CBAILEYC   98,784
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Still a work in progress..

Monday, July 23, 2012

I've made several commitments that I intend to keep, even though there's a small part of my brain that is working hard at trying to figure a way out of doing what I said I'd do. That would also be the part of my brain that has been busily working to undo any good progress I'd made during this month.

I may be broken. I may not meet expectations or live up to what someone else wants from me. I guess that's just the way things will have to be. You may or may not approve. That's your choice, and what you happen to think about me is none of my business. I'm reminding myself of that daily. I'm human, I falter, I do the best I can at any given moment, and I'm sorry if that's not good enough or is too disappointing.

Onward.
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSTANG_SALLY2 7/25/2012 9:06AM

    I keep reminding myself of that: what you happen to think about me is none of my business. I tend to get wrapped up in other's opinions of me and forget to focus on what I think about it. Thank you for the reminder.

Seems like to me that you know you best and you will do what you need to do. I trust you to take care of my friend, Candy. She is a lovely person and deserves all the best. Please give her (you!) a hug from me.

I'm cheering for you! emoticon

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ANNESYLVIA 7/24/2012 9:09PM

    I need your attitude! It seems for years people always have something to say about me rarely to my face.



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SUSUSUZZZIE 7/24/2012 5:52PM

    Add me to your long list of supporters! You really helped me so much when I needed it. Sometimes you said just the thing I needed and I'll forever be grateful for you. I'm so sorry to see that you are posting that you are broken and I wish there was something I could do to help...if there is, let me know.

Hang in there...keep doing what you need for you and don't expect anything of you other than what you need and want.
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GAYEMC 7/24/2012 4:59PM

    Oh Candy, your role in life is not to live up to other's expectations! I believe it's to make realistic ones for ourselves and try hard to live up to them, knowing that we will fall down sometimes.

You are such a special person, please try and remember that! I could never be disapointed in you, just sad that you are struggling so right now.
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MRS_EVA_K 7/24/2012 4:22PM

    No expectations should have to be met except your own. We all have mountains we have to climb and everyone's terrain is different. You are doing an awesome job C.

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ROXIT22222 7/24/2012 3:50PM

    Hang in there girl.. Remember that you are an awesome person!!!! and today the sun is shining agin! emoticon

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FEISTYOWL 7/24/2012 11:27AM

    I think what's important is that you live up to your OWN expectations - to heck with others'. You're doing this for you and no one else! YOU are the one that needs to be happy, content, pleased, etc with yourself.

And I love that you share your journey, the highs and the lows. Being real is something I admire a lot in you!!

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CINDYSDAY 7/24/2012 11:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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HEALING_LORI 7/24/2012 7:41AM

    Whatever makes you happy is all that matters Candy! You are such a huge inspiration to so many of us and the reason I have changed much of my ways and thinking. Whoever expects you to be perfect has no idea what it's all about. You're right, what they think of you means nothing!! Just be YOU! The Candy we all love and miss like CRAZY! The funny, loving, smart, YOU!

I am so here for you. To listen, help, laugh with, cry with, walk, run, fly, dance...... whatever you need!
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Love you girl!
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Lori

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 7/24/2012 7:26AM

    You are not broken! You are human and in good company!

In fact, read your comments and accept you totally awesome.

Keep Sparking!

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GETFIT2LIVE 7/24/2012 12:09AM

    You, dear Candy, are one of my favorite people here. I have no expectations of you except for you to be yourself, and to be true to yourself. Just want you to know that. We all have to find our own way here through the ups and downs and speed bumps of life, and no one can find it for us. If there is anything that I can do to support you or encourage you along the way, though, please let me know. Never forget you are not alone, and you are loved. You are stronger and braver and more capable than you think.

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IRISHBEANERGAL 7/23/2012 11:24PM

    emoticon

I'm here to listen, support, and anything else you might need - just let me know. And I'm here to pester and prod too - but only in a supportive way.

