Thursday, June 14, 2012
A week ago, I posted photos of what I thought were terrible photos. My mindset: I was bloated, I was huge, and I was very unhealthy. So, I decided to change my life. I started Monday.
I'm happy to report that I am doing fairly well. Last night, my boyfriend and I went grocery shopping, so we could have healthy meals and snacks in the house. I was pretty proud of myself because with almost every food item I picked up, I read the label. For example, I am making BLTs for lunch (YUM!), and I picked up both turkey bacon and regular bacon, and I compared the two labels. I ended up with the turkey bacon. I've never had it, but I had some today, and I really enjoyed it! I also compared labels with milk, and I got extra lean hamburger meat for one of the dinners! I actually liked reading the labels and ingredients because then I knew exactly what I was putting in my mouth.
Also, my boyfriend said something that really made me happy. He hasn't been feeling well either, and when we went to the grocery store, he said "I'd like to start eating better and exercising." Oh my! This makes me incredibly happy because I care for him so much. I don't want to see him sick and unhealthy. He even handed me the snacks to make sure they were healthy. Haha. It was awesome! I'm so proud of him for taking small steps toward bettering our future. :)
So, all in all, things are going well. However, I stubbed my toe pretty badly Monday night. It seems to have healed, but the toe next to it is in serious pain. Not sure what happened. I'm limiting myself to tennis shoes and Tylenol in hopes that it will be better by tomorrow morning because I have a morning walk to go on!
Speaking of which, every morning since Monday, I have been walking for at least 30 minutes. There have been a few times that I haven't wanted to, but I did it anyways. The last two walks (yesterday and today's) were great because I listened to music, and I rocked out! Haha. I felt so good afterwards. I was on like a runner's high although I didn't run. :D
I have also decided to just stick with my early morning walks for the remainder of this week and maybe next week. At first, I wanted to walk in the morning and then do Pilates/Body Rock in the evening. However, I notice that my energy level is a little low right now, so I am choosing to just do the walk. I think a 30-40 minute walk is good to start with. I really want to get in the habit of exercising daily. I don't want to overwhelm myself and then quit like I usually do.
Since Monday, I have lost two pounds! Woo hoo! This makes me happy although I don't think this is what I want anymore. I really want to be healthy. I want to drink water regularly. I want to exercise daily. I want to choose healthier choices in regards to food. I want energy and to be able to do it all. So, this is what I am working towards, and if in the process I drop the 20-40 pounds, then that's just another plus!
So, that's pretty much what's going on. Sorry the blog is so long. I guess I had a lot to write! :D
- Drinking at least six cups of water.
- I'm doing well with calories and healthier food options.
- Exercising daily.
- Sodium (I'm feeling a little bloated today.)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
After getting on here this morning with my TWO "Yay" moments, I had a "what the heck" moment too.
I'm not blaming it on anyone but myself.
It's raining something serious here, and I have been waiting for two hours for the rain to let up, so that I could go pay a bill and grab a Subway sandwich.
When I got in my car to finally leave, I knew that I wasn't in a good place. I was super cranky, and I was starting to feel light headed. My stomach was killing me because I had waited so long. Needless to say, I did not make it to Subway. I went to the closest, cheapest fast food I could find - Sonic.
I'm not proud especially after having a good day yesterday. Part of me isn't upset because my main focus right now is the exercise. I really am trying to get into a routine and then I would work on the eating. However, the other part of me (the one that wants to lose weight fast) is ashamed. I could have waited a few more moments.
Now, this sort of has me wondering if I can even make it on this journey. I mean, I know we all mess up, but how did I mess up on the second day?! I am barely in this.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I probably won't blog every day as sometimes it can get repetitive. However, if I have a "Yay" moment or if I need some support, that's most likely when I will blog. I just find it more interesting this way! :)
So, yesterday, I decided to change my life. I've had this moment before, but it never really stuck. I'm hoping I can make it "stick" this time. Anyways, yesterday was my "Day One", and it wasn't too bad.
Exercise: I got in a 41-minute walk that morning, and in the afternoon, I did about 28-minutes of beginners Pilates.
