Thursday, November 08, 2012
This is more on the serious side of my weight journey.
Everybody knows me as the happiest person around. I am the man that anyone, young, old, male, female could turn to for advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to talk to.
My smile is almost always full force :D and usually have a joke, or some stupid perverted comment for most things that will brighten someones day.
This is, well, WAS me. I am describing myself when I was 5'9 and 305 lbs in April of 2011. Life was grand! Everything I had was more than good enough for me, all the way down to my body. I wore, and by wore I mean stretched out a 4xl shirt and wore 44x30 pants around my hip, and not my waist. I wore XL boxers which still squeezed me a bit. Goodwill and big and tall were where I shopped, as I was growing too big to guarantee walmart would have my size anymore.
I decided to embark on a life changing journey, physically was the intention. I never had a clue about the emotional roller coaster that was in store...
Today I type this to you sitting in a pair of 32x32 pants and a medium button up shirt, wearing size small boxers at 175 lbs. I am a completely different person than I was 1 1/2 years ago. My smile is rare, my friends don't come around much or talk to me a whole lot, and I just don't have the positive outlook I used to.
One may think, well losing weight shouldn't do that to you! Look at everything that's happened. I got married 2 1/2 years to the love of my life while I was huge. My personality was great! Since then I've lost a bunch of weight, gotten a much better job, a nicer car, and have 2 kids. This should be the recipe for the american dream..right?
Upon research I believe I have developed an eating disorder from my bodybuilding stint. It's called Orthorexia, meaning I'm obsessed with eating the perfect amount, of healthy foods only. I plan my meals weeks in advance to hit the perfect calories, carbs, fats and proteins for my muscle gain or fat loss needs.
Since losing my weight I have become rude, arrogant, impatient and almost anything else negative that one could really imagine. My wife and family have noticed that with every passing day I become more aggressive on my stance of opinions, and correcting others in what they do nutritionally wrong unless it's doing my own research to better myself.
I seen to start arguments for no reason other than to start them, I have lost my sex drive and generally feel like I fail at life, because how you treat others IS life, not what you have or do.
I just don;t know what to do anymore. Look on my Facebook at my fat to not fat pictures and see how happy I was, see that smile. Then see me smaller. I'm unhappy, unsatisfied. I look back and wonder if I should say screw it and gain it back. I don't have the money for a counselor or anything similar, but mcdonalds sure does have a dollar menu.
I appreciate all who respond to this whether its here on sparkpeople, or you add me on facebook and comment away. Thanks in advance for all the support.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
11 months ago I stepped on the scale at a hefty 305 pounds. I knew it was time to change. I started my weight loss journey April 5th 2011. I stand before you now at 178 pounds and working on muscle mass gain now. Along the way I had some VERY unexpected comments, looks etc, here's some of the things I experienced.
My wife constantly telling me to not lose any more weight or I won't look good. My WIFE! I thought of all people in the world she would support my goals. This completely crushed me to hear her say I wouldn't look good if i lost more. I had 40, then 20, then 5 lbs to go.
She eventually had all her coworkers telling me to not shrink anymore. They started telling me to stop. Why?!?! Why can I not lose weight without criticism from others? Why can i not set and achieve a goal without negativity? I did all my weight loss through healthy eating and excersise. I never went balemic or anything stupid like people think I did to lose 130 pounds in 11 months.
I am now happy with my body. I'm wearing size 32 pants and large tee shirts or medium dress shirts. I am down to an easy 9.5 minute mile and lifting heavier than I knew I could.
Why do people tell us to stop? Why are people so against our success? Why are we constantly told to stop when were still overweight and working on it? Why do we get criticized for turning down sweets or unhealthy meals.
How many times have I been told " 1 piece isn't going to kill you." Or "fast food once in a while won't hurt your weight loss". Well you know what, I know my body. I know how I act. If i OK it once ill OK it more than once. I have an addictive personality.
I continue to get slack for going to the gym 5 days a week now. I get told you look so good, you've lost so much. I have new goals. I achieved my weight goal. Nobody is stopping me.
Do you guys get a hard time like this? How do you explain. That its your body to someone ? Is everyone else's journey as heart crushing to have a significant other tell you that "you won't look good to me anymore"?
Now I actually hear complaints that I'm not soft in bed, but all she feels is muscle (butt, shoulders and chest area.)
Thursday, December 08, 2011
So here's the new deal. I was going to the gym 5 times a week. Three times I would do strength training and twice cardio. Finally, after a month or so I convinced my wife to join with me! Yay happy day... well... I thought.
I used to leave for work early and just hit the gym on my way there as I was forced to walk by it anyways, but since my wife joined up I have been going after work now, at 12:15 in the morning. Sigh I'm already tired after work, Ive already commuted 3 hours on a bus to and from, and then I get to come home and get my wife ready for the gym. Usually consists of 30 minutes of arguing before shes finally ready.
Whether she goes or not, I go. Every time. Only difference, I dropped it to 3 times a week, but I do strength AND cardio every time.
Then this week hit. I hurt my back Sunday morning, bad. I'm all cramped up and everything, hurts to walk my 3/4 mile to work, hurts to stand. Luckily I have a desk job, but I missed my Monday gym session and I felt like such a fatty for even missing 1 day. I came down on myself so hard I felt like trash for not going once, even though I couldn't move.
Tonight as I type this I just returned from the gym and just polished off my protein shake. My back is still bad, but its getting better thanks to the priesthoods blessing I received for it as well as some natural muscle relaxers and anti inflammatory.
Going tonight was so hard, my wife told me over and over not to, my back still hurt, everything screamed no. I just couldn't stop thinking of how horrible I felt for skipping Monday though. I wasn't going through that again. I feel great after my workout, (minus the back of course) as I always do. The gym is actually the highlight of my days as I work 7 days a week!
Sorry for the somewhat depressing log everyone, but someone else out there just may be in the same situation hu?
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Well over the last week I have weighed myself 3 times. My weight was 215 at first (last sunday). I then weighed myself tuesday and it read 210. I then realized I had been reading my scale all wrong.... It really was 210 THEN 205. now on thursday, today, I'm reading it at 203... either Herbalife is STILL rocking my world and I'm eating right and exercising right, or somethings wrong with my poor analog scale that I just bought :( I am going to stick with the positive side though!
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Ingredients you will need: (based off of our family of 4)
3 full sized carrots (chopped into 1/2 wheels)
a full medium sized onion (chopped whatever size you like)
1 bell pepper, color your choice (copped up)
a handful of snow peas (chopped in half)
a handful of greens beans (chopped in about 1/2 in pieces)
2 cloves of garlic chopped
1 chicken breast (chop as small as you have patience for)
about a cup mabey 1.5 cups of soy sauce
2 cups uncooked brown rice
olive oil (3-4 tbsp)
start off by cooking your brown rice, get that task out of the way.
chop your chicken, and put it all in a bowl. fill bowl to chicken level with soy, cover and let soak in fridge.
Chop the veggies and garlic and place into a bowl and set aside
heat up a wok or pan over medium heat. higher will smoke the olive oil
dump the veggie bowl contents into the pan and stir often until they become the tenderness that YOU prefer (remember they will be cooked about 3-5 minutes more with the chicken, so keep that in mind)
dump chicken/soy sauce in with veggies, and cook, stiring often until chicken is cooked all the way through
remove from head, and serve rice first on a plate, and ladle the stir fry over top, getting as much or as little juices as you want as you do this
serve with a smile, and watch your family love you
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