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CHANGINGSAM's Recent Blog Entries

#60 - So Far, So Good.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

A week ago, I posted photos of what I thought were terrible photos. My mindset: I was bloated, I was huge, and I was very unhealthy. So, I decided to change my life. I started Monday.

I'm happy to report that I am doing fairly well. Last night, my boyfriend and I went grocery shopping, so we could have healthy meals and snacks in the house. I was pretty proud of myself because with almost every food item I picked up, I read the label. For example, I am making BLTs for lunch (YUM!), and I picked up both turkey bacon and regular bacon, and I compared the two labels. I ended up with the turkey bacon. I've never had it, but I had some today, and I really enjoyed it! I also compared labels with milk, and I got extra lean hamburger meat for one of the dinners! I actually liked reading the labels and ingredients because then I knew exactly what I was putting in my mouth.

Also, my boyfriend said something that really made me happy. He hasn't been feeling well either, and when we went to the grocery store, he said "I'd like to start eating better and exercising." Oh my! This makes me incredibly happy because I care for him so much. I don't want to see him sick and unhealthy. He even handed me the snacks to make sure they were healthy. Haha. It was awesome! I'm so proud of him for taking small steps toward bettering our future. :)

So, all in all, things are going well. However, I stubbed my toe pretty badly Monday night. It seems to have healed, but the toe next to it is in serious pain. Not sure what happened. I'm limiting myself to tennis shoes and Tylenol in hopes that it will be better by tomorrow morning because I have a morning walk to go on!

Speaking of which, every morning since Monday, I have been walking for at least 30 minutes. There have been a few times that I haven't wanted to, but I did it anyways. The last two walks (yesterday and today's) were great because I listened to music, and I rocked out! Haha. I felt so good afterwards. I was on like a runner's high although I didn't run. :D

I have also decided to just stick with my early morning walks for the remainder of this week and maybe next week. At first, I wanted to walk in the morning and then do Pilates/Body Rock in the evening. However, I notice that my energy level is a little low right now, so I am choosing to just do the walk. I think a 30-40 minute walk is good to start with. I really want to get in the habit of exercising daily. I don't want to overwhelm myself and then quit like I usually do.

Since Monday, I have lost two pounds! Woo hoo! This makes me happy although I don't think this is what I want anymore. I really want to be healthy. I want to drink water regularly. I want to exercise daily. I want to choose healthier choices in regards to food. I want energy and to be able to do it all. So, this is what I am working towards, and if in the process I drop the 20-40 pounds, then that's just another plus!

So, that's pretty much what's going on. Sorry the blog is so long. I guess I had a lot to write! :D

Positives:
- Drinking at least six cups of water.
- I'm doing well with calories and healthier food options.
- Exercising daily.

Improvements:
- Sleep.
- Stress.
- Sodium (I'm feeling a little bloated today.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEANNINEMM68 6/15/2012 4:59PM

    You rock. It is great that you are doing all of the things that you need to do to start on the healthy path. I am cheering for you all the way!!! emoticon

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HELENKATHLEEN5 6/15/2012 12:39PM

    That's awesome that you've gone for your walk every day, even when you didn't feel like going! And keep that momentum going:) Hope your toe feels better soon!

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CHODGES83 6/15/2012 11:03AM

    I'm glad you're focusing on being/feeling healthy and not a number. Pounds can be such a mindgame and they just aren't worth your time. Sounds like you're making great choices! Keep walking!

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EMFRAPPIER 6/15/2012 8:47AM

    You're doing great! Keep it up! I love reading labels now, and it has completely changed the way I eat (most of the time emoticon)

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/14/2012 8:58PM

    You are doing SO WELL! Way to go! I hope your toe is better :-)


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WINNIE1978 6/14/2012 6:36PM

    How awesome that your boyfriend is wanting to eat healthier and start exercising too! It make sit SO much easier when you have someone that's working towards the same goals!

