CHANGINGSAM   22,479
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CHANGINGSAM's Recent Blog Entries

#21 - I am Back!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

So after finally finding my motivation as well as talking with a few people, I have come up with a schedule that is best for me:

- Estimated current weight: 160 lbs.
- Target weight: 130 lbs.
- Target lose per week: 1 lb.
- Target date: April 12, 2012 (Happy birthday to me! Ha.)

[I am only looking to lose about 30lbs. This is obtainable especially with the time I have given myself. I have given myself more than 30 weeks to obtain or get close to my goal.]

- Workouts:
Monday: Walk/run for 30 minutes (intervals) & strength training for 25 minutes (full body).
Tuesday: Rest.
Wednesday: Walk/run for 30 minutes (time) & strength training for 25 minutes (full body).
Thursday: Rest.
Friday: Yoga, Tai Chi, and Pilates class at gym for 1 hour.
Saturday: Walk/run for 30 minutes (intervals) & strength training for 25 minutes (full body).
Sunday: Rest.

[I think four times a week is a good start. I need to build consistency; this schedule will help me with that. Also, I am going to be sore, so this allows days to heal and rest. In a couple of weeks, I will bump it up to five days, do more cardio, and do more strength training.]

- Food (Wednesday-Monday):
Breakfast: Strawberry Greek Yogurt (1 serving).
Snack: Grapes (.5 cup)
Lunch: Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich (1 serving) and Cucumbers (.5 cup)
Snack: Tomatoes (.5 cup)
Dinner: A meat (1 serving) and a side (1 serving)

[I am hoping to stay in the middle of the caloric range that Spark People has given me. I will try to stick to Crystal Light packets for drinks during my meals while drinking water in between. Eventually, I hope to drink water all the time even with meals. ]

- Water:
Wednesday: 1 cup.
Thursday: 2 cups.
Friday: 3 cups.
Saturday: 4 cups.
Sunday: 5 cups.
Monday: 6 cups.
Tuesday: 7 cups.
Wednesday: 8 cups.

[Honestly, I do not like water; however, I read an article on Spark People that suggested this for people who struggle getting eight cups. I hope that this method will work. I hope that it will also help me to enjoy water more. I will only have positive thinking towards water! Haha.]

- Sleep: 7-8 hours a night.

[This is a big deal for me as I do not get enough sleep now. I am working on it though!]

- Weigh in/Measurements:
Weigh in: Once a week (Thursday mornings).
Measurements: Every other week (Thursday mornings).

[I will also try to measure my stress and energy levels every day. Also, I will be taking photos of myself every two weeks to see if I see progress!]

So here is my plan for the next week or so. I feel this will help me get back into the swing of things. I am feeling pretty excited about it which is good. Tonight, I am going to the store to get a few things as well as packing my meals for work tomorrow. Tomorrow morning (bright and early) starts my first workout! (I will let you know how it goes!) Also for tomorrow, I will finish my motivation collages and figure out my reward system. Thanks for all of you who have been so supportive!


This WILL be me: emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDENHEART 9/7/2011 2:51PM

    Great plan! I can't wait for an update on how it's going! A 30# loss will be an amazing bday present to yourself!

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MILLY61 9/2/2011 8:46PM

    What a great plan, you're going to ace it !


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CULAINA 9/2/2011 8:26PM

    sounds like a plan, stan! very achievable and realistic, you may even have to readjust part-way through because it's all very successful and you're achieving more than you thought you would.

good for you xx

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LADYBUG546 9/1/2011 7:45PM

    Great plan.... emoticon

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ASHESS85 9/1/2011 9:43AM

    This is a great plan! I know you can do it!

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SUPERMOM8482 9/1/2011 9:20AM

    You so got this!!!!! I am super happy that you set all of these goals and I know that emoticon

You will totally rock it all!!!!

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ELISELOVE1 8/31/2011 5:32PM

    emoticon

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AEROGERS129 8/31/2011 5:28PM

    Love this plan, girl! You can TOTALLY do this!!



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ITSTHENEWLAUREN 8/31/2011 3:38PM

  Looks like a great plan!

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LYSHALAUREN 8/31/2011 3:35PM

    Yeaaa! That looks like a great plan! We can do this!

emoticon

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CHANGINGSAM 8/31/2011 8:57AM

    Thanks, ladies! I appreciate your support! :)

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MISTYBLUE716 8/30/2011 9:06PM

    emoticon emoticonGreat plan! Totally doable! you got this!

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ALYCENPHOENIX 8/30/2011 4:33PM

    You can do it girl!! That is a good idea to re- establish goals since it is easy to lose track after a few months, XOXO

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JADAKNOWLES 8/30/2011 4:15PM

    I'm loving this plan! I just started writing my own... thanks for the inspiration!

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MNGIRLIE 8/30/2011 4:06PM

    You've laid out a really great plan for yourself!! Planning is really what helps me along - especially when it comes to food.

