Sunday, November 13, 2011
Up till recently, I have been an energetic, bubbly, happy person. 4 months ago I was approached about helping someone. I gave it lots of thought, chatted to my husband about it, and both of us, taking into account my general disposition thought I should. Well, what a mistake that turned out to be.
I have been well and truly bitten in the bum, kicked in the face and any other negative description you wish to add to those and you'd still be missing by a mile.
Trouble is, I am locked into this arrangement for a "little" while still out of decency, even though decency has not been displayed in turn.
I cannot believe that this could end up so wrong. The ungrateful person I have helped, has done everything in her power to hurt me in return. She has in 4 short months, found out where my achilles heal is, and gone for the "jugular".
Instead of being grateful for the help, this person has become angry at needing the help. What's with that?
So many time I've read the statement.....,if its meant to be, its up to me. And now I wonder if that is true? I know I have a clear conscience before Jehovah God for doing the right thing, but it still hurts so bad. Tragically, its the 2nd time in my life I have done the right thing, and its gone horribly wrong for me. The first was allowing my ex visitation rights before the divorce was finalised. I figured it was the right thing to do, and it was!!!
Just because their father was divorcing me, didn't mean he was divorcing the kids. It was tragic however, because he decided to grab and run for 18 months. That I did not expect...nobody did!
This time round, I did not expect the outcome of this favor, to get so mean either.
I know the person is emotionally disturbed, I just didn't realise to what extent.
The really sad thing is, I have tons to give, but I will have to always think 50 times from now on before giving of myself. In fact, I will never freely give quite so much of myself again.
But, this whole episode which will taper off shortly, has left me sick at heart, sick emotionally, and finally sick physically. I just seem to get one thing after the other. Am I "letting" this get to me? I can't cut and run....due to certain factors involved. I do have to wait for a short time which will place this problem some distance from me. Will it "get better" after that? Maybe/maybe not but with distance I will hopefully help ME heal up and not worry overly about the other party.
I so badly want to get back to where I was...happy, healthy, energized.
That isn't a HUGE ask is it?
I have made a start this morning at eating oats with chopped apple in it.
Oats is healthy, its also one of the anti-pression and good for blood pressure foods, and of course an apple a day keeps the doctor away. So there you have it.
Maybe that combination is the way to go.
I feel proverbially flat on my back with someones foot on my throat. But I will get back up...I know myself. I do need a short rest, which I am taking. When I get up and finally get going....watch out world because
(a) I'll be stronger for this lesson
(b) I'll be healthily taking care of myself
(c) I won't be 'conned' in a hurry again.
There is a lesson to be taken out of everything that happens in life. I didn't ask for this to happen, but I MUST learn from this and I will.
Ironically, in my "good days" I used to read blogs like this and wonder how people got so down at other peoples hands. Other than my chronic situation with my ex I had not experienced mentally/emotionally unstable people first hand.
So now I know first hand how it happens.
A new improved Celeste' will rise from these ashes.
However, life is not all bad, the good side of life is always my precious grandson who gets cute and naughtier by the day.
He was finally allowed to get some dirt on his hands and this is what it looked like. First he starts playing with the weeds and getting his hands dirty, but didn't at this point realise that fact.
Then he discovers the dirt on his hands.
Not being used to dirty hands, he tried to rub it off.
Please check out the lip when it wouldn't rub off. LOL
I think he was secretly trying to replant the weeds.
I tried to tell him it wasn't funny, I'd worked hard in that weeding especially since my back was killing me. But seems I was wrong....it was VERY FUNNY.
This toddler remains GRANNY'S BLUE EYED BOY.
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Axel eating lunch......nothing unusual about that?!
Axel eating crackers and processed cheese!!!!
Axel eating crackers and processed cheese AND being fed by MOMMY!!!
This was the kid that was NOT going to eat any junk. He was going to have a better start to life than Alex did and he has. Michelle has done a stellar job of making sure Axel had a superb start in life. We did, however tell Michelle that since she and Daniel love their Monday night movies which comes with rubbish crisps, sweets etc that there would be no chance of keeping Axel off sweets etc long term.
Monkey see......Monkey do (which is ironically the nick name they have for him...monkey)
First started Axel eating crisps....the real rubbish kind and then chocolates. And now this.