It sounds like you are doing a great job! emoticon

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MISTYBLUE716 6/14/2012 4:40PM

    Sounds like you're doing great! That's awesome your boyfriend wants to eat healthier too! It makes it easier when the person your with is on the same page a little...and walking is great! I love it!

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PAPER_WINGS18 6/14/2012 3:30PM

    GREAT JOB! So proud of you! WOO HOO on two pounds GONE! That's great!

It is so much easier when your S.O. eats healthy too. I've been on my BF's case forever now about how he should eat healthier, and he always says he will and then doesn't. It makes things more difficult, PLUS I don't want to see him unhealthy, much like you just said. Blah. Oh well. People have to change when they are willing to for themself, ya know?

Best of luck on the rest of this week! You are doing great!

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 6/14/2012 3:30PM

    Woohoooo to your boyfriend joining you on a healthy lifestyle!
My husband just joined me and I'm super happy about that. It def makes it nice to spend some time working out and eating good. It's a nice support system.

Also woohooo to losing 2 pounds! YOU RULE!!

Keep up the amazing work :)

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POOKASLUAGH 6/14/2012 3:05PM

    Walking is a fantastic way to stay healthy, as well as to burn fat. You burn less calories, but burn more fat calories, and when you walk a lot, you tone up and lose fat pretty quickly. Plus it increases your metabolism! Many of the people I know have gotten in shape solely with distance walking. :)

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#59 - Lost Today's Battle.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

After getting on here this morning with my TWO "Yay" moments, I had a "what the heck" moment too.

I'm not blaming it on anyone but myself.

It's raining something serious here, and I have been waiting for two hours for the rain to let up, so that I could go pay a bill and grab a Subway sandwich.

When I got in my car to finally leave, I knew that I wasn't in a good place. I was super cranky, and I was starting to feel light headed. My stomach was killing me because I had waited so long. Needless to say, I did not make it to Subway. I went to the closest, cheapest fast food I could find - Sonic.

I'm not proud especially after having a good day yesterday. Part of me isn't upset because my main focus right now is the exercise. I really am trying to get into a routine and then I would work on the eating. However, the other part of me (the one that wants to lose weight fast) is ashamed. I could have waited a few more moments.

Now, this sort of has me wondering if I can even make it on this journey. I mean, I know we all mess up, but how did I mess up on the second day?! I am barely in this.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITNESSMONSTER8 6/14/2012 2:58PM

    Just do your best each day and you will get there.

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 6/12/2012 9:43PM

    You messed up on day 2 because you just started! I've messed up WAY more times than I can count! Just get back on track at your next meal and go from there. It takes time. You can do this!

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JEANNINEMM68 6/12/2012 7:40PM

    I have started this so many times I can't even remember. To me it never gets easy but you will get better. Hope that makes sense. You had a slip up today but tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity for you. I know that you got this!

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WINNIE1978 6/12/2012 7:00PM

    Don't be too hard on yourself... that won't do anything but discourage you. Instead, make a plan! You ended up at Sonic because you were super hungry, right? How about finding a healthy snack that you can keep with you all the time for moments like that. I carry a 100 calorie pack of almonds around in my backpack or purse... or a small protein bar for times like that. Then instead of stuffing my face with whatever I can get my hands on I am able to have a sensible snack that will hold me over until I can get a healthy meal. It might be worth a shot.

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MYNAMEISSMILE 6/12/2012 6:40PM

    Don't be down on yourself, you just can't do that. We all have moments of weakness and we all make mistakes. Lord knows I have. It's always a battle where you have to fight, to conciously FIGHT for what you want.
So don't beat yourself up for it. The journey can be hard to travel, which makes it even easier to give in sometimes.
Remember you CAN and WILL do this and we will always be here for you to celebrate your successes and give hugs if you slip.
Don't give up on you, because we sure won't. :) emoticon

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CHODGES83 6/12/2012 5:36PM

    You can start fresh as often as you need!

POUF! emoticon FRESH START!

