CCINDICANE2   33,375
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Week 48 - What's the point in setting goals...

Sunday, May 27, 2012

When your body has plans of it's own?

I didn't lose any weight this week. I didn't gain either so that I good. But I actually did good this week and had a total calorie deficit of 8533 calories. I should have lost something. Hell, I would have even been happy with just a loss of 0.6 lbs to get me to my next reward weight. But nope. I am exactly the same this week as I was last week.

It's not going to stop me. I am still going to keep truckin'. I am just a bit annoyed.

Since this has kind of become a b*tch and moan blog a bit, I might as well go all the way with it.

So I have blogged about my switch in trainers. I loved my first trainer Cory. He was awesome. But he took a job in Texas so I had to switch to a new trainer Patrick. The first session was horrible. I ended up with an anxiety attack because I am so resistant to change. But as the sessions went on, I grew to accept the change and up until recently everything was good. I wasn't dreading the sessions as much and was even considering purchasing more after these were used up.

Then this week happened. At first, I thought maybe I was being hormonal since it was that time of the month but now that it is no longer that time of the month, I realize, I wasn't being hormonal.

So our sessions are at 9:30pm on Monday and Thursdays. The previous Thursday he asked if we could push it back to 10pm. I said yes because I prefer 10pm anyway because it allows me to get 30 minutes of cardio in before our session which means less cardio I have to do after our session. For some reason, it is so hard to do cardio after doing a bunch of strength training exercises. My body feels tired and lazy. So I prefer 10pm. But it was just for the one day. He specifically told me so. So on Monday, I am running a little late so I am hauling a$$ to get to the gym by 9:30pm. It's one thing if I am late and cutting into my cardio time but I don't want to be rude and cut into his time especially since I am his last client of the day and he usually has morning clients the following day. I try to be considerate.

So I haul a$$ to get to the gym by 9:30 and I literally walk into the gym right at 9:30. Usually I will get on the elliptical and wait for him to come get me but that is when I show up at 9:20ish. Since I was late, I went straight to looking for him. I couldn't see him so I ask the guy at the front desk where he is. He tells me my trainer is finishing up with someone so I get on the elliptical thinking they are running behind. Maybe his client ran late. So I get on the elliptical and don't bother to put my headset in because I only expect to be waiting a couple of minutes. Nope. He doesn't come get me until 10pm. He doesn't even say anything. So I ask, "Are we switching our time to 10pm now?" He said no and gave a bunch of excuses about his time and his clients and how everything is all messed up. I say, "Ok. Well I was running late so I was hauling a$$ to get here by 9:30." He just says "oh." Seriously? No freaking apology? Dude, not acceptable. He has my phone number. He could have texted me at any time during the day to tell me he was switching our time to 10pm so that way, I wouldn't be rushing. But apparently he doesn't think he should do that.

I try to shrug it off as a one time thing. I am willing to give people a chance. I mean, my first trainer Cory freaking straight up stood me up on our 4th sessions which pissed me off, but he apologized and I let it go. I thought maybe this was just a one time thing for this fool.

Anyway, at the end of our session on Monday, Patrick asks me to try to come in as close to 9pm as possible so we could get started as soon as I walk in so he can leave early because he has a morning client the next morning. I tell him I will try but because I don't get off work until 8pm and then have to go home and eat something real quick and get dressed, I couldn't promise to be here right at 9pm but will try. I am telling him this while thinking, "why the hell should I do you a favor when you can't even be considerate enough to text me and let me know you changed our meeting time? And don't even apologize for it?" Whatever.

So Monday comes and I haul a$$ again. I don't get there at 9pm because I got stuck at work but I walk in at 9:10pm expecting to get right to our sessions. He is sitting at the desk with his client he just finished with. I walk over to them. He doesn't acknowledge me. He is talking to her about non-workout related stuff. So I stand there and put my gloves on. I realize they aren't finished so I go into the room we workout in the wait for him, again thinking it's only going to be a few minutes. I can see him still sitting there looking as though he has no intention on moving. I get pissed. I start texting Cory asking if I can get a refund for my unused sessions and he says no, that their policy is once you sign up, you either use them or lose them. Which then of course makes me even more mad. He asks me what's going on and I tell him and we proceed to text for the 20 minutes I am sitting their waiting for my trainer who specifically asked me to come in as early as possible so we can get started.

