Tuesday, July 05, 2011
First let me start by saying, with all respect...... back off calorie-nazi's!!! Seriously, your comments about calorie intake has led me to doing something I knew wouldn't work because I have "been there" a hundred times before on my own and that's to eat over 1200 calories a day and as usual and I've stopped losing, actually, I've gained.
Do they not think that I would love to eat over 1200 calories? I mean come on, that's why I find it so hard to lose weight because it is so hard to stay under 1200 calories but this has been a 20 year struggle for me... we are all made differently and we all have different needs. I am hypothyroid, my thyroid levels are very low without medication and with medication they can get my levels up but not my energy and certainly doesn't affect my weight -- so, all three endocrinologist I've seen in my life have all recommend that I eat to the calorie range that I lose at and the only way to find that out is through trial and error and I've found I lose "ok" at around 1,000.
I do try to eat above 1200 thinking this time it will work for me, but it doesn't and I am tired of HOPING that it will because reality is, I am morbidly obese because I, like everyone else, want to eat over 1200 calories and I think ok, if I just stay at 1200 steady for a week, maybe I will lose, then of course I don't because that is fantasy land thinking for me!!
Then, before you know it I have given up completely because I have "failed" at 1200 calories... and am back to just eating whatever whenever because its incredibly difficult to only eat 1,000 a day, so I guess what I am really saying (albeit with a little frustration) if you feel the need to throw the same ole same ole box standard "eat over 1200 calories a day" at someone, at least care enough to ask their history and situation first, otherwise you are not "supporting" that person at all.
I don't know how these HGC people can do 500 calories a day so go bitch at them, leave me alone lmao!
Sunday, July 03, 2011
They sure fill ya up, in an unpleasant way and burping fish oil - lovely but as with everything, stick with it and the benefits will outweigh the little annoyances!!
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Ok, well I set out to make dinner pretty much based on SERVING SIZES which were marked on the labels of each product, along with half of a large chicken breast. Oh and let me tell you, I was so proud of myself (me planning a meal based on calroies and serving sizes, seriously?) and trust me, I was thinking there's no way this is going to be enough food, surely my plate was going to look like it came from some fancy french restaurant with tiny miniscule servings........ because after all there were four different items on my menu but all for only 367 calories!
Ok, so here I go with my measuring cup, the labels says a serving size is; 1/2 cup for corn, 1/2 cup for peas and new potatoes 3 servings per can, plus 6 oz of chicken breast... oh and the light alfredo sauce at only 1/4 cup per serving, I was thinking really?! What is the even the point.
So ok, I NOW KNOW WHY I AM FAT -- I was seriously amazed in my (cough late-ish) 40's to realize just exactly what a 1/2 cup of corn and peas actually look like on a plate - aka, a lot! A third of a can of new potatoes is pretty much 3 potatoes and 6 oz of chicken breast consumes the entire plate!!! Then came time to dish up the 1/4 cup of alfredo sauce still thinking that's not a lot of sauce -- but are you kidding me? A 1/4 of sauce is more than enough!
What kind of weirdo serial eater have I been all these years? Have mercy!! As I stood there spooning and spooning and spooning the alfredo sauce (that I never thought I could have on a "diet") that I didn't think was going to be enough and is now taking over my already heaping plate -- I was absolutely amazed, and all of that for only 367 calories!! (and 8 grams of fat!)
That truly is a massive amount of food but is NOTHING compare to my normal dinner say from Captain D's;
2 pieces of fish 364
2 hushpuppies 200
3 tarter sauce 300
large cokoe 276
= a whopping 1406 calories
So, I shaved around 1100 calories off my typical dinner and MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, the plate of food I made tonight for only 376 calories, that I thought was going to be tiny, was actually way too much! I would be just fine eating only HALF of what was on my plate - which would save half the calories (and half the cost of food)
I've learned so much this evening just from taking the time to look at labels and realizing what a portion size looks like - before when I'd see or hear a description like "a piece of chicken is the size of a deck of cards or the palm of your hand" I'd be like "yeah right" but now I am like yeah, seriously -- right!
The fat has been peeled from my eyes and hopefully soon from the rest of me!!