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BRANDI.FEY 6/12/2012 5:24PM

    The key to succeeding in this journey is to never give up. There will be mistakes. You accept them and learn from them. It takes more than one day to get over a lifetime of bad habits, but you CAN do it!

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 6/12/2012 3:57PM

    We all have our bad days so think of it as a learning curve. Can you take your lunches and snacks with you?

I agree that you can eat the junk food once in a while. Don't completely eliminate them from your eating. Just less and less often. Always track- great tool!

emoticon if it's the first day or day #161- we all go through this so just pick yourself up and keep pushing forward emoticon

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VERONICAVW_140 6/12/2012 3:49PM

    I know that when I've messed up before, if I allow myself to sit in the guilt then I usually tend to do worse for the next few days. It's not a great way to handle the situation. It has taken me YEARSSSSSS to learn that focusing on my failure only leads to more failure. The Sonic incident was just a hiccup in your journey. I will leave you with one of my absolute favorite quotes.
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."


-- Ralph Waldo Emerson



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AEROGERS129 6/12/2012 3:39PM

    In the beginning is when we all mess up! Once you stick to it and start gaining momentum, you'll be less apt to say "Ah, screw it" and more likely to rationalize: "Well, I've already waited this long, I may as well take the extra time to get something healthy" - or - "Going to Sonic (or somewhere else) isn't worth it with all of the hard work I've been putting in"

I've been there, too! I actually had to stop eating out on lunch all together because I would make the wrong choices. When I first started packing my lunch, I would make excuses that I didn't have enough time in the morning to make something healthy. It wasn't until I start packing my lunch the night BEFORE that I actually saw changes. No more excuses (to myself, especially! We can't lie to ourselves!) that I actually saw my body change.

Taking the extra time to pack it the night before frees up the time and worry (and gas) of having to go grab something healthy. Plus, you can spend that time going for a walk or relaxing to clear your mind from the stressful work!

You WILL get there - don't blame yourself for having a small hangup! We all enjoy junk once in a while -- just make up for it by sticking to healthy eating the remainder of the week :)

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 6/12/2012 3:37PM

    All of us make mistakes, we are human. The best thing we can do is learn from those mistakes. It is super easy to grab something fast and unhealthy, heck we are almost wired to do so because it's around us EVERYWHERE!

Know that it's okay to do it occasionally, I still eat pizza, fries etc. just not as often.

You are doing great, keep up the great work!

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PAPER_WINGS18 6/12/2012 3:03PM

    *ONE* less-than-perfect meal out of your 21 meals for the week isn't going to ruin your progress; just remember that! The only way it could is if you LET it. I've been there toooo many times to count-- ya know, the place where I eat a burger and fries and go "F IT! I already screwed up this week!" and conitnue to eat crapppy. That's the wrong attitude to have, and I am aware of it, but I think that it is important that you ate Sonic and immediately came HERE to let go of it! Move on, girl. Make dinner a smarter choice, and continue onwards and upwards(or downwards with the scale!)! You can do it. Honestly, the first 7 days of getting back to tracking and getting back in the groove are the absolute hardest; just push through it day by day and you will get there! :)

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SUGIRL06 6/12/2012 3:02PM

    I have fallen into that trap before! You were hungry and made a quick decision. Its ok, move on, do better tomorrow, and pack an apple in your bag to hold you over next time!
~Ang

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ITSTHENEWLAUREN 6/12/2012 2:34PM

  One fast food meal doesn't hor me it's important to focus on doing the right things most of the time, ignoring the nagging voice in my head that tells me anything less than perfect is not good enough. You had a good day yesterday and that's great! Keep it up!! emoticon

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DRAGONFLY02 6/12/2012 2:17PM

    This is when you say, I messed up, but I'm going to keep trying. I keep reminding myself (sometimes multiple times a day) that if weight loss was easy, than no one would have weight issues. Truth is, thousands of people struggle with weight, so just know you are not the only person who had something like this happen to them today. You are not alone!!

