Sunday, March 10, 2013
There is nothing like feeling completely left out to ruin one's mood. I seriously feel like a third wheel. I am both angry and depressed. Earlier in the week DH asked me to look up some concert information that involves some of our favorite music groups. He didn't mention ME going at the time but I thought he was just waiting until I told him the information. I checked out the concert info on line and relayed it to him the next day. He was all excited yet still made no mention of the "two of us" attending. Two days later our daughter called to tell us the details for our grandson's birthday party that is set to happen later this month. After we talked for awhile DH shouts out from the other room, "Hey, ask her if she wants to go to the concert with ME?". He still had yet to ask if I wanted to go so it is fair to say I immediately felt like I had been tossed to the curb. Nevertheless I conveyed the invitation to our daughter and she responded by saying that she, her boyfriend Dan and her BF were already planning to attend but "if dad wants to go too, they can all go together. The two of them than set out to plan the details such as when to buy tickets, where to sit, etc with ME being the go-between on the phone. I know I was subjecting myself to further heartache but I figure I was way too upset at that point to think logically and hand the phone to him to do his own dirty work so I just played along. After the call however I did let out my feelings on the matter and asked him why is it that the two of them always include each other on plans, have no problem doing so right in front of me but never once try and include me. Whether its concerts, football games, other activities, joining a team, and/ or even going on particular trips, the invitations never extend to ME. Even if I were to say no to an invitation of theirs, it would be nice to be asked but I never am. DH responded to my statement by saying he thought I would say something, thought I wouldn't want to go, thought I didn't like the groups playing (when he knows full well I do), than changed those excuses to he thought I would want to stay home to watch our grandson instead. There were two things I noticed right away about his excuses; he had many reasons why he didn't asked me to go and they all placed ME as the responsible party.
Needless to say we didn't talk much the rest of that day nor the next day. I eventually accepted however that it is what it is and reminded myself that I will never change how the two of them feel about me nor their hurtful ways. Yesterday our daughter called back up and asked me to get on the computer and check out the concerts seats she just bought for herself, her dad, Dan and her BF. "insert physical discomfort" She than hits me with her son will be going with them as well. My grandson's very first concert! Train (they sing one of my grandson's favorite songs Hey Soul Sister), The Script and solo artist Gavin Degraw will be playing. I immediately realized that I am the only one NOT GOING, I will miss sharing with my grandson his first concert experience and my husband and daughter will be having a great time together as usual and I will be once again left out. Neither one of them even bothered to ask what I would be doing while they are 3 hours away having fun? No surprise there for they already know the answer - no car (with my vision couldn't drive one anyway), no cab nor bus availabe and no friends nearby means NOTHING! That physical discomfort I mentioned just a minute ago, oh yeah, that was my heart breaking... again. Like I said earlier there is nothing like feeling completely left out to ruin one's mood!
Monday, March 04, 2013
In all my years of trying to lose weight whether successfully or not, I have found that BRAND NEW SCALES can be infuriating to say the least. In my opinion they are only out done by doctor scales.
My old I learned this weekend no longer works, kicking the bucket for no apparent reason. I weighed in on Friday, just a few days after beginning some new changes to my weight loss plan and according to my scale I hadn't dropped an ounce. I tried again Saturday and the scale weren't even turn on. I replaced the batteries with new ones and still nothing. DH even opened the back to see if he could find out what the issue was. Still all we got for our efforts was a blank screen which when you are trying to lose weight can be very frustrating.
So I went out yesterday and bought a new scale. After doing some research and searching high and low at three different stores for just the right one as I am very particular when it comes to a scale, I found one I liked. A real top of the line beauty!
I decided to weigh myself this morning, actually changing my weigh in day once again to Mondays because it lines up much better with the Mini Challenges I have recently set up for myself. Anyway I happily got on the scale thinking just maybe I had dropped something for the week after all but unfortunately that would NOT be the case. Suddenly my happy go lucky attitude changed and definitely not for the better. Shockingly the number that stared back at me big and bold was not at all what I expected from my shiny new scale.
240 lbs!!!!!!! A whole 10 pound difference from my old scale and a number that is not going in the direction I am use to either. After a few moments of utter terror I collected myself somewhat and tried to find a reason for the change. I made sure the scale was on a solid level surface. I checked and changed the batteries. I even read the instructions... TWICE. And than I did what I normally do when I need to see if something mechanical is truly broken, I dragged my husband into the bathroom for a second opinion, a test drive of sorts. Believe me when I say he wasn't at all happy either when he found out he was 10 lbs more than his last weigh in, and NOW over 200 lbs. 208 to be exact!
After the two of us stood there a few minutes, looking rather pathetic I did the only thing I knew to do. NO!!! I didn't throw the thing out the window. Although I was thinking about it. Instead I went to the kitchen and got a 10 lb bag of sugar. We keep a lot of these around as DH is a sugar addict. The only man I know that has coffee with his sugar in the morning. Nevertheless I placed the bag on the scale and waited...
