians+2&version=niv

Psalms Reading
 Psalm 119:33-40
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Psalm+119%3A33-40&version=niv

The Bible on one page
www.jrsbible.info/bible.htm

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSGOTTAGETBACK 10/13/2011 2:03PM

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If You Love Them, Level with Them (2)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Word For Today by Bob & Debby Gass
www.rhema.co.nz/index.php?opt
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log&id=97&Itemid=310

'each part helps the other parts grow' Ephesians 4:16 NLT

When you confront somebody, be specific, and don't generalise. For example, don't say, 'You're always abrupt and unfriendly.' Instead, being specific, say, 'You were rather abrupt with Mrs Jones yesterday.' Generalisations sound and feel like an attack on who the person is, instead of constructive reproof on what the person does. Plus, the vagueness of such generalisations doesn't give the learner a clue what he or she should do to grow and change.

Remember to show empathy. An effective mentor always tries to put themselves in the learner's place. Novelist John Erskine observed, 'We have not really budged a step until we've taken up residence in someone else's point of view.' Assure them that you're their advocate, not their adversary, and that your only desire is to see them succeed. Why do people have such a hard time accepting and processing criticism? Because they get caught up in a shame spiral, going all the way back to their childhood. They never felt valued, they felt like they were always being criticised and told how useless and stupid they were, and now they instinctively give too much power to criticism. Only when you understand that will you be able to approach them the right way. Build on their strengths, gifts and character through encouragement.

Earn the right to confront. Make sure you affirm 97 per cent of the time, so that when it's time to be tough in the remaining 3 per cent, your love and encouragement will be credible. How will a person know you're on his or her side if the only evaluation you ever pass on is a negative one?
Read the Bible in a year
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/

Displaying day 28
Thursday, October 13, 2011

Old Testament Reading
 Jeremiah 27; Jeremiah 28; Jeremiah 29:1-23
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Jeremiah+27%3B+Jeremiah+28%3B
+Jeremiah+29%3A1-23&version=niv

New Testament Reading 
2 Thessalonians 1
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=2+Thessalonians+1&version=niv

Psalms Reading 
Psalm 119:25-32
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Psalm+119%3A25-32&version=niv

The Bible on one page
www.jrsbible.info/bible.htm

  

If You Love Them, Level with Them (1)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Word For Today by Bob & Debby Gass
www.rhema.co.nz/index.php?opt
ion=com_content&view=category&layout=b
log&id=97&Itemid=310

'each part helps the other parts grow' Ephesians 4:16 NLT

None of us enjoys confronting others, but sometimes it must be done. So be honest and direct. Tenderness is not a matter of being diplomatic or tactful, or using euphemistic language, or 'beating around the bush' and softening the blow. Don't do that. Weigh what needs to be said in clear and unmistakable terms, then lay it squarely on the line. If you love them, level with them!

But a word of caution here: don't use words such as 'love' and 'transparency' to disguise a judgmental attitude. People get screamed at, chewed out and verbally abused in the name of love. Don't vent your anger at someone in the name of honesty. Not one of us is qualified to confront the other until we have carefully examined our motivations for doing so - including, as much as humanly possible, those motives that evade our conscious minds. You should always confront with reluctance, never with eagerness. You should confront directly, yet gently, and always with a desire to bring about God's best in the other person's life. It is far more Christ-like to confront another person through tears than with a voice raised in anger.

At all points, the listener should never be in doubt as to your love and acceptance. Genuine love says, 'I've got something to tell you. I know this won't be easy for either of us, but I respect you enough to give it to you straight. I care about you, I'm committed to our relationship, and I want you to be the best you can be.'