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MISTYBLUE716 6/12/2012 2:14PM

    Don't get discouraged.....tomorrow is a new day! emoticon

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#58 - Day 1 (Monday June 12th)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I probably won't blog every day as sometimes it can get repetitive. However, if I have a "Yay" moment or if I need some support, that's most likely when I will blog. I just find it more interesting this way! :)

So, yesterday, I decided to change my life. I've had this moment before, but it never really stuck. I'm hoping I can make it "stick" this time. Anyways, yesterday was my "Day One", and it wasn't too bad.

Exercise: I got in a 41-minute walk that morning, and in the afternoon, I did about 28-minutes of beginners Pilates.

- My "Yay" moment: By the time I got home, I wasn't feeling like doing Pilates. I started out with a different video, but I was quickly discouraged when I felt too big to complete the moves. I got mad at both the video and myself. I can't tell you the amount of times I felt like quitting. It was rough. Instead of quitting, I decided to pick a beginner's video. While I was cursing at this one too (haha), I made it through. I did the best I could. I felt better that I had accomplished it. So woo hoo!

Water: I got in my eight cups. :D

Food: I did the best I could. I did not fix dinner, so I wasn't sure about the amount of calories, but I ate until I was full.

- My "Yay" Moment: After being stressed yesterday, part of me wanted to sabotage what I had did. I wanted soda, cookies, etc. However, I managed to say no. It was difficult, but I did it. I went to bed proud of myself. :)

This morning, I was feeling pretty tired, and my body is sore. Any suggestions on how to get energy?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELLYBEANS0919 6/13/2012 11:53AM

    emoticon for sticking with it!
I also can get very frustrated with myself and the videos when I can't do what is being shown.

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WINNIE1978 6/12/2012 6:47PM

    Honestly, the best way I've found to get energy is to eat healthy and exercise. I have SO much more energy when I'm exercising regularly and fueling my body with good stuff.

Good luck with making it stick this time. emoticon

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CHODGES83 6/12/2012 5:17PM

    emoticon

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SUGIRL06 6/12/2012 3:01PM

    Congrats on Day 1! Way to go on pushing through the workout!! And when you figure out the energy thing, could you let me know? LoL. Today, I'm feeling the need for a nap. Oy.
~Ang

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FITNAPTURAL 6/12/2012 2:00PM

    I'm starting over too. What matters is that we came back! You can do it! I have more energy when I get my physical activity and water daily. I drink coffee but I'm not as exhausted at the end of the day when I've been on track all day. Make sure you're sleeping!

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POOKASLUAGH 6/12/2012 1:21PM

    Just keep at it - the energy will come to you eventually. After your body learns to stop using refined/processed stuff, it will draw energy naturally from real foods. I had no idea that was even possible until I made the switch, but it really does happen! And it only takes a few days. You can do it!

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PAPER_WINGS18 6/12/2012 9:55AM

    OMG saying no to food when you are stressed is haaaaaaaard!! Ugh. So AWESOME job! That is a HUGE YAY!

I agree w/ Ash, I feel the most energetic when I've gotten 8 hrs. of sleep and do zumba the night before-- i always wake up feeling re-energized and ready to take on the world!

Keep up the great work; I take it day by day-- some days are epic fails, but for the most part I feel less overwhelmed than looking at the big picture. Keep it up girl!!

emoticon

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ASHESS85 6/12/2012 9:48AM

    I know how you feel with the videos, I am the same way. I usually do every thing wrong and feel like an idiot but the important thing is you are moving and burning calories so good for you! Also, I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and saying no to food when your stressed. I know how hard that is so well done girl! I'm not sure about the energy thing...usually I feel the most energetic when I have gotten 8 hours of sleep and am well hydrated.

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#57 - Embarrassed.

Thursday, June 07, 2012





(Sorry for these being turned sideways. My computer wouldn't let me turn them.)

This is the real me.

I'm bloated.
I'm uncomfortable.
I lack energy.
I'm not pregnant although I guess I know why the lady in Zumba asked.
I feel huge.
I'm embarrassed.
Honestly, I think I am starting to get depressed.

