Tuesday, December 20, 2011
After a long hiatus, I have decided that it's time to get back to it. I've had plenty of time to rest as well as work through things, and it's time to start working on me.
I did give up even though I shouldn't have; however, January 1st is a new year. 2012 is my year. Here are the things I want to work on:
A. My body (of course) - I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of Asthma. I'm tired of no energy. I'm tired of always feeling bloated and gross. It's time to get healthy. It's time to treat my body right. It deserves this.
B. Becoming a better person - I want to be more patient with people. I want to be happier with myself. I want to always have kind words for people. I need to learn how to forgive. I need to find self esteem. I want to have better relationships with others (and with God).
C. Find the career that's right for me - After the holidays, I am going to the local museum to see if museum life is for me. If it is, I am going to start working on graduate applications, so that maybe I can start graduate school in January of 2013.
D. More sleep! :)
I know that this "weight loss journey" is going to take some time. I'm going to have good days as well as bad. I know at some point that I might think about quitting again; however, I realized that if I would have stuck with it, I would have gotten there. It takes time. It's not going to happen over night. As for becoming healthy, that journey is going to span over my entire life. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! :)
It's time that I start living this thing called "life". I only get one. It's up to me to make it the best!
To all of my Spark Friends:
I just want to say that I am sorry I have not been around to encourage you. I hope all of you will forgive me. I needed to figure out me, and I came to the conclusion that all of you are important to me because there were so many who were there from week to week (day to day) when I needed you. Thank you. I hope all of you are doing well, and I can't wait to start back up! :)
P.S. If you have a moment, share with me what tips have helped you along your journey. Favorite recipe (breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner)? Emotional tips? Work out tips? You don't have to comment on each. I just want to know what's helped you.
P.S.S. I'm thinking of starting to drink tea as a break from the water. What's your favorite tea, and what brand do you use? (Where do you get it from as well?)
Monday, September 19, 2011
This blog isn't happy. It contains complaining.
I feel lost about everything.
Since I last blogged about the problems with my boyfriend, we talked a little bit. Some things have gotten better; other issues have stayed the same. We talked again on Friday before a planned trip to see a college football game with another couple who are our friends. I was really nervous about the trip because the last time we all hung out, I did not have a good time. However, this weekend was just what I needed. My boyfriend really focused on making me happy, and he was really supportive. We had a good time. While this weekend was great, it's back to reality, and I'm scared of it going back to the usual. Fast forward to last night: his mother told him that his Grandmother's cancer is back, and there is nothing they can do for her. Needless to say, he's been upset since yesterday. I did my very best to console him. I feel like my feelings about this relationship are important. In order for me to be there for him, I need to feel better about things. I really want to talk to him about the issues that I see, but how can I now? It would be very selfish of me to say "hey, can we talk?" because I feel like all we would do is fight. Plus, I am afraid that this talk would lead to a break up, and I don't want him to have any more pressure on him. His Grandmother is a very important person in his life. So, I guess my feelings are on the back burner (as always, it seems). I feel lost because I know I need to make myself happy for my health, but he's got his own problems to deal with.
In addition to boyfriend issues, I am bored at my job. I have nothing to do (usually). The highlight of my day is walking to the mail box. (Ha) I've looked into going to get my Masters, but I'm scared I will fail. However, I can't stay at this job forever. I hate it. I want to do something that I will enjoy. I want to get my Masters, but it's just seems like a lot, and I am not sure I will be able to keep up. I feel lost because I don't know if I could even get through a class.
These feelings as well as TOM have me going on food binges. I feel like I am eating everything. I can't seem to stop eating. I don't feel full either. I just hope TOM moves on soon.
I know what it's like to be exercising and eating better. Sure, I was tired, but I felt like I was getting smaller and healthier. I loved that. However, I still have not found my motivation. In addition to all of those above, it just seems like exercising and eating healthy is so far off. It's a distant dream. I feel like those things above have me depressed because all I want to do is sleep and eat. I need to go to counseling, but I don't have the money nor do I really want to share details of my life with someone. Some things are just too deep to talk about.
I've also been thinking about taking a break from Spark People. Here are my reasons:
1. I'm a hypocrite. - How can I go encourage someone when I can't encourage myself? How can I give advice when I don't even take it?
2. I feel like I have been so negative. - The last few blog entries are full of complaining: no motivation, boyfriend problems, etc. I don't want to fill Spark with negativity. I don't want people to "catch" my negativity.
3. I keep saying I will get back on track but I don't. - To all of my amazing Spark friends who stick by me and encourage me, I am so very sorry. I feel like I have let you guys down. I know I have let myself down too. I feel like I shouldn't been on this site until I am absolutely ready to start. No more false blogs of starting back. I join challenges that I don't finish. I joined a 5K that I haven't even started training for.
I know quitting is stupid, but I don't know what else to do. I have tried to get back into it, but nothing seems to work. I need to just get my act together. Maybe I will find my "Spark" one day, but it just seems so far away. I hope you all reach your goals. Good luck.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Disregard the previous blog.
I think I worked out like once since I posted it. I am pretty disappointed in myself.