YOU, Ms. Candy, have been my inspiration - when I first started you were the one that got my butt moving. And when I stalled out, you held me up. Please let me be there for you as well. It would be my honor.

Hang tough gal.

~Irish

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WALKAWAY 7/23/2012 10:58PM

    Don't forget we're all a work in progress. Every day, every step of the way, I remind myself of that constantly. I'm not the tall, dark haired, sexy, guys fall all over her, lady that I work with. But you know I'm okay with that (most days), because I'm me.

Hugs

Addie

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 7/23/2012 9:56PM

    I think you are pretty wonderful!!!

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 7/23/2012 7:54PM

    True friends (Spark or otherwise) love you through it all and don't judge. That's how you separate out the important people in your life from the posers. Anyone who doesn't understand you are human, that you are entitled not to be perfect, that you are going to struggle, well, that is not someone you want around you. You need positive people, people who will love and support you and just be with you through the sh!t. Luckily, there are a number of those people here on Spark who will race in at any moment to give you the love and support you need. We've got your back, girl, and we're here for you when you need us. Lord knows you've been there for a lot of us when we've been in a similar place. Love you bunches! Hang in there! Message me if you want or need to.

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KAREN42BOYS 7/23/2012 6:53PM

    Broken, messy, whathaveyou, you're still one of my absolute fave Spark friends.

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VICTORY2XS 7/23/2012 5:50PM

    As long as you are satisfied with yourself and happy with what you are doing, no one else has the right to interfere in your life.

I know all about that little part of the brain that tries to undo all you have done. Be strong and conquer that voice. That voice is not welcome in your head!

Best wishes to you.

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What's the best Spark-advice you've ever received?

Monday, July 23, 2012

Can you tell me the best Spark-advice you've ever been given?

What one thing have you learned that you feel is VERY important to pass along and share with someone who is just starting out on their own Spark journey?

Inquiring minds want to know!
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSTANG_SALLY2 7/26/2012 11:11AM

    From IRISHBEANERGAL: When all else fails - remember this: Struggling is better than giving up. You can only fail when you decide to stop trying.

From YOOVIE: Starting today, you are no longer allowed to utter the words: "I don't have time." Instead, you will say, "It's not a priority." (quoted from another blog)

These are the two I'm clinging too today.

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ANNESYLVIA 7/24/2012 9:06PM

    Track your nutrition, learn portion sizes, read labels...YOU ARE EATING MORE THAN YOU THINK! Track your fitness/activities...figure know how many calories you are burning with the activities your are doing or not doing....YOU ARE BURNING LESS CALORIES THAN YOU THINK!



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SUSUSUZZZIE 7/24/2012 5:56PM

    There are so many things at different stages but there are two things that got me started and keep me going to this day..

1) Moderation. I don't have to give up anything I don't want to give up. I don't have to do a lot of anything I don't want to do. Having some foods I want that aren't on a typical "diet" are ok in moderation. And doing exercises that I don't love in moderation will help me and may even lead to me liking them.

2) Start with small-teeny-tiny goals. Work on them until you have them mastered and then add a new goal or a new challenge...keep adding and improving. If you hit a wall or hurdle, just step back to the goals that work and start working up again. Repeat and repeat and repeat and suddenly you'll find that you can look back and see how far you've come without feeling like you had to make major changes.

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MRS_EVA_K 7/24/2012 4:26PM

    I've learned persistence + consistence = success. not perfection It's much more important to be fit and healthy than it is for be skinny.

Sometimes your scale moves in ounces not pounds, but just like pennies, those little ounces add up.

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TERRYT55 7/24/2012 2:46PM

    The importance of exercise! I've been able to keep most of my weight off for 18 months, longer than ever before and I think exercise is the key for me.

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JANEMAR2 7/24/2012 1:42PM

    This is a journey for life and don't let one set back stop you.

