Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Feeling sorry for myself has ~NOT~ helped me release any weight.
I know.. shocker, right?
Rant ahead. You've been warned.
"Feeling sorry for myself" is the best way I can think of to describe my mindset of late. I'm irritated, irked, p*ssed, over it, rollin' my eyes, shaking my head, snorting in derision and in general - ridiculous.
None of that has helped me maintain my goal of letting go 1 lb a week. I'm off track (completely derailed?) on that front and hope to get back on track once again.
Do you ever get so fed up with yourself that if you were someone else, you'd avoid you like the plague? Not answering phone calls, ignoring text messages, turning the other way when you spot yourself coming down the street? Yea.
Suzie mentioned she and her DH spent some time with us this last Saturday, and it was good to see them again, get all chatted up and wot not. Suz said something that stuck with me and I've been ruminating on it since then.
Consistency and luck - that is what she attributes her success. (Yes, there's more to it than that likely, but nuts and bolts, bare minimum kind of thinking..) Neither of which I've had for quite some time. I haven't dialed in my nutrition. I've all but given up on fitness. I have allowed myself to develop a bad attitude and wonder "what's so wrong with being soft and jiggly, really?"
My biggest issue right now is I. Don't. Want. To.
I just don't.
I don't mind eating well for breakfast and lunch, even for dinner, but all bets are off after dinner and my mouth-cravings over-ride my better common sense.
I don't want to constrain myself to eating smart and healthy and actual portions rather than 'some'.
I know I need to move. I need to walk. I have the Rock'n'Roll coming up in May and I need to be prepared. I don't need to go into it half-*ssed as I did last year, and yet here I am. Again.
I don't want to run, much less walk, or even lift a 5 lb weight at home while sitting on my *ss watching tv in the evening.
Well isn't this nice?
You know me - I own my faults and failings, and really it's not admirable, it's ridiculous. I've been hiding out for the most part, not blogging because I try really really hard not to lie to you all, so it's easier just to say nothing at all.
Nobody's fault but your own.
That's our family motto. It is, really.
If I say I'm going to reduce processed carbs, I need to do that. Not partially, or kinda sorta, but for reals.
I FEEL BETTER when I'm not shoveling crap in my mouth, physically and emotionally.
I talked a bit about this with Suz and hubby over lunch, while forking in bite after bite of chocolate muffin into my gob. That's right, a chocolate muffin made with refined carbs.
It's not rocket science. C'MON!
I hate being a hypocrite. I can rah-rah cheer all y'all on, encourage people, believe in someone and explain why they should believe in themselves.. but I am not able to do it for myself.
Plus, if Joe Blow/Jane Doe can lose X lbs in Y time, why the h*ll can't I?
Oh, that's right, they're actually trying, not feeling sorry for themselves.
I do not believe releasing weight is ONLY calories in, calories out. I believe there is much more to it than that. But I bet.. I BET.. if I work on balancing out that equation again in earnest, consistently, I might just get lucky.
Consistency and luck.
I need lots of both. Yes, please.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Tell me this didn't make your heart smile and/or giggle.
I haz all yer puppies.
Lil Ms Poppy takes after her auntie.
I'm here. I'm dealing. I'm dealing pretty well-ish actually. Onward.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Sometimes, the ends become frayed a bit and things unravel. Now seems to be one of those times. I'm fine, albeit it at loose ends somewhat.
I was sincerely interested and looking forward to BLC, but at this point I find that I'm not cut out for that kind of challenge. Part attitude, part schedule, all me. I won't quit, but my interest has waned and I'm merely doing the minimum as the other people on the team don't deserve to be penalized for my actions or lack thereof.
Yet another one of my phases I suspect, and this too shall pass. I have things coming up during the rest of the month that I'm very much looking forward to and I'm excited about. This, right here, right now, is not one of them. I'm allowing myself a break of sorts without guilt or worry. Maybe it will help me refocus and recharge. Or not. We'll see.
Monday, March 04, 2013
First, a very important update!
One of my favorite little creatures Julian was adopted Friday afternoon!
I found out as I was taking him off for a bit of pal'ing around that he was going home. We still got to play for a little bit, then I took him back to his kennel, where I happened to meet his new mom. She was a very nice young lady, and I wish I could have chatted with her more, but I got too choked up crying and couldn't manage actual words much less a conversation. I congratulated her and excused myself.
That little boy is going to have a wonderful life!
Saturday turned out to be a good day as well. I'm a creature of habit - it doesn't matter if there's a different way to drive somewhere, I'm driving the way I know best. It doesn't matter if there's a different way to do something, I'm sticking to my habit.
I planned on finally going down to the path along the Columbia for a longer run Saturday morning - I needed 6 miles and knew that path would be just right. I drove over, and found that the boat ramp where we park was completely closed and blocked off.
I drove along Marine Drive, looking for another place to park and get to the path, but it just was not meant to be. Instead, I ended up driving over to a shopping center not too far away (Cascade Station) and parked there at the Target parking lot.
I got to thinking though.. I'm familiar with the route around the shopping center, great sidewalks and wide open spaces for running, but not quite 3 miles. I hate running loops for some reason, so I wasn't all that interested in running that route twice over. But there's a bike path a little further on that I've never been on.. I wonder.. hmmmm......
For me to tell you that I ran along a bike path that I've never been on before is.. stupendous. Unheard of. Exciting!
In the process, I found the perfect spot to park (Home Depot) that will allow us better access to that trail along the Columbia. I ran my way over there, and could feel the elation growing the closer I got to the trail and the river. By the time I reached the trail, I had just over a mile to run out before turning back, but it was totally worth it.
My pictures never do the scenery justice. There were ducks floating along there to the right. I disturbed Mr. and Mrs. Canadian Goose as I huffed and puffed my way by. It was serene and beautiful and overcast and lovely and soothing to my soul - just what I needed halfway through a run that I wasn't certain I'd be able to do.
I completed the run and I was re-energized once again. It was a means of reconnecting with that reason I say I love to run, even though I haven't been doing it often enough lately.
It can't be put into words, it can only be experienced inbetween the breaths and heartbeats that sync up with the rhythm of your footfalls.
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