At 10 pm, I see him go look for me. So I walk out of the room and let him see me and then walk back in. He comes in and doesn't say squat about anything. So after doing one round of exercises, I ask him, "Did you not see me come in?" He said he did. And I guess I gave him a look of confusion because he then said, "I was talking to my other client. Did I not make myself clear? We meet at 9:30pm." Now I am seriously trying to control myself. I am a very outspoken, bluntly honest person who really just speaks before she thinks. I am trying not to do that because we still have 8 sessions left and I don't want to make them awkward. So I say, "Yes, I know we meet at 9:30pm. But on Monday you asked me to come in at 9pm and that we would get started as soon as I come in. So I rushed to get here as close to 9pm as I could." He then said, "Well, I was talking to my other client." I just shut up. I am sure I had a look of utter disbelief on my face because he just stood there staring at me while I stood there trying to remain calm. I just said, "let's get back to work." Didn't speak of it again.

I mean, really. Again no freaking apology? Even when someone points out that they screwed up he can't even muster up a fake professional apology? I work customer service. I apologize all day long to customers for things that I didn't even do or have any control over and no, my apologies are not real. But at least I try. He can't do the same???

While I really don't want to break a new trainer in, I am seriously thinking about finding a new trainer to finish my last 8 sessions out with. At this point, with this guy, I am definitely not buying more sessions because I can't stand him and I really wanna smush him like a bug. The only thing I am worried about is maybe the other trainers won't work with my late time. I looked online and see that there are some new trainers and they actually have their times posted later so maybe they will. I am off work on Wednesday so I am thinking about going in and talking to the fitness manager about switching trainers. I just know my trainer will be there working with someone and I am afraid if he sees me and I am unable to switch, the rest of our sessions will be awkward. So maybe I will just call.

I don't know. But I am so fed up and about 2 weeks after these sessions run out, I have a vacation planned. We are going on a cruise and vacations and me don't usually go well together. As I have blogged about before, my mini vacation in Vegas in March totally threw me off track for the whole month and had it not been for my sessions with Cory, I would have never gotten back on the wagon. I was clawing my way through March. I am kind of expecting the same thing in July so I want my session to fall back on to make sure I keep at it even when I don't want to. So I don't know what I am going to do.

At the same time, training is expensive and I really can't afford to buy more sessions so I feel so lost.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXIEEE 5/27/2012 3:46PM

  It isn't unusual that your weight didn't change. Happens to me all the time. However, it is important that you don't let it stress you out too much and continue the good work. Just remember, you didn't gain any either! Try to keep looking on the bright side of things.

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Week 47 - Total Weight Loss: 84 lbs

Sunday, May 20, 2012

So I lost all the weight I gained last week plus an additional 2.2 lbs. It's that time of the month and I didn't go to the gym very much last week. However, my eating remained below 2000 each day so that was good.

Other than that, I have a slight complaint. I was at the beach today with a friend of mine and I was on my phone logging my food on the SP app. My friend made a comment about me and my diet. I told her, "it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. I am trying to change my eating habits." She gave me this look which meant "yeah right." So I asked her, "How many diets have you heard of last almost a year?" She said, "True." Then made a comment that all I eat is apples and toast. WTF? Who said that? I then had to defend myself by giving her a breakdown of everything I have eaten this past week which included pizza, subway, chipotle, chicken, potatoes, sandwiches, etc. Seriously, I hate people saying I am on a diet. I have been at this for almost a freaking year. Who diets for a year??? Diets are short term. This is not.

She is in AA and was complaining about people who drink not wanting to hang out with her anymore or she doesn't want to hang out with the anymore because they always make comments like, "Oh yea, you don't drink anymore," and then roll their eyes. I said, "yeah, that's like you asking me 'Oh, you are STILL counting calories?' and then sighing afterwards. How does my counting calories really affect you?" I think she finally realized I don't like it and hopefully it will stop, but we'll see.

I don't talk about counting calories all the time or going to the gym, I don't talk about weight loss or my new lifestyle change all the time, but I swear my friends act like it some how affects them. It some how interferes with their life. It's so freaking annoying. This is my life, these are my choices, and I am sorry if they make you feel like you are being unhealthy, but that is probably because you are. I am not judging you. I never make any comments about how unhealthy some the crap you eat is. I just simply choose not to eat it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLYK972 5/22/2012 7:07PM

    Good for you for standing your ground.. I'm sorry that you had to defend yourself to your friend. Hopefully she'll be more supportive in the future!