A few nights ago, I told my boyfriend I wanted to get healthy. I was serious. I told him that I felt comfortable with my body how it is. Today is a different story. After putting on the shirt, I realized just how big I was. After downing cans of Pepsi like no one's business, I realized how uncomfortable I am. I felt so uncomfortable that I could barely stand up for 20-30 minutes. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Sitting here, I'm in tears because I am ashamed of myself. I can't believe I allowed myself to hurt my body this way. I'm so unhealthy, and I hate that.

Yesterday, I guess I was still in naive state of mind, and I let down my guard. I finally met my boyfriend's coworkers. Now that I think back to it, I am so embarrassed. I feel like I embarrassed him although he swears up and down that I always look gorgeous, but I don't believe him. I don't feel gorgeous. I don't feel sexy.

I just feel fat. I feel ugly.

The more I look at these photos, the more I am questioning why I even leave the house.

I'm sorry for the crappy blog. My emotions just seem all over the place today. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEANNINEMM68 6/10/2012 3:52PM

    When i saw the pictures I saw a beautiful girl. We all have days like this, I know I have them more often than not, but you need to be positive. If you are not happy with the way that you look focus on the things about yourself that you are happy with. It took me a long time but I started thinking about the good things and I eventually started to change my attitude which enabled me to start changing my life. We are all here to support you and it sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend. You will get there.

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CHODGES83 6/9/2012 3:12PM

    You know what I thought when I saw your pics?

Wow, she's really pretty. Kinda looks like Laura Linney.

This is a good thing, I promise.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEAUTIFUL8186 6/9/2012 2:06PM

    You are beautiful! Beauty comes from the inside. Start taking care of yourself. Try to cut one bad thing out every week. And if you stumble, stand back up brush yourself off and keep moving forward. A gal from a group on Facebook said you cannot change the past .... there is no present, it's just past and future .... keeping moving forward!!!

You can do it! Heck I went from losing weight, being healthy ... to being in a boot for 6 months back to my pregnancy weight, all the weight I had lost. 30 pounds. Slowly but surely it's coming off with just a change of eating habits and exercise.

Sooner than later after sugar is cut out, you won't miss it, or crave it. emoticon

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AROCHFORD 6/9/2012 11:47AM

    You are beautiful. If you lose weight if you gain weight you are beautiful. Get healthy, move, drink soda less, drink water more. Remember you are beautiful!

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SEPPIESUSAN 6/9/2012 10:39AM

    Wow, sometimes I stare in the mirror at my side profile and I look totally pregnant (and sadly I am NOT). Thank you for sharing...

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JADAKNOWLES 6/8/2012 2:41PM

    You are an AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL person! No one- not some rando at Zumba- or anyone else should tell you different. I can't tell you how many days I avoid the bathroom mirror or mirrors in general because I'm so ashamed of how I look. Everyone goes through it but the difference in this situation is that you KNOW how to change it. Accept responsibility for your life and health and make the change. I'm here for you! I'm suffering everyday with you, but I refuse to stay like this. AND I refuse for you to stay like this. We're crossing the finish line together xo

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AEROGERS129 6/8/2012 12:02PM

    You are one of the sweetest people I've met on this website! You're always going out of your way to offer encouragement and support to others, and I think you deserve the same!! I agree with all of the other comments; you are beautiful, we are our own biggest critics, and unfortunately - as women - we're forced to deal with obnoxious fluctuations in bloating, our weight, our cravings, etc.

I, too, used to drink pepsi and sweetened tea like it was going out of style. When I gave that up, I lost nearly 10 lbs in 2 months!!! We don't realize how much the little things - like soda - add up. But not having 2 cans a day (300 calories) for a week is already 2,100 calories, which equals 0.6 lbs! That means 5 lbs over 8 weeks! And I promise that if you start making little changes like that, you'll start making others. You adopt the mindset of "Well, I've already given up Pepsi, so now I'll give up ____" and "Hey, I may as well go for a walk" --- believe me! Walks helps, especially when you're trying to avoid the fridge where the pop is :)

I believe in you! I know you have it in you to work hard and be more satisfied with yourself! I know you can do it!

