Sunday, January 27, 2013
I'm so glad week 3 is over and I'm still alive. Week 3 has been terrible. I hit the occasional rough spot with my depression and my sleep, appetite, and mood suffered as a result. Weighed this morning and found that I gained a pound since Thursday. I've been running it over in my head trying to figure out how. I didn't splurge or anything and I thought I exercised as well as I could. I've still lost a pound since last week. A small victory is better than none.
The dreaded fluctuation happens with every diet I go on, though usually I can be as much as 5lbs. The last time I tried to lose weight I lost about 15lbs and gained 5 or 6. I got so angry and just quit. I had no idea how it happened or why it does every time. I can't afford to see a doctor and check my thyroid, but they did mention it looked unusual the last time I was able to go about 3 years ago. My mom mentioned innocently that if it is my thyroid maybe I won't be able to lose weight and that totally threw my confidence over the edge. It wasn't her fault though. It my decision alone to give up.
This time I intend to keep my workout schedule and try my best even if the scale doesn't move, because I have other reasons to get healthier: like building my strength. I used to be a brute but over the last couple of years my body has gotten so weak I can't lift anything anymore. I can't go out and have fun with family and friends because I'm always falling behind and winded, I'm embarrassed to buy clothes with other people because of my size, I'm fatigued every day. Just sick of it.. I've decided I'm going to keep my exercise schedule and build my strength no matter what.
Instead of dwelling on the negative as I usually do, here are my victories for the week:
I lost 1 pound.
I did all of my exercise even though I really didn't feel like it any day this week.
I was able to do more during my workouts this week than I had been, such as balancing on one leg during the rapid leg lifts/kicks session and doing crunches without modification. Wasn't possible when I started 3 weeks ago.
...and my favorite for the week. I didn't buckle to emotional eating. There were a couple times I got so frustrated and wanted to eat, sometimes right after dinner. Usually I would eat again without a second thought, but this week I said to myself. "You're not hungry, you're angry; there's a difference."
Week 4 begins slightly deflated, but still motivated. I'm not going to give up that easily this time. Nice try, depression.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Yesterday I couldn't drink more than 8 glasses of water, where I'm used to 12-15, due to our well being frozen. As a result I got a bit of a headache and I wasn't able to sleep last night. That threw the entire day off today, I napped all day and finally made myself get up to exercise. Wanted to skip so badly, but I convinced myself to just do 20 minutes. After I got started I decided to go ahead and do my entire 50 minutes.
So excited I broke through this! Getting lazy and not wanting to workout, then letting myself take a "rest day" and having it turn into 50 (or about 600 rest days judging by my last exercise gap) has been my fear since I started. That's what usually happens every time I start a program. I won't let myself this time because I'm seeing results and I want to see more.
Monday, January 21, 2013
I cheated a little and did my measurements a couple weeks early. I couldn't wait any longer. lol Overall I was pleased to have lost 2 inches in my midsection. Though, Didn't see any change in my arms and neck. Will have to do some extra arm exercises and figure something out for my neck. The big win though was my thighs; a few days ago I noticed that they looked smaller, and I was right. I lost 6.5 inches in them since January 7th!! I'm blown away. Kickboxing is being very good to me; at least when it comes to my legs anyway. Also did the Pushup and crunch test, did 9 more push ups, and 5 more crunches than last time. Not bad, not bad at all.
Side note: So excited that my weight loss ticker is about to move away from the left edge of the scale for the first time! Haha. Lost 8lbs this month so far.
Thanks to everyone who has been supporting me. I feel like I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without this great community.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I know this is an incredibly shallow desire, but I was a "fat girl" throughout school, maybe not the fattest in the room, but at least 2nd-or 3rd place. Couple that with my anxiety and extreme shyness and I never got attention from boys. It didn't really bother me too much at the time; I've always been the type that has more important things to worry about, but now looking back I feel like I missed out on part of that typical teenager experience. Even when I did kinda have boyfriends, they wouldn't "officially" date me because they didn't want to be seen in public with me.
Today men still don't look at me. It kinda starts to make someone feel bad after so many years. Back then I always thought, "It'll be different when I'm older." Now that I'm older it's not. I hope I'm not just dog ugly. It has to be something, and I'm hoping it's my weight rather than the latter. If I meet someone online they'll talk to me fine until they see me, then it's a dead stop. I don't hear from them again. They don't even make an excuse to stop talking. I know I don't need someone like that to begin with, but after it happens so many times it gets kinda hurtful.
This isn't the main reason for my weight loss. My main reason is for myself: to be healthier, feel better, be stronger, and have more stamina. I'm tired of being tired all the time. However, becoming a "hot girl" will be the icing on the cake. I can't wait for them to eat their heart out.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
My resolution was to follow a workout schedule this year, without adding an unnecessary amount to lose weight faster, which I always end up doing and thus burning myself out within a month. I decided to do the Turbo Jam series and follow the schedule, then do 10 minutes of yoga per day and after that, only if I feel like it, add 30 minutes of something "fun" in the evening such as walking on the treadmill while watching tv, a dance game, or a belly dance video. Today was the first time I did my full 40 minutes of Turbo Jam, and added my yoga.
Trying yoga for the first time; beforehand I thought 10 minutes would be well enough to cool down after a workout, but when it was over I thought "Really? It's over already?", I'm debating on adding 10 or 20 minutes starting next week if I still feel the same. It was definitely a lot more fun than I thought it would be; it burned a lot more too! I assumed it would be easy and boring. Shame on me.
when I finished I said to myself. "Awesome, I did all of it!" I love feeling proud of myself throughout the day rather than lazy.
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