Monday, October 06, 2014
Well I'm done withe first month of my final semester of school and it was not easy. The work itself was fine, interesting, and yeah that was somewhat easy. But the schedule, travel time, and balance of work/school/home was definitely not easy. I've never felt this overwhelmed with school before. I mean I've struggled from time to time depending on what classes I was taking but I had never had such a difficult time balancing things. And to top it off since we're on an extremely tight budget getting healthy nutritious meals has been difficult. The entire month of September we shopped for groceries with an extremely limited budget and since I dont have time to think of anything else but work and school my workouts have pretty much been non-existent.
Well now we're in October and because of everything in September I can literally feel my body crying out for help. I feel so lethargic, so bad, unhealthy, I'm actually getting worried. I'm even considering going to see a doctor and that's saying something extreme since I am horrifically petrified of anything that has to do with anything related to anything medical (yeah, that bad). And I think it's all just stress but honestly I feel so horrible that I find myself wondering if this is all even worth it. Maybe I should have just split my work into two semesters instead of cramming it all into one. And its not like its a lot of work, again, its just the time its taking out of my life every week that stresses me out. I drive home from school twice a week in a panic because I'm traveling dark, empty back road most of my way home so my mind is constantly thinking "what if I break down?" "what if someone follows me?" "what if something happens?" until I finally reach the last 15 minutes of my drive and can finally reach the freeway. Then the two other days that I have to leave the office 2 hours early I drive to school thinking "who's covering my meeting?" "what if my boss decides letting me leave early for school is taking up too much time?" "I should have skipped class today and gone to that meeting instead" It's ridiculous! When I get home all I want to do is relax, sit down on my sofa, watch some TV or knit for a little or just lay there and listen to music, but then I'm thinking "you're so lazy, you should be doing laundry" "what's wrong with you, go clean the bathrooms" "oh yeah that trash is going to take out itself, huh" I'm tormenting MYSELF and its ridiculous but I cant get past it. And of course there's the whole weight loss aspect of things that I'm totally ignoring and completely guilting myself about it.
OK so needless to say my September blog venting but then finding things I could do didnt happen. I continue to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, COMPLETELY UNHEALTHY, and guilty. The only difference is that now I only have 10 weeks left of this instead of the 16 I started with. Thanks for the support in my previous blog fellow sparkies.
Thursday, September 04, 2014
OK I'm on the verge of having a panic attack so I thought I'd come and blog to see if it would help calm me down.
Here's what's going on: I have a great job that I love and that keeps me busy all day long. I am also, for this semester only, a full time student take a full 12 units. I'm driving 4 days a week to class and 2 of those 4 days I'm driving approximately 50 minutes one way through dark, lonely back roads and another 50 minutes back through those same roads. The other 2 days I'm only driving 30 minutes and through popular, well-lit roads. So 4 days a week I am going full speed ahead with meetings and classes. Its only week 2 of my semester and I'm already feeling overwhelmed. However the goal is that this will be my last semester in school and will be receiving my AA once its over so I dont have to go back to school in January. That's the only thing that keeps me going at this point. The classes are not difficult (yet) I think its just a time thing. I feel like I'm not doing anything else.
I think I'm using this schedule as an excuse for crappy eating and not working out. I dont like that. Its making me feel very guilty but I cant seem to break it so far. The plan is to work out in the AM, but rather than doing that I head back to bed after the hubby leaves for work. I sleep another hour and a half but then when I wake up I feel completely guilty for not working out instead. Ugh! I am just feeling extremely overwhelmed and that is not going to help anything get better.
I just needed to vent and let it out so that maybe I can get passed the excuses and do something about it.
SO moving on from the overwhelming feeling, whining, and guilt trips.... here's the plan:
* Plan my meals AND PREP those meals ahead of time so that I dont end up reaching for crap.