Here's the excuse: I have the "all or nothing" mentality. I think to myself: "Ok, I did a good job with my food today, so let's workout!" Here's another: "Well, I ate fast food for lunch, so it would be a waste to exercise this evening. It's not like it's going to make a difference." The issue this week is that I have been paying all of the bills and groceries while my boyfriend waits for his check. This means that I am paying for his things (cell phone and his share of the bills) too. So, naturally, I am financially drained which does not leave much room for more healthier options when it comes to groceries.
I know this is the worst mind set. I know it's sabotaging my journey. (Heck, my "journey" has been out the window for a good month and a half due to the boyfriend trying to find a job.) I have been trying to get back into the swing of things with exercise. However, this mentality holds me back. I don't see the point of exercising until I can start eating more healthy too (Yes, I know the benefits of exercise; I just won't see any loss in weight until I finally eat healthy and exercise).
So, I ask you, my Spark friends: how have you overcome this "all or nothing" mentality if it was a problem for you?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
So after finally finding my motivation as well as talking with a few people, I have come up with a schedule that is best for me:
- Estimated current weight: 160 lbs.
- Target weight: 130 lbs.
- Target lose per week: 1 lb.
- Target date: April 12, 2012 (Happy birthday to me! Ha.)
[I am only looking to lose about 30lbs. This is obtainable especially with the time I have given myself. I have given myself more than 30 weeks to obtain or get close to my goal.]
Monday: Walk/run for 30 minutes (intervals) & strength training for 25 minutes (full body).
Wednesday: Walk/run for 30 minutes (time) & strength training for 25 minutes (full body).
Friday: Yoga, Tai Chi, and Pilates class at gym for 1 hour.
Saturday: Walk/run for 30 minutes (intervals) & strength training for 25 minutes (full body).
[I think four times a week is a good start. I need to build consistency; this schedule will help me with that. Also, I am going to be sore, so this allows days to heal and rest. In a couple of weeks, I will bump it up to five days, do more cardio, and do more strength training.]
- Food (Wednesday-Monday):
Breakfast: Strawberry Greek Yogurt (1 serving).
Snack: Grapes (.5 cup)
Lunch: Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich (1 serving) and Cucumbers (.5 cup)
Snack: Tomatoes (.5 cup)
Dinner: A meat (1 serving) and a side (1 serving)
[I am hoping to stay in the middle of the caloric range that Spark People has given me. I will try to stick to Crystal Light packets for drinks during my meals while drinking water in between. Eventually, I hope to drink water all the time even with meals. ]
Wednesday: 1 cup.
Thursday: 2 cups.
Friday: 3 cups.
Saturday: 4 cups.
Sunday: 5 cups.
Monday: 6 cups.
Tuesday: 7 cups.
Wednesday: 8 cups.
[Honestly, I do not like water; however, I read an article on Spark People that suggested this for people who struggle getting eight cups. I hope that this method will work. I hope that it will also help me to enjoy water more. I will only have positive thinking towards water! Haha.]
- Sleep: 7-8 hours a night.
[This is a big deal for me as I do not get enough sleep now. I am working on it though!]
- Weigh in/Measurements:
Weigh in: Once a week (Thursday mornings).
Measurements: Every other week (Thursday mornings).
[I will also try to measure my stress and energy levels every day. Also, I will be taking photos of myself every two weeks to see if I see progress!]
So here is my plan for the next week or so. I feel this will help me get back into the swing of things. I am feeling pretty excited about it which is good. Tonight, I am going to the store to get a few things as well as packing my meals for work tomorrow. Tomorrow morning (bright and early) starts my first workout! (I will let you know how it goes!) Also for tomorrow, I will finish my motivation collages and figure out my reward system. Thanks for all of you who have been so supportive!
This WILL be me:
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The past few weeks have been quite difficult. My mom and I are in the midst of rescuing a sick kitten and with family in town almost every weekend, it has been difficult to keep myself on track. Also, I had lost my motivation because I hadn't lost much in regards to weight. I was exercising all the time, I was exhausted, and I wasn't losing anything. The number on the scale wouldn't budge, but if it did, it went up. So I quit like every other time.
One of the daily emails I receive from Spark People featured a blog about the group "The Slowest Loser". I read the guy's blog, and I related with everything he said. He was trying hard to lose this weight. He exercised a lot. He worked on his eating habits. He got frustrated. While reading this, it reminded me of me. I feel the same way. The difference between the two of us is that I quit. Even through the roughest time, he didn't quit. Sure, he might have wanted to, but he didn't give in. This gave me some inspiration.
Another inspiration was all of you. I love reading your blogs. I love seeing you all succeed. I love seeing the "YOURFRIEND lost 2 pounds this week. Congrats from Spark People." I love seeing you all excited about the new personal records and the pounds lost. I love that you all post new pictures of your progress. After a few weeks of sitting on my bum, I realize that I want to do all those things that you all do. You, my friends, have inspired me, and I can't thank you enough. (Also, I just want to thank those who have checked on and encouraged me via messages and wall postings. You are awesome!)
I am here, again, hoping that I can find support (which doesn't really exist for me besides on Spark People) and get healthy. Today's to-do list is simply planning. Plan the rest of the week in regards to food and exercise. Tomorrow, I am back. (Maybe even tonight. Ha.)
I come to you all asking a few questions about what worked best for you:
1. Tell me how you started your journey. How many days a week did you exercise? How long did your exercise last?
2. As for food, how did you start out?
3. Lastly, how did you stay motivated during the rough times?
Thanks, in advance, for your comments.
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