Read the Bible in a year
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/

Displaying day 285
Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Old Testament Reading
Jeremiah 25:15-38; Jeremiah 26
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Jeremiah+25%3A15-38%3B+Jeremi
ah+26&version=niv

New Testament Reading
1 Thessalonians 5
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=1+Thessalonians+5&version=niv

Psalms Reading
Psalm 119:17-24
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Psalm+119%3A17-24&version=niv

The Bible on one page
www.jrsbible.info/bible.htm

  

Coming Alive Means Dying to Self

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Word For Today by Bob & Debby Gass
www.rhema.co.nz/index.php?opt
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log&id=97&Itemid=310

'I have been crucified with Christ' Galatians 2:20 NKJV

When we are under attack our survival instincts come out. We are fighters! But that creates a problem, for Paul says, 'I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.' If your number one goal is self-preservation, you are no longer free to make the right decisions. You'll keep doing things based on what feels good, and what's acceptable to others, rather than what God wants you to do. You'll talk a lot about being faithful, but very little about being fruitful. You can only bear fruit if you are willing to die to self: 'unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies to self, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit' (John 12:24 NAS).

The 'survival seekers' in the Bible forfeited God's best by looking out for their own interests rather than God's. Without considering Abraham, Lot chose the well-watered plains of Jordan, and lost his family (Genesis 13:10-11). The rich young ruler could have been numbered among Christ's disciples, but he'd too much to lose (Mark 10:22).

Often, the more we have, the tighter we hold on. Jesus said, 'Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses invests his life for My sake will save it' (Luke 9:24 NAS). Paul wrote, 'I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me' (Acts 20:24 NIV). The safest place to be - the only place to be - is in the will of God!

Read the Bible in a year
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/

Displaying day 284
Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Old Testament Reading
Jeremiah 23:9-40; Jeremiah 24; Jeremiah 25:1-14
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Jeremiah+23%3A9-40%3B+Jeremia
h+24%3B+Jeremiah+25%3A1-14&version=niv

New Testament Reading
1 Thessalonians 4
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=1+Thessalonians+4&version=niv

Psalms Reading
Proverbs 24:23-34
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Proverbs+24%3A23-34&version=niv

The Bible on one page
www.jrsbible.info/bible.htm

  

How to Build Good Relationships

Sunday, October 09, 2011

The Word For Today by Bob & Debby Gass
www.rhema.co.nz/index.php?opt
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log&id=97&Itemid=310

'Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud' 1 Corinthians 13:4 NCV

Do you remember the elder brother in the parable of the prodigal son? He wanted the privileges of being a son, but not the obligations that came with being a brother. And because he couldn't celebrate his brother's return, it cost him his joy. Contrary to what you may have heard, speaking critical words doesn't make you feel better, it just makes you more miserable and keeps the issue alive. The Bible says, 'Pleasant words are healing to the body' (Proverbs 16:24 AMP).

If you value your opinions more than your friends, you'll defend your opinions and destroy your friendships. When conflicts arise, step back and look at what's really important. Give others the benefit of the doubt. When working with yourself, use your head; when working with others, use your heart. Learn to be flexible. Thomas Jefferson said, 'In matters of principle stand like a rock; in matters of taste swim with the current.' Don't major in minors, and stop fighting over things that ultimately make no difference. Be gracious with others in the same way God is gracious with you. Mature love allows someone who has failed to ease out of the situation with their dignity intact. Once you've made your point, back off!

In life, you're always going to have disagreements. They'll either give you ulcers or give you understanding - the choice is yours. Don't over-react. When conflict arises make it a time to learn, not lose. If you're serious about building good relationships, live by the words, 'Love your neighbour as you love yourself'.

Read the Bible in a year
www.biblica.com/bibles/daily-reading
/

Displaying day 283
Monday, October 10, 2011

Old Testament Reading 
Jeremiah 21; Jeremiah 22; Jeremiah 23:1-8
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Jeremiah+21%3B+Jeremiah+22%3B
+Jeremiah+23%3A1-8&version=niv

New Testament Reading
 1 Thessalonians 2:17-19; 1 Thessalonians 3
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=1+Thessalonians+2%3A17-19%3B+
1+Thessalonians+3&version=niv

Psalms Reading 
Psalm 119:9-16
www.biblica.com/bibles/chapte
r/?verse=Psalm+119%3A9-16&version=niv

The Bible on one page
www.jrsbible.info/bible.htm