I think the water will grow on you. I used to never drink any water and now I drink a TON, probably too much, but I love it. It's the one thing I'm able to be consistent on.

Good luck tomorrow at school! Hope the first day back goes great for ya.

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#20 - I am Ready.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The past few weeks have been quite difficult. My mom and I are in the midst of rescuing a sick kitten and with family in town almost every weekend, it has been difficult to keep myself on track. Also, I had lost my motivation because I hadn't lost much in regards to weight. I was exercising all the time, I was exhausted, and I wasn't losing anything. The number on the scale wouldn't budge, but if it did, it went up. So I quit like every other time.

One of the daily emails I receive from Spark People featured a blog about the group "The Slowest Loser". I read the guy's blog, and I related with everything he said. He was trying hard to lose this weight. He exercised a lot. He worked on his eating habits. He got frustrated. While reading this, it reminded me of me. I feel the same way. The difference between the two of us is that I quit. Even through the roughest time, he didn't quit. Sure, he might have wanted to, but he didn't give in. This gave me some inspiration.

Another inspiration was all of you. I love reading your blogs. I love seeing you all succeed. I love seeing the "YOURFRIEND lost 2 pounds this week. Congrats from Spark People." I love seeing you all excited about the new personal records and the pounds lost. I love that you all post new pictures of your progress. After a few weeks of sitting on my bum, I realize that I want to do all those things that you all do. You, my friends, have inspired me, and I can't thank you enough. (Also, I just want to thank those who have checked on and encouraged me via messages and wall postings. You are awesome!)

I am here, again, hoping that I can find support (which doesn't really exist for me besides on Spark People) and get healthy. Today's to-do list is simply planning. Plan the rest of the week in regards to food and exercise. Tomorrow, I am back. (Maybe even tonight. Ha.)

I come to you all asking a few questions about what worked best for you:
1. Tell me how you started your journey. How many days a week did you exercise? How long did your exercise last?
2. As for food, how did you start out?
3. Lastly, how did you stay motivated during the rough times?

Thanks, in advance, for your comments. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUFFIY831 8/30/2011 3:39PM

    Welcome back, and keep plugging. I'm the same way in that the scale just doesn't budge and I tend to freak out and eat instead of bumping it up like I should. Even though I'm still not losing weight, I am losing millimeters - it takes some of us longer, but eventually it'll all kick in. Or so I keep telling myself. :)

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JADAKNOWLES 8/30/2011 3:32PM

    I exercise for 60 min at least five days a week. I eat a salad (w/ protein!) for lunch, stick to oatmeal or egg whites for breakfast, and limit my carbs at dinner. This combined with no junk has really helped me! I struggle with motivation every day but it helps that I've shared my food calendar with my parents and best friend. They really keep me accountable! I'm so glad you're back my dear!!!!!! ps. The slowest loser blog really resonated with me as well. I was like "amen!" lol when I read it :)

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SAMPSONPKA 8/30/2011 1:25PM

    believe it or not, I started out wanting to walk a mile a day (or 5-6 days) around my neighborhood. Then gradually started jogging...then I would do a walk/jog ration.

I would walk for 5 min/run for 1, for a mile or 30min to an hour. Then I would decrease my walking. So basically walk for 4/run for 1, then walk 3 min/walk 1, and so on. Until I was walking 1 min/running 1 min. Then I just started running and walking after 3-4-5 minutes etc...or as I needed breaks. Now this went on for MONTHS, not weeks. I would basically do a walk/run ratio of 5:1 for like 2-3 weeks or as soon as I felt ready to take the next step...I let my body determine that.

Food I just had to ration out, and I cut out carbonation, caffeine and all processed sugars...I know it sucks! Water for EVERY meal, that sucks too.

I found motivation in friends and social media sites. I use an app on my phone to post workouts to my social media sites so that kept me honest. It now wears people out because I exercise so much but I don't care it keeps me motivated. I can't miss a workout because Facebook or Twitter won't see my updates, but if I'm regularly posting them, then people can see that I'm working hard and will in turn help motivate you with positive comments - "keep going, good job, etc" that worked for me.

Hope some of that helps.

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REIKI_RAE 8/30/2011 12:59PM

    I'll be more detailed in my email but basically--"Take the changes to your weightloss goals at a gradual pace." We can do this!

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#19 - Confession.

Friday, August 19, 2011

I guess I am just having a one of those weeks. I haven't had time nor have I felt like exercising at all this week. I have been stuffing my face all week for several reasons:

1. Work is boring! We don't have much work right now.
2. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep, so I am exhausted (No energy = no exercising).
3. I have had a lot on my mind.
4. I haven't had a lot of time for the gym.

I continued to get on Spark People to try to motivate you all because your journey is important to me. Your success is important. It is a rough journey, and you need support, so I have worked hard at getting on here to support you all.

