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PSA for Miscarriage

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Todays PSA courtesy of a friend I was chatting with today who recently went through this as well a myself.

1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage, so even if you don't know someone now, you will at some point. Most do not know for long, if at all before the miscarriage they were even pregnant and 98% of them happen because nature deems it that way, not due to any fault of the woman (ie genetic issues, tubal pregnancy, and other issues out of womans control). The other 2% is normally some sort of trauma (car crash, abuse etc...). Treat them as you would a friend who has lost a child. Not only did they lose a child, but there is no body to bury or way to say goodbye to make closure. They were never able to hold the child, and in most cases never even knew the sex of the child. They will forever wonder "what if". The hormones take months, not weeks to rebound back to normal. They are 3 times as likely to suffer postpartum depression. Be there as the friend you are to support them. Here are some helpful suggestions. If you don't know what to say, just say that you don't know what to say and are here for them.

The following is a list of items that will only make them feel worse, not better.

1. Do NOT tell them it is "for the best" or to "thank their lucky stars" or any such thing. They are NOT grateful to be going through this.

2. Do not point out how much they drank and/or smoked during the critical first few weeks/months.

3. Do NOT point out they were not ready/in stable relationship or that is may not have been planned.

4. Do NOT tell them their SO/baby daddy is acting rudely. They baby daddy is hurting as well. If needed, do so once, and with respect to what is going on. Also, they do not control said persons actions, so if possible speak to the baby daddy.

5. Do NOT tell them they need to start using protection, especially if you don't know if they were or not. Birth control when used perfectly is only 99% effective. This means 1% end in unplanned pregnancy

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADGUYNES 7/15/2012 10:55AM

  I don't know if you will see this, being as this blog is over a year and a half old. However, I wanted to say thank you. My husband and I are going through our second miscarriage - almost 10 months apart. It's hard enough dealing with our own thoughts, fears, guilt, grief, and insecurities without hearing the good intentioned, well meant, but insulting none the less sentiments of friends and family. I wish more people could read your blog and understand the pain and suffering a miscarriage can bring with it. Anyway, thanks again for allowing me to see that the feelings and thoughts that I'm having are a part of the normal process of grieving and healing.

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MSTIGGERFAN 1/29/2011 9:12AM

    Yes all good points and I have been there myself. I always wonder what it would have been had I not miscarried but now since I have another beautiful baby girl who will be 2 in June and love her to pieces.

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BEVERLY781 1/28/2011 3:41AM

  All helpful comments, been there ,done that and do understand. I care so if anyone needs to talk I will listen god bless. Have a good day. emoticon

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IRISHF 1/27/2011 10:43PM

    And don't tell them that they can have another baby, or to start trying right away for another.

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Small Victories

Thursday, January 27, 2011

So this week has its small victories so far. I have gotten out of bed at a reasonable hour every day, done yoga, and had a healthy breakfast. Got the whole house cleaned, including the pantry and my bedroom. Not easy in a house you share with two male room mates. Got all my laundry, plus all the household linens such as sheets, blankets, and towels washed and taken care of as well.

I went into spring cleaning mode about 2 months early, and the poor boys are having issues adjusting to all the organizing I did. They love how clean it is, and that every thing has a place to be put away. Just driving them nuts they don't always know where that place is.

Plus, so far only had insomnia one night, as opposed to every night most weeks lately. I can deal with one or two nights a week after a month of insomnia pretty much every night. I thank all the physical labor, and no napping no matter how tired rule.

There were a few non-victories this week. My eating on a whole has not improved much, other than breakfast. So that shall be my goal to add next week. Being off the meds as of tomorrow will help, since I wont have to eat 6 times a day in order to keep my meds down anymore. Also, didn't make some of the phone calls I needed to or get to cleaning the basement. I know that alot was done this week though, and will just get to the "leftovers list" next week.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TKTMTA 1/27/2011 5:50PM

    emoticon I wish I wasn't having trouble with insomnia right now. I'm going on a week and a half and I'm just exhuasted.

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Long Dark Winter so far and plan to get back to the light

Monday, January 24, 2011

Haven't been on SP much in awhile. At first because I was doing great with out it. Making healthy decisions, working out lots. Easily lost the little bit of weight I put on when injured in August and was able to work out again. It was nothing more than a minor bump in the road.

