Friday, April 26, 2013
I'm having a tough time picking up the pieces. I'm on the verge of quitting.
Last weekend, I went out of town for my birthday. On the Friday before, I was excited because I had a plan to be as healthy as I could be. However, when you are out of town with loved ones who don't necessarily strive to be healthy, it's tough especially when it comes to food. What seemed like one bad food choice led to another bad food choice. This happened all weekend long; it also happened Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
By Wednesday, I had had enough of the processed junk that I was feeding my body. I was tired, bloated, and every bite I took, I felt sick afterwards. You'd think that those symptoms would motivate me to be better, but in reality, I'm struggling. I don't want healthy food; I really don't want food at all. I'm sick of food. I'm too tired, lethargic, and bloated to get my workouts done. By the time I get home from work, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read.
In addition to how I feel physically, mentally, I'm not doing so well either. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. Yesterday morning, I was stupid enough to step on the scale; I'm back at 149.6 lbs which means goodbye to my 30 pound weight loss. I stepped off the scale with so much anger toward myself. I can't believe I allowed myself those 6 horrible days. Now, I'm even further from my weight goal. All of my dreams of being healthy, running, and weight etc seem unreachable. I feel like bingeing now.
I've tried forgiving myself, and it's not working. All I can think about is how terrible I look and feel. I messed up. Bad.
Once again, it's Friday, and the weekend is here. The weekend never goes well for me. My depression and anger will probably win out leading to another bad weekend. By Monday, I'm sure I will be in the 150s and singing the same old song.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Hi Spark Friends.
I hope all of you enjoyed your weekend.
For the weekend, I went out of town to see the South Carolina Gamecocks play the Kentucky Wildcats (baseball). This was my first time at an SC baseball game, and I absolutely enjoyed every minute of it. I usually only go to the football games, but over the last couple of years, Iíve somehow become a baseball fan. I guess I love watching people be active since becoming more active myself.
As for being healthy myself, it was a couple of hits and a lot of misses this weekend. Here are the positives:
1. I drank *some* water.
2. I completed both workouts that I had planned for this weekend.
Here are the cons:
1. I got back on the soda train this weekend.
2. I did not choose to eat any healthy foods at all.
3. I had gluten, dairy, and sugar (and lots of it!).
4. #3 actions caused me to feel crummy, moody, and sleepy.
5. My legs are *so* sunburnt. Ouch!
By Sunday afternoon, my body was not a happy camper. I was feeling terrible. I felt so sleepy and crummy that I wanted to miss the last baseball game of the series which wasnít like me at all. After doing that cleanse, I am well aware that my body doesnít do well with sugar, gluten, and dairy. Iíve been *trying* to limited it as much as I can. Unfortunately, these three things are what I crave the most, and I donít have much self-control in the food department.
Vacations and weekends have always been trouble areas when it came to being healthy. For some reason, I allow myself to do whatever. Iím not really sure how to deal with weekends and vacations when it comes to being healthy. Itís tough because I have a boyfriend who likes to eat out a lot, and when I say ďget what you want, I am going to eat at homeĒ, he kind of gets irritated. Plus, when we are going out of town, it seems just easier to throw out the healthy eating and grab fast food.
Even though I know I should not be, I am beating myself up over this weekendís food choices. Iíve been doing much better than in the past, but this weekend revealed that bad habits can come back. I donít want that in my life anymore. I want to feel good about the choices I make. I want to have self-control, and if I want to indulge a little, then I want it to be a decision I made instead of an impulse.
Iíd love to hear how you treat weekends and vacations when it comes to being healthy. Any suggestions?
Thursday, April 04, 2013
I think I spoke too soon.