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Week 46 - And a Gain

Sunday, May 13, 2012

So I gained this week. It all started Tuesday. I began stress eating and it all just went down hill from there.

A little back story: I had a pap smear in January which came back showing a mild abnormality. It took forever to get an appointment for the colposcopy which was on Wednesday. As the day got closer, the more nervous I became. So I started stress eating. Then at the appointment on Wednesday, I was told that I had mild AND moderate abnormalities and moderate abnormalities require treatment which means removing part of the cervix. She kept saying, "It's not cancer. It's not cancer." I respect the doctor, but I kept thinking, "Let's wait until the biopsy comes back especially since you are already talking about removing part of my cervix. It may not be cancer now, but apparently it can become cancer and who knows how aggressive it is."

So anyway, I continued to eat crap for the rest of the week. No exercise. I haven't been to the gym since last Sunday...but I am going tonight. Went into straight up binge mode. Then yesterday, while I was out, I got a call from my doctor who said she was wrong and the biopsies came back as only mild abnormalities. This was of course a relief. Still not out of the woods. I have to go back in for another colposcopy in 6 months to track it. Especially since I am a smoker. Apparently there is something in the toxins in cigarettes that prevent the cervix from healing itself.

Just so it's out there, it's always been the plan to quit smoking by the end of this year. I want to focus on losing weight and getting healthy and being serious about this lifestyle change before trying to take on too much. So I have every intention on quitting smoking by the end of this year.

So I am back on track as of today and plan to remain. I may have put myself behind on my goal but really it was farfetched anyway. I am not changing my goal but I will not beat myself up if I don't reach it. As long as I continue to lose weight and am heading in the right direction, that is all that matters.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AURORAMARILENA 5/13/2012 10:34PM

    I'm sorry that the results weren't as you'd hoped but I do wish you the best that the results in 6 months come out better then these past results.

I can't say that I wouldn't have binged either if I was in your place but if it's possible, before the next test, if you feel yourself getting stressed, maybe you have a friend you could turn to in order to talk it though. Sometimes when I'm stressed, I blast angry music to clear my head. Find something that works for you that isn't food related.

Now you have an impetus to stop smoking. It's not only expensive but now you can see the correlation between your smoking and your health. Best wishes on your journey.

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Week 45 - Total Weight Loss: 81.8 lbs

Sunday, May 06, 2012

So I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 236.8. A weight loss of 1.8 lbs. I am a little disappointed because I went to the gym 6 days this week and didn't have any days over 2000 calories. According to the all the numbers, nutrition and my bodybugg, I had a total calorie deficit of 9535 calories which, if my body was a calculator, would have meant a weight loss of roughly 2.6 lbs this week. Oh well. Maybe I will make up for it next week.

I've only got 2.8 lbs to lose to reach my next weight loss reward which is the new comforter set I have been wanting. I can do it this week. I am definitely going to try.

This also means I have 7 weeks left to lose 18.2 lbs to meet my goal of 100 lbs lost in one year. My 1 year mark is June 26th. I will weigh on the 24th which is a Sunday and that is my weigh in day, but I will also weigh in on the 26th to get my exact 1 year weight. My stretch goal is to be at 210 lbs by 07/08/12 which is the Sunday before I go on my cruise. That is a little more difficult to do because it is 2 weeks after my 1 year mark and that is an extra 8.8 lbs I have to lose in those 2 extra weeks. As it stands, I have to lose an average of 2.6 lbs just to meet my goal of 100 lbs by 06/26/12, but to be at 210 by my cruise, I have to lose an average of pretty much 3 lbs a week. Just because it seems, and may even be impossible, I am still going to try. Anyone can do anything for 9 weeks. So no matter how hard it seems, I am going to keep my head down and keeping forging ahead.

My trainer looked over my food last week and made some comments which kind of irritated me. I didn't print my food out because I was rushing and totally forgot, so he asked me to give him some rough numbers. Since SP has an app, I just pulled it up and gave him the calorie numbers over the passed week. He complained that on Sunday when I was at 1482 calories and on Tuesday when I was at 1809 was concerning. Apparently 1400 is too low and 1800 is too high and that he wants me to stay at or around 1600. That is just fine and dandy, HOWEVER, these numbers aren't that bad. 1482 is not too low. It was on my day off in which I wasn't very active. I ate when I felt hungry and ate correct servings and portion sizes. Yes, I didn't have any snacks that day because when I felt hungry, it was time for another meal. My calories are usually less on my days off then on the days I work because I can eat whenever I get hungry and am not stuck to a schedule. Plus I am at home so I can choose to eat whatever I want and don't have to worry if it will last long enough until I get to my next break or not.

