Friday, May 31, 2013
It's been a few days since my last post; I guess I just haven't had much to share. Yesterday, I had an appointment for my foot injury, and I'm being booted for another two weeks. I'm a little disappointed, but I'd rather it heal correctly than for there to be problems down the road.
Last time I posted, I talked about how this injury was a blessing in disguise because it provided an opportunity to focus one area of health -- food. While I'd love to tell you how amazing I've been doing, I am not going to lie -- I've been stuffing my face every chance I get. Take out, candy, soda, and entire bags of chips have been my friends lately. It's disgusting.
It's funny because I've been trying to put my finger on the "why", and I can't seem to figure it out. I've come up with a few that I thought were it, but I'm not sure that they are. Even if they were, how would I even deal with them?
1 - I'm not proud of my body at all because I'm so incredibly bloated. (For example, last weekend, my boyfriend and I hung out with his coworkers by the pool, and I refused to wear a bathing suit. I wore shorts and a t-shirt that didn't show my stomach.) It can't really be this reason because I've always been bloated and ashamed of my body.
2 - It's that time of the month. In the past, I have eaten a lot before and during it, but I've eaten SO MUCH that it's almost like I'm eating for two (I'm not pregnant though!).
3 - My foot and the two races that are coming up. The last two weeks, I have been pretty anxious about the two July races that I'm supposed to be in because I've not had any time to train due to this injury. I'm not even sure I will have any time. If I do, it'll be 2-3 weeks which won't be much. However, the last few days, I've accepted the fact that I will most likely be walking them (maybe walk/run).
4 - I've been debating a couple life changes recently. First, I hate my job, so I've been thinking about going back to school or moving to a new city. Where I live now, there aren't many jobs available, so one of those options are going to have to happen. Both of these are big steps, and they make me very nervous. Secondly, my boyfriend and I have been looking at engagement rings, and to be honest, it's kind of scary. It's a big step especially when my family is just now coming around in regards to our relationship. I've just been having a lot of doubts -- what if we can't make it? (Is this normal?) Being a child of divorce, I don't want that. In addition, I've caught my mind wedding planning even though he has not even asked yet.
5 - My last possible reason is that I might have a eating disorder. If that's the case, I can't seek help right now because I've got way to many doctor appointments that have been costly. It's just not an option.
What doesn't make sense is that I feel like crap, but I continue to eat poorly. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to get on the scale. If I don't change something soon, I'm going to find myself back at 171 in just a few short months. I need to somehow find my way back on track.
What would you do?
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Thanks to all of you who have sent goodies and well wishes in regards to my foot injury. It's been tough the last couple of days, but I really appreciate the love.
I haven't discussed what I did, so I'll do it now:
On Sunday, I was getting ready for church, and my clothing garment was stuck at the back of the dresser drawer. I pulled the drawer out, laid it on my lap, and retrieved the garment. As I was putting the drawer back into the dresser, it fell and landed on the top of my foot. Swell, bruising, and throbbing happened quickly. For the remainder of the day, I iced and propped it up.
After a few days of crutches, a boot, and no improvement, I decided to see an orthopedic specialist to see what, if any, damaged had been done. Unfortunately, since there are so many bones in one's foot (and they overlap each other), the only way I could know the extent of the damage without a doubt would be to have an MRI. Considering those aren't cheap and provided that my exam showed no displacement of bones, he decided to boot it for two weeks. I also have physical therapy exercises to do twice a day.
On May 30th, I will see him again to see if things are going well. If I don't have any pain, I assume I will be allowed to exercise again. If pain is still present, I will have another x-ray along with an MRI.
I have mixed emotions. I have two 5K races in July. If it heals, I'm looking at about a month and a week for training. This frustrates me as I really want 3.1 miles to be a distance I can fully run.
However, I'm beginning to look at this situation as a blessing. Lately, I've had no energy or motivation to eat clean or workout. These next two weeks give me the opportunity to really focus on nutrition. I'm looking to take out both gluten and sugar out of my diet. With those two gone, I'm hoping to renew both my energy and motivation.
Right now, my issue is commitment. I'm not good at it when it comes to a healthier lifestyle. I always find excuses for not exercising or eating healthy. My hope is that maybe it will become a habit by May 30th.
As for eating healthy, any favorite breakfast, lunch, or snacks you'd like to share?
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Since my last blog on Friday, I've continued to struggle with eating and exercise. Instead of being upset about it, I decided to make some goals for May. Hopefully, these goals will put me back on track with my healthy lifestyle.
1. Attempt to limit gluten to 1 meal a day 5x a week.
I think this is a good starting point as I've felt a bit overwhelmed by the gluten issue especially when eating out. However, at the grocery store, I try to stick to organic and gluten-free items, so I am doing somewhat better with this.
2. Limit eating out to 3x per week.
It seems like my boyfriend and I eat out all the time especially on the weekends. I've noticed that when I do eat out, I don't always opt for the healthiest meal, so I'm hoping by limiting the carry out, I will eat better.
