Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I've gained about 5 pounds in the last couple of weeks. I was told to expect to gain some weight when I took my treatment for hyperthyroidism about 2 months ago. Up until now I hadn't, but it was inevitable. I know the treatment was necessary and I wouldn't go back and not take it or anything like that. But it's definitely disheartening to have lost weight over last year just to put most of it back on. I didn't have much to lose, and as we all know, those last 10-15 pounds seem to be the hardest. That's about all I wanted to lose to begin with. I can already see a change in the way my stomach looks...just more flabby and bloated looking. I realize I don't exercise as much as I ideally should, but I am doing much better with eating/nutrition habits. With the hyperthyroidism, it sped up my metabolism a lot over the last few years, and I was able to lose or maintain weight without trying. It really was not a good thing, despite all the comments from people about how skinny I looked and asking me how I did it. When it happened initially, I went from about 150 to 120 really quickly, and on my 5'3" petite frame, I felt too skinny. I hadn't weight that little since probably junior high. It was not healthy, but there was a part of me that felt more comfortable just because I had less fat on my body. But I wouldn't trade that for being healthier, which I am now. My heart is no longer racing all day long; I can now exercise without raising my heart rate like crazy and panting even just going up a flight of stairs; I'm not starving all the time; and my anxiety has decreased a lot. So, like I said, I'm way healthier now in many important ways. But it's still disheartening because after losing all that weight a couple years ago I went back up to about 142, which is where my weight tracker starts. I worked hard and got down to about 131, which was huge for me. But now I'm back up to about 140. It's just a bit depressing.
Monday, September 21, 2009
I need to go grocery shopping after work today. I knew putting it off from yesterday would not be fun!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I've always loved playing sports. Give me basketball, tennis, softball, floor hockey, volleyball...you name it, I'm game! (Pun intended.) So this weekend I lucked out. I played softball on Friday with my work team. Too bad it was the last game of the season, but it was my first season and I'm glad I did it. It was so fun. Then, yesterday I played tennis with my boyfriend. I'm no pro, but he's...shall we say...less experienced than I am. He said afterwards that he kept hitting the ball out of bounds because he knew I wanted the extra exercise. Ha! :) It's true though, but it was really funny. It felt so good both days just being outside too. I got my dose of Vitamin D too!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Someone at work brought in a 2-pound container of Goldfish (you know, those little crackers kids always eat). They're cheddar, but ah, they're whole grain so they're healthy. (Right.) Anyway, they're on the table in our little kitchenette, which is right next to my cubicle. I will have you know that I haven't touched 'em! They've been there for at least a week now and I haven't even had 1. I checked the nutritional info one day and saw that it's got 140 calories per serving (I think). It's not all that exorbitant, but it's one thing if there's a snack bag containing 1 serving. You eat it and there's no more. With this, I don't even want to start because what if I love them and want more? Yes, I've had Goldfish before, but not in years and I'll keep it that way for now at least. Secondly, it might look a bit weird to my coworkers if I stood there counting out 55 Goldfish before taking them back to my desk.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
So, I live with my boyfriend and he has a class tonight after work. For a very long time I felt like I had a food addiction or eating compulsion or something of the sort. Whenever I knew I'd have the place to myself for the night, I'd plan what I was going to eat. Most of the time I'd get fast food on the way home and make sure I had something sweet for dessert/evening snack, and I'd pretty much go home, change, watch TV, and eat. So, like I said, my bf has class tonight so I'll have the place to myself, at least for a few hours. It's already crossed my mind to stop at Taco Bell, and I know I have some candy at home, so in my mind I'm all set. Just writing this, though, it sounds so weird to me. Like, why am I basing my night around unhealthy food? Why is it that when I have some alone time, which I value greatly, that I automatically think about what I'm going to eat? Also, it's not as though I'm hiding this particular food, because we do eat fast food together occasionally, and you better believe he knows about my sweet tooth. I don't know...I labeled this "Confession" because I thought I'd be confessing that I plan ahead with food when I know I'm going to be alone, and doesn't that sound like a food addiction? But, in reality, I do realize that I used to be so much worse about this sort of thing than I am now. I don't plan as much with regard to this, or eat as much either. And, I wouldn't try to hide it if i did. In the past, if I ate, say, an entire package of water crackers and and wheel of brie, I'd try to shove the wrappers down into the garbage. Now, that's embarrassing to say and that does sound like a compulsion or addiction. The truth is, that sounds disgusting to me now. I honestly think I would vomit if I ate that much of those things at once. Plus, when I did do that, and it was more than once, those weren't the only "snacks" I ate in that sitting. When I think about it, I would just walk back and forth to the kitchen while watching TV, late into the night while my bf was asleep, and just feel worse and worse and worse. That's sad. I'm happy that I don't do that anymore, or more importantly, that I don't feel the need to do that anymore. So I guess this blog was part confession and part revelation. This must be why people like to journal!
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