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Month one of final semester: done

Monday, October 06, 2014

Well I'm done withe first month of my final semester of school and it was not easy. The work itself was fine, interesting, and yeah that was somewhat easy. But the schedule, travel time, and balance of work/school/home was definitely not easy. I've never felt this overwhelmed with school before. I mean I've struggled from time to time depending on what classes I was taking but I had never had such a difficult time balancing things. And to top it off since we're on an extremely tight budget getting healthy nutritious meals has been difficult. The entire month of September we shopped for groceries with an extremely limited budget and since I dont have time to think of anything else but work and school my workouts have pretty much been non-existent.

Well now we're in October and because of everything in September I can literally feel my body crying out for help. I feel so lethargic, so bad, unhealthy, I'm actually getting worried. I'm even considering going to see a doctor and that's saying something extreme since I am horrifically petrified of anything that has to do with anything related to anything medical (yeah, that bad). And I think it's all just stress but honestly I feel so horrible that I find myself wondering if this is all even worth it. Maybe I should have just split my work into two semesters instead of cramming it all into one. And its not like its a lot of work, again, its just the time its taking out of my life every week that stresses me out. I drive home from school twice a week in a panic because I'm traveling dark, empty back road most of my way home so my mind is constantly thinking "what if I break down?" "what if someone follows me?" "what if something happens?" until I finally reach the last 15 minutes of my drive and can finally reach the freeway. Then the two other days that I have to leave the office 2 hours early I drive to school thinking "who's covering my meeting?" "what if my boss decides letting me leave early for school is taking up too much time?" "I should have skipped class today and gone to that meeting instead" It's ridiculous! When I get home all I want to do is relax, sit down on my sofa, watch some TV or knit for a little or just lay there and listen to music, but then I'm thinking "you're so lazy, you should be doing laundry" "what's wrong with you, go clean the bathrooms" "oh yeah that trash is going to take out itself, huh" I'm tormenting MYSELF and its ridiculous but I cant get past it. And of course there's the whole weight loss aspect of things that I'm totally ignoring and completely guilting myself about it.


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OK so needless to say my September blog venting but then finding things I could do didnt happen. I continue to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, COMPLETELY UNHEALTHY, and guilty. The only difference is that now I only have 10 weeks left of this instead of the 16 I started with. Thanks for the support in my previous blog fellow sparkies.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOFFEENUT 10/7/2014 12:28AM

    Working and going to school is STRESSFUL. I had to decide there were some things that just weren't going to get done (or weren't going to get done as often - like cleaning bathrooms!). I knew it was for a short time and I had to prioritize what little time I had.

One thing that DID help me deal with the stress was setting aside 15 minutes every day that was MINE. I used it for whatever made me feel better. Sometimes it was a walk outside, sometimes it was a bath, sometimes it was 15 minutes alone behind a locked door where no one wanted anything. Find some time for YOU and it can help with that "completely unhealthy" feeling because you'll know you've chosen to do something every day that is ONLY for you. Hang in there!

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Feeling overwhelmed! HELP!

Thursday, September 04, 2014

OK I'm on the verge of having a panic attack so I thought I'd come and blog to see if it would help calm me down.

Here's what's going on: I have a great job that I love and that keeps me busy all day long. I am also, for this semester only, a full time student take a full 12 units. I'm driving 4 days a week to class and 2 of those 4 days I'm driving approximately 50 minutes one way through dark, lonely back roads and another 50 minutes back through those same roads. The other 2 days I'm only driving 30 minutes and through popular, well-lit roads. So 4 days a week I am going full speed ahead with meetings and classes. Its only week 2 of my semester and I'm already feeling overwhelmed. However the goal is that this will be my last semester in school and will be receiving my AA once its over so I dont have to go back to school in January. That's the only thing that keeps me going at this point. The classes are not difficult (yet) I think its just a time thing. I feel like I'm not doing anything else.

I think I'm using this schedule as an excuse for crappy eating and not working out. I dont like that. Its making me feel very guilty but I cant seem to break it so far. The plan is to work out in the AM, but rather than doing that I head back to bed after the hubby leaves for work. I sleep another hour and a half but then when I wake up I feel completely guilty for not working out instead. Ugh! I am just feeling extremely overwhelmed and that is not going to help anything get better.

I just needed to vent and let it out so that maybe I can get passed the excuses and do something about it.