I tried to clip pictures and phrases that motivate me out of magazines. I still need to make them into a collage. This worked though. I had a little motivation, but since I am so tired, I haven't had the energy to do so.

I feel bad that I have been stuffing my face. I feel gross that I turned to food. I feel bloated and nasty. I know the only way to fix this is to get back on track. I am pretty mad at myself for stumbling this week. I know that I have undone all of the good work I accomplished the last few weeks. That, alone, makes getting back on track harder. It's no one's fault but my own.

I am hoping and planning for next week to be a better one filled with exercising and eating right. I know my body needs this. I know I need this. I want to be healthy. I want to accomplish this goal. Maybe I need an accountability partner since I don't have a support system around me.

What helps you get back into the groove of things?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISTYBLUE716 8/30/2011 11:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARVEEME 8/19/2011 9:19PM

    Baby Steps.

Simple things like getting out of my chair at every TV commercial time and stretching can lead up to doing jumping jacks during the next commercial, and that leads to the next commercial break during which I go up and down the stairs between my first and second floor as many times as I can before the program returns.

Baby Steps Spark People (yeah, we're a team) helped me realize just how important every brick is in this brick house I'm building. Pass the mud......

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MISSCONSISTANCY 8/19/2011 8:04PM

    about the points you made...I cannot stress how important sleep is! Whenever i dont get enough sleep i eat terribly! I'm not sure what you're job is, but make sure you only pack what you want yourself to eat. That way, even if you want to eat cause you're bored, you cant!

well i think we're both in the same boat. I think this summer has officially been a disaster for me. this is super embarassing but i was at the drs yesterday and i was 132. my starting weight from MONTHS AGO!!! ahh!! i keep beating myself up, its horrible and i also feel like i just don't deserve my goals, even though i think i do. I'm also having the same problem. i've been lazy and bored. i keep on setting up these plans and then fail. and then i don't want to go on sp and just want to give up. I would love an accountability partner! I so need it right now. Let's do this! :)

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REIKI_RAE 8/19/2011 6:57PM

    Girl, you know I'm gonna keep you accountable! Dancers unite! You don't have to go to the gym to get your exercise in. You could do a 10 minute Spark Cardio video in the morning and one at night to get your daily exercise totals in. You can do pushups, lunges, and crunches for strength training. NO excuses! Remember that success is built over time and is not derailed in one or two or three or four days of "falling off the wagon". Keep things in perspective: there are so many people in this world who struggle just to find clean water to drink and find food to eat on a daily basis. We've got easy here even with our struggles. Change is constant.

emoticon (this is me kicking your butt! LOL!)

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NOMORESTALLING 8/19/2011 5:06PM

    wE ALL HAVE THOSE TIMES MYSELF INCLUDED JUST NO ENERGY AND WHEN THERE IS NO ENERGY, NO AMBITION,LESS MOTIVATION, BUT WE ALL PICK OURSELVES UP DUST OURSELVES OFF AND WE FIND THAT MOTIVATION AGAIN.
NONE THE LESS GIRL YOU WERE STILL HERE HELPING KEEP EVERYONE ELSE MOTIVATED AND SUPPORTED!
emoticon emoticon
SO NOW WE KICK YOUR TUSH INTO GEAR HUH AND GET YOU REMOTIVATED?
COME ON GIRL ALL YOU CAN DO IS ALL YOU CAN DO SO LET'S DO IT!
emoticon emoticon

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ALYCENPHOENIX 8/19/2011 5:00PM

    Aww girl, I know how you feel! Just try again tomorrow. The sooner you get back to your routine the easier it will be. I am here for you emoticon

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LIABOOTY 8/19/2011 4:50PM

    Hey there, dont wait till next week to get back on track. Do it NOW! Your journey is also important to me and I want you to succeed as much as I want to suceed so, starting tonight make better food choices. You say you don't have much to do I work and I feel the same way these days but I try to keep my mind off food by studying for Grad school or reading some instructive articles on Sparkpeople. emoticon

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JADAKNOWLES 8/19/2011 4:36PM

    I'll be your accountability partner!!! I feel like stuffing myself every moment of every day. But you just have to ask yourself, "Is this really the legacy I want for myself, my partner, my future children?" Throw out that junk and just start over. You deserve better and furthermore, I believe in you!

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#18 - All Bottled Up. (I Just Needed to Vent; It's Not Really Related to SP. Sorry.)

Monday, August 15, 2011

I am apologizing in advance for this blog. I just need to write. Honestly, I wish there was a box that allowed me to make this only for me to see, but I guess I need to hear it.