PS) Your boyfriend sounds like the perfect support system! - and I agree - he WAS telling the truth about how beautiful/sexy you are. You just don't see it because you're unsatisfied with yourself. It's important that you're happy, too -- so that you can feel confident being the sexy lady he's always/will always see you as.

Best of luck, doll! xo

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RAGAZZA_ 6/8/2012 11:56AM

    Gosh, we sound so alike. I used to feel like this, too! (let me not lie, although I've lost 42lbs, all I see sometimes is how fat I still feel I am) but that's just because I don't have my self esteem right yet. But you're on Spark, and blogging these neg. emotions are fine, GET THEM OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL! Listen to your boyfriend (my boyfriend told/tells me the same thing, so I understand how it's hard sometimes to believe them when you don't believe it yourself, trust me ...I'm there with ya, girl!) But you're making the right steps. You said you want to be healthy, so one thing I can share with you from experience is to take each day ONE AT A TIME. Eat right and drink enough water, each day. When you stumble and over eat (which we all do) don't let it affect you, enjoy the moment and just keep it moving the next day because TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME, means you don't have time to look back and hate yourself for the bad decisions of "yesterday" but now only the good decisions of "today". You're beautiful, and you can lose the weight. You need to learn to love yourself, and that won't come from just losing weight. I'm finally loving myself (on certain days, more days now than ever before) and it comes from being proud of myself and loving how things fit me different. I just posted a blog (Jean challenge) and the first picture was when I was 186, already 20lbs lighter from the start and I felt good some days then too, then I posted them from the other day (163 so now 40lbs lighter) and the difference is NIGHT AND DAY. Makes me feel great about myself again. I guess what I'm saying is, you're beautiful and don't forget that. Be proud of yourself and the small steps along the way because this doesn't happen overnight, and remember... We're all here for you!! :)

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DRAGONFLY02 6/8/2012 11:14AM

    Hmmm, looks just like me some days. Instead of letting this get you down and feeling depressed and giving up (and you are not alone in having those feelings), instead use this to inspire you. Look at the pictures and say to yourself, this is not me and I do not want to look this way. And something I've found myself doing a lot lately is not only tracking what I eat but how it affects my body and how I feel. I used to just eat how I wanted and if I was bloated or uncomfortable, I attributed it to overeating. But I've now found when I track my foods, I might eat well within my calorie range, but the foods I eat will make me bloated or uncomfortable. Over the weekend, I had pizza and Pepsi for lunch and then was going to go out and I put on a fitted shirt I have. I always do my front and side checks in the mirror and like you, I looked pregnant!!! And I KNOW it was the food I ate because anytime I have lots of bread/pasta and/or soda, my stomach bloats right up. The past few days, I've been eating well and having the foods that don't affect me like that and today I'm wearing that same shirt and I don't have the pregnant belly....although I still suck it in some when I'm walking around as I'm afraid it might look bigger than it is to someone else. emoticon

I have a hard time believing my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, but I take the compliment and I know he wouldn't say it if he didn't truly see me that way. So, don't be embarrassed, it sure sounds like you're boyfriend really cares about you.

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PAPER_WINGS18 6/8/2012 11:11AM

    Big hugs. I agree with MUFFIY- sexy ist a state of mind! You are beautiful, so stop judging every little "fault" you may see when you look in the mirro, and embrace it. Some days are rough, I'll agree with you there, but know that you DO deserve to feel beautiful, so keep on goin', and hopefully one day you will look in the mirror and embrace your beauty! :)

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MNGIRLIE 6/8/2012 8:55AM

    We are always hardest on ourselves. I think you look beautiful. Don't apologize for emotions you feel. Use this as a starting point and a place to move forward from. You might feel horrible right now, but just think how empowering it will be to look back on these photos 6 months from now and see just how far you've come!

