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I'm Floundering

Friday, August 26, 2011

I'm losing my motivation and willpower. I keep trying to remind myself of my competition with my friends and of a new goal that we just created yesterday, but I have sucked all week. Every day I eat more and more calories then the day before. Yesterday, I had 2800 calories, up from 2400 the day before. To be honest, I really didn't eat that badly yesterday, just too much, with the exception of about 10 mini donut holes and 16oz of pepsi. I got all of my servings of fruits and veggies yesterday which is rare for me.

I want to blame my overeating on being on my period and craving sweets but I just don't know if that is the real culprit. I did real good on Wednesday and then my mom was eating oatmeal and I could smell the sweetness. The reaction I had is similar to the reaction Edward explains to Bella in Twilight about when the vampires smell blood: A sort of frenzy occurs. That is how it happened. Suddenly I just had to eat something sweet. Looking back, I could have just eaten a 110 calorie skinny cow ice cream, but to be honest, I didn't even think about it. I went straight to the donuts, I think because I knew they were there. They had been sitting on my fridge since the weekend.

Now I know anyone reading this will think, "Just get rid of the bad stuff in the house." Unfortunately, I can't do that. I don't live alone so bad stuff will be brought into the house. It is up to me to not eat it. Plus, I bought the donuts as a back up measure on the days my son fights me to eat breakfast. I know it's unhealthy for breakfast and he doesn't eat them everyday...maybe once a week, but I feel it is just as unhealthy if he skips breakfast all together. We are just starting a new routine since he started kindergarten and it's going to take some time for him to adjust to eating breakfast so early in the morning. I want to make our mornings as stress free as possible so I caved and bought him the donuts.

Today I am going to list 10-15 reasons why I want my motivation and willpower back. Why I want to continue counting my calories and exercising. Why I want to lose all this excess weight. Why I want to be healthy. Maybe if I have a list to remind myself of all the reasons, I won't slide backwards as much in the future because I will have my go to list. I will post another blog with my list later tonight.

While I am here, I will also share my new motivation or what should be my motivation. My friend and I decided yesterday that as a reward for losing all our extra weight, we will go to New York for a week on vacation. The plan is in 2 years so we have this time to lose the weight. On top of that, we are planning a trip to Paris, France for our 30th birthdays so we have 4 years to save up. I am so excited. I can't even tell you. I am so tired of saying I'm going to do this and I want to do that or go there. I want to actually plan for it. So when I mentioned it casually to my friend, not really expecting any kind of real reaction or commitment, I was amazed that she was serious about planning it. So we have our plans in place and now we just gotta save to pay for them and lose the weight to actually earn New York.

Motivation please come back!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTEAFULL 8/27/2011 12:40AM

    sounds like you need a pantry makeover take out anything that isn't nutritious and healthy and give it away to some skinny or homeless person and don't buy anything that fits into any other category next time you grocery shop. just start over

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CAROLYN_ROSE 8/26/2011 12:02PM

    It's wonderful to have a reward waiting for you. It makes you keep moving, even when things seem impossible. You can do this!!! Don't beat yourself up about the past week. Just move on. Make today better, and tomorrow even more so.

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JENNIFERH1104 8/26/2011 11:18AM

    I think it's a great idea that you two have committed to doing together! We all have times when our will power sucks, and we give into temptations. You are only human. Just make that list, keep it close, and choose to do better the next time temptation strikes!

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Week 8 and 21.4 lbs down

Sunday, August 21, 2011

So my goal of being at 30 lbs down by the end of August will obviously not be met. So instead, I am changing my goal to 50lbs by the end of my competition with my friends. That gives me more time. If I keep losing at 1.8lbs a week, I will be 6 pounds short of my goal but what is the likelihood of remaining at 1.8lbs each week. I feel I am bound to lose more then that a few weeks out of the 13 I have left.

I can't believe I only have 13 weeks left of this competition. When I look at it in terms of right now we are in August and the competition ends in November, it feels like much longer, but when broken down in weeks, it feels so short. It amazes me though. Just 8 weeks ago, I was 20 lbs heavier. And in 13 weeks, I could possibly be 45-50 lbs lighter then I was 8 weeks ago. I am determined to lose this weight. I don't know how well I will do after the competition is over. I am hoping my friends or at least one of them will want to start another competition to keep us going. I am afraid that is the only way I will continue to lose weight.

I know I should compare this time around to the last time I was on here and lost roughly 50 lbs in 5 months, but when that is all I really have to compare against, I keep looking back on it. Granted, I fell off the wagon because I got really sick, but who knows if I get sick again. I hope if I do get sick again, that it will be while I am in this competition. I know it will help me hold on and not give up.

I need to stop worrying about the future and what it has in store and focus more on what is going on today or this week. I keep an excel spreadsheet of my progress broken up in weeks. That way, it keeps me on track for this week.

Anyway, I lost 1.8 lbs this week bringing me to a total of 21.4 lbs. That is great! I would have liked more but at least it's not a gain and I didn't stay the same. I am still experimenting with my exercise and calorie intake, though I don't think I will see the outcome of that until next weigh in or maybe the one after that. So I am going to continue experimenting and seeing what it leads to.

I am going shopping today and stocking up on low calorie foods and lots of fruits for snacking. My mom may be diagnosed as diabetic and while I hope that isn't the case, if it is, we are going to have to change all the food we bring into this house and start eating healthy foods for diabetics. That will definitely help me out. Plus it will help cut down on the temptation of snacking on unhealthy foods because they will no longer be in the house. We will have a complete food makeover. Just looking at the positives.

