Monday, November 05, 2012
Like a pig! Why do these days get me and make me eat like CRAZY. I don't even want to tell you what I ate, but I feel so ugh. I had a stressful, busy, annoying day at work with patients yelling at me and saying some smart comments and I hate it! So, what did I do, ATE. I'm stuffed right now, with pastries and milk and fast food and I hate myself. I can choose not to get in my car and drive to the drivethru and walk inside rainbow and pick up these horrible donuts but, I DID. And I have stopped myself before but today I just couldn't. Everything is good in all the other areas of my life, but work, I just hate. I'm quitting this job in less than two months before I go to Africa and I cannot wait! I'm just thinking about it all day and how much I want to quit TODAY. Why can't I just have stronger will power. I was even in the bathroom today looking at myself naked (and clothed as well) and I noticed a difference. But there it all goes, down the drain. Why?!? For some stupid fast, fatty food that isn't even all that good.
I thought everything was going well, I was exercising, I have a plan. I mean, I still do. But days like this make me just feel like I did in the past. Like I can't do it. I just want to not have these cravings and be stronger and just do what I need to do!
It's sad, even the thought of having a baby for my wonderful husband and knowing I need/want to lose weight before it happens isn't motivating enough to stop my over eating. Just when I think I'm doing good, a day like today happens!
Sorry for the rant, but I just needed to let it out. Tomorrow will be better.
Thanks for listening. Good luck!
Thursday, November 01, 2012
The scale moved DOWN! Woo. I'm down a few more pounds, five pounds (!) since my last weigh in. I'm motivated. I'm at it, and I'm ready for November. I think I'll do good. Last night I walked for 50 minutes at the gym and did some weights. Pretty sore today, but worth it. Here's to a great November! :)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
So I walked my first (intentional and timed) 5k, 3.1 miles on the treadmill last Wednesday. I clocked in at 59:25. Eh. Did some running mixed in there. I want to get it down, obviously. I want to be able to run more also. I attempted another 5k yesterday, but I got halfway and was burned out. I am just coming off of being horribly sick since last Thursday and I'm still not better. I probably should ease into it a little better. I did a half 5k yesterday, 28:35 on the treadmill and tonight outside I did a 28:59 with a little bit of jogging thrown in there also.
I think this is a good idea because I will have a goal. It's not just weight loss which when I don't have a loss or I have a gain I automatically lose motivation. Which has happened A LOT. But now I will have something more to look forward to improving. I will want to go to the gym and work on improving my time. I'm excited! :)
P.S. I haven't weighed in for almost a month! Well I have and I've gained so I haven't posted. I will weigh in Monday and post no matter a gain or a loss. Ugh, why can't this just come easily? It's no matter. I need to work hard at something. And this is something I really want, so it needs to be my priority. I need to lose weight and get in shape to have a baby... that's my second number one goal. That will come, as much as I want it 5 months ago, it will happen when it's meant to and the more I lose and the healthier I get, it will be better for both of us. I'm just impatient and I want results immediately. That needs to change!! Here goes another try. Wish me luck! And good luck to everyone as well. We can do this!!!! :)))
Monday, October 01, 2012
Last week was soooooo soo soo so stressful! It was work. We started using this new computer system and it's such a nightmare learning everything and going thru getting patient's registered and this and that, doing so much more than we were used to. I didn't do ANY walking at all during the week, I ate really badly, even getting fast food when I didn't even want to eat it. It tasted like cardboard, but I still ate it! Like three or four times last week. UGH! I didn't exericse. I stayed at home being lazy and eating like three bowls of cereal in one sitting. NOT A GOOD WEEK. I'm sure I gained like crazy!
But, today is October 1st. A new month and a new chance. I have a little less than 3 months before I go to Africa and I am determined again. I want to lose weight and feel good before I go so I can feel my best and have a great time when I'm there. I don't want to be thinking about what all my husband's friends and family are thinking about me, I want that out of my mind. I know, I'm not going to lose 100 lbs. before then, but just a little loss will help my mindset and how I feel about myself and even a little how I look and fit into my clothes.
I went shopping with my husband yesterday at the mall and we were looking for all these clothes and shoes for him and it was fun. But, I couldn't look at any. Well, I mean they did have my plus size stores I shop at, but I wanted to be able to look in the same stores he did. Like Express or even Macys. I just want to fit in with him. I saw myself in the mirror and thought, wow... compared to him, I'm about three times bigger. Not a good feeling and not something a wife wants to be thinking about herself. I need to change. For real and for good this time. I'm sick of these thoughts. I know they won't automatically go away when I start losing weight, I've got to make them go away by thinking better of myself. I deserve happiness and I deserve to feel good about myself at all times.
When I lost weight a few years ago, a lot of things changed. I was able to fit better into clothes, I was happier, I started dressing up and looking at clothes I wouldn't have looked at before. I want that again. And I know I can do it.
Today is October 1st, a new start. I already hit the gym this morning and I plan on walking a lot today like I usually do. I will not let work stress get in the way of my plans this week at all. Here's to a good day, good week and great month and an amazing vacation. I'm looking forward to it all now. I've got a new attitude!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Until I leave for Africa! I'm determined. I had some set backs this weekend which was not working out and not eating how I wanted to. But, that's life. I thought about it yesterday, while chowing down on Burger King for lunch and KFC for dinner... that I wasn't going to let this be it again. I've done it time and time again where I start a program and then fall back into bad eating habits, and I give up. NOT THIS TIME! I realized, everyone has set backs, I do for sure. And I pretty much always will. THE DIFFERENCE is going thru them but then coming out again in a timely fashion. I know I shouldn't have eaten those calories and all that fat. But guess what, I did. There is no taking it back. The best I can do next time is to say no. I will work on that. There has been times when I've said no of course. This just wasn't one of them unfortunately. There is no time to beat myself up or get depressed/angry/mad at myself. If I want to keep losing weight and get healthy, I've got to get right back up there. After I had dinner, I did an hour of dance cardio. I could have chose not to. I could have said, like I have said many times before, "What's the point??" There is a point! I maxed on calories big time but I can still burn a few of what I did eat. And tomorrow I can have a great day. Like I said, there is no taking back what I did. BUT I CAN FIX IT! And I will. I've done 45 minutes of walking today at work while on my breaks and I've done well with eating and staying hydrated. Today is a new day and as long as I'm determined, I can do it. I just need to stay strong. Looking forward to my weigh in on Monday, hoping it's a loss. If not, I know I just need to work harder. Here goes to a healthy rest of the week and weekend. :) Good luck all!
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