Didn't we all have the same ideals when we had our first children? I did.
My kid ended up eating whatever I could find, especially on weekends which were spent around the pool. The easiest foods to take with and keep in a bag in the sun was vienna sausages.....eeeeeyoooo but he ate them.
My second, all of his own accord, never touched sweets or desserts. To this day, (27 yrs old) he doesn't eat sweets or eat desserts. Every now and then and I mean now and then he actually buys a sweet....and it ends up in the kitchen uneaten. In this, he takes after my older sister who doesn't eat sweets or cakes, but loves baking. So she bakes cake and feeds it to the kids who live in her block of apartments. She gets the little ones to clean up papers blowing about etc and in exchange they get cold drink and cake.
So don't worry Michelle....it was bound to happen. No one holds it against you.
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
Ever been so tired you feel tearful all the time?
Ever had a situation that won't end anytime soon?
Ever had a day start bad and just keep on going downhill?
Well that pretty much explained my days start. Fortunately it did get better, before you think it was all bad. Somehow my days never are ALL BAD. Something always comes along to make me smile, or give me some form of reprieve. But, back to this morning.
I woke up after a horrid nightmare in which my beloved old BMW was smashed beyond repair. In my dream I had been to the movies (something I rarely do) and when I came out, I couldn't find my car. When I did find the wreckage,
I realized that if I had been in it, I would have been dead. In my dream I was horrified and everyone else was acting like it was nothing, and I was making a big deal of nothing. I forced myself awake with my heart pounding, and feeling sick at heart. Not nice. Went through to the kitchen and put the kettle on.
It would be moments and the rest of the house would be stirring, other than my married kids who are always awake early because Axel wakes early.
Having made tea, still feeling out of sorts, I went out into the garden to sit under my trees and listen to the morning birds....something I do daily, I just love the early mornings. They are a special time of quiet and solitude. Well usually.....
The next thing I hear my usually quietly spoken hubby bellowing at a family member over a certain disrespect which he has spoken of over and over and over again. This house is full of adults, not kids....so disrespect should be minimised. Hubby and I rarely have words even, we have a very peaceful relationship generally. I raised my eyes heavenward for help. I do understand hubby's issue....but so wished that he could have kept it together...its just 2 more weeks and the kids move out.
But, could have, would have, didn't happen and the mood was black in my house.
Luckily for me, I was making my escape...by going in the ministry. Sadly, my mood stayed down, as my heart was heavy. My field service partner picked up on my mood and took me for a cup of coffee to find out what was wrong. Bad move.
I can keep things together, but don't show me pity or kind concern, its always my undoing. Those emotions and my tear ducts seem to be linked. So there I sat in tears, pouring my heart out. Now that in itself, became a problem. I know I know...problem laden day. But if there is one thing I have learned in my 50 yrs, its that very rarely do people ever want to REALLY hear what's wrong, or can handle your pressure if its ongoing. In general, folks must "get over their issues asap" so as not to be sad/down/blue etc for too long.
While telling my partner the goings on, I looked up and suddenly realized that she wasn't really listening, LOL, kind of had that "get over with it" expression. So I wrapped it up asap and it appears she was happy with that. I'm not moaning about her reaction (to each his own) I dont even know whether her morning was worse than mine...I didn't ask. I'm just telling you the facts as they were.
We went back into the ministry and actually had two really fabulous calls.
The one lady we called on was so blue and virtually told my story through her story. My word! Obviously, I was able to put my arm around her and give her comfort. I recommended that she find a helper for an hour or two and take some time out with her husband. As I said those words, I thought to myself...."well, there's the solution yourself...you numbskull." So after field service, I called my husband, asked him to take an hour off work and meet me at home for a treat. To my surprise, he took the afternoon off instead and we did our thing....which was....head for the hills.
We took the first road out of town, turned up a dirt road and kept on going. The drive took us under these large shady trees that hung over the road. Already I was feeling at peace with myself and the world.
We were headed up the mountain, its what we do to de-stress. Those majestic, mountains do it for us. But before we got to them, we stopped at a water hole.
We climbed down an easy path to emerge at this river edge.
The yellow color comes from the rotting vegetation and tannin from the roots. Its totally harmless and beautiful to look at. If you drink the water, it has a slightly metallic taste, that's all.
