CHEFKATLEANER   53,902
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Feeling Fear as these big changes approach...and trying to turn that fear into something positive

Saturday, June 28, 2014

On February 1, 2013, I posted a blog entitled The Power of Fear ( www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5232528
) about how the fear of success AND failure can be completely paralyzing.

Well, here I am, 15 months later, and while I am finally working (not my own business, but at least I have a full time job that I love), I am facing new changes which are bringing a whole new set of fears to face. And I feel myself shutting down, and becoming paralyzed by all of them.

I am giving notice on my apartment on July 1 and moving in with my Grandma by the end of August. While I love my grandma dearly (and I lived with her for 3 years while I was in university), I'm terrified of giving up my space. I'm floundering when it comes to getting rid of my stuff. I paid for all the furniture in my apartment and it's hard to let it go.

While I am generally a pretty optimistic person, I keep thinking about all things that could go wrong with my planned move to Barbados. I may not find a job, I may hate living there, I may not have as many friends there as I think I do, I may need to come back to Canada after a few months, etc., etc..

To give you an idea of how afraid I am, I'm actually crying while typing this blog. Because while I know that making these changes is what I need to do (I know that moving in with Grandma is the best financial decision I can make right now, and deep down I know that I will be insanely happy in Barbados), I am just so SCARED.

Thankfully, my best friend Megan knows me really well. She called me the other night to finalize plans for this weekend (she's coming over tomorrow to help me do some cleaning/decluttering in my apartment) and we talked about about my fears. She then said to me, "How about instead of looking at what you're losing, look at what you're gaining. What are you gaining by moving in with Grandma and planning to move to Barbados?"

And I realized she's right. I'm gaining way more than what I'm losing. Financially, I'm gaining at least $500/month. Personally, I'm gaining time with my Grandma. And I'm gaining joy and happiness in knowing that I'm finally taking steps towards moving to somewhere I am truly happy. My furniture is stuff. I can buy more stuff. And so what if I have to come back to Canada in 6 months? I have such a huge support net here that I know nobody will let me go homeless. Plus, I will be leaving my job at the grocery store on good terms, so worst case scenario? I live in Barbados for 6 months, come back to Canada and work at the store again while I live with Grandma or any of my other friends who have told me I have a place to stay. If that happens, then I just try again. Nothing wrong with being under 40 and being able to live in Barbados 6 months of the year.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROL_31649731 7/6/2014 11:09PM

    Change is difficult, but love the attitude . . . focusing on what you'll gain, instead of lose. That's a great life lesson for us all. Thanks for sharing. emoticon
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WONDAWOMAN2 6/29/2014 8:09PM

    If you don't do it, you will forever wonder "what if?" Sometimes you just gotta leap! Put a playlist together of good songs to quell the fear! How about "Defying Gravity" from Wicked?

"Too late for second guessing
too late to go back to sleep
it's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
and leap"

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IAMBIZI 6/28/2014 11:44PM

    It is ok to be scared. change is hard for good or bad, it can be very scarey.
So know that this is perfectly normal and go with the flow. keep talking and sharing.
bizi

Comment edited on: 6/28/2014 11:48:34 PM

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 6/28/2014 8:14PM

    You do have so much to gain from this experience and the ability to live it. I admire you for it ... living through what I am right now I am envious... while I understand your fear Kathleen - think about it?! There is NOTHING bad about what you are doing. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

And you hating BARBADOS ... OMG make me laugh - I know that would never happen. If nothing else call it an extended vacation / experiment.

I admire the ability you have to do this - the freedom you have to do this - ENJOY my friend... I feel trapped right now in some really dark times.. my teen girls truly unappreciative of anything and - well - what you have at your disposal is a dream most of us would die to live out!! Go for it GIRLFRIEND!!

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Big scary changes

Friday, June 06, 2014

I feel like sharing this news here...because I think the more places I share it, the more likely it is to happen. :D

I'm moving to Barbados by the end of this year. On July 1, I will be giving 60 days notice at my apartment and moving in with my grandma by the end of August. I figure this will save me at least $500/month that I can put into savings.

