Wednesday, November 02, 2011
I am finally 201.0 pounds! At my highest I was 233. I am excited because I am only 2 lbs away from being under the 200lb mark, and 31 lbs away from my goal 170. I really want to do this. Slowly but surely. :) OMG I'm so excited, but I'm also afraid from not getting there and it just seems so surreal. I literally can't believe that ME, a girl like ME, can do this. I can't see myself down there in those numbers. Please give me advice.... I really need it.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
I had a good day at school today. I passed my first quiz with 85%. Although, I did pass,I wanted a higher passing grade. I guess I have to study more next time. I say a lot is going through my head, but truth is, my head is just spinning around. I don't know what to think. I want to think about everything, but I feel overwhelmed with thoughts.
First, today has been a good day. Because my daughter started pre-K. That was fun. My baby is a BIG girl now. And I'm glad to see that she is independent for her age, and that she wasn't shy with the teachers.
What I didn't like about today was that I didn't get to work out. As soon as I got up, close to 9. I didn't use my time efficiently. I had to get ready at 12 to go to my daughters orientation. I left at 1:45 from my house. Her orientation ended at 3:45. I start school at 5:15. I went to my moms house during that hour. At 5 I left to school. I got out at 9:15pm. So i didnt get a chance to work out. Should I be getting up earlier? I mean even if I did get up at 7am, I live in the second floor, so I can't be jumping and running in place because the people downstairs will think there is an earthquake or something. And I can't go outside because my daughter is home at that time since she got afternoon classes. And I have no babysitter. =( so I am doomed.
I wish the day was longer so I can have more time to workout, more time for school, more time to be a mom, more time to be a wife, more time to clean, more time to rest. My days go by too fast, and I feel like I get nothing done.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
I don't know why I hate my family so much. I know HATE is a strong word. But I don't mean to actually HATE my family. Is just to describe how Angry I am at them. So It doesn't even matter I have family. I don't want to be near them. I need time off from them. I know this is Sparks People. And this is like the 578693 time I've came back, still being fat... I still weigh 204. I know that I have achieved something due to the fact that I was 233 before. And somehow I have managed to keep that weigh off. Although I did go back up to 214 but Now I'm back at 204. So I dont know if I will be able to do more this time. I mean I can't seem to go down more weight. Something is stopping me, and I'm done with that. I don't know why I cant seem to go down more, but I am mad at myself for trying "not trying hard enough." So I came back hoping I will do it this time.
So I recently enrolled in a community college to get my GED. Since I never got my high school diploma. So I am so ready to get this out of the way. I don't know what is more important to me, my GED or my health and fitness. I guess I have to choose GED. and somehow manage to get my fitness in during the day. I am just going to stay away from my family. and dedicate myself more and only to #1 my daughter, #2 School, and #3 those together and fitness and health incorporated everyday. I see it hard to do, but I'm done being scared of lazy. I'm going to show myself that I can do it, that I can do it by myself. SO my family can see that I did something they thought I couldnt do.. Because my own sister put in a bet that I would'nt be able to do it. So I wont even show her that she was right. I'm going to show MYSELF that she was wrong.
This is going to be a challenge for me, but I know I can do it.. even if i fall out of the wagon, I know I will get back on.
Something inside me still wishes I had a nice strong bonded family though. They don't understand me or how I have blue days sometimes. Some worse than others... Especially the time during PMS. I actually did go to the doctor for a check up... He said I have had depression for a long time and that I need to see a psychologist also he said I have anxiety so he gave me medication for that.. Which I never went to the pharmacy to get because I've been like this for so long I thought I could handle on my own, and fix it some other way. Sometimes i do think i should get it though. Cuz' there is days when I feel im going to lose it. but i manage to go through those days. Never went to the psychologist because I D K. But I am managing to get through this.
I am done feeling like this. Especially towards my family. and towards myself. So I'm going to take a break from them and from my feelings. I am going to dedicate myself to just 3 things. and thats it. I will get somewhere. I want to be proud of myself and things I accomplish.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
So I set my goal to be 199 by may 1st. But I didn't do it... I got lazy and stopped working out as much.. I was eating better than I would in the past, I made healthier choices, ate less, and drank little to almost no soda, Even though I'm very disappointed in myself for not sticking to my routine, I don't see myself as a failure, I have learned to do things and change little things in my life, and as little as they may be to some people, they are good changes for me and I feel accomplished for keeping them with me without even trying. My daughters birthday is on June 1.. Ive set myself the goal to go from 205.1 to 199.0. I want to be able to do this. I want to prove myself the point that I can be under 200lbs. I want to do it so I can be even more motivated to keep going and never ever be over 200lbs.. I am sticking with the program!! and I hope to be 199.0 on June first.. Hey maybe I'll even go under 199... =P Cheer for me SPARK friends!!! I feel real gooD about setting this goal. =)
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Ok so I started of going 4 weeks ago. And I feel awesome! There is 111 days left until summer and I dont know where I will be when summer gets here, I just know that I'm setting that date to see back on what I've accomplished. I have lost 7 lbs and gained muscle. I feel great. I know 7 lbs is not a lot but I feel so much better, not so sluggish, I wake up early at 7 or 8 and not feel tired.. (I used to wake up around 10:30 before.) I have a lot more energy and I feel very proud of what I've been able to do. My workouts are better now, I can last longer and I can take the pain better than before... jejeje. My daughter knows everytime I go to the gym and she gets happy when I go. Not that she knows what it is, she is only 3, I think she notices that I have more energy and I'm in a better mood everyday. My hubby gives me support and he is also starting to work out now. Lazy is what lazy does, I guess he didnt care for his health cuz I didn't but now that he sees my motivation and my choice for healthier foods, he wants the same for him. I bought 3 - 2 liters of pop, for our guests...(squirt, strawberry fanta, and rc) and I havent had my usual 3 glasses a day. Now I only sip a little bit from my husbands glass like twice a week. And I notice I don't crave it... it was just a habit.. And I'm getting rid of that ugly bad habit of drinking and eating just because. I dont want that anymore. I dont want to feel full, sluggish, bloated, and yukky and fat. I like feeling light, not hungry just right, and strong. I came back with a different mind set, and I feel I'm getting far this time. Don't know where yet. I just feel it's going to be a wonderful change. =D
Get An Email Alert Each Time CELIJUDITH Posts