SO moving on from the overwhelming feeling, whining, and guilt trips.... here's the plan:

* Plan my meals AND PREP those meals ahead of time so that I dont end up reaching for crap.
* Leave the appropriate T25 DVD in the player before going to bed so that its set and ready to go in the AM
* Go to bed in my workout clothes
* Keep my books and a pair of flat shoes in my vehicle so that I dont feel rushed or unprepared for school when its time to head out
* Plan out a basic housework plan so that I can get even a little bit done every day and it doesnt pile up causing me to feel overwhelmed

If there are any tips or ideas you all think would help keep me from working myself into a panic please let me know. I would really appreciate them. I am a big worrier, a nervous Nelly if you will, so its easy for me to get overwhelmed when something gets a little out of control.

Thanks for letting me vent and reading me through. Even though my weigh loss journey has not been all that successful, its great that I can always come back to my SparkPeople community and feel at home. =)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITMAMA_ 9/15/2014 11:11AM

    So how is it going? Did you stick to your plan?

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    First thing - just breathe a little.

Second - Tell yourself "It's only for ... longer..." I have used the "it's only for" all of my life whenever I have something I need to do that I don't feel like doing. Sometimes, it's short - "I am going to try to run at a 7 mph pace on the treadmill. It's only for 30 seconds." Sometimes, it's a bit longer - driving from Philly to Atlanta and I am 11 hours in to a 13 hour ride - "The amount of time I have left is only about the same as going to the movies." Other times, it has been really long term - At the end of a long, hot day on vacation years ago, when my sweaty kids wanted to be carried and I was too tired to carry them - "I only have a couple of years left where they will want me to do this," and then pick them up and carry them. Mind games, I know. But, apparently, I can fool myself. You say that you'll have your AA so you don't have to go back to school in January like it's no big deal. IT IS! Put yourself out in January and imagine looking back. Despite the hell that you are going through now, IT'S ONLY A FEW MORE MONTHS! It will all have been so worth it - like a scar that you'll want to show off. Yeah - it is hell, but you rock!

(One thought if it were me - I would, in my case, make my wife get me out of bed telling her she only has to deal with me this miserable in the morning a few more months. Then I would take those dark back roads to school and use whatever facilities they have there - there has to be something I could use. I would definitely try to get away from my bed because I know it would keep calling my name.)

Good luck!

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BABY_GIRL69 9/4/2014 3:33PM

    You don't really need help, looks like you know exactly what to do. As a person who procrastinates I prolong things I need to be doing only to leave the house unprepared. Since the bbq on Monday we have plenty of food to bring to lunch and I have been doing that. I got a workout in last night & this morning going to try to minimize to 30-45minutes to not over do it.

God bless,


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LITTLEDUTCH 9/4/2014 3:09PM

    I keep a calendar with me that allows me to write down what needs to be done and what time I want to do it. It can a small paper calendar or one on your phone. If I have to do a load of laundry in order to have the clothing I want to wear tomorrow, I write it down for a time when I am at home. Then I refer to the calendar when I get home and complete the item on it. I keep it with me all the time, so I can make notes as I think of them.

Working full time and going to school full time is challenging. It sounds like you have thought it though and have a good plan to stay organized. Just keep reminding yourself why you are doing it! Good luck.

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Just got a personal trainer... now what??

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

So my husband and I just hired a personal trainer. We really need the guidance, motivation, and accountability so we decided to sacrifice some of our personal monthly expenses to get the PT. This is the first time we've had a personal trainer so I want to make sure to take FULL advantage of the services.

Do you all have any tips for me, any questions I should be asking, suggestions, what I should expect from the trainer, experiences you've had, things you wish you would have asked your trainer to do with you? Anything at all would help. I want to make sure to get every ounce of work and sweat out of this experience.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CGEM61 11/24/2013 12:06PM

    Do whatever they tell you! emoticon

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IRP1114 11/19/2013 5:17PM

    I have never worked with a personal trainer so not much advice I can give. Glad to see you motivated though! Remember more than half of the battle is the food so use the motivation to get the eating as clean as possible to fuel you for the workouts he or she will put you through : )!

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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Yesterday I went out to train for my next 5K with my husband and my little brother. My goal was to get from specific points in our route (which measures 1/2 mile) without walking. I got to that point and then thought "OK just keep going till you cant do it anymore then you can walk." So I got to another significant point in the route. At this point I was thinking "wow, I'm still going. OK, ready? We can do this. FINISH. A. MILE. You're almost there anyways, just keep going."