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CLHENDY1 6/8/2012 8:47AM

    You are beautiful!! We all get those feelings of being fat and uncomfortable, but you can overcome them!!!

Good luck! You have the whole Spark world behind you rooting for you!

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BECKYB73 6/7/2012 10:12PM

    oh honey, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. you can change this, the power is in your hands. Just like my drive thru ban, maybe you should challenge yourself to give up the Pepsi? one good change will build momentum for MORe good changes...it's all up to you.

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MISTYBLUE716 6/7/2012 7:50PM

    you look like a girl that can take on the world! sweat it out and show that girl at zumba she's full of it! you deserve to be happy and healthy and you're on your way!

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COMMUNITY10 6/7/2012 5:44PM

    You are beautiful! You are always here to motivate us, so now it's your turn!
You are making great changes already, so continue that! You'll feel the affects of it and we always have our days where we feel gross so I hope this feeling does pass. Remember the changes you're making and remember the feeling associated to that! You can do this!!

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SKYRUNHER 6/7/2012 3:07PM

    I know how you feel.. I've been feeling the same way... but you know, you are a beautiful woman.. don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you any different!


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PIXIEMOM13 6/7/2012 2:56PM

    I think you look quite nice...but can understand feeling bloated and unhappy with your appearance.

Please, please, please... don't hate yourself. Yes, you're unhappy..but you CAN turn it around!

Will it take work ... oh yeah, lots of it because anything worth doing usually does.
Can you do it? YES!!

Start with baby steps. Whether that be just drinking X glasses of water, or limiting your regular soda... or swapping regular soda for diet.. whatever you think you can live with long-term.

Then once you're comfortable with that, pick another thing to take as a baby step.. be it exercise, tracking your food, etc.

Will you be perfect? If you are, my hat's off to you... I've had bad days, weeks, months.. but like my WW leader says "Its persistence, not perfection that will get us to our goals."

Best of luck!

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ASHESS85 6/7/2012 2:42PM

    You are gorgeous! I think when you look in the mirror, you aren't seeing the real you, just the few pounds you need to lose. Coming from someone that use to weigh over 200 lbs, you really aren't as big as you think. I think you just need to learn to love yourself and work on getting your self esteem back up girl!

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ELLEJAY7 6/7/2012 2:31PM

    Don't get depressed! You are a true beauty. So you don't like the way you look? Not many of us do....You can make the changes you desire. That's why we are all here. Just reach out for support and go for it! emoticon

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MUFFIY831 6/7/2012 2:29PM

    Sexy is a state of mind. One good run or yoga session can really turn your mood around. Let those endorphins run amok in your brain to get you back to feeling good. Hang in there.

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DZSWEETIE2005 6/7/2012 2:27PM

    We all feel bloated and uncomfortable sometimes. If you get back in to it for ONE week i promise you will feel a million times better. Start now, its only one week, you will feel like a million bucks!

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#56 - Fear.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Today, I have read a few people's blogs; each one has dealt with fear of losing weight and being successful. After reading these, I feel this might apply to me as well.

I have been "dieting" for several years (on and off), and only until I found Spark People did I realize that it wasn't a diet but a life change. I liked the idea. I had this image of myself - fit, in shape, healthy, water drinker were all items that described my ideal future self. So, in August to September of 2011, I worked out hard, and I ate healthy. I only lose six pounds. I was frustrated, defeated, and exhausted. Since then, I have never fully regained my motivation to lose weight.

I think the reason I "give up" is a mix between a few things - energy, others, and self-sabotage.

1. Energy - So, I hear Coach Nicole and others say "exercise gives you energy!", but I have never felt that way. After a workout, I am worn out, and usually the next morning, I am still worn out even with a good night's rest. How long does it take before you start noticing the energy? Does anyone else have an issue with this?