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FEISTYOWL 7/24/2012 11:23AM

    Only make one change at a time. Once you have that one conquered then add another one! I still think of that one often when I try to change everything at once!

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CINDYSDAY 7/24/2012 11:14AM

    Track everything. What you eat and your exercise. Never give up!

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KJDOESLIFE 7/24/2012 10:41AM

    Track everything, but don't be afraid to change things up if they stop working. If you get in a slump (which happens to EVERYONE and has happened to me pretty regularly), just remind yourself of the positive side of staying on track (feeling better, better sleep, less tummy problems -for me anyway) and start making little changes to your life again.

Don't make any changes you aren't willing to stick with. :)

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ROEBUNCH 7/24/2012 8:14AM

    track everything...food, fitness. water, ect. When I sign up for challenges I also sign up for the daily check list to hit the goals...keeps me accountable

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CHEETARA79 7/24/2012 8:05AM

    Track all your food and make your tracker public so you can't do any secret eating. Don't beat yourself if you mess up.

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HEALING_LORI 7/24/2012 7:44AM

    Never EVER....... EVER give up! Not just physically, but mentally too!
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ONENEL 7/24/2012 7:05AM

    How important community support is, that I don't have to be alone in this journey. Others have been where I am at (both good and bad) and are always willing to offer support when I need. The journey is much easier with others and way more fun.

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GETFIT2LIVE 7/24/2012 12:16AM

    Perhaps the most important thing I have learned here is that there WILL be times when I completely mess up, but as long as I am willing to learn from those times and get back up again, I will make progress. This journey is not a straight line; there are curves and bumps that we don't always see coming. That's life. Thinking that we are going to do everything perfectly sets us up for major disappointment when we fail. Progress, not perfection, that's what I'm after.

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LOSING4LASTTIME 7/23/2012 11:56PM

    Never do anything while trying to lose weight that you will not be able to maintain.

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IRISHBEANERGAL 7/23/2012 11:22PM

    Fall down 7 times, get up 8... it's a Japanese proverb. I read it on a blog (wish I remember where) about 3 weeks into my time here at Sparks. And it has fit every single time.

Hang in there gal - we are all works in progress.

~Irish

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JUNEPA 7/23/2012 8:10PM

    Not the most important thing in my life, but an important thing and one I learned from Spark

How to enjoy a community of like-minded people and how we synergistically help each other reach our goals.

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SLENDERELLA61 7/23/2012 5:34PM

    The most important thing is to never, never give up!

Find out what works for you. I found out that I had for years made 2 mistakes repeatedly: 1) I ate too little and couldn't keep it up -- but I can lose on 1200-1500 and feel good; 2) days of rest after strength training is crucial to build strength and muscle

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Non-negative blog title here..

Monday, July 09, 2012

That's the closest I can come, at the moment, to an acceptable blog title.

I appreciate the message, goodies, and notes - thanks gang.

I'm well-ish. I spent several good hours at OHS this weekend, and the rest of the time at home, mostly inside away from the heat. I'm struggling, truth be told. I'm trying to find a way back to where.. I was going to say "where I want to be" but right now I'm not even sure where I want to be. Not here, in this headspace certainly.

I hope you're all much Much better, and continue to be so. It's hard for me sometimes to be around the positive and successful when such is not the case for myself. I don't like to vent or whine or bemoan my own situation, such as it is, so it's easier/better for me to be quiet. Bear with me. I'm laying low, which is ok for right now.
C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANIMAL_L0VER 7/20/2012 3:32PM

    It sounds like you and I are in a similar boat right now. I am thinking of you and hoping us both some motivation, good choices, and success. Let me know if there's anything I cna do to help at anytime. *hugs*

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 7/17/2012 1:26PM

    i know how you feel. i try to think of something wonderful when i'm in that place!!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 7/13/2012 1:32PM

    emoticon
Take care of yourself and do what you need for you.