Please forgive my zeal but what an awakening!! I am more thrilled with my discoveries than I am appalled at my life long ignorance but at this point all I can say to myself is, I did what I did before I knew better, but now that I know better, if I gain another pound from this moment forward, then I will be a complete idiot.
Friday, July 01, 2011
I did well today, no cheating and I've been good about tracking what I eat, that to me is key, otherwise I would have already eaten way more than I have. Funny, I have always heard about tracking food and how those successful with weight loss kept a food journal but it is only just now sinking in to me just how important and what a crucial part of weight loss the food tracker is, at least for me because I was a mindless eater, a snacker, grazer but writing everything down shines a light on that nonsense!
Earlier today I was getting the boys a snack, and thought, hmm, I can have just one cookie (which we all know would have been 5) but this time I immediately thought "well, I'd have to go write it down and is it really worth all that?" the writing, the calories.... and that's all I needed, a barrier, something that said HEY wait a minute and once the minute was past, I no longer really wanted the cookie (oh well, sure I wanted a cookie, lets be real lol) but it gave me a moment to pause and make a conscious decision instead of the usual unconscious feeding frenzy, so Yay me!!
Unreal to be patting myself on the back for something that is so obvious, but that is the point isn't it, it is obvious that I didn't eat the cookies, and obvious that my subconscious doesn't have a diverted cookie feast to beat myself up over.
So yes, congrats to me, I am FINALLY with the program!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Hello to those of you who may read this. I just joined Spark today. I've been heavy pretty much all my life except for a few years in my late teens when I lost weight but since then I've lost and gained and lost and gained and each time I get bigger and bigger to where I am now 254 pounds! GASP! I never thought I would or could ever be this big but here I am and reality is I've not been under 200 for many years and even that was for only a very short time.
The past two years have been a weight gain extravaganza... maybe its true that some of us are just predisposed to being overweight, have more fat cells, lower metabolism - all of which I am sure I suffer but my true problem is "I hide in fat" OUCH the truth hurts and when an ex had the gall to tell me I was "hiding in fat" I was floored but then I realized as much as I hated it, he was right, I am HIDING IN FAT -- hiding from my problems, hiding from life, hiding from relationships by drowning/comforting my sorrows, my fears and a lifetime of disappointments, with food.
Food has become my friend and my enemy and I desperately need to get my head around the fact that cutting back on food, and that eating healthy and exercise is not a punishment. It feels punishing lol but there is no doubt that I have been way too easy on myself, while also being so very hard on myself :(
I want the best life has to offer but I will never have that being as overweight as I am BECAUSE I use my weight to beat myself up and to stop myself from being happy and doing the things I want to do. I am self a sabotaging self-defeater and food is my most lethal weapon against myself. So is negative self talk and negative self perception, which is weird because I do like myself, I know I have a lot to offer, I know I am intelligent, attractive (at least not hideous lol) but somehow, someway, for some reason, I have taken the actions of a few in my life who have hurt me and I've turned that hurt inward against myself. For example, if a man I was seeing treated me bad, made me feel bad about myself, as if I wasn't good enough, attractive enough, young enough... instead of saying whatever, forget him!! (as I and everyone should) instead I started feeling and treating myself the very same way.
So I try to keep the story of the HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL etched in my mind:
I was at a sales conference when the speaker held up a brand new crisp one hundred dollar bill... he asked who wanted it, well of course we all did. Then he took it and crumpled and waded it up and asked who wanted it, still of course we all did. Then he threw it on the ground, stomped on, smashed it and twisted into the ground with his foot as hard as he could, picked the bill up, looking very worse for wear and said, who still wants it? and of course we all still wanted it. Then he screamed at it, saying it was ripped, torn and ugly... then he gently uncrumpled the bill, smoothed it out and showed it to the crowd and said... this bill, no matter what it has been through, no matter how many have stepped on it, no matter what has been said to it or about it, its value has not changed, its worth is still exactly the same... it is still worth a HUNDRED DOLLARS!!
So, no matter what has happened to me, who has rejected me, hated me, or hurt me ~ from this moment forward I refuse to allow them and myself to take away my self worth and value, I vow to never let their words or actions become my own!!
No more negative self talk, no more eating away the blues, no more hiding in fat!!
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