I have been bottling my feelings for so long. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of the frustration. I am tired of it all. My boyfriend can be amazing, and at other times, he can be terrible. Everything in me wants to leave him and go home. I feel like I would be so much happier living with my mom. I could focus on me - healing, getting healthy, etc. However, there's that one little part of me that says "Samantha, you know you'd feel terrible if you left because then it would hurt him." Why should I care? It's not like he has cared about my feelings after some of the fights. It's not like he goes out of his way very often to make me feel good. Basically, if he feels like doing it, he'll do it. If not, then it's whatever. Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just go home? Why can't I just look out for me? I'm tired of being miserable, but since I know what that feels like, it kills me to let him feel that too.

When we fight, I know it is hurting my journey to getting healthy. I eat more. I don't feel like exercising. I get even more angry. Honestly, we haven't fought much lately, but I let the little things bother me. Like I said above, I bottle up my emotions.

I'm scared of posting this because I am afraid of what you guys will think. However, I have no one to talk to. My best friend is too busy. I just feel alone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARTHASPARKS 8/17/2011 3:38PM

    We are taught and conditioned to put other people first and to sacrifice for our men with the understanding that, "it's just the way they are..." No one is good to us all the time and we are not always at the best with those we love the most. However, when there is almost always more giving on your side, you need to ask yourself WHY you are in a relationship. Are you afraid to be alone? Are you unworthy of someone who adores you? Don't you deserve reciprocity? Maybe he's a great guy and this is just a bad day but do sit down and have a good think about what you want and what you DESERVE from life.

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ROSALIEESTHER 8/17/2011 3:23PM

    This is the place to let it all out. We are here for you. Almost all of our weight issues have to do with emotional issues and how we deal with them .

So - keep talking to us and to yourself.

I hope by now the two of you have realized that you have such a great opportunity to feel and express love.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Keep us posted about how you're doing.



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MARVEEME 8/17/2011 3:14PM

    Now that the dust has settled, copy and paste the link, and read this:

http://www.sapphyr.net
/largegems/relationshipcredo.ht
m

Assuming that you DO believe the first sentence, print it out and share it with him using Becca's example. You cannot spend your life with your happiness tied to another person other than you. Only you can make you happy, and only you can choose your battles, and give the rest to God, He's up all night anyway.

The Credo hung on my refrigerator door and/or the cover of the family rolodex and/or the bathroom mirror (when we all needed obvious reminders) for more than 20 years, and has assisted us in nurturing each other while still being in charge of our own happiness. It is the tip of the iceburg of Dr. Gordon's P.E.T., M.E.T., and S.E.T. programs, and is a great tool in building strong relationships.

Many Blessings!


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CULAINA 8/17/2011 3:13PM

    I'm sending you big squashy hugs and kisses as a mom would, I think you need som of those right now. You deserve to be happy, my lovely. You deserve to do what's right for you for a little while. I think you know in your heart of hearts what needs to be done. It doesn't mean ending it all really badly, but maybe just being on a break for a while. How would your mom feel about you returning? Be selfish for a while. If it's meant to be with this guy then it will be and you will find a way to see each other when you move away. If not, then you're better off out of it. Be happy xx

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SPARKCHANTAL 8/16/2011 5:46AM

    so you've discovered EXACTLY what SP is all about! hurt, anger, frustration, indecision taking over our lives, leading to unhealthy habits; nobody in your immediate circles to understand and support you-- if they don't happen to be the cause themselves! somebody always has a story to tell, so speaking out and sharing, exchanging experiences, helping out and being helped... that's the name of the game. LOVE and FOOD is at the root of it all. Or should i say-- love = food!

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TIFFANEE225 8/15/2011 3:12PM

  I know exactly what you are going through...at the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy. If this is a continuous pattern and it is blocking you from achieving your goals, you may need to separate yourself from the issue.

Communication is key with any relationship. Just speak to him, take your time and explain what you are feeling.

Stress is not good for your mental or physical state. I hope you find what is good for you and you find it soon!

Take care and I hope you feel better.

T.

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BECCAJ98 8/15/2011 3:06PM

    I understand what you are going thru, been there, done that. I have had 2 very long talks with my husband the past week. Told him I am going to do this for me, he can hop on board or not. If not, there's the door. I listed out everything that bothered me and told him what I wanted. I didn't fight or raise my voice.....and surprisingly, he jumped on board. I know it will still be long road, but its a step.
you need to figure out what you want, and what makes you happy. Then, if he is part, talk with him and lay it out. You can't make anyone else unless you are. Good luck sweetie! emoticon

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LYSHALAUREN 8/15/2011 2:05PM

    Hey you!

First off, I just want you to know that I'm here for you, were all here for you! That's what this is all about. I know it's hard when you don't have the support you'd like to help you progress, especially from the people closest to you. I've been in the situation several times before. As far as what choice you decide to make you happy, that is on you. There is a right time for everything, sometimes we know we should let something go, but we don't because were not ready. That's okay. You'll figure it out. I tend to talk myself through everything..(Not out loud, lol) I've even went as far as making a list of the positives and negatives about a person or a situation so I can REALLY look at the big picture. It works.

