Thursday, June 06, 2013
Yesterday was a pretty good day for me in regards to my mini-challenge. In fact, I'm kind of enjoying it a bit. However, it been tough when it comes to guilt and coming to terms with some food. I'll explain more in a minute.
Pictured is a Luna peppermint stick and a Oikos strawberry Greek yogurt. This is probably one of my favorite breakfasts because it's so easy and fairly healthy. Plus, there's no cooking involved!
My apple was bad so I really only had almonds.
I made this soup in the crockpot Tuesday night. It has water, chicken broth, shredded chicken, Lima beans, carrots, squash, zucchini, and onion. It came out pretty good! I put some Cajun seasoning in it to make it spicy too! Like my snack, I barely got to eat any of the apple since it, too, had gone bad.
Pepper, hummus, and black beans with Cajun seasoning. This was a tasty snack!
I forgot to snap a picture for a good reason -- my Mom met my boyfriend last night! It's a long, complicated story, but I'm just so happy that it finally happened. Anyways, the three of us went to a Mexican restaurant. I was still a little full from my snack, so I ended up eating about half of my fajita nachos with a few chips and salsa. Instead of water, I had a pink lemonade.
Circling back to the introduction, I'm having some trouble this morning letting go of the guilt and making peace with my body after last night's dinner. In reality though, I shouldn't because I left the restaurant satisfied, not overly stuffed like I usually do. This means I need to spend a little more time in the mirror this morning telling myself it's ok and that I'm proud of the accomplishments I've made thus far. I'm determined to let go of this guilt. Food won't have power over me anymore.
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Lately, I've been going through a lot -- trying to find a new job, healing my foot injury, worrying about the upcoming races, etc. These things have produced lots of emotions which have led to plenty of binges. These last few weeks have been tough, and I had decided to quit my journey of finding health and a lower weight.
I've realized, though, that quitting my journey wasn't going to help me at all. In fact, it only added more problems -- how I felt about myself and how I felt physically. I've been bloated and puffy for the past month now which has made me hate my body more. Because of this hatred, I've been sticking to clothes that do not show my stomach. In addition, I haven't been feeling well. I've been fatigued, irritated, bloated, dehydrated, etc. The last few weeks haven't been great.
I'm friends with Fit Mama Training on Facebook; I've been silently reading her blogs and statuses that are filled with talk about her journey to health. While her journey is far different than mine (she did it for her daughter), there are many things that I can apply to my life. For example, she talks about putting away the scale and connecting with your body through food and exercise. One of her biggest things is listening to your body and taking account of how you feel about you eat and exercise. Here's an excerpt:
"What do you think would happen if you stopped focusing on what's wrong with your body, what the "right" exercises are and what's "bad" to eat? And instead focused on what's good about your body and what makes your body feel good physically (exercise and food wise)? Do you really think letting go of all the rules and self criticism would result in some terrifying end result for your body? Because I happen to think without all the rules and negativity you might find yourself MORE fit, MORE active and eating healthier because it made you feel amazing. And because you'd know you deserve to feel amazing." -- Fit Mama Training, Facebook
Since all of my attempts have focused on weight loss instead of how my body feels, I've decided to go about my journey a different way. Instead of hating my body, I'm choosing to make peace with it in the mirror every day. I'm choosing to be grateful for this body and what it can do. When it comes to food, I'm choosing to listen to my body and eat things that make me feel good. I'm also deciding to take it one meal at a time. One meal at a time, though, doesn't mean perfection. There will be times that french fries sound better than quinoa; that's ok.
I've challenged myself to two weeks of making peace and listening to my body. I'm striving to get rid of the negative self talk because my body doesn't deserve it. Hatred has not been working for me in the past, so now, it's time to love.
Food Diary -- I may or may not do this every day, but since I'm not tracking, this will be a good way to keep tabs on what I've eaten. Again, it's not about "good" and "bad"; for me, it's about awareness.
Breakfast -- Although I don't have a picture, I had donut holes and a Pepsi.
Snack -- Same as breakfast.
I got a grilled chicken salad and a fruit bowl from Chick-fil-a. This was my first time trying blueberries, and I actually like them.
I listened to my body yesterday. After eating the cucumbers and hummus, I still felt hungry, so I sliced up a green pepper. Upon finishing the green pepper and hummus, I realized how much I love that snack. It's so good.
BJ got home late, so we did something quick -- chicken salads. Mine had lots of stuff to it -- lettuce, tomatoes, onion, yellow pepper, chickpeas, chicken, a few bacon bits, a little cheese, and dressing. It was delicious!
Water -- 6 cups.
Sorry this blog is a bit long.
Friday, May 31, 2013
It's been a few days since my last post; I guess I just haven't had much to share. Yesterday, I had an appointment for my foot injury, and I'm being booted for another two weeks. I'm a little disappointed, but I'd rather it heal correctly than for there to be problems down the road.
Last time I posted, I talked about how this injury was a blessing in disguise because it provided an opportunity to focus one area of health -- food. While I'd love to tell you how amazing I've been doing, I am not going to lie -- I've been stuffing my face every chance I get. Take out, candy, soda, and entire bags of chips have been my friends lately. It's disgusting.
It's funny because I've been trying to put my finger on the "why", and I can't seem to figure it out. I've come up with a few that I thought were it, but I'm not sure that they are. Even if they were, how would I even deal with them?