- My "Yay" moment: By the time I got home, I wasn't feeling like doing Pilates. I started out with a different video, but I was quickly discouraged when I felt too big to complete the moves. I got mad at both the video and myself. I can't tell you the amount of times I felt like quitting. It was rough. Instead of quitting, I decided to pick a beginner's video. While I was cursing at this one too (haha), I made it through. I did the best I could. I felt better that I had accomplished it. So woo hoo!
Water: I got in my eight cups. :D
Food: I did the best I could. I did not fix dinner, so I wasn't sure about the amount of calories, but I ate until I was full.
- My "Yay" Moment: After being stressed yesterday, part of me wanted to sabotage what I had did. I wanted soda, cookies, etc. However, I managed to say no. It was difficult, but I did it. I went to bed proud of myself. :)
This morning, I was feeling pretty tired, and my body is sore. Any suggestions on how to get energy?
Thursday, June 07, 2012
(Sorry for these being turned sideways. My computer wouldn't let me turn them.)
This is the real me.
I lack energy.
I'm not pregnant although I guess I know why the lady in Zumba asked.
I feel huge.
Honestly, I think I am starting to get depressed.
A few nights ago, I told my boyfriend I wanted to get healthy. I was serious. I told him that I felt comfortable with my body how it is. Today is a different story. After putting on the shirt, I realized just how big I was. After downing cans of Pepsi like no one's business, I realized how uncomfortable I am. I felt so uncomfortable that I could barely stand up for 20-30 minutes. I felt like I was going to be sick.
Sitting here, I'm in tears because I am ashamed of myself. I can't believe I allowed myself to hurt my body this way. I'm so unhealthy, and I hate that.
Yesterday, I guess I was still in naive state of mind, and I let down my guard. I finally met my boyfriend's coworkers. Now that I think back to it, I am so embarrassed. I feel like I embarrassed him although he swears up and down that I always look gorgeous, but I don't believe him. I don't feel gorgeous. I don't feel sexy.
I just feel fat. I feel ugly.
The more I look at these photos, the more I am questioning why I even leave the house.
I'm sorry for the crappy blog. My emotions just seem all over the place today.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Today, I have read a few people's blogs; each one has dealt with fear of losing weight and being successful. After reading these, I feel this might apply to me as well.
I have been "dieting" for several years (on and off), and only until I found Spark People did I realize that it wasn't a diet but a life change. I liked the idea. I had this image of myself - fit, in shape, healthy, water drinker were all items that described my ideal future self. So, in August to September of 2011, I worked out hard, and I ate healthy. I only lose six pounds. I was frustrated, defeated, and exhausted. Since then, I have never fully regained my motivation to lose weight.
I think the reason I "give up" is a mix between a few things - energy, others, and self-sabotage.
1. Energy - So, I hear Coach Nicole and others say "exercise gives you energy!", but I have never felt that way. After a workout, I am worn out, and usually the next morning, I am still worn out even with a good night's rest. How long does it take before you start noticing the energy? Does anyone else have an issue with this?
2. Others - Earlier in the blog, I said that my boyfriend super sizes everything. When I was at a lower weight, I didn't care about calories. I never thought that I would gain weight, so I super sized mine too! Little did I know that it would definitely catch up with me. Even to this day, I struggle with eating out. I struggle with portions. I hate calorie counting because it's daunting (that's one of the reasons I liked the idea of Weight Watcher's because you add up numbers - it seemed easy). When I am trying to be healthy, it's difficult because there is cookies, ice cream, soda, chips, etc, and he eats a lot. It's hard to deal with. (I know I have talked about this before, so sorry for the repetition!)
3. Self-Sabotage - I usually self-sabotage on the weekends or when I have hit four pounds. For some reason, I hit four pounds, and I fall apart. Sometimes, when I weigh myself, if the scale shows a gain, I stop trying. I get nervous at the gym when I do ST from Spark People that doesn't involve equipment because everyone else is using the machines. I know what I need to do to succeed, but I'm scared to keep going after four pounds.
All three of these play a major part in why I am not successful at losing weight. The problem is that I can control all three of these. I can make myself exercise when I am tired even if it's just for 20 minutes. I can say no to the cookies, chips, ice cream, and soda at home. I am push myself when the scale shows a gain. I can, but I don't. A lot of this is excuses, and I need to push past these excuses/fears, but how do you do that? I know it sounds stupid, but for some reason, I can't get through.
Have any of you been in the same position? How did you push past these barriers?
Thank you, in advance, for your comments.
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