Wednesday, February 26, 2014
So much for my comeback to Spark People. I really do miss being on here, but it's been pretty difficult with life getting in the way. Here's a little update:
1. I am now gluten free! About a month and a half ago, I decided to take the plunge and go gluten free. A lot of thinking went into this decision - before choosing this, I was feeling awful. Tired, moody, digestive issues, etc. Although I have only been on this for a short time, I feel a lot better.
I've come to realize just how sick gluten was making me. I have "glutened" myself a few times (usually at restaurants) and afterwards, I was so so sick. I would instantly get a headache, feel sluggish, and nauseated the rest of the day. After these situations, I've realized I have made the right choice!
2. I've been working my butt off (literally!). For the last month, I have consistently been working out. My job has a gym that offers exercises classes. I've been attending: tabata (4x/wk) and abs (1x/wk). I have also been walking, running, and dancing. I've been busy, and I love it!
While those two things are great, I've also been dealing with some very stressful aspects. However, I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I've accepted that that's all I can do.
On another note, I had a setback today. After a long day, I came home and binged on chips (at least they were gluten free!) because one, I was extremely hungry, and two, I was upset that I could not get my run in. I'll be honest - I'm pretty upset with myself, and I never want to deal with it again. I can't say that it won't happen again, but I really am going to try harder. I really want to do better this time around.
Well, that's my life update. Let me know how things are going with you!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I can't believe it already the middle of November! I also can't believe that it's been well over a month since I have been on here. There are two reasons for that, so let's get into them.
I posted a status over a month ago about starting a new job. I work for BlueCross BlueShield, and I absolutely love it! There are so many opportunities not only to keep me busy during work (my old job never had anything for me to do) but also health-wise. They encourage us to get moving and eat healthy. I love it!
While I am loving the opportunities, I can't seem to get motivated to get back on track. After lots of thinking, I believe I have come up with why it's difficult to get back on track: I am angry that I failed. I was so close to where I had wanted to be, and I lost it. I gained back almost all of the weight, and I lost all the confidence I had. I'll be honest, after all that, I don't believe in myself anymore. I know that attitude isn't going to help me get back on track, but really, I don't know how to shift my thinking.
You would think that since I can't button up my work pants that it would encourage me (embarrassingly, I walk around work with my pants unbuttoned because I can't fit into them; I find ways to cover it up though) but it doesn't. I'm lost. I've looked through my old blogs on here, and I can't seem to find a spark. In fact, it blows my mind that I somehow got down to 140 lbs.
I'm hurting, friends. I'm not typing this as a pity party, but I'm spilling out my heart here asking for your help. If you have been where I am now, please, tell me how you got out of it. I'm all ears.
**I've really shared some intimate details here; ones that my boyfriend (the closest person to me) doesn't even know. Please be kind when responding. Thank you.**
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
I feel... like I am slowly learning who I am and who I want to become even though I have a long road of healing, forgiving, and patience ahead of me.
I wish... that I could live closer to every member of my family. I miss them so much.
I need... to learn how to choose my battles because sometimes, it isn't worth it to lose someone you love.
I am worthy... of love not only from others but from myself as well.
I am thankful for... everything that I am blessed with even when I don't deserve it. There are so many people that go without every day.
I would like to... leave this world a better place than I found it.
I dream about... a day when I am in absolute peace with my body.
I enjoy... the moments after a good, hard run. I love feeling accomplished.
I listen... to others when they need me because it's essential for every person to know that they are important, that they are loved.
I appreciate... my parents more and more as the days goes on -- how intelligent, loving, and forgiving they are. I need to be more like them.
I know... that it will take patience and dedication to reach every goal I have set for myself. (Patience is not my strength!)
I remember... what I was doing 12 years ago today. I remember not only the pain but also how we came together to support and love one another. I'm remembering the heroes, victims, and their families today.
Monday, September 09, 2013
Here's what I am learning while on this journey:
1. Progress, not perfection -- In the last post, I said that I refuse to worry about my food. I'm not going to stress myself with calorie counting; it doesn't help me at all. However, I can't help but stress *a little* when BJ and I eat out a lot. This weekend is a great example. We were pretty busy, so we ate out fair share of fast food. Even though my food choices weren't perfect, I found ways to make progress -- getting the small combo instead of the medium or large, choosing water instead of soda or alcohol, and eating until I felt full. So, I choose to celebrate the progress.
2. Dedication & commitment -- These two are essential to this lifestyle that I am seeking. So, when 7:15 AM rolled around on Saturday morning, I knew I had to get up for a run. It wasn't easy, but I have goals that are important. I was very happy that I remained committed because I got to see this amazing sight:
While enjoying this, I also enjoyed my first barefoot run on the beach! It was a great experience because it felt good when the water splashed on me while I ran.
3. Listen -- My body has ways of telling me things, and it's my job to listen. I went for a run on Thursday afternoon, and I felt so sick during it. Now, I know why:
In addition, after a busy, exhausting Saturday, I decided to go to bed at 9:30 PM because my body wanted sleep. It craved it so much so that I slept until 8 AM.
Since my feet were sore from my barefoot run, I decided to rest the remainder of Sunday instead of going for another walk. In fact, I took time to soak them in a warm Epsom salt bath and massage them afterwards. Sometimes, my body just needs a bit of pampering.
4. I will struggle -- I've been struggling with not weighing myself. There's a small part of me that wants to jump on that scale, but for what reason? To see a number for all of a second that could make or break my day, week, or month? I'm proud to say that I am fighting that urge and staying dedicated to the fact that I am more than a number.
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