Tuesday, May 29, 2012
This past year has been a very stressful one for me. Stress at work, stress over money, and stress in my personal relationships. As a school teacher, each year is different in the amount of stress you have to deal with. I love kids and working with them, but sometimes you can get a mix of students who do not click. When this happens, you find yourself spending more and more time being a referee instead of being a teacher. When this happens you find yourself behind the eight ball when it comes to making sure everything gets covered and that your students are prepared for the wonderful tests the state deems are important, instead of letting us teach and prepare students for the next year. So glad this year is over with and I hope my colleagues and I did a better job of splitting up students who should not be together next year, than my former boss did. Many of us feel that our former boss got in one last jab at us when the class lists were made, because I was not the only one in this position.
Job Stress= Stress Eating!
Since January, I have had way too many unexpected bills come up. Two car repair bills, new mower, new dishwasher, and a new hot water heater. I keep waiting for the next bomb to fall that's going to cost me a small fortune I don't have. Oh, wait, one did fall and explode. I got a speeding ticket yesterday on my way home from a small weekend respite designed to help destress my life so I can get back on track with my healthy choices. Granted, that one was my fault. Did I mention the teachers' union voted to take a pay freeze for two years and the cost of living has kept increasing?
Money Stress=Stress Eating
Over the years, friends have come and gone out of my life, and each time it has hurt, some more than others. You would think that by this point in my life I wouldn't let these things get to me so much. If someone chooses to no longer be a part of my life, I need to stop putting the blame on myself and put it where it belongs, on them. I have always tried to be a good friend, someone who actually listens and cares, someone who is not fake and tries to keep it real. I've tried to live by the credo of do unto others as you would have done unto you. I know that there have been times in my life where I have suffered from depression and have drawn into myself, but those are the times when I have needed my friends the most, over the past year that has not happened. I've always tried to be there for my friends who have suffered from the same malady. I believe that true friends stick by you through the good and the bad in your life and in their life, they don't disappear or replace you. Life is so short, too short for me to keep letting people into my life who don't want to truly be a genuine part of my life. I would rather have a small group of truly genuine people who know the true meaning of friendship, than a whole bunch of people who are only there for when they need something or need one more name to add to their Facebook list of contacts.
Friendship Stress=Stress Eating
It is time to take back some control and be honest with myself. I have put back on some of my weight that I had lost over the last two years and the madness has got to stop now. I need to focus on what is good for me, who is good for me, and who is really in my corner for the long haul (not for when they can squeeze me in). I want friends and family in my life who are supportive, loving, willing to listen, and who don't feel the need to put me down in front of others to make themselves look better, and in return they will get these same things from me.
STOP THE STRESS=STOP THE EATING!!!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
I have been a SparkPeople member for a year now. In that year, I have lost 44 pounds, 22 inches, am in much better shape physically and mentally, and am almost halfway to my goal weight. When I made my goal of losing 100 pounds, I really questioned whether or not I would be able to do it. I have tried so many different diet methods in the past (Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, TOPS, Slim Fast, no carb, low carb, blood type, Alli, prescription meds) all of which have cost me a lot in money and wasted time, but were not successful at all. After having been on this journey for a year now, I really am beginning to feel like I can make my goal weight. I have received so much support and encouragement from my friends here on SparkPeople, as well as, my family, friends, and co-workers and I believe that is what has made the difference this time around. Thank you to all who have made a difference in my journey!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Okay, so today we got our school pictures and when I looked at mine I just wanted to puke. I looked horrendously fat, like I hadn't spent the last 10 months losing almost 40 pounds. After getting past a little of the shock, I got out last year's pictures to compare them to. My thinking in doing this is that I would see a difference in my face, that this year's picture would show my face being thinner. HOLY CRAP, not only did my face NOT look thinner, but I looked 10 years older. So, I'm still fat, I look ten years older, and my birthday is a little over a week away.
If all of that wasn't enough to make my day truly SUCK, I should be speeding my way to North Carolina for the race instead of spending time typing on my computer. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone to go with me so I am stuck here and having to eat my tickets because no one could be found to buy them. I always look forward to this race because it is the week before my birthday and this is what helps me get through it each year. Birthdays are not my thing, because they always remind me I am another year older and still alone. At least if I get to the race, I am still riding on that high and feeling of relaxation. Not to be this year. This year is going to be full of stress, sadness, and hopelessness. I think when I go to bed tonight, I will just stay there until after my birthday, have myself a good cry, and try not to continue wishing for the things that will obviously never be.
Sorry for the pity party, but I just had to let it all out. Usually it helps to vent, but so far I'm not feeling it.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Okay, so I have been hovering at the same weight for about 3 weeks now. Getting a little nervous about it too. In the past few years I have managed to lose weight and get down to around my current weight a couple of times, and then I would stall out in my weight loss. After stalling for so long I would then become discouraged, like I am now, and I would give up. I would stop watching every little thing that goes into my mouth. I would stop denying myself the foods I really want. I would stop doing my exercise routine, which I have yet to come to enjoy. After stopping all of this I would then gain the weight back and then some.
It has been over six years since I have weighed under 200 pounds and right now I am 7 pounds away from hitting Onederland again and I am afraid. I have been stalled for 3 weeks and I am becoming very discouraged. Not to mention everywhere I turn there are images and other reminders of yummy, delicious food that would kill my calorie intake for the day with just one meal. It seems to be screaming my name, beckoning for me to come and partake of the joyous sensations it would create on my taste buds.
I don't want to gain the weight I've lost back, but I see and feel old evils trying to creep their way back in. This journey is not the easiest thing I've ever done, Army basic training was easier, but at least when I am seeing and feeling some success it gives me the impetous to go on. Right now I feel I am losing my grip on what little success I have managed. With every push-up, sit-up, aerobics session, and green veggie I am beginning to ask myself why I am putting myself through this. My weight is not coming off, I've stopped losing inches, and as happy as I am for all my new and old friends who are being successful, I can't seem to stop myself from asking "Why can't that be me?" and I hate that because I feel like I am being selfish and that's the last thing I want to be.
With all of these emotions I am feeling right now, I really want to bury myself in a large chocolate cake with butter cream icing, a New York strip steak, a bake potato with butter and sour cream, and some hot homemade rolls smothered in butter.
OK, so maybe I am going off the deep end. Maybe it's the stress of work and the fact that I can't get the kids to listen to a word I say. There's only 27 days left of school and I'm not sure I will make it with my sanity intact. This has been my worst year yet for teaching. So combine my emotions about not losing and the stress of my job and all I want to do is EAT!
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