Friday, January 20, 2012
I have a confession to make: I love salt.
I love salty foods. I don't like to eat anything (baked potato, stir fry, rice, etc) without salt.
The problem: Salt is bad, and I feel like I'm bloated all the time.
Since I am trying to become healthier, this is a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm always worried about my sodium levels.
So, Spark Friends, what do you add to your food in place of salt? Any ideas as to what I can do? Right now, I am trying not to use salt on anything, but the food seems bland.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to start my "journey" on New Year's due to a trip and illness.
So, today is Day One.
I'm pretty excited. I went to the grocery store last night to get me ready for today. I've eaten a healthy breakfast, and I have even had a cup of hot green tea. So far so good.
Also, with Day One comes measurement day. Let's just say that I am very unhappy with myself. I've gained 15 pounds since about September. I'm mad at myself, but I chose to quit working out and eating healthy. I chose to get frustrated because I hit a plateau. So, I have to face it and move on.
I truly want to be happy and healthy. I hope I can do this.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
After a long hiatus, I have decided that it's time to get back to it. I've had plenty of time to rest as well as work through things, and it's time to start working on me.
I did give up even though I shouldn't have; however, January 1st is a new year. 2012 is my year. Here are the things I want to work on:
A. My body (of course) - I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of Asthma. I'm tired of no energy. I'm tired of always feeling bloated and gross. It's time to get healthy. It's time to treat my body right. It deserves this.
B. Becoming a better person - I want to be more patient with people. I want to be happier with myself. I want to always have kind words for people. I need to learn how to forgive. I need to find self esteem. I want to have better relationships with others (and with God).
C. Find the career that's right for me - After the holidays, I am going to the local museum to see if museum life is for me. If it is, I am going to start working on graduate applications, so that maybe I can start graduate school in January of 2013.
D. More sleep! :)
I know that this "weight loss journey" is going to take some time. I'm going to have good days as well as bad. I know at some point that I might think about quitting again; however, I realized that if I would have stuck with it, I would have gotten there. It takes time. It's not going to happen over night. As for becoming healthy, that journey is going to span over my entire life. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! :)
It's time that I start living this thing called "life". I only get one. It's up to me to make it the best!
To all of my Spark Friends:
I just want to say that I am sorry I have not been around to encourage you. I hope all of you will forgive me. I needed to figure out me, and I came to the conclusion that all of you are important to me because there were so many who were there from week to week (day to day) when I needed you. Thank you. I hope all of you are doing well, and I can't wait to start back up! :)
P.S. If you have a moment, share with me what tips have helped you along your journey. Favorite recipe (breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner)? Emotional tips? Work out tips? You don't have to comment on each. I just want to know what's helped you.
P.S.S. I'm thinking of starting to drink tea as a break from the water. What's your favorite tea, and what brand do you use? (Where do you get it from as well?)
Monday, September 19, 2011
This blog isn't happy. It contains complaining.
I feel lost about everything.
Since I last blogged about the problems with my boyfriend, we talked a little bit. Some things have gotten better; other issues have stayed the same. We talked again on Friday before a planned trip to see a college football game with another couple who are our friends. I was really nervous about the trip because the last time we all hung out, I did not have a good time. However, this weekend was just what I needed. My boyfriend really focused on making me happy, and he was really supportive. We had a good time. While this weekend was great, it's back to reality, and I'm scared of it going back to the usual. Fast forward to last night: his mother told him that his Grandmother's cancer is back, and there is nothing they can do for her. Needless to say, he's been upset since yesterday. I did my very best to console him. I feel like my feelings about this relationship are important. In order for me to be there for him, I need to feel better about things. I really want to talk to him about the issues that I see, but how can I now? It would be very selfish of me to say "hey, can we talk?" because I feel like all we would do is fight. Plus, I am afraid that this talk would lead to a break up, and I don't want him to have any more pressure on him. His Grandmother is a very important person in his life. So, I guess my feelings are on the back burner (as always, it seems). I feel lost because I know I need to make myself happy for my health, but he's got his own problems to deal with.
In addition to boyfriend issues, I am bored at my job. I have nothing to do (usually). The highlight of my day is walking to the mail box. (Ha) I've looked into going to get my Masters, but I'm scared I will fail. However, I can't stay at this job forever. I hate it. I want to do something that I will enjoy. I want to get my Masters, but it's just seems like a lot, and I am not sure I will be able to keep up. I feel lost because I don't know if I could even get through a class.
These feelings as well as TOM have me going on food binges. I feel like I am eating everything. I can't seem to stop eating. I don't feel full either. I just hope TOM moves on soon.
I know what it's like to be exercising and eating better. Sure, I was tired, but I felt like I was getting smaller and healthier. I loved that. However, I still have not found my motivation. In addition to all of those above, it just seems like exercising and eating healthy is so far off. It's a distant dream. I feel like those things above have me depressed because all I want to do is sleep and eat. I need to go to counseling, but I don't have the money nor do I really want to share details of my life with someone. Some things are just too deep to talk about.
I've also been thinking about taking a break from Spark People. Here are my reasons:
1. I'm a hypocrite. - How can I go encourage someone when I can't encourage myself? How can I give advice when I don't even take it?
2. I feel like I have been so negative. - The last few blog entries are full of complaining: no motivation, boyfriend problems, etc. I don't want to fill Spark with negativity. I don't want people to "catch" my negativity.
3. I keep saying I will get back on track but I don't. - To all of my amazing Spark friends who stick by me and encourage me, I am so very sorry. I feel like I have let you guys down. I know I have let myself down too. I feel like I shouldn't been on this site until I am absolutely ready to start. No more false blogs of starting back. I join challenges that I don't finish. I joined a 5K that I haven't even started training for.
I know quitting is stupid, but I don't know what else to do. I have tried to get back into it, but nothing seems to work. I need to just get my act together. Maybe I will find my "Spark" one day, but it just seems so far away. I hope you all reach your goals. Good luck.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Disregard the previous blog.
I think I worked out like once since I posted it. I am pretty disappointed in myself.
Here's the excuse: I have the "all or nothing" mentality. I think to myself: "Ok, I did a good job with my food today, so let's workout!" Here's another: "Well, I ate fast food for lunch, so it would be a waste to exercise this evening. It's not like it's going to make a difference." The issue this week is that I have been paying all of the bills and groceries while my boyfriend waits for his check. This means that I am paying for his things (cell phone and his share of the bills) too. So, naturally, I am financially drained which does not leave much room for more healthier options when it comes to groceries.
I know this is the worst mind set. I know it's sabotaging my journey. (Heck, my "journey" has been out the window for a good month and a half due to the boyfriend trying to find a job.) I have been trying to get back into the swing of things with exercise. However, this mentality holds me back. I don't see the point of exercising until I can start eating more healthy too (Yes, I know the benefits of exercise; I just won't see any loss in weight until I finally eat healthy and exercise).
So, I ask you, my Spark friends: how have you overcome this "all or nothing" mentality if it was a problem for you?
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