Then came Nov and Dec. I got sick, had many Dr apts, and gained some weight. Finally they found out my nausea was morning sickness, and that it was just "more severe than normal". Also claimed my bleeding was normal as well ( a light cycle for over a week). A week later found out while at ER again, due to bleeding and cramping getting more sever, oh sorry we were wrong, you had a miscarriage. That is why I was so sick. I had an ectopic pregnancy that was being forced out of my body. They know this because of the scaring on my tube, that wasn't there two months ago which also most likely means I will not have kids the "normal" way, since the other tube and ovary are gone. Found this out Xmas eve.

So, needles to say baby daddy and were having at tough time. We care for each other, but are not serious. We would have kept and loved a little one no doubt, but, he suddenly saw it as lets get married I love more than anything lets plan a future. I was so in shock and upset over a third failed pregnancy that it was hard to get out of bed let alone plan next week. Thinking about the future was just to much. We are only friends now. Good friends, who talk everyday, and I have no doubt we will stay as such.

Since this my immune system has crashed, and I am depressed. Have had the flu and now shingles. So I am on Antibiotics, Antivirals, and steroids to try and help the healing processes along. The only thing that keeps me not getting sick from the meds is high fat foods. Ya, yummy alfredo, real butter. But boo the calories.

Total weight gained right now is 30 lbs. 10 from bloating on steroids which I know will come off fast next week when I stop since it is water weight, and 20 in "real" lbs. For now will be happy with not gaining any more.

Amazingly the thing that has helped me the most was cat sitting for a SP friend last week. It forced me out of the house no matter how cold twice a day everyday, and gave me some sort of purpose. I was getting up at a decent hour, plus, kittys always cheer me up. Reminded me how important goals and having purpose are. I know with good achievable goals I can get through this in time.

So my plan to get back to the light:

1. Get out of house everyday, get dressed nice on days I don't work.

2. Min 10 minutes of fitness per day other than walking to and from work. Preferably Yoga in AM to help me center, on days I don't work it min. of 20 minutes.

3. Keep seeing counsler once a week

4. Try to eat smaller portions at each of my 6 meals a day (due to medicine timings)

5. Start planning for future
1. Trip to CO Feb 25th-March 5th to see friends and ski
2. Plan where to do masters school, and what kind I want to focus on

6. Apply for pet sitting job I was told about by a friend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELISABETH67 1/24/2011 12:32PM

  Hi there;
I suffer from January blahs too and better (i.e. warmer) times are in the forecast! You have a great plan (all mapped out), which means you have put a lot of thought into it. My problem is getting dressed nicely (with 7 lbs too many) on days I am not working. Work seems to lift me up too. I am an extrovert....just like you.
Good luck with your next pregnancy!! (I tried to get pregnant for 10 yrs before it worked)!!! :)

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NEED2MOVE2 1/24/2011 12:11PM

    I was on steroids too... been off them now for 6 months :).
I think your plan rocks... your head seems like it is a really good place.
Good luck and keep up the good thoughts!! emoticon

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AMTRISH 1/24/2011 11:49AM

    Planning is key to everything!!! emoticon

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Update/School is done

Thursday, July 15, 2010

So life kinda ran away from me a little. Here are the highlights of the last 2 months I was missing.

Finished school, waiting to see how well, but will be in top 5 for sure. :)

Have not just met my weight goal, but passed it! down to 140!

Can run a 5K no problem.

Improved at soccer thanks to the beach soccer practice I have been getting.

Made some wonderful new friends who encourage me to get out there and live life!

Goals for next few months are

Take and pass NCBTMB boards

Get licensed

Get a CMT job!

Continue having a blast at life, and finding the balance that seems to finally be happening.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEAM-SARAH 7/16/2010 4:50PM

    SOOOO excited for you!! Congrats on finishing school and gettin healthy and surpassing your goal weight!!

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BABY_GIRL69 7/16/2010 3:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonGlad to hear that you are alright over there! I like the new pic! You are a HOTTIE! Not that you weren't before but Girl your body is bangin!! I know you did really well in your studies cause you work SUPER hard. WOOHOO!!

God bless & continued success!

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Great Quiz

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Hey all. I love Mental Floss the magazine and the website they run. Today's lunchtime trivia is a great one about calories. So, here is the link go check it. Also, check out the rest of the site.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

60SIXTY 5/25/2010 7:59PM

    I got the majority wrong because I was assuming they were comparing the serving sizes - as in peanut butter vs jelly. I think I would have gotten more right other wise.

Cute. emoticon

Would you consider posting this link on a new thread on the Frugalist team?
I think others would enjoy.

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