Dont let something like this get in the way of the lifestyle changes you are trying to make, and have been making. I can tell how positive and motivated you are, even though you are feeling down. Stay strong, and keep your goals in mind and you will make the best decisions to help yourself move forward.




emoticon

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OJIBWEEQUAY 8/15/2011 1:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MNGIRLIE 8/15/2011 1:29PM

    Don't worry about sharing things with those of us here on SP. At the very least you're opening up and getting your emotions out when you are recognizing that you're bottling things in. It's important to let things out and look at the response already! You've already got some very wonderful and heartfelt responses and suggestions. Sparkpeople is a great place for advice if you need it.

Since I don't know the full details of your relationship I just have to say that you should really trust your instincts. If you're not happy in the relationship now who's to say you'll be happy in the relationship 5 years from now. Better to get things straight now before you're in this for the long haul and even more miserable.

Take some time to focus on YOU. Make yourself right and happy. That's the most important thing.

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KAYPRIME 8/15/2011 12:35PM

    I really don't want to tell you whether you should stay or go because that is a decision you need to make on your own. I do want you to know that we are here to listen and offer our support to help you through whatever you decide to share- that's what we're here for!

I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting. Stuffing your emotions certainly does more harm than good and a healthy relationship involves open communication with your partner. If he can't handle it or if he berates you for your feelings then really think about what that does to YOU and your well being.

I find that when I'm highly emotional, doing physical activity usually helps me feel better. I know you don't want to, but the next time try going for a walk (or bike ride or whatever is your normal 'go to' physical exercise) to clear your head. Cry the whole time if you have to. Say out loud the things that you feel you can't say to him. Shout them! I promise you will feel so much better about yourself even if you weren't able to resolve the issues with your bf. The more intense the physical the activity, the more cleansed you will feel afterwards.

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MISTYBLUE716 8/15/2011 12:34PM

    FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not telling you what to do but clearly if the LITTLE things are bothering you then something isn't right w/ this guy and you two being in a relationship. I was to that point with one of my exes years ago and finally..FINALLY I got the courage to completely end it...one of the best things I did. You need to do whats best for you and don't feel bad about putting your feelings out there...I do it too! Thats what we're here for!!! You do what makes YOU happy. If he doesn't get that then he's not worth it! emoticon

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POLKADOTREVIVAL 8/15/2011 12:30PM

    If you're even considering leaving him--then it's probably what you want. Earlier this year I broke up with my boyfriend...He was honestly the nicest guy I've dated, but I wasn't happy. I put it off for months because I felt so guilty about hurting him that I didn't take care of myself. You can't another person's feelings get in the way of yours. It doesn't sound like you're completely happy, so get out--before you let that lack of exercise and eating and unhappiness do too much damage!

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REIKI_RAE 8/15/2011 11:59AM

    I would say that the fact that you're thinking about leaving but stopping yourself b/c you feel the hurt of his feelings rather than the truth of the situation is clear evidence that you need to go. I know it's tough but trust that this is what true healing is. Once you start to change one part of your life for the better, all other parts that are out of balance come to your attention for full review and change. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. Keep up the good work!

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SUPERMOM8482 8/15/2011 11:58AM

    emoticon to you and I am sorry that you are feeling that way. I too bottle up my feelings until it is to the point that I can't take it. I know it is not healthy to do that and am proud of you for posting this...we are here for you if ever you want to rant, complain, cry, laugh, brag, and all those other things!!! That is what this place is for because all of life's issues are wrapped up into how we make ourselves healthy not just the eating and exercising.

I think you made it pretty clear what you want to do, and I am not telling you to do it....BUT I think you should worry about you and what is going to make YOU happy. Your boyfriend will need to worry about himself. I think it is great that you can realize these feelings now it is just deciding on what way to act. Sending love to you and I hope that your day gets better hon. Remember if ever you need me I am just a click away!!!
emoticon

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BLUEANGELLK 8/15/2011 11:50AM

    There is nothing you can't share with us. We are here to support you in whatever you are going through! You need to do what you know in the pit of your stomach is right.

emoticon

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GCGARZA 8/15/2011 11:47AM

    I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way...I really do hope you start feel better. One tactic that helps me is journaling. Now, I know what you are thinking...ugh, pen and paper? No! SparkPeople.com has an area under 'Planner' where you get to schedule appointments, yes, but also, right next to that application, is a place where you can journal online, using the website. I've only used it once or twice, but it's really great. I think you should give it a shot!
Also, don't feel badly about sharing how you feel. How you feel directly impacts whether or not you exercise, eat right, follow The Spark plan, etc. So, no worries, you're not off-topic.
Hope you have a better day!
Best,
Genevieve
(GCGA
RZA)

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NOMORESTALLING 8/15/2011 11:46AM

    HONEY IT'S WHAT YOUR FEELING WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH IN MIND BODY AND SPIRIT YOU NEED RESOLUTION WITH YOUR INTERNAL CONFLICT. SO TALK IT OUT SCREAM IT FROM THE MOUTIAN TOPS BUT GET IT OUT. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER FOR IT. AND LETTING OTHERS KNOW HELPS SHARE AND CARRY THE BURDEN.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE MANY MANY WOMEN HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS AND SOME MEN BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

I want you to read something and consider it ok
it's something my sister sent me recently because she is going through the exact same thing.


