Wednesday, March 06, 2013
I've been doing so well that today I decided to try a frozen hot chocolate from DQ. Wanted to try one for months and never got around to it. I never eat out so I thought once in my life couldn't hurt.
We get to the drive-thru and my mom asks "What Size?"
"Small", I reply.
"Medium..", she tells the girl taking the order.
"My diet doesn't thank you.", I say half jokingly... ok really not.
"Well, you gotta be able to taste it...", she replies.
...and taste it I did. All 830 calories and 37 grams of fat.
I don't blame my mom, she just cracks me up about diet stuff sometimes. If it weren't for her I'd probably go too hard core all the time. She didn't force it into my mouth at any rate.
Otherwise my eating habits weren't too bad today, but needless to say I'm over my limits for the day. Oh well, it was only one day, and I can be good for the rest of the week and move on to make tomorrow better.
On a brighter note, when I went to DQ's website to look for nutrition information I saw that they're opening a smoothie shop type deal in their restaurants. (If they haven't already, as I said I hardly ever eat out.) This is kinda exciting if its really as good as they let on. The nutrition information for the smoothies are sooo much better for the occasional treat, and they even add protein powder upon request. Our small town has nothing close to a real smoothie shop so this should be really cool. I can't wait to try one... maybe after my body recovers from today's shock.
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
I recently started training to run; which at this point is still a fast walk.. indoors. However, I've noticed I'm already getting better and I hope to be alternating running and walking outside by the time it's warm enough. Running is something I've wanted to get into for at least 5 years, but honestly I am lazy. lol It wasn't until my recent diet, scratch that, lifestyle change that I seriously entertained the idea beyond looking up articles about how to begin.
This is only week two, and I only walk 3 miles twice a week alternating with my other workouts, but I hope to move up to 5 miles twice a week soon. Tonight i happened to find a listing of marathons and half marathons in a neighboring city and as always my mind's cart started to outrun the horse. Being fit enough to run even a half marathon and live to tell about it would be amazing. Maybe if I keep trying, slowly building, I can run a half marathon in a few months. Not sure how long it takes to train from something like that from 0, but there's one way to find out.
Finding the marathon listings also made me think back to why I wanted to run in the first place, as silly as it sounds It was during the 2008 Beijing Olympics and I had always dreamed of competing in a sport; any sport. Little pudgy unathletic me was always laughed at for entertaining this dream though. Kinda rightfully so even though it was discouraging. In 2008 I decided to push that aside and find a sport I might be able to excel in; especially getting a somewhat late start. After a few Google searches and questions seeking advice on forums the consensus was that running might fit the bill.
I decided to go for it, mentally anyway. I looked up info I was ready to go. Then I was ready to go again, and again, until the London Olympics rolled around 4 years later and I felt really bad about not even running an inch that entire time. My self pity still wasn't enough motivation, because I figured I waited too long and I was too fat and lazy. Now that I've just started moving, trying to be healthier it seems to be falling into place somewhat.
I don't know if I'll ever be that good, but at least It'll give me some motivation to try harder now that I've started. Maybe in about 7 years or so I really could make it, in distance running, or volleyball or archery? it could be anything within reason. I decide now that I'm going to continue being active and see if anything "clicks" for me. It may be my silly dreamer view of life, but I think I could prove all those people who laughed at me wrong; and if not at least I'll have fun trying.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Since I've started my diet I've been more lenient on my diet than I have on working out. I don't pig out every day, but I mainly focus on cutting back on butter and most junk food and I eat a portioned amount of my dinner whatever it may be. I don't eat chips or much chocolate and soda anyway since I'm allergic to caffeine (Yes, it sucks) so it hasn't been too hard.
However, I have been sneaking in a bit of sugar in the form of really terrible cereal or breaking up the occasional candy bar over 3-4 days. I don't live alone and the rest of the house loves junk food, so getting rid of it altogether isn't an option. I roll with it and try to keep temptations at bay the best I can. I've been losing an average of 2lbs a week even with the occasional controlled snack so I hadn't thought much of it.