We discarded our shoes, rolled up our jeans and walked in the water which was ICY despite it being summer here.
The stones were killing our feet. They looked smoother than they felt.
We walked quite a long way down and through the river. Each turn seemed prettier than the last and was food for our souls, changing our whole day from bad to wonderful.
We sat talking for a while at a little section with fairly fast running water.
The gurgling of the water was wonderful. We should all be allowed to live near running water, it has such a calming factor in my life. I love it. The water was icy and the part of my leg that was in the water was red from the cold, but it was a nice cold...if you know what I mean.
Justin tried to take a photo of both of us, but it was into the sun which was so bright. We could barely keep our eyes open long enough for the shot
While sitting there we saw so many tadpoles, possibly 50 or more, but as we moved to photograph them, the waters ripples caused them to disappeared under some rocks. Can you see the one brave one in the middle of the photo?
There were crabs too, but they were way to shy, just hid under big rocks the whole time. I didnt want to disturb them by poking them with a stick. Leave nature to be natural and catch them in a photo if you can - is my motto.
By walked all the way up till we found this gorgeous bridge. Seemed as old as time itself and such a solid structure.
Then came the tricky part. We had walked so far away from the easy entrance point and the only way was - walk ALL the way back - or straight up.
In a moment of bravado, we chose up (*shaking head here*)
We made it, goodness knows how because I am so unfit again, but we did. On to the mountains, our special place. The foliage up on the mountains is very green at the moment, and since the wild flowers are in blossom, its a very pretty sight.
So imagine our surprise when we rounded a corner and found this sight.
A fire had been. Not sure if it was "controlled burning" for ticks and snakes or whether the mountains were the subject of negligence. Either way, this poor tree looked sort of sad. Half burned, and half green. At least it survived.
One of the things I REALLY love about the mountains, is that the surround our town and no matter how many turns you take, no two mountains are the same to look at. They are LARGE, STABLE, IMMOVABLE, and just BEAUTIFUL.
They make me feel secure.
After a lengthy drive, we stopped at a quaint little roadside shop and had something light to eat and drink. There were only 10 tables, but they were numbered from 90 - 100. Why???? Your guess is as good as mine, maybe just for a laugh and to put a smile on a tired travellers face, which is exactly what it did to ours.
Normally we chat to whomever we find in these secluded areas, but today we kept to ourselves. Just needed some "people free" time out. But we came across some lovely sights none-the-less. This little family was waddling its way to the water and the male (daddy) goose was honking a noisy warning to us to keep clear of his family. He needn't have worried, we were happy to view them from a safe distance.
Whilst those little goslings had parents to keep them protected, the same did not apply to this poor guy. Some bird of prey must have been disturbed during his lunch meal. Snakes are out in force at the moment. Daniel during one of his walks saw 3 in one hour. Fortunately one hissed madly at him, or he may have stepped on it, sunning itself on a rock. Scary!
We were satisfied, at peace with each other and the world once more and finally after a 3 hr sojourn, we made our way home.
We crossed some bridges and drove on some interesting old roads.
Wound our way home along the edge of the mountains feeling very small indeed.
Passed a home that's garden was "littered" with what I initially thought was lavender, but turned out to be wild statice. It was an amazing sight.
I could live there quite comfortably.
Nature worked its miracle on my mood once more. I have no idea how many kilometers I walked, or how many calories I burned, and I truly don't care.
I can tell you this, it was fabulous, I bonded with my husband, I feel tired,
so I know I worked, but I'm peaceful again and that made it VERY WORTH IT.
I long for the time when the whole earth is going to be at peace. People with each other, the weather, animals with each other and animals with people. Everything, day after day, pure peace. My friend thinks I'm a fruitcake. She says she likes spice and peace every day must be incredibly boring....well, maybe for her, but not for me. I haven't the nervous system that can cope with upheaval then make up. I believe in keeping the peace and making the peace .......so much better for my soul.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
A Fervent Prayer
Just close your eyes and open your heart
And feel your worries and cares depart,
Just yield yourself to the Father above
And let Him hold you secure in His love.
For life on earth grows more involved
With endless problems that can't be solved
Jehovah just asks that we do our best,
Then He'll take over and finish the rest.