How did you become co-dependent in the first place? As a child you learned a set of behaviors and methods of solving problems that helped you survive a family or environment of great emotional pain and stress. The stress could have come from living with someone with a chemical dependency, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, chronic illness either mental or physical, or in a non-loving or hyper-critical environment.

As an adult, a codependent person has little to no sense of self. If you were to look back on your life you might see that your whole life has been spent in extreme acts to meet others' expectations. Your emotions and thoughts about yourself are based on people's responses to you. For example; if you're nice to me, I'm a good person. If you disagree with me or snap at me, I'm a bad person.

You probably have trust issues as you've learned not to trust other people or yourself. Someone always gets let down. You seek fulfillment in pleasing other people, but that never really works - because you don't feel you deserve the gratitude or compliments you may receive. It may feel like it's never enough.

Some of the behaviors you adopted to help you survive became compulsive which means you do them against your will; you have no control over them. You may not even realize you are doing them. Those behaviors and problem solving methods are now keeping you from living a life where you feel safe, secure, loved and fulfilled.

Because of them, you keep repeating the same patterns over and over, sometimes with different partners, and you still aren't happy.

Giving and being kind, considerate, empathic, and of service is great and something the world definitely needs. It turns into codependency when the driving need is when you have to please others in order to feel whole as a person. A symptom of low self-esteem is you think it's not right to take care of yourself, or to be assertive. Finding your identity in being a rescuer or martyr is not healthy.

How to recognize if you're Codependent"

1. Do you find yourself constantly needing to "fix" and rescue people?
If you're codependent you are more aware of others needs and feelings than you are your own. When asked what you want or need, the answer is most often "I don't know". You have a hard time receiving.

2. Do you easily get caught up in drama?
Codependents often get sucked into the drama of others lives and are so busy rescuing others and sacrificing themselves that they miss what the root of the issues are. They don't have time to deal with their own issues because they're so busy taking care of everyone else. This is really a self-defeating behavior.

3. Are you trying to control or feel controlled by someone else?
Do you need the person more than you love them? Neediness is a hallmark of a codependent relationship. One person's happiness depends completely on the other. They don't know how to make themselves happy. Relationships should enhance you, not complete you, You are already whole and complete.

4. Do you do more than your share?
What's the difference between a hard worker and a workaholic? Are you working to live or living to work? Codependents often take their work home with them, answer work calls and emails, no matter if its after quitting time or they are on vacation. They do not have clearly defined boundaries in their work or relationships.

5. Are you always seeking approval and recognition?
Codependents live their life through their self-limiting believes. They believe they are not good enough, dumb, stupid, worthless, and defective. This is their core wound, or sacred wound. It's what drives their choices and decisions and affects what they see when they look in the mirror and affects how they talk to themselves. What they don't realize is we all have a sacred wound, but we can choose to rewire where our choices and decisions are made from. We can choose to live from our purpose, rather than our wounds.

As an adult, a codependent person seeks recognition and approval but when they get it they are embarrassed. They have difficulty asking others to meet their needs. They don't believe they are worthwhile or lovable. Codependents do not have a strong sense of self. When asked to describe themselves codependents will give their job title or say "I'm a wife, partner, daughter, mother.".

A non-codependent person would say, 'I'm an independent, powerful, compassionate person who enjoys having fun and adventures.' There's nothing wrong with being proud of your job or relationships, but those should not be your main identity. Those are things you do, not who you are.

6. Do you find that you do anything to hold on to a relationship? Do you fear being alone?
Because codependents have their whole identities tied up in their work and relationships they have no relationship with themselves. They don't know how to be alone and enjoy that time. They often feel abandoned and unwanted. They don't feel able to express their own feelings, express a difference in opinion, for fear of driving the relationship away. They often stay in abusive relationships because they feel that nobody else would want them and that's all they deserve.

But there is help.
The Problem Isn't Them
It's Your Relationship with You
Letting Go of the Need to Help
Can Liberate You
If you are co-dependent, you can recognize the compulsive behaviors that keep you locked in the repetitive patterns you used as a child. You can learn how to be assertive, how to take responsibility for your own actions and how to release the fear.

You can learn how to say "No." You can learn to listen and communicate. You can learn it is OK to have needs and to have them fulfilled! Often professional counseling or therapy can be helpful to create new, healthy patterns for yourself.

The "problem" is not them. The problem is your belief that this is your proper role and that you are powerless to change it. You may be addicted to caretaking or controlling.

