Wednesday, October 02, 2013
So after setting out my goals for the rest of the year, I woke up Tuesday morning feeling miserable. Today was not any better. I've got a fever, sore throat, and I ache all over. I have missed 2 days of work and tonight I went to the doctor for a note to take to work on Friday. Turns out I have a flu-like virus. Oh joy. Tomorrow will be another day of taking it easy so I can go back to work on Friday. It will probably be a few more days before I get back to full on Sparking though.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wow...it has been quite a while since I posted a blog...and I figured since we are heading into the final quarter of the year, it's time to get some goals in place. And to catch you all up. :)
After being on my new anti-anxiety medication for a couple of months, I finally realized that I was in a place where I felt ready to work. So on July 21, I applied to a job at a nearby grocery store. I got a call for an interview on July 22. My first interview was on July 31, my second on August 1 and my first shift was August 10. I have now been there 7 weeks and I love it. I work in the Chef department and my duties include making sandwiches, chopping and prepping items to maintain the salad and serving customers on both the Chef and Deli counters. I love that I am again able to support myself and tomorrow when October's rent comes out of my checking account, I will know that every cent of that is my own money. I also love that with this job, my work never comes home with me. Yes, I might have to deal with annoying customers, but at the end of my shift, I come home. No deadlines, no stress.
On September 16th, I had an appointment to follow up with my doctor about the anti-anxiety meds. At that point, we decided that I didn't need them anymore and I have been weaned off them. I'm to continue with my regime of non-medicinal self care.
In weight-loss related news, when I started working, I weighed 204 pounds. This morning I stepped on my scale: 195.6 pounds. I am on my feet all the time at work...and it's obviously working for me. Now I just need to work on adding in some formal exercise. :)
I've also decided to set out some goals for the last 3 months of 2013. The big one is that I'd like to end the year at 180 pounds. That means a loss of 1.25 pounds per week. In order to accomplish that, I'm going to reimplement my Power of 10. I'm sure you'll tired of hearing about it. *lol* But if I follow it, it seems to work for me. So...
1. 10 minutes of cardio per day
2. 10 minutes of ST per day
3. 10 minutes of housework per day
4. 10 minutes for ME every day
1. Drink 6 glasses of water every day
2. Be in bed by 11:30pm every night
3. Reimplement Canada's Food guide and make weekly meal plans following these guidelines (7 freggie servings, 2 milk servings, 2 protein servings, 4 grain servings daily)
And with that, I'm back. And now I'm off to pick out my next knitting project. :)
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
A few months back I went to see my doctor about my anxiety. At that point we decided to try and treat it without medication. Instead I was to journal, do my cognitive behavior exercises, eat healthy, get some daily exercise and good sleep.
It was going ok....I had days where the slightest thing would send me into a panic. But overall I was on a pretty even keel. The past couple of weeks though...wow. It's a whole different monster. While I have been eating well (in fact, I stepped on the scale again at the beginning of eating all this Middle Eastern food...and I was back up to 204 pounds. After a week of eating Middle Eastern food, I was back down to 200 pounds). However, eating healthy has been the only thing I've been able to do right the past couple of weeks.
Lately I've been noticing things that are indicative of a depressive episode coming on.
1. I've noticed that my sleep patterns are all screwed up again. It takes me forever to fall asleep because when I get into bed I feel like I'm having a panic attack. My heart is pounding, I'm sweating like crazy, I can't breathe properly. When I do finally end up falling asleep, I end up sleeping for 12 hours or more. And even after sleeping for 12 hours or more, I end up napping in the afternoon.
2. I find myself hiding from my friends. I just don't want to face them.
3. It takes every ounce of strength I have to convince myself to leave the apartment every day. Which makes it really challenging to go outside and go for a run or a walk.
4. I'm sore pretty much all of the time.
Unfortunately I know that most of this is stemming from my not working. And it's a vicious cycle I'm in right now because the instant I start to think about having anybody depend on me, I go into full-on panic mode. The other day I got a couple of emails about doing some events under my business of Chez Kat's Cuisine. I sent out the quotes and not 5 minutes later, I felt like I was having a heart attack and I had to throw up. Because I suddenly realized that people I don't know are now depending on me. And I think part of the fear and panic is coming from the fact that the last couple of jobs I've had have seen me leave because of medical/health issues. And I hate the thought of letting people down because I end up not being healthy enough to keep the job.
So, I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. I think I need some chemical help.
Sunday, May 05, 2013
I just wanted to post a quick blog. :) Grandma bought me a new cookbook today: The Food and Cooking of the Middle East and of course I had to try it out right away. And thanks to SEPTEMBERSPIRIT coming to the rescue with fresh mint, it turned out perfectly. :) I can't wait to make more recipes from this book.
Without any further ado, Chickpea and Bulgur Salad with Mint and topped with steak.
To drink, I made some flavoured water: with lime slices and rose water. Mmm...it's very tasty.
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Today I have just felt blah, and down and like hiding my head in the sand. And unfortunately that led to not exercising (other than walking the dog) and eating too much. I know what the problem is, and I'm determined not to let it impact me tomorrow.
But I need to get it out, so I'm just going to dump it all here.
Since April 2011, I've been having Pap tests every six months because I've had abnormal cells show up and I can't get 2 clean tests in a row. It's very frustrating because it doesn't seem to be enough abnormal cells for the doctor to make a definitive diagnosis, but it's enough that something keeps showing up. Anyway, on April 9, 2013, I had another Pap test and colposcopy. On Monday April 22, I got a call from the doctor's office saying that I had been scheduled for a follow-up on May 7th, as the doctor wanted to discuss my results sooner rather than later - sounds like some potentially cancerous cells have been found on my cervix. So on May 7th, I'm going in for further exams and a biopsy. To say I'm scared is an understatement. I'm terrified.
I'm also really having a hard time hearing from friends of mine that they are pregnant. And while I don't want kids, it's nice to know that I had the option. Depending on what exactly is found on May 7th, I may just have that option taken away from me. And as a 34 year old woman, that really is a hard pill to swallow.
I want to be happy for them. But it's so hard when it looks like my world is potentially going to be turned upside down.
The only good thing to come out of this situation is that my youngest sister has really stepped up to be there for me. I told both of my sisters the day I found out about the follow-up appointment. While having a 3-way chat with them, my youngest sister sent me a message and said she wanted to come to the appointment with me. I didn't accept right away because she lives 2 hours away from me, has a 2 month old baby and is finishing up her final practical placement for her nursing degree. This past Saturday, she sent me a message and told me that she was not taking no for an answer. She had made arrangements at her placement to make up the hours another day. So on May 7th, she, her bf, and my nephew are driving to Ottawa and she is coming to my appointment with me. She asked if Cohen (my nephew) could come, as she thought I'd like some baby snuggles. When I told her that she didn't have to make a special trip for this, she replied "Kathleen, I know I don't have to. I want to. Plus, I don't want you going alone to this appointment."
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