After a moment the number 10 clear as day stared right back at me. UGH!!! My heart sank. Yet not to be out done by a scale I than asked DH to get one of his weights from his gym set downstairs. He begrudgingly agreed and moments later came back with a 20 lb weight. He placed it on the scale and low and behold the number 20 lit up before us. Now I have to say it took me awhile to realize at this point I had only two outcomes to choose from. Either I go out and exchange this scale for another one, chancing the same thing happening OR accept the reality as is and move on. "sigh" Since I do not feel much like having an all out war with multiple scales today I have decided to go with option #2 and accept this new number. Although not without first saying how much I HATE NEW SCALES!!! Actually right now, I am not liking weigh in days much either!
Sunday, March 03, 2013
I have lost 110 lbs so far. I have more to get rid of but have found myself struggling with effort and motivation the past two months. My weight loss has slowed considerably and my personal life and health situation are equally depressing. Recently I have made some changes and have begun some mini challenges that I hope will kick start me once again into a more productive direction.
This morning I came across a story that made me stand up and take notice. The woman in it truly inspires me to keep up my efforts no matter how depressing life seems to be right now or how slowly the remaining pounds leave my body. She gives me HOPE!! At one time she was 250 lbs and on 25 medications. She had a host of very serious illnesses including ones of the heart and kidneys. Now she no longer takes any medication. Here is her AMAZING story. Let her inspire you too!
Name: Betty Lou Sweeney
Before Weight: 250 pounds
How I Gained It: I had been on diets my whole life. I'd lose weight, and then gain it back, plus more. It had become a vicious cycle for me. I must have tried every diet out there, and they all worked, but slowly the pounds returned. I just couldn't keep the weight off.
I was an unhappy child due to being raised in more than 12 different foster homes and living in and out of the orphanage many times. I wasn't adopted until I was 15 years old. In that time, I had been abused many times. My friends were animals and food.
As an adult, I loved sweets and fast food. I would consume six donuts or rolls on the way home from work, just an hour's drive. I ate ice cream bars, lots of fried chicken, fish and chops, with all the trimmings. My potatoes were heavy with butter.
I never felt attractive and was told so often what a loser I was that I believed it. I never liked myself, except for those times when I had gotten down to a size 10 or 12. I could never maintain it, so it did nothing for my self-esteem.
Breaking Point: In May 2009 at age 69, I got another bladder infection, but this time the infection went to the sac that surrounds the heart. In treating that infection, I reacted to the medication and my kidneys shut down. I put on 30 pounds of water weight overnight and was having a very hard time breathing. I became septic and my temperature soared to 106. At first, I reacted to every medicine and got sicker and sicker. Finally a medication kicked in, and I started to get better. My doctors told my husband that they almost lost me. I felt my family deserved better than this.
How I Lost It: I am a registered nurse, so I asked one of the dietitians at work to give me an eating plan they would give to a newly-diagnosed diabetic who needed to lose weight. I wasn't diabetic yet, but knew I needed to keep my blood sugars stable. On that day, I changed the foods I ate, the way I cooked them and my portion sizes. I got down to about 210 pounds when an Anytime Fitness center opened near my home. I joined, and over the next couple of months I got down to 200 pounds. The weight was coming off so slowly, so I engaged the help of a trainer. When we started, I couldn't get up from a chair to a standing position on my own. Everything hurt from my arthritic joints. Dave, my trainer, was very patient and encouraging as he slowly helped me get better.
Today I am able to do a pull-up (never could do those, even as a child!), 20 push-ups and sit-ups. I have run many 5K races and two half-marathons. I set a Guinness World Record for the longest time in an abdominal plank in 2011 at age 71. Shortly after, a man broke my record, but I believe I still hold it for women. I feel younger than I have in years. I have pushed through several injuries, including a dislocated shoulder, a fractured left hand, a pulled calf and, most recently, a torn hamstring.
Now, I eat raw vegetables, fresh fruit, yogurt and protein powder to help me get enough protein in to sustain my workouts. I eat chicken breasts with no skin, fish or very lean pork. All meats are either baked, broiled or fixed in a hot air oven where all the fats drip away. I never eat sweets these days because when I did I found I craved them for almost a month. It wasn't worth the scare it put into me. I don't miss them and can be at a party and not even feel tempted anymore. I have learned to love the taste of the food itself without all the crap I used to put on top. I have more energy, I'm not sluggish anymore and I now like myself, which is something I never did for 69 of my 73 years. My self-esteem has soared. I can now talk in front of a group and be at ease, as I feel I have a story to tell that could save someone else's life. I have never been happier in my life. My trainer is like a grandson to me, I love him so much. At this point who knows where my life will take me!
After Weight: 135 pounds
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE! WE all need to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT for what we want and NEVER EVER GIVE UP!! This woman is living, breathing proof IT CAN BE DONE, regardless of age, and/or condition!!
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