I do know that the sugar and majorly empty calories are useless so I've been playing around with healthier "snack" options. Recently one of my favorite recipe sites Skinnytaste, featured a recipe for Healthy cookies made with bananas and oatmeal. I thought it would be a perfect sweet snack that would have nutrition as well.
Keeping it in mind, I made some for the season finale of Gold Rush the other night. It was an event, I do so love that show, and Realized I needed some snackage right away. Since the cookies were easy and quick I made those instead of grabbing pure sugar.
Heres the result.
"Gold Nugget Cookies" Renamed for the event. lol They kinda look like gold nuggets... you know since most gold isn't really yellow... right???? Close enough. The name made me happy. lol
The real title is Healthy Cookies; link below if you'd like. Making them as the recipe calls they have 93 calories and 3.5 g of fat per serving (Two cookies). My version with raisins instead of walnuts has 65 calories and 0.8 g of fat (One cookie since I made them larger.), according to sparkpeople's calculator.
As I said, I added raisins to mine and they turned out really tasty; after they cool off they do taste like banana bread. Sadly though, my first thought was "These would be perfect with brown sugar added." Which would defeat the purpose. That's the point in which I realized that I am hardcore addicted to sugar. I crave it all the time but figured an alternative would do just as well, turns out it doesn't. Now I get to decide what to do about it: continue having my controlled snacks or learn to love fruit instead. I have a feeling the latter will be victorious.
Although they didn't satisfy my sweet tooth they are amazing snacks. They taste better the longer they sit. I have some left today, so I ate one after taking my vitamin on an empty stomach and nearly getting sick. It was substantial enough to calm my stomach until my breakfast was finished cooking. Bet a "real" cookie couldn't do that.
Friday, February 08, 2013
This bothers me a lot and I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to, so I'm venting a little.
I've suffered with extreme anxiety for years, gradually worsening as I age. It's the reason for most of my weight gain, due to emotional eating, fatigue, and fear of doing things around others, even fun things. I have the eating mostly under control now and I'm exercise at home, but I've just recently realized that I'm an adult and I can't work, go to school, or drive because I'm afraid to leave my house and get way too stressed easily.
My family extended family (Luckily not my parents.) think it's an excuse and that I just don't want to work, but it really isn't. I'd give anything to be "normal". I want to go to college, work, and have friends. As badly as I wan't it their solution to "Just get over it and do it anyway, we all have anxiety.", doesn't work for me. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but I really doubt theirs is the same and I wish they could understand how I feel. I'm embarrassed to be around them because every time I am they ask me questions and tell me how I'm wasting my time and how much they were doing by the time they were my age. I know they care and they want to help and I'm very lucky to have a family who cares about my well-being, but I really wish they could understand.
I've tried work and school in the past and it didn't work out well. I worked at a grocery store as a cashier and I had a nervous breakdown at work, then quit because I was so embarrassed. I did work as a field merchandiser for a while and it was awesome. It stressed me out but I mainly worked alone and I enjoyed the work so I got through it. Can't find another job like that in my area though, and it's hard to get any job without a drivers license.
I tried to take the sat for college, to go online. I did excellent on practice tests but flunked the real one because I got so nervous. Not from the test, but being around the other people. I nearly threw up and I couldn't hold the pencil straight for shaking. I did make it through the test, but needless to say it wasn't a pretty score.
As it is now just going out period makes me extremely depressed because everything bothers me. Talking to people, being around others, and when I do make a mistake I dwell on it forever. There are some things I'm still embarrassed about from years ago. Seeing a doctor isn't an option right now because I have no insurance.
Recently I've tried writing professionally from home. It works out ok but I get nervous about it sometimes, mostly get writers block from it or get distracted by being at home. If I could do it I've thought about going to the library to write, almost like going to a job and seeing if that would help.
I really wish I could just be normal though. I need to get into college fast because I'm wasting my time sitting here doing nothing. To accommodate my anxiety I need to do it a little differently, that costs money to pay up front. You pay then get the money back in financial aid after the semester begins. Plus I wanted to take some Clep tests to catch up faster, if I could get through the tests, but those are 100 dollars a pop. Although it'd save a lot in the long run it's still expensive when you can't work.
