Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Where to start. I feel as if I have been on this same journey my whole life. Perhaps I have. Forward, backward, standing still. The last few weeks I have been standing still. It's easy to do. Just manage to stay somewhere close enough to where you were so you are not really going backward. Is this what I really want for myself? Or do I want to continue moving forward? And if I do want to stay still, why? What in it for me to stay the same? I am sure there must be a payoff somewhere. Today, I am struggling to find the payoff. Soul searching has never been something I am good at. I actually prefer to remain superficial in most areas and have prided myself on my shallowness. It is so uncomfortable for me to do this but I am doing it at the insistence of Kat. She is one hell of a motivator and won't take no for an answer. It's quite amazing that someone whom I have never met in person can see me so accurately. There is something but I haven't discovered the real basic reason yet. I have listed many payoffs but I am sure there is something hiding. I will continue on this journey, no longer standing still, but moving slowly forward. One day at a time, one step at a time, in the company of my SP friends.
Monday, February 08, 2010
OK, Kat, you are right again. I gave myself permission (in my mind) to go off program this week end. In fact, I actually planned it. And guess what! It wasn't so great. I did eat more than I have been eating the last few months, and different foods than I usually allow myself. Did I really enjoy it. The best I can say is it was OK. I didn't have any sweets at all so I didn't go totally overboard like with brownies or anything. Just had barbecue and Martin's potato rolls and coleslaw. Some tortilla chips and salsa and low fat dip. It was all good. But was it worth the regret I feel today? Absolutely NOT. Even though what I ate was not a true binge, I feel as if it was because I know I could have eaten less. I didn't even track my food. If I didn't see it on the screen, it was real, I guess. Lesson learned, Kat, and thanks.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
It's funny how I love Superbowl Sunday. I actually don't care much about the teams unless they are from PA but I sure do buy into the hype. I imagine myself in a group of friends with lots of food, fun and laughter and that is how I prepare for it. In reality it is just DH and me. Perhaps this year a friend will join us. But no big crowd. For some reason, this day has a significance for me and I have no idea why. It reminds me of my preconceived notions about holidays...food, fun and laughter. Perhaps it is one of my fantasies, like being a model or having the Griswold family Christmas. Whatever the reason, I do enjoy it. This year not so much food, tho. We are supposed to have a Nor'easter Saturday. That will keep us all indoors for the week end. I hope it isn't as bad as they are predicting...10-12 inches of snow. 1 or 2 would be better. Or none.lol
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