2. Others - Earlier in the blog, I said that my boyfriend super sizes everything. When I was at a lower weight, I didn't care about calories. I never thought that I would gain weight, so I super sized mine too! Little did I know that it would definitely catch up with me. Even to this day, I struggle with eating out. I struggle with portions. I hate calorie counting because it's daunting (that's one of the reasons I liked the idea of Weight Watcher's because you add up numbers - it seemed easy). When I am trying to be healthy, it's difficult because there is cookies, ice cream, soda, chips, etc, and he eats a lot. It's hard to deal with. (I know I have talked about this before, so sorry for the repetition!)

3. Self-Sabotage - I usually self-sabotage on the weekends or when I have hit four pounds. For some reason, I hit four pounds, and I fall apart. Sometimes, when I weigh myself, if the scale shows a gain, I stop trying. I get nervous at the gym when I do ST from Spark People that doesn't involve equipment because everyone else is using the machines. I know what I need to do to succeed, but I'm scared to keep going after four pounds.

All three of these play a major part in why I am not successful at losing weight. The problem is that I can control all three of these. I can make myself exercise when I am tired even if it's just for 20 minutes. I can say no to the cookies, chips, ice cream, and soda at home. I am push myself when the scale shows a gain. I can, but I don't. A lot of this is excuses, and I need to push past these excuses/fears, but how do you do that? I know it sounds stupid, but for some reason, I can't get through.

Have any of you been in the same position? How did you push past these barriers?

Thank you, in advance, for your comments. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEANNINEMM68 6/6/2012 9:35PM

    emoticon

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SEPPIESUSAN 6/1/2012 9:04PM

    Hmm...the energy one I can relate with SOMETIMES. Sometimes I feel drained after a workout, but other times I feel revitalized. I think if I haven't had enough to eat or drink, or enough sleep, a workout can make me feel worse, but otherwise it makes me feel better.

The self-sabotage one...I have definitely ruined my own efforts over and over. I think you just have to reprogram yourself. You are NOT a person who gives up after you lose four pounds. You are that "fit, in shape, healthy, water drinker," and SHE does NOT give up, ever!

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JADAKNOWLES 5/31/2012 12:42PM

    This is my life story. I sympathize with you because we are basically the same age and are starting out at similar weights. I haven't found the answer to your questions, especially self-sabotage, but I know that I can't stop trying. We can't stop trying! Hopefully, one day we'll realize that we deserve better than negative self-talk and hits to our self-esteem. Summer 2012 is here and it's time for a change! I have faith in you :)

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 5/30/2012 12:05PM

    I'm not going to lie, it's hard, but you are strong and can overcome those obstacles.

My husband, parent's and sisters all eat whatever they want. My sisters are both 90 pounds and it has always sucked to see them eat away and if I eat the same thing I would gain.

It can be very frustrating. I have had to tune that out though, if I want to succeed I can't worry or think about what someone else is eating/doing. I know if I eat that crap I will feel bad and I won't loose weight. It will only set me back. It's just food and I try not to let it get to me anymore.

Also with the exercise, I def felt very tired afterwards. It took a while to feel a burst of energy. You might also want to try to eat a snack before and/or after a workout, I hear protein shakes are good post workout, I haven't done that yet, but I am concidering it. I also take vitamins that helps too.

You might also want to try not weighing yourself. I take my measurements that helps a lot. I would see a gain (which is normal, our body fluctates) and I would freak out and go food crazy. Then there are times I would see a loss and I would go food crazy too.

This is all a mind over matter thing I suppose. It's a huge mind game. You have to relearn things and break bad habits. It's def not easy, but it's do-able. Like I said you are strong! You can do this.



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EMFRAPPIER 5/30/2012 11:35AM

    Those are all things I have dealt with during my journey, and they are not easy things to overcome. I still struggle from time to time with self-sabotage. I think consistency is key. The energy will come with consistent exercise and healthy eating. It's also about being honest and mindful of what you're doing. I know it's easy to give in, but if you can reason yourself out of eating cookies, or whatever, you'll feel a lot better. It's hard work but totally worth it. emoticon

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