You have to learn how to let go of the need to control the people, places and events in your life. It is this letting go that will provide you the ultimate freedom from shame, fear and your self-defeating patterns.

Like any problem, you need to understand what's at the root. From a neutral place step outside of your emotions and look at the history of your behavior. Notice the patterns. Determine if the pattern is working for you and how you want your life to be or if it's holding you back.

When you can get past the emotions and examine facts, write them down. Do a little timeline or a score card of non-working behavior. This will help you to focus on the changes you want to make .


Comment edited on: 8/15/2011 11:48:23 AM

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HONEYBEELZEBUB 8/15/2011 11:44AM

    I can really see how conflicted you are, and I know we do not know each other but sometimes you need an outside opinion. I was in a toxic relationship many years ago. Let me tell you this, if you do not take care of yourself and your heart no one will. It makes my eyes water. Sometimes we get in habits of excusing the behavior of others, of down playing it. If you are unhappy more than you are happy, you might want to reevaluate things. Counseling is great, if you want to devote yourself to it. It goes both ways though. Your partner needs to devote himself too. If going home to Mom makes you feel cared for and safe, that might be what you need. I really do feel for what you are going through. Just know what you are beautiful and worth ALL the good things in life.
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#17 - Small Things that Can Change the Whole Game.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

On Monday night, I went to the grocery store to stock up for the week. I was kind of dreading this because lately, I haven't really been satisfied with my meals and snacks. I didn't want to have to go through another week of not-so-yummy food. I had dealt with it for three weeks.

Here's my eating plan over the last couple of weeks:

Breakfast: strawberries, green apple, or bagel.
Lunch: Lean Cuisine meal
Snack: carrots or cucumbers
Dinner

I am so sick of Lean Cuisine that just looking at the words make me shudder. They weren't even that good. (Some are though.) The snack was dull. Blah. This is me now:

Breakfast: 2/3-3/4 cup of strawberries
Mid-morning snack: Greek yogurt or Special K Bar
Lunch: PB & J and a cheese stick (YUM!)
Mid-afternoon snack: 1 serving of tortilla chips and 2/3-3/4 cup of tomatoes (Mmmmm)

I'm still getting in fruits and veggies; I just had to pair them right. I'd like to find something yummier for breakfast. I love lunch and snack! I love tomatoes. Usually, I put salt on them, but when they are paired with tortilla chips, the salt from the chip works nicely. Less sodium!

It's nice to finally look forward to eating. I like it. It makes me happy.

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What is your favorite meal or snack?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARVEEME 8/17/2011 3:49PM

    Greek yogurt with fruit and .25/.5 cup of "Special K Granola with Honey" mixed in. (Buy a box, you'll find LOTS of uses for it.)

Bananas, when ripe, minus the peels, into a plastic freezer bag, freeze easily and make a great base for blender smoothies (I LOVE my Magic Bullet). Nuke the frozen banana no more than 20 seconds, throw it in the blender with .5 to 1 cup frozen blueberries, strawberries, or mixed fruit, etc. Add .5 to 1 cup of fruit juice and MMMMMMMMMMMM. Another alternative is to blend milk and some honey and peanut butter, then add the banana. YUMMMY2!

Lunch: Check out the Pepperidge Farm Deli Rounds, especially the wheat ones. Numbers are better, and a peanut butter and banana sandwich is SO filling, but also sweet. Peanut butter and All-Fruit spread is good too, and more portable. These Deli Rounds are great in lots of ways.

I bake a whole turkey breast, and break it up into individual serving baggie packages. This way, I can grab a single serving of turkey breast to throw into a sandwich, and it's defrosted by lunch time. Add lettuce, tomato, and your choice of condiments (I like fat-free Italian dressing) onto one of those deli-rounds and it's great! You can also chop it up and make turkey salad with celery, onion, and lite mayo.

Dinner: I used to hate the idea of this, but once I tried it, I have to admit that we all love it. I bought a one pound package of ground turkey, and made 4 burgers out of it, and pan fried it like I ordinarily would with ground beef. Oh My! Delicious, and now that you've found those deli-rounds instead of burger buns, you've got a great quick dinner main course, with or without cheese. Once you make the turkey burger shaped, but before cooking, you can freeze them (put waxed paper between the burgers so they separate easier when frozen) and use them one by one when you want.

So there you have my favorite new things I didn't do this time last year, and part of the reason why I'm down over 25# since 1/1/11. I stopped assuming "YUCK" and became daring enough to try new things and, well, am right here to admit I was wrong back then, and turkey burgers ROCK!

Blessings!


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LINDENHEART 8/12/2011 11:24AM

    My fav breakfast is a berry-spinach smoothie:
1 c fresh spinach
0.5 c nonfat milk
0.5 c greek honey yogurt
0.25 c frozen blueberries
0.25 c frozen strawberries
BLEND

The spinach gives the smoothie a weird color but I swear you only taste the yogurt and berries. I've convinced a lot of my friends to try this and they are hooked.