I wanted to stop so many times but then I thought I'm going to feel sooooo horrible if I stop, look at my running app, and see that I was SO CLOSE to making it to a mile and I stopped just short of it. So I kept going and kept going and wanted to stop so badly MENTALLY, but in all reality my body could have kept going.

Then I hear my app say "One Mile..."

OMG, I started crying!!! I ran a mile!! It took me over 14 minutes, but I don't care. After TWO YEARS of trying to run, learning to run as I call it, I can officially and with pride call myself a runner. I couldn't bring myself to say that I was a runner until I was able to run one mile without walking. I have too much respect for people out there who train their butts off and go for miles on end through pain, through wanting to stop, early in the morning before their kids get up, after working a 12 hr shift and dealing with things at home, after life happens and they still MAKE time to go out and run. I wasnt going to take that title all willy-nilly. I had to earn it and my God, I have earned it.


It feels amazing!!!!!! I just had to share it with my SparkCommunity. Thank you for all the support, you guys are AMAZING!!

And just to add some color to this blog, he's a shot of what my new running shoes will look like. They will be my birthday present for my 30th birthday next month. Turning 30 is a milestone in life and becoming a runner is a milestone in fitness so I think that deserves some celebration.

Still debating whether I want green-on-yellow or yellow-on-green.

emoticon RUN HAPPY!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IRP1114 3/26/2013 2:39PM

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So cool!! Congrats chica ; )!

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KRISTINE99 3/15/2013 4:14PM

    emoticon You are a runner! Congratulations :) I'm cheering you on. emoticon

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LEAHOBI 3/15/2013 10:32AM

    Woohoo. Congrats :)

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DRKEYEZ820 3/12/2013 10:11PM

    THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST VICTORIES EVERRRRR! You girl, are an inspiration and rock star. Not even those that lose "a lot " of weight can call them selves runners. YOU ARE A RUNNER! Amazing!

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BURNEDEVE 3/6/2013 7:14AM


Seriously, this brought a tear to my eye - being able to run a mile is a goal I have had for most of my life. This is such an inspiring post, THANK YOU!!

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TWINZMOM7 3/5/2013 7:30PM

  You ARE a RUNNER! What an accomplishment. Way to go! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PENNYSAVER2 3/5/2013 7:30PM

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Training "Sweet spot" =D

Monday, February 04, 2013

So I finally found my training "sweet spot" and I'm super excited about it!! emoticon
I wanted to get up early this morning and go out for a walk/jog, but of course I didnt. I am not a morning person I feel like when I try to get in a workout in the morning I'm just setting myself up to fail. But I didnt want to just say "too bad so sad" I still wanted to get my walk in. So... I went home during lunch, changed really quickly, and off I went to the park to walk. I ended up doing 2 miles in 30 minutes and I still had time to go home, shower, grab my salad, and get back to the office. I feel amazing!! I feel refreshed, happy, excited, motivated! It feels really good. So I'm going to stick to doing my training during my lunch hour.

I am so close to actually allowing myself to consider myself a "runner" I dont believe I have earned the title just yet, but I am so close to doing it. So I want to stick to this training and since its during my lunch break I dont have the excuse of missing my run because I have to go school or because I have some family event in the evening or unexpected company or a late dinner or anything! No excuses!!!! Noon is now my official training time!!! Woohooo!!

To make the process easier, I'm going to bring my running clothes with me to work and change here before lunch that way I can head straight to the park (or whereever I feel like running) and not have to waste time going home first. I am soooo excited about this new session in my efforts to live a healthy, more active life and I know that with this incorporation I am going to be able to reach my 30lb weigh loss in no time!!! and hopefully well before I actually turn 30.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALIRPM 2/5/2013 10:41PM

    Woohoo! Yes, in a perfect world knocking your workout out in the morning is ideal. I have NEVER found that to work for me. I typically like either late afternoon or after dinner. I am actually awake and have calories in me to burn. :) Enjoy your run tomorrow! :)

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IRP1114 2/5/2013 7:10PM

    Wooohooooo! SO happy for you. Glad you found the perfect timing. No excuses. Love it!

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BRAVELUTE 2/4/2013 5:35PM

    Do you live close enough to run home for lunch and back again?

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