1 - I'm not proud of my body at all because I'm so incredibly bloated. (For example, last weekend, my boyfriend and I hung out with his coworkers by the pool, and I refused to wear a bathing suit. I wore shorts and a t-shirt that didn't show my stomach.) It can't really be this reason because I've always been bloated and ashamed of my body.
2 - It's that time of the month. In the past, I have eaten a lot before and during it, but I've eaten SO MUCH that it's almost like I'm eating for two (I'm not pregnant though!).
3 - My foot and the two races that are coming up. The last two weeks, I have been pretty anxious about the two July races that I'm supposed to be in because I've not had any time to train due to this injury. I'm not even sure I will have any time. If I do, it'll be 2-3 weeks which won't be much. However, the last few days, I've accepted the fact that I will most likely be walking them (maybe walk/run).
4 - I've been debating a couple life changes recently. First, I hate my job, so I've been thinking about going back to school or moving to a new city. Where I live now, there aren't many jobs available, so one of those options are going to have to happen. Both of these are big steps, and they make me very nervous. Secondly, my boyfriend and I have been looking at engagement rings, and to be honest, it's kind of scary. It's a big step especially when my family is just now coming around in regards to our relationship. I've just been having a lot of doubts -- what if we can't make it? (Is this normal?) Being a child of divorce, I don't want that. In addition, I've caught my mind wedding planning even though he has not even asked yet.
5 - My last possible reason is that I might have a eating disorder. If that's the case, I can't seek help right now because I've got way to many doctor appointments that have been costly. It's just not an option.
What doesn't make sense is that I feel like crap, but I continue to eat poorly. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to get on the scale. If I don't change something soon, I'm going to find myself back at 171 in just a few short months. I need to somehow find my way back on track.
What would you do?
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Thanks to all of you who have sent goodies and well wishes in regards to my foot injury. It's been tough the last couple of days, but I really appreciate the love.
I haven't discussed what I did, so I'll do it now:
On Sunday, I was getting ready for church, and my clothing garment was stuck at the back of the dresser drawer. I pulled the drawer out, laid it on my lap, and retrieved the garment. As I was putting the drawer back into the dresser, it fell and landed on the top of my foot. Swell, bruising, and throbbing happened quickly. For the remainder of the day, I iced and propped it up.
After a few days of crutches, a boot, and no improvement, I decided to see an orthopedic specialist to see what, if any, damaged had been done. Unfortunately, since there are so many bones in one's foot (and they overlap each other), the only way I could know the extent of the damage without a doubt would be to have an MRI. Considering those aren't cheap and provided that my exam showed no displacement of bones, he decided to boot it for two weeks. I also have physical therapy exercises to do twice a day.
On May 30th, I will see him again to see if things are going well. If I don't have any pain, I assume I will be allowed to exercise again. If pain is still present, I will have another x-ray along with an MRI.
I have mixed emotions. I have two 5K races in July. If it heals, I'm looking at about a month and a week for training. This frustrates me as I really want 3.1 miles to be a distance I can fully run.
However, I'm beginning to look at this situation as a blessing. Lately, I've had no energy or motivation to eat clean or workout. These next two weeks give me the opportunity to really focus on nutrition. I'm looking to take out both gluten and sugar out of my diet. With those two gone, I'm hoping to renew both my energy and motivation.
Right now, my issue is commitment. I'm not good at it when it comes to a healthier lifestyle. I always find excuses for not exercising or eating healthy. My hope is that maybe it will become a habit by May 30th.
As for eating healthy, any favorite breakfast, lunch, or snacks you'd like to share?
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Since my last blog on Friday, I've continued to struggle with eating and exercise. Instead of being upset about it, I decided to make some goals for May. Hopefully, these goals will put me back on track with my healthy lifestyle.
1. Attempt to limit gluten to 1 meal a day 5x a week.
I think this is a good starting point as I've felt a bit overwhelmed by the gluten issue especially when eating out. However, at the grocery store, I try to stick to organic and gluten-free items, so I am doing somewhat better with this.
2. Limit eating out to 3x per week.
It seems like my boyfriend and I eat out all the time especially on the weekends. I've noticed that when I do eat out, I don't always opt for the healthiest meal, so I'm hoping by limiting the carry out, I will eat better.
3. Drink 8 cups of water per day 5x a week.
I've been doing much better with this one. Again, it's the weekends that I crave soda and juice instead of water.
4. Either calorie count or log meals 7x a week.
I'm working on getting back to calorie counting even though I hate it, so that's why I've decided to add the option on logging my meals too. Also, I added it for when I eat family meals that I don't have the nutrition facts for. I need to become aware of the food I'm putting in my mouth.
5. Exercise 4x a week.
Lately, the idea of exercising sounds great, but I just don't feel like doing it (thanks, gluten). To get back on track, I've decided to start small. If I choose to do more, great! If not, that's ok too.
6. Be more active at work 5x per week.
I have a desk job, so I'm pretty inactive for 8 hours of the day. I'd like to start getting up every hour for 2-5 minutes to stretch or walk.
7. After waking up, stretch for a couple of minutes 5x per week.
Recently, I started stretching after waking up. It wakes me up and makes me feel good.
I've decided to not to add any goals pertaining to the scale or tape measure. This month, I'm going to begin loving my body how it is. I'm going to rely on how I feel. I think I've been focused too much on a number and beating myself up for not getting there. That's only hurting me, and it's no way to live.
Right now, seven seems like a lot, BUT I feel confident as many of them are small. I'm just going to do my best, and that's all I can ask for.
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