Day 1 (Tuesday) of gluten back in my diet produced no reactions. However, on Wednesday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. It wasn't more than I could handle, and really, it went away fairly quickly. Throughout the day, though, I had a lite headache. When dinner rolled around, I decided to try gluten again. I did have a smaller reaction after supper - feeling out of it and a little more tired than usual. This morning has confirmed that I most likely have a gluten intolerance. My sore throat is worse, and I'm stuffy like I have a sinus infection. I still have the lite headache and all I want to do is sleep.
Even though this cleanse was tough at times, I'm really glad I did it. I would have never known that I was gluten intolerant which explains a lot of the symptoms I had been experiencing. I'm thinking about skipping gluten for tonight's dinner (this would be my 3rd day). For the next 4 days, I will come off of it to see if these symptoms go away. If they do, it's an intolerance. Next Tuesday is dairy!
Are you gluten intolerant? If so, how do you live with it?
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was in for a big surprise. I've finally reached 30 pounds lost! What a feeling! I still can't believe it's true.
I've said this in other blogs, but I'll say it again because it's the truth. I never thought I'd ever see this day. I never thought I'd lose even 10 pounds. It's almost like a virtual slap in the face - "Girl, what were you thinkin' when you were doubting yourself?!"
**I'm not sure I like the above picture as I don't really see much of the loss. Is it just me? (Be honest.)**
I will have to say that this cleanse has pushed me over the 30 marker. While I am so so grateful for that, I'm even more thankful that I'm finally craving healthier foods. It's easier to turn down food too. For example, this morning, one of the clients came in with a box of doughnuts that were hot and fresh. The aroma was enticing, but I stuck to my guns and politely declined. Instead, I opted for two cuties, a green apple, and a handful of almonds. The old me would have eaten two of those bad boys (doughnuts).
As for the gluten experiment last night, it went well. I had a whole wheat kaiser with baked chicken, lettuce, tomato, a little honey mustard, and 1.5 servings of organic potato chips. I had no reaction at all. Woo hoo! Hopefully, the next two days will produce the same results as gluten-free things are a pain!
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
It's been a couple weeks since I last posted. I'll catch you up!
1. Weight - Since beginning the cleanse, I've lost 6 pounds! I only have ONE MORE pound to lose until I hit the big 30 pounds lost goal! Wow. I just reread that sentence; it's so weird to read. Back in June 2012 (when I began), I never thought I'd ever get this close to my goal. Shoot, I never thought I'd keep 10 pounds off. It's a wonderful feeling! I still have about 7 pounds that I would like to lose though, but I am working on it. However, I am learning to love my body just how it is, and it's a great feeling!
**I just have to share - my boyfriend, BJ, lost 20 pounds while doing the cleanse! Ahh, I'm just so happy for him! Plus, he's even said that he's ready to begin eating better. Ahh, happy girl right here!**
2. The cleanse - I've been doing an alkaline cleanse as well as an elimination diet to see if I have a food intolerance. After 10 days of no meat, I ate chicken last week, and I immediately had a reaction - exhausted, foggy brain, etc. I concluded that it's probably the antibiotics/steroids or the chicken feed, so I'm working on doing more organic meat. I'm a little worried about tonight as I will be introducing wheat/gluten back into my diet. I'm pretty sure I have an intolerance to it, but it'll be confirmed over the next three days.
3. Race to the Inlet 5K - Last Saturday, I had a 5K race. I was pretty disappointed with myself because I basically walk/ran in 38 minutes. The reason I took so long was because I have not been able to run while on the cleanse. The cleanse is a time for rest (which I got!). So, I tried to remember that it would have been better if I had been training. It was still tough though. My next 5K is in July; my boyfriend and I begin training today. Here are some photos from the race:
I'm waiting for the race to start.
4. 12K Update - I signed up for the race in October to participate in the 5K, not the 12K. I was going to, but my boyfriend wanted to run the 5K too. I felt bad, so I decided to do the 5K instead. However, I am hoping to do a 10K in November or December. I'm not giving up!
Well, that's about it. I'll post tomorrow about April goals and about the wheat encounter. Hope you all have a wonderful afternoon!
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