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RACHELE8973 8/11/2011 10:38PM

    I agree with adding in more protein...esp at breakfast. I usually have oatmeal for breakfast and then about 2 or 3 hours later (after my workout) have some greek yogurt with honey and some fruit (usually blueberries). I find that this helps me move more and is actually filling.

Good job working on your diet..this is the hardest thing for me. I could workout all day long...but food? That is my weakness.....;)

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CTMJMJ 8/11/2011 4:35PM

    I really need to find something that works for me! This morning I had a bowl of multigrain flakes with sliced apples in it and 2% milk. For lunch, I had a bacon & turkey multigrain wrap with some apple slices on the side. I feel very satisfied though I'm sure bacon (the fully-cooked kind) and packaged turkey aren't the greatest choices lol. Still, it's better than what I normally eat lol. For dinner, I plan on having chicken breast (boiled), fresh potatos (cut into peices and boiled) and grilled corn-on-the cobb.I forgot, I had a cup of Suisse Mocha coffee earlier as a sweet treat lol.

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POLKADOTREVIVAL 8/11/2011 11:13AM

    Good job!!! Watching your weight is so much easier if you really like what you're eating. Way to rock that.

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MISSCONSISTANCY 8/10/2011 8:15PM

    First I wanna say It's good that you're recognizing that you're not enjoying the food and you're changing it, because it's important to actually enjoy what you're eating or it wont last, it's all about creating a lifestyle.

Yea I'd def add some protein to your breakfast! I don't know how you get full from strawberries! I like making egg white wraps (scrambled egg whites with some veggies, love broccoli, spinach, onion, garlic, I like to change it up) You can even add a little cheese. I also like protein pancakes (1 scoop protein powder, 1/4 cup egg whites, 1/2 banana, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 cup blueberries) and you can top them with sliced strawberries and powdered stevia! that recipe is from toneitup.com. you can try switching that recipe around with different fruits, adding sliced almonds, stuff like that. Right now since I'm staying at my sisters apt im making things super easy, so I'm having 1 packet of instant oatmeal topped with half of a nonfat strawberry icelandic yogurt (an extra 7 grams of protein!).

I eat a lot of greek yogurt, it's super filling and a great snack! Right now I'm into bars since they're super easy and great for on the go. I like thinkthin protein and luna protein bars cause they're good and filling!

For dinner, it's super easy to pop a piece of fish in the over. I love salmon, you can top it with a mix of light mayo and mustard and serve it with a side of spinach (microwave it from frozen and add a bit of olive oil and salt, yum!!). or you can do a honey mustard dressing. Or chicken cooked with a mix of balsamic vinegar and olive oil and some spices, also yummy!

Hope some of this helps :)


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KAYPRIME 8/10/2011 4:48PM

    I just started SP and taking account of my eating habits. Most of my favorite snacks is what caused me to gain 20 lbs in the last few months! But I love healthy snack foods too and am going to try to focus on those in the next few weeks. I LOVE yogurt and all types of fruits and vegetables (ESPECIALLY tomatoes! I love making fresh salsa!). I'm thinking I can make a low fat breakfast smoothie or something with yogurt, fruit, and milk.

The only trap I can see myself running into is CHOCOLATE! I don't have much of a sweet tooth but I need to find a good substitute for this one so that I don't sabotage my journey.

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BEFITANDHAPPY 8/10/2011 4:41PM

    Well, I'm a complete cereal addict, so for breakfast I love GoLean cereal (1 cup) with half a cup of 1% milk and a banana cut into pieces! Or blueberries... I basically just love fruit! GoLean cereal has quite a bit of fiber and protein, so it normally keeps me full for quite awhile! I also love toast with crunchy peanut butter or making my own smoothies. Breakfast might be my favorite meal of the day! haha

I'd recommend to add something to your portion of strawberries. As the person below me said, you probably want some complex carbs and protein in your meal! Remember--eating breakfast charges you for the rest of the day, so it has to be a good one!

Good luck :)

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STEPHANNE27 8/10/2011 3:56PM

    I like a breakfast of lowfat cottage cheese mixed with dill, pepper, tomatoes, green onion, and orange or red bell pepper. Sometimes I add a little cilantro too.

Now that I think about it..I will mix nearly anything in to cottage cheese EXCEPT fruit! I like pico, salsa, and even olive tapenade in it.

It seems as though you are not getting any protein or complex carbs in to your breakfasts...how about whole wheat toast and almond butter?

Hope you find something you like!

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CHANGINGSAM 8/10/2011 3:50PM

    Thanks, MMEME75! Maybe I just need to switch up my fruits!

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MEMEME75 8/10/2011 3:47PM

    Breakfasts of yogurt and and fresh fruit I find to be really good.

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