I have talked about doing this since 2009. 5 years people, 5 years. I am not talking about it for another 5. And since my grandma and great-aunt are doing really well, it is time. Time to live my life for me. I am excited and terrified. :D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMBIZI 6/7/2014 8:27PM

    have fun!!!!!!!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 6/7/2014 3:52PM

    Thrilled for you Kathleen ... but I will miss you (thank God for connectivity and Skype, etc... we can stay in touch)

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BLUENOSE63 6/6/2014 5:09PM

  Yes liive life the best way you know how!

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OMARIA1999 6/6/2014 5:00PM

  Sounds exciting

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AJB121299 6/6/2014 4:58PM

    nice and good luck

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TRAVELGO 6/6/2014 4:57PM

  What a great thing to do!!!

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An interesting thing about Bodbot

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Today was supposed to be my third Bodbot workout...but I was so sore from the first 2 days, and the 6km walk yesterday, that I decided to skip it. And when I clicked on "missed today's workout", Bodbot made some changes to my next 2 workouts to make sure that what should have been worked on today gets done in the next few days.

Which is perfect. I didn't have to think about it. On Thursday, I'll log into my account and I'll have the workout all laid out for me. And it will get done in about 30 minutes. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIMICOTO 4/9/2014 10:27PM

    That IS cool! I have a ton of questions now....I'm liking DailyBurn...but can't always get to it 'daily', so just kind of pick and choose on my own....

Glad this is working out for you!

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DOOBRIE 4/9/2014 5:21PM

    I'm so pleased that you like Bodbot! I also like the flexibility of it and it compliments Spark perfectly.

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KRICKET57 4/9/2014 8:22AM

    Excellent!

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JUST_BRENDA 4/9/2014 5:25AM

    That is so cool!!!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 4/9/2014 4:53AM

    emoticon

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SEAWAVE 4/8/2014 11:30PM

    This Bodbot sounds wonderful. I can't wait to check it out -- once my docs say I can do more than walk!

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Bodbot Workout - Day 2

Sunday, April 06, 2014

I just finished the second workout that Bodbot set up for me. Again, it was not a long, complicated set of exercises. Just 4 exercises that I can already feel. Today I did Cat-Camels, Door-frame Rows, Bird-dogs and Side bridges. And today's side bridges were different from yesterday's. Yesterday I had to hold each side for 20 seconds for 3 sets. Today I had to do 8-3 second reps on each side for 3 sets. And they were hard, yo!

So far I am loving this set up. I even downloaded the app onto my tablet so I can keep it close while exercising and check off each set as I do it. Makes it really easy to know exactly where I am in my workout session.

I'm now going to have lunch and then see about walking to the retirement home to visit my great-aunt.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIMICOTO 4/8/2014 11:37AM

    Hmmmm! Super interesting! Am definitely going to pop by and check it out! Love the variety you are describing!

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SEAWAVE 4/6/2014 6:07PM

    Bravo! Sounds like you've found something that fits your needs just right!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 4/6/2014 2:28PM

    emoticon

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THINANDFITEMILY 4/6/2014 1:29PM

    emoticon glad to see it is working out for you!

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Trying something new...

Saturday, April 05, 2014

A Sparkfriend posted about something the other day. Something I had no idea existed, but got me thinking. She posted about online gyms. Another friend of ours posted a recommendation and I decided to check it out. I definitely need the help getting in my strength training.

So I set up an account on Bodbot.com...and through a series of questions, I was able to set up and tweak a schedule that takes into consideration the fact that I don't have much equipment, much ST experience/stamina and I can adjust the schedule around my always changing work schedule.

Today was my first workout...and it was exactly what I've been looking for. Short, sweet and to the point. I did side bridges, kneeling planks, pendulums and shoulder stretches with a towel. And while the workout wasn't long, sitting here this evening, I can certainly tell that I did something today.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's workout. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIMICOTO 4/8/2014 11:35AM

    Hey!!! That sounds so cool! I might give that a try too - to compare with the DailyBurn!

Sounds like you are off to a good start....and it seems that BodBot recommended some exercises that are new and interesting...new and interesting is always good!

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JUST_BRENDA 4/6/2014 8:17AM

    Sounds like a great fit for you! Awesome!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 4/6/2014 6:20AM

    emoticon

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BABYSIS8 4/5/2014 9:03PM

    WOW, I cannot believe it. Thank you so much for this information. I will definitely look into this.

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