3. Drink 8 cups of water per day 5x a week.
I've been doing much better with this one. Again, it's the weekends that I crave soda and juice instead of water.
4. Either calorie count or log meals 7x a week.
I'm working on getting back to calorie counting even though I hate it, so that's why I've decided to add the option on logging my meals too. Also, I added it for when I eat family meals that I don't have the nutrition facts for. I need to become aware of the food I'm putting in my mouth.
5. Exercise 4x a week.
Lately, the idea of exercising sounds great, but I just don't feel like doing it (thanks, gluten). To get back on track, I've decided to start small. If I choose to do more, great! If not, that's ok too.
6. Be more active at work 5x per week.
I have a desk job, so I'm pretty inactive for 8 hours of the day. I'd like to start getting up every hour for 2-5 minutes to stretch or walk.
7. After waking up, stretch for a couple of minutes 5x per week.
Recently, I started stretching after waking up. It wakes me up and makes me feel good.
I've decided to not to add any goals pertaining to the scale or tape measure. This month, I'm going to begin loving my body how it is. I'm going to rely on how I feel. I think I've been focused too much on a number and beating myself up for not getting there. That's only hurting me, and it's no way to live.
Right now, seven seems like a lot, BUT I feel confident as many of them are small. I'm just going to do my best, and that's all I can ask for.
Friday, April 26, 2013
I'm having a tough time picking up the pieces. I'm on the verge of quitting.
Last weekend, I went out of town for my birthday. On the Friday before, I was excited because I had a plan to be as healthy as I could be. However, when you are out of town with loved ones who don't necessarily strive to be healthy, it's tough especially when it comes to food. What seemed like one bad food choice led to another bad food choice. This happened all weekend long; it also happened Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
By Wednesday, I had had enough of the processed junk that I was feeding my body. I was tired, bloated, and every bite I took, I felt sick afterwards. You'd think that those symptoms would motivate me to be better, but in reality, I'm struggling. I don't want healthy food; I really don't want food at all. I'm sick of food. I'm too tired, lethargic, and bloated to get my workouts done. By the time I get home from work, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read.
In addition to how I feel physically, mentally, I'm not doing so well either. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. Yesterday morning, I was stupid enough to step on the scale; I'm back at 149.6 lbs which means goodbye to my 30 pound weight loss. I stepped off the scale with so much anger toward myself. I can't believe I allowed myself those 6 horrible days. Now, I'm even further from my weight goal. All of my dreams of being healthy, running, and weight etc seem unreachable. I feel like bingeing now.
I've tried forgiving myself, and it's not working. All I can think about is how terrible I look and feel. I messed up. Bad.
Once again, it's Friday, and the weekend is here. The weekend never goes well for me. My depression and anger will probably win out leading to another bad weekend. By Monday, I'm sure I will be in the 150s and singing the same old song.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Hi Spark Friends.
I hope all of you enjoyed your weekend.
For the weekend, I went out of town to see the South Carolina Gamecocks play the Kentucky Wildcats (baseball). This was my first time at an SC baseball game, and I absolutely enjoyed every minute of it. I usually only go to the football games, but over the last couple of years, Iíve somehow become a baseball fan. I guess I love watching people be active since becoming more active myself.
As for being healthy myself, it was a couple of hits and a lot of misses this weekend. Here are the positives:
1. I drank *some* water.
2. I completed both workouts that I had planned for this weekend.
Here are the cons:
1. I got back on the soda train this weekend.
2. I did not choose to eat any healthy foods at all.
3. I had gluten, dairy, and sugar (and lots of it!).
4. #3 actions caused me to feel crummy, moody, and sleepy.
5. My legs are *so* sunburnt. Ouch!
By Sunday afternoon, my body was not a happy camper. I was feeling terrible. I felt so sleepy and crummy that I wanted to miss the last baseball game of the series which wasnít like me at all. After doing that cleanse, I am well aware that my body doesnít do well with sugar, gluten, and dairy. Iíve been *trying* to limited it as much as I can. Unfortunately, these three things are what I crave the most, and I donít have much self-control in the food department.
Vacations and weekends have always been trouble areas when it came to being healthy. For some reason, I allow myself to do whatever. Iím not really sure how to deal with weekends and vacations when it comes to being healthy. Itís tough because I have a boyfriend who likes to eat out a lot, and when I say ďget what you want, I am going to eat at homeĒ, he kind of gets irritated. Plus, when we are going out of town, it seems just easier to throw out the healthy eating and grab fast food.
Even though I know I should not be, I am beating myself up over this weekendís food choices. Iíve been doing much better than in the past, but this weekend revealed that bad habits can come back. I donít want that in my life anymore. I want to feel good about the choices I make. I want to have self-control, and if I want to indulge a little, then I want it to be a decision I made instead of an impulse.
Iíd love to hear how you treat weekends and vacations when it comes to being healthy. Any suggestions?
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