Anyway, as to my competition with friends...neither of them weighed in this week. While I did, I lied to them and said I didn't so that they wouldn't know where I am at just as I don't know where they are at. I am hoping they are having a difficult time staying on track. I was so close last week to taking the lead. I was only off by .10%. It is going to bug the crap out of me that I don't know where they are at, but hopefully I will find out next week and hopefully I will take the lead by a good percentage.

Me: 6.71%
Shayna: Skipped weigh in (last week 6.25%)
Vivien: Skipped weigh in(last weigh in 4.11%)

On another note, my gym is closing for renovations beginning Thursday. I like my gym and can't imagine going somewhere else. They are going to be closed for 3 weeks. I can choose to go to one of two other gyms while they are closed, but one of those two I have been to and didn't like. I haven't tried the other but will when they close. If I decide to skip on the gym for the next 3 weeks, I will have to lessen the amount of calories I eat during that time and focus on strength training or walking to get my exercise. We'll see what I decide when the time comes. Until then, I am going to get as much gym time before they close as I can.


I think my stomach is on speed

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Seriously, that is how it has felt all day today. My metabolism felt completely overactive today. I ate a waffle as part one of my breakfast and within an hour, I was hungry again. I knew I wouldn't last until lunch if I ate part 2 too early so I waited even though I was hungry. I then ate part two of my breakfast which was a peanut butter sandwich and within an hour I was hungry again. By this point, I was glad I was going to chipotle for lunch because a burrito bowl always keeps me full and I usually don't have to eat dinner. Well, after a about 2 and 1/2 hours of being hungry, lunch finally came around. I ate all my food and was satisfied and full thinking I will likely be full for the rest of the night.

Nope. It lasted longer then everything else, but not as long as usual. Within 3 hours, I was hungry again...which I know should be usual, but if you've eaten at chipotle, you know they serve you A LOT of food. Anyway, I came home from work and ate a 6 inch subway sandwich. That was an hour ago and I am already beginning to feel hungry. I refuse to eat though. I will go to bed instead.

While I am happy my metabolism is more active, when you don't have any healthy snacks to snack on(due to no shopping), it blows. I just wasn't prepared for this. What is really interesting is that I started my experiment because I noticed my metabolism had slowed down. It appears my experiment may actually be working. But it's still too soon to know. I have to wait until Sunday to weigh in and even if there isn't much of a loss, I will continue my experiment to see what happens. I will also go shopping this weekend and fill the house with healthy snacks.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTEAFULL 8/21/2011 11:06AM

    maybe you can find a bottle of fiber wafers somewhere, they expand with water to keep you feeling full without any calories, and help keep you regular too, I have some fiber capsules, but they just keep me regular not feeling full, like the wafers did

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Experimenting isn't going so well

Friday, August 19, 2011

Well, as my last blog said, I decided to experiment with a couple of things. I was going to experiment with my foods constantly changing so my body doesn't get use to a certain number of calories and with my exercise as well.

Anyway, what isn't going to well is my eating. While I have eaten high in calories, I haven't eaten very low either. I ate today without tracking and when I finally sat down to track, I had eaten 1632 calories. That isn't too bad but I need low days so the next two days have to be 1200 calorie days. I am already planning my food for tomorrow and Saturday is a pool party and two of the people there do weight watchers and we are already planning our low calorie foods. Lots of fruit, Hebrew national 97% fat free hot dogs and 120 calories hot dog buns. So I am not worried about Saturday but I want to make it to the gym tonight and tomorrow because I know I will not go to the gym Saturday and plan to swim laps and tread lots of water for exercise that day.

Since I am still weighing myself daily to track my fluctuations, I am only down a pound, but at this point, it doesn't mean anything. We'll see how things look on Sunday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIECANALGAL 8/19/2011 12:27AM

    You'll find what's right for you. emoticon

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GISELE86 8/19/2011 12:25AM

  That is so great that you are planning ahead like that,keep it up, make sure you don't stress yourself out weighing in that often.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I don't know if this is going to work, but I was recently reminded that our bodies get use to anything we do consistently. More specifically, eating 1200 calories a day. I started doing that a couple weeks ago but didn't have as big of a weight loss as I thought I would. When I posted about it, I was reminded that I could lose more weight if I keep my body confused. I remember doing this last time I was on here and it did work. So I am trying it again. I went a little overboard on sunday and ate 2300 calories and then yesterday I ate 1600 calories. Today was a 1200 calorie day and tomorrow will be 1400 calories. I hope this triggers more weight loss. We shall see. I am experimenting it for 2 weeks.

Another thing is I was reading on another website about the difference between working out extremely hard and working out so that is doesn't feel so difficult. I am not putting this exactly as it should be but the idea is that if your heart rate gets above a certain amount, you are burning carbohydrate calories and but if you stay below said amount, you are burning fat calories. You won't burn as many calories but you'll be burning fat calories and will teach your body to burn fat calories. So I am going to try that as well. When I get on the elliptical, it has a program for weight loss and it's pretty easy to do. I am going to stick with that and see what happens for a few weeks. If it works, that means I don't have to push myself as hard as I have been and will decrease the chance of burning myself out.

Now the only reason I am attempting these two things is because I did this last time and it did work. Last time, my calorie amounts changed day to day. I actually kept to my spark range. I didn't have a set amount like 1200 and stick to it. I also didn't have a gym membership at the time, so to exercise I simply walked. Not run, walked. Walking doesn't get my heart rate up very high and I didn't burn a ton of calories each week. But I still lost a lot of weight. 50 lbs in 5 months actually. So I think there may be something to it. So I am going to give it try and see what happens this time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EARTHMOM56 8/17/2011 12:48AM

    Good Luck on your rotating day-to-day calorie total. I hope it works for you...message me if it does. I may try it!

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