Friday, January 03, 2014
I figure its time I apologize to all the friends I have made here on Spark who have listened, advised and supported me through my trials and tribulations. I am sorry for basically dropping off the planet back in June of last year. I have no excuses except to say I needed a break from EVERYTHING. I became so tired of hearing myself whine and complain about my ďWoe is me lifeĒ as well as family issues that I seriously couldnít take it anymore. I didnít want to write one more blog about the stuff happening at home so I didnít. I donít regret what I did however I do regret the way in which I did it, not taking the time to explain myself and just disappearing was not right. At the time, I just wanted to SRTOP and get off my own personal train wreck so I did just that. I hope you can understand and forgive. I promise that if I ever need such a break again, I will give a definite heads up so no one worries. And I have to say thank you for all the emails and comments of concern. They made me feel like I mattered and that was definitely something I needed.
Now I wish I could say that things have changed on the home front but I canít. Nevertheless I do understand now that they wonít any time soon, maybe never. It is just the way my cookie crumbles so I am leaning to accept it and slowly changing my attitude towards my situation. The quotes below in no particular order have helped me to change my mind frame a lot the past few months. Nontheless I have greater work still to do.
I also wish I could report that I continued to use my best jidgement over the past 7 months when it comes o my weight loss and eating habits but again I canít. Oh well! Thatís okay though as I expected to slip up without the continued motivation and support from Spark people. I am better now and back on track, ready to forge ahead from here. Backtracking is nothing new for me however I no longer beat myself up when I fall off the rails which in itself is a huge change for me overall. I still have big changes to make and weight to remove but I am definitely not the same person I was when I began this journey at 345 lbs.
In closing I am happy to be BACK and looking forward to catching up with everyone. I actually feel like I have come home and itís a great feeling. I will hold out hope that 2014 will be the year I can finally say I am free from the ďFAT MEĒ! God and ME willing, that is. Iíve really missed my friends here and wish each of you a blessed, successful new year! Make this he best year ever!!
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
Stop fighting a battle with yourself over and over again. Instead of thinking about the negatives and the "can'ts", focus on the positive and the "can's" and see how quickly your state of being will improve.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
In 2014, I will continue to choose healthy over non, drop more weight, walk further, stress less, assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, focus on the positive, laugh a lot, sleep soundly, and realize how truly blessed I am.
Happy New Year everyone! Make it count!!
I have missed my Sparkfriends!
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Received a $100 bill from the nutritionist yesterday. So much for my insurance covering the appointments. This latest info along with my husband quitting his job recently definitely puts an end to seeing her again. Oh well, such is life! Never did receive a referral from my doctor for a therapist and I guess it's for the best now as I won't be able to afford one.
I am planning to weigh in (my scale) on Monday. Haven't done so in what seems like forever (late April) so it will be interesting to see if anything mildly Earth shattering has happened. My clothing feels loser so I know I have lost something but how much is anyone's guess. I am preparing myself however for whatever number appears as I know there will be a difference between what the scale at the hospital noted back in April and what mine will be Monday. Nevertheless I will accept what is and move on from there!
Had a major blow out with the daughter yesterday over a choice of words. Mine not hers. She made a comment, I responded with what I thought was okay, and well, she didn't like it. So World War 6, 892,131 broke out with her basically flipping out on the phone and hanging up. Tried as I usually do to call her back and straighten things out but she wouldn't answer the phone. Later she texted her dad with a stronger worded synopsis of how horrible of a person I am and she much rather I die as soon as possible. She certainly doesn't hide her feelings, I'll give her that. For someone who said she would like things to be better between her and I just a few months, she definitely hasn't made many strides in that direction. Perhaps she goes a bit longer between explosions nowadays but she is as unpredictable and lethal as usual when it comes to me.
Between her tirade yesterday and disagreements this week with the husband, I am laying low this weekend. Staying as much to myself as humanly possible. My mood is not the greatest to say the least so it's definitely for the best. Wouldn't want to fuel the fire any further. I have family outings coming up this week on the 3rd and 4th, and right now I am NOT looking forward to either of them. Would cancel my appearance altogether if it weren't for wanting to spend a little time with the grandson.
On the home redo front, all the staining in the kitchen is now complete and I am moving on with painting the walls in the laundry room than kitchen beginning Monday. Over the range microwave installation, countertops, sink, lighting, and flooring are still pending. Will be adding them in the order they are stated in the coming months. I am hoping by Christmas the kitchen will be completely finished. We will see!
For now I am just taking things one day at a time and trying hard to stay focused on home projects, eating right and exercise. The only things it seems I have even a little control over.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
First off, thank you to all the Sparkies who commented on the previous kitchen cabinet/ paneling blog. I appreciate the opinions and advice so much. DH and I have decided to put the wall color up first beginning this weekend and see at that time whether or not to paint the paneling at the top of the cabinets the same color as the walls or just leave it be. We have definitely decided NOT to stain it as most of you suggested not to do.
Yesterday, we got a scare concerning our daughter. She called us on the way to the ER. Her thigh was completely numb when she woke up yesterday morning and the numbness continued to spread upward to include her hip, buttocks, upper back, shoulder, complete arm and hand, all on her left side. She has no other symptoms. At the ER they did a barrage of lab work which all came back okay. Her heart checked out okay as well. They ran a CT scan on her head which showed no aneurism nor blood clot in her brain. They have ruled out anything immediately life threatening and have referred her to a neurologist for further evaluation and diagnosis. They suggested among other things such as a herniated disk, a small tumor pressing on nerves, an electrolyte imbalance, etc, that it could be an early indication of MS. Why a doctor would offer up that particular information without knowing for sure is beyond me as it has only served to scare her. Now that is all she can think about. Her dad and I can only hope the neurologist appointment will be soon and that he or she will quickly come up with a correct diagnosis for whatever is causing the numbness. Praying in the meantime of course that it is not serious.
As for the continuing home improvement side of things. I have stained the hall staircase banister and railing the same color as my kitchen cabinets. The darker color looks really good against the new wall color. I still need to select which displays I want for the walls (not too many as the hallway is not a large one) than finally the hallway will be complete.
DH on the other hand seems to be on a staining frenzy and now wishes to stain (same color as the kitchen cabinets) the trim (1 entryway, a bi-fold doorway and exterior doorway) in the Family room which is paneled the same as the top of our kitchen cabinets. Right now the trim is the original stain which is a worn out but warm walnut shell color. I have not given him the go ahead just yet but I am thinking about it. It would definitely be a darker trim if we go ahead and I think that may be why I am hesitating.
The husband and I also got a little time with the grandson this week (Monday). We picked him up from VBS and took him to see Man of Steel which was a really good movie. Now little man wants to be Superman for Halloween and trick or treat with "his crew" (what he calls the adults who are the closest to him, in full costume...
DH/ Pepa: Iron Man
Daddy: Captain American
Mom's BF/ Dan: The Hulk
Big Guy friend/JB: Batman
Big Guy friend/ Jeff: Hawkeye
ME: SUPER MEMA! Of course, he says, I have to make my own cape.
Can you imagine this group of rag tag Superheros walking down the street. What FUN! We only need to talk the others into dressing their part.
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