* Leave the appropriate T25 DVD in the player before going to bed so that its set and ready to go in the AM
* Go to bed in my workout clothes
* Keep my books and a pair of flat shoes in my vehicle so that I dont feel rushed or unprepared for school when its time to head out
* Plan out a basic housework plan so that I can get even a little bit done every day and it doesnt pile up causing me to feel overwhelmed
If there are any tips or ideas you all think would help keep me from working myself into a panic please let me know. I would really appreciate them. I am a big worrier, a nervous Nelly if you will, so its easy for me to get overwhelmed when something gets a little out of control.
Thanks for letting me vent and reading me through. Even though my weigh loss journey has not been all that successful, its great that I can always come back to my SparkPeople community and feel at home. =)
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
So my husband and I just hired a personal trainer. We really need the guidance, motivation, and accountability so we decided to sacrifice some of our personal monthly expenses to get the PT. This is the first time we've had a personal trainer so I want to make sure to take FULL advantage of the services.
Do you all have any tips for me, any questions I should be asking, suggestions, what I should expect from the trainer, experiences you've had, things you wish you would have asked your trainer to do with you? Anything at all would help. I want to make sure to get every ounce of work and sweat out of this experience.
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Yesterday I went out to train for my next 5K with my husband and my little brother. My goal was to get from specific points in our route (which measures 1/2 mile) without walking. I got to that point and then thought "OK just keep going till you cant do it anymore then you can walk." So I got to another significant point in the route. At this point I was thinking "wow, I'm still going. OK, ready? We can do this. FINISH. A. MILE. You're almost there anyways, just keep going."
I wanted to stop so many times but then I thought I'm going to feel sooooo horrible if I stop, look at my running app, and see that I was SO CLOSE to making it to a mile and I stopped just short of it. So I kept going and kept going and wanted to stop so badly MENTALLY, but in all reality my body could have kept going.
Then I hear my app say "One Mile..."
OMG, I started crying!!! I ran a mile!! It took me over 14 minutes, but I don't care. After TWO YEARS of trying to run, learning to run as I call it, I can officially and with pride call myself a runner. I couldn't bring myself to say that I was a runner until I was able to run one mile without walking. I have too much respect for people out there who train their butts off and go for miles on end through pain, through wanting to stop, early in the morning before their kids get up, after working a 12 hr shift and dealing with things at home, after life happens and they still MAKE time to go out and run. I wasnt going to take that title all willy-nilly. I had to earn it and my God, I have earned it.
I AM PROUD TO CALL MYSELF A RUNNER TODAY.
It feels amazing!!!!!! I just had to share it with my SparkCommunity. Thank you for all the support, you guys are AMAZING!!
And just to add some color to this blog, he's a shot of what my new running shoes will look like. They will be my birthday present for my 30th birthday next month. Turning 30 is a milestone in life and becoming a runner is a milestone in fitness so I think that deserves some celebration.
Still debating whether I want green-on-yellow or yellow-on-green.
Monday, February 04, 2013
So I finally found my training "sweet spot" and I'm super excited about it!!
I wanted to get up early this morning and go out for a walk/jog, but of course I didnt. I am not a morning person I feel like when I try to get in a workout in the morning I'm just setting myself up to fail. But I didnt want to just say "too bad so sad" I still wanted to get my walk in. So... I went home during lunch, changed really quickly, and off I went to the park to walk. I ended up doing 2 miles in 30 minutes and I still had time to go home, shower, grab my salad, and get back to the office. I feel amazing!! I feel refreshed, happy, excited, motivated! It feels really good. So I'm going to stick to doing my training during my lunch hour.
I am so close to actually allowing myself to consider myself a "runner" I dont believe I have earned the title just yet, but I am so close to doing it. So I want to stick to this training and since its during my lunch break I dont have the excuse of missing my run because I have to go school or because I have some family event in the evening or unexpected company or a late dinner or anything! No excuses!!!! Noon is now my official training time!!! Woohooo!!
To make the process easier, I'm going to bring my running clothes with me to work and change here before lunch that way I can head straight to the park (or whereever I feel like running) and not have to waste time going home first. I am soooo excited about this new session in my efforts to live a healthy, more active life and I know that with this incorporation I am going to be able to reach my 30lb weigh loss in no time!!! and hopefully well before I actually turn 30.
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