I'm just SOL sometimes. It's causing major stress and depression lately. Two weeks last month were spent in the pits due to it. I'm going to keep trying. Pouring over job listings, trying to figure out how I can do something. I'm tired of sitting in this small town waiting for it to be better, because it's never going to be.
Thursday, February 07, 2013
First off, since this became a monster post I wanted to say "thank you" to SparkPeople and the entire community here at the top. Everyone's support helped me keep motivated through the month, and made me think twice before quitting. I've also met some really cool people this month, and can't wait to learn more about you all and root for your own success. The site's wealth of knowledge helped me educate myself daily and makes this feel more like the right lifestyle choice rather than torture to fit into a bikini.
Today marks a month since I started this journey. My goals were:
Keep drinking my water. I've been consistent with 12 glasses a day for the past 2 months, and 8 glasses a day all of last year.
To keep on my exercise schedule without getting lazy and having extra "rest" days, and on the opposite end of the token don't keep adding exercises until you burn yourself out. This has been a major downfall in my most recent attempts. Start out with a scheduled hour, end up working out 3 hours a day by the end of the week. Bad business.
Eat healthier. No strict diet plan, just incorporate as many fruits and veggies as I can, stop cooking with so much butter (It really is a crutch.), cut back on junk food, and remember to bring half my food home for the next day when I eat at a restaurant.
Don't get discouraged with minor setbacks; because I've ridden this train enough to know that they do happen, sometimes often, and it isn't worth jumping from the train at full speed because they upset you.
Later in the month I added that I'd like to lose at least 2-3 lbs a week, and ideally 12 lbs a month, but as long as my loss was consistent this wasn't a strict goal.
Overall the month was a success. I did have a couple of those setbacks I anticipated: a major bout of depression and insomnia in the middle of the month, a scale that sometimes couldn't make up it's mind, and some serious exercise boredom this week, but I'm glad to say I worked through it and ended strong.
I cooked a lot healthier this month, cut the better in half at least, and I don't eat out more than twice a month, but both times I remembered to half my food. Ate a lot more fruit, considering it used to be a rarity in my diet, and added a few extra vegetables. Got up to 15 glasses a water a day for the first 3 weeks, but got lazy due to erratic sleep schedules and dropped back down to 12. As long as I'm still at 12 I'm happy.
I stuck to my exercise schedule of 50 minutes a day/5 days a week without adding on or slacking. This week I was sick to death of my workout videos, which I was sad (and confused) about because I love them. Considered quitting altogether, but decided to try exercise games for a couple days instead. (Wrote a blog about it a couple days ago.). So glad I chose to try something new rather than quitting. I have renewed motivation and I'm sore all over. I almost think the dancing games are giving me a better workout than the videos. Thinking about adding some yoga on one of my rest days. I do a little to cool down after workouts now and like it a lot. A yoga only day would be fun.
I feel stronger and I have more flexibility than I did last month. Bending to tie my shoes doesn't kill me anymore, and now I'm ashamed that it ever did. I had a day out yesterday, and didn't get tired nearly as fast either. I also have some bat wings forming on my arms. Thought it would be terrible and initially freaked out, but it's the happiest fear I've ever had. I smile and cringe at the same time when I hold my arms out in front of a mirror.
Pounds lost: 11.1
2.5 in. in midsection
6 in. in each thigh
1 in. on my arms
1 in. in my neck
Easier shoe tieage
Christmas pants nearly falling down
Bat wings forming
My goals for this month:
Keep my exercise schedule and remember to switch it up to avoid boredom. Add real strength training to help the flab.
Continue with my water schedule.
Continue eating healthier. Attempt to make more foods from scratch and cut down on processed foods.
Try to lose another 12 lbs this month, but if not don't panic; just keep on fighting.
Keep trying my best and accept things as they come; stop stressing so much about everything under the sun.
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