So when you're tired, discouraged and blue,
There's always one door open to you-
And that is the door of a fervent prayer
And you'll find Jehovah waiting there.
And a fervent prayer is no farther away
Than the quiet spot that you find to pray-
For your heart is a temple when God is there
As we place ourselves in his loving care.
And he hears each prayer through His loyal Son
When we pray "Jehovah, Your will be done"-
And the burdens that seemed too great to bear
Are lifted away on a fervent prayer
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
The last two days have been quite topsy turvey.
Firstly, on Suday my sister asked me to join her for a glass of wine and a little bit of time out....well it didn't need much asking, it sounded like a great idea. Trouble is, I hadn't thought to eat anything in my hurry to pick my sister up from the walk she had been on. Her kids had to leave the park in a hurry and I didn't want her standing on the side of the road in the early evening....we don't live in paradise yet.
So off she and I went in jovial moods and ordered a glass of dry red each.
I got as far as half a glass and started feeling awful...head spinning. I ended up pouring the rest of the wine into my sisters glass and started drinking plain water in the hopes to counteract the feelings in my head....horrible.
I dont know how folks get drunk on a regular basis...intentionally.
I think I just had too little food the whole day being busy and all, and the wine went to my head. Ugh I am a one glass girl on a good day, this did not work for me AT ALL!
Her son and dil joined us, they are teetotalers and had some coffee and some hot chips. They stayed for a short while and said their goodbyes. Two minutes after leaving, they arrived back with blood shot, stressed eyes.
His vehicles engine seized.
OH MY WORD. We called my bil to help with the problem. In the end, all that could be done since it was after dark, was tow the vehicle back to their home which is what we did. They left their 2 seater vehicle behind for the kids since they live a bit out of town, and came home with me. The bust vehicle would have to wait. What a terrible time for this to happen! They are still struggling to get their baby business off the ground, and don't need added expenses now.
The following morning (Monday) is my cleaning day. I got up, donned some old clothes and got stuck in. I had just finished the bulk of my work and flopped down with a sandwich and some tea and wanted to watch Judge Mathis and Dr Phil, but that didn't end up happening. I got a call from my bil. You won't believe this.....their 2 seater vehicle just overheated on the road out of town. So there I was, once again jumping into my car and taking along 5L of water and a tow rope in case this little vehicle had to be towed in. Fortunately it turned out ok, just overheated. The wait allowed the engine to cool down and no harm done. Thank heavens.
The big vehicle unfortunately is finished. They only bought this vehicle 5 months ago, so bil is towing it back to the guy they bought it from and going to FORCE him to make good, as it wasn't sold "as is". Hope it works...or else I can see the next lot of cash I'm expecting going to repair vehicles. They simply MUST have a vehicle for work.
Anyway, once I got home, I walked into this sight in my kitchen and all the days stresses just melted right off my shoulders. Oranges everywhere.
I even though I caught the monster who did it red-handed....I possibly was wrong.
Because "it wasn't me granny, even if it looks that way."
"I was just hungry granny, may I eat one?" Please check out those big blue peepers...I mean, what is a granny to do?
Aha, what's that? A passage. What's a passage meant for?
That's right, Axle's personal bowling alley.
What fun. But the fun only just began. I sat on the floor with him and we rolled the oranges back and forth to each other. Then his mom came through and he came and sat on my knees. Without any warning, he promptly got up and took several steps. I held my breath, and he just kept going. He is now officially a TODDLER and my dil is over the moon.
We didn't get the very "first steps" photo, not expecting it at all, but I managed to grab my camera immediately thereafter and get some of his following steps.
After that there was just no stopping him.
The day he has waited for ALL HIS LIFE.
What a wonderful day......was I ever THIS happy over my own sons toddling. I probably was.
Some interesting facts.
1. I held my dil in my arms when she was a 2 yr old baby. Her mom had her, and her 6 yr old brother who came into the mothers room crying. I didn't feel equipped to deal with the little boy considering my baby wasn't quite a year old, so I took her baby from her to care for while she attended to her crying son.
2. My eldest son, took his first steps in my mil's home. We were holidaying with them, when Daniel suddenly got up and toddled over to my mil.
Axel has taken his first steps in my home.
I wonder what the future holds for our OUTDOOR LOVING, ADVENTURER?
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