The day I had 1809 calories...I don't care what he has to say. That day was a HUGE success for me because I went to a place for lunch that usually blows my calories because I absolutely love their breadsticks, but I was able to stay in control and not go overboard. My goal is to stay under 1800 calories a day. I went 10 calories over my goal. SUCCESS! At least in my opinion.

But my real gripe about his comments is he wants me to change up my workouts because "the body gets use to it and you will plateau" but doesn't the same go for calorie intake??? Won't my body get use to having 1600 calories every day and I go into a plateau because it knows what it has to work with? I believe, and yes, I am not a nutritionist, but I believe we need to keep our bodies guessing not just with exercise but with our calorie intake as well. I didn't say all this to him but I wanted to. I just bit my tongue and went and worked out. Since I forgot to print out my food, I have to do it Monday. He is going to be surprised. I actually had 3 days this past week over 1800. But none of those days went over 1900, so I think this week was still a success.

So let's start the countdowns:

Weeks until my 1 year mark: 7 weeks
Weight loss to meet goal: 18.2 lbs

Weeks until my cruise: 9 weeks
Weight loss to meet goal: 26.8 lbs

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLYK972 5/8/2012 8:27PM

    Good for you! I'm going through a similar problem!

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CCINDICANE2 5/6/2012 8:04PM

    Shellyk, as far as I know, he isn't a certified nutritionist. Which is also why I won't be listening to him about his comments on my food. I really don't like printing my food out for him because I know I am not going to make the changes he wants. If he can suggest higher protein/less calorie foods I could eat instead, those are some suggestions I will take, but in regards to my actual calorie levels, nope, not listening.

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SHELLYK972 5/6/2012 5:18PM

    Is this new trainer also a certified nutritionalist????

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JUNA89 5/6/2012 3:56PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Got a Compliment at the Gym

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

First let me say, I remember reading a blog where someone posted about a trainer coming up to her and complimenting her on her hard work and I remember thinking, "She is probably just trying to get extra clients or something." Never in my life did I think anyone would approach me at the gym to comment on my weight loss. But it happened.

I went to the gym Sunday night after having a mental argument with myself about not wanting to go. I walked in, scanned in, and made my way to the ellipticals. As I setting my stuff up, about to put my earbuds in, a guy who actually followed me from the front desk (I could hear someone walking behind me) came around and said, "Can I say something without sounding _____?" I am not sure exactly what the blank was. I admit I really wasn't paying attention. I thought maybe he was going to ask me a question about the gym or something. I don't know. But I said, "Sure, go ahead." He then looked away (maybe he was nervous), and then back at me and said, "I've seen you here. Keep up the good work." I just laughed a nervous laugh and said thank you.

After he walked away, I started wondering where exactly he has seen me and has it been more recently or from the very beginning. Of course, I have a bunch of negative thoughts running through my mind like someone put him up to it (because of him looking away) or he is just trying to be nice. Maybe he is one of those people who think they have to help the less fortunate by giving words of encouragement (not that I am less fortunate, but some people think fat people are). Hell, I even though maybe he had me confused with someone else.

Anyway, all these negative thoughts were running through my mind (literally all under like 5-10 seconds), but I nipped them in the bud. I then told myself that I have worked hard and it would be strange for regulars at the gym not to notice. Hell, I have been surprised the front desk people haven't noticed or said anything. That should be a job requirement for them.

Anyway, I changed my negative thinking into a positive and accepted the compliment. Yes, it wasn't much of a compliment, but I have made great progress and lost a lot of weight. And it is nice for someone to notice, especially a complete stranger. Yes, family, friends co-workers, neighbors, people around you daily will notice the difference, but strangers? That blew my mind. It made me feel good. It's nice to be noticed.

Not to mention, but the guy was hot. Seriously. Beautiful with a very nice body. Too bad I didn't think to look for a wedding ring until after he walked away. lol. Don't worry though...I will be keeping my eye out for him. emoticon


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