Wish there was something I could do to help.


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ONENEL 7/13/2012 7:18AM

    Sorry you are feeling this way but totally understand- it does happen. Take all the time you need to find where you want to be. I have been there many times and sure that I will go back there one day- (not by choice).
Thank you for taking the time to blog - it does help to know that when we go thru those feelings- that we are not alone and to see that it can be normal.

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ANNESYLVIA 7/12/2012 10:45PM

    That''s fine Candy. Your feelings are just that YOUR feelings. This maybe what you need right now.

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GAYLEP67 7/11/2012 11:10PM

    emoticon
That's all...just emoticon

G
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GAYEMC 7/10/2012 2:30PM

    emoticon
I was sitting at the desk drinking my coffee early last Saturday and as I looked out at the beautiful day I thought of you running with the Tribe. So sorry to hear your're feeling blue!

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TIGGER622 7/10/2012 1:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FEISTYOWL 7/10/2012 12:15PM

    I think it's good you know where you need to be right now (laying low) and you're okay with it. This too shall pass. emoticon here's something to cool off with (iced water!).

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HEALING_LORI 7/9/2012 6:02PM

    Great BIG HUGS from me to you!!!
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There is always sunshine after the rain...
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SEABREEZE64 7/9/2012 4:15PM

    emoticon

Don't feel alone..... many of us feel like we are getting no where and wonder where we are actually headed anyway....

It has to do with paying too much attention to "thinking."

Hope you get back on track to somewhere soon!

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IRISHBEANERGAL 7/9/2012 1:43PM

    emoticon

Wish I was there to give you a hug in person! I'm a sympathetic ear, if you want/need one.

Stay strong!

~Irish



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4MY2KIDZ 7/9/2012 1:16PM

    I wish I was there to lay on your desk and annoy you!

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HOLLYL7 7/9/2012 1:14PM

    Ugh - I feel your pain. If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. I got overextended and overwhelmed with some great SP challenges (totally my fault, and not the fault of the SP chllenges), sick of what felt like treading water (staying the same or gaining)...BLECH! Sometimes I think you just need a break to recharge. I'm forcing myself to the gym at lunch today, but I'm not even going to worry about the workout/intensity/etc... Goal for today: do something!! Hang in there =)

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GETFIT2LIVE 7/9/2012 1:08PM

    Wish we could get together and just hang out awhile, Candy--no pressure to run, walk, or otherwise be active. Do what you need to for YOU, whether that's laying low here or something else; know that I'm in your corner and thinking and praying for you.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 7/9/2012 12:54PM

    I too find it hard to be around the happy/successful blogs on here when I'm feeling low. I'm sending loads and loads of hugs your way. Toby and Maureen want to send puppy kisses. Maureen is such a caregiver. When she thinks someone is sad or upset, she runs to them and lays her head in their lap... usually mine. I'd be lost w/o her but I can share! I'm wishing you all the best. Hang in there and don't forget to take care of yourself. Baby steps... start with breathing in and breathing out. Move on from there.

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ROXIT22222 7/9/2012 12:52PM

    emoticon emoticon If you need or want anything you know you can message me either on SP, or you have my phone number and can send me a text. We can do coffee and talk, or go for a slow, short walk... You know I live close enough... let me know if there is anything you need.

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 7/9/2012 12:39PM

    Do what you need to do for yourself, and know that we're here if/when you need us. Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you get what you need. I understand needing to be away from here and be quiet. Sometimes you just don't want to hear that it will be ok and all the encouragement...sometimes you just have to go through the sh*t and know that you'll come out the other side at some point. Message me privately if you need to.

Love and emoticon
Christine

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ROEBUNCH 7/9/2012 12:19PM

    this has been a summer of struggles to find/want motivation. Hang in there and be 'quiet' as long as necessary. You know we are all here when you need us emoticon

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LISA01605 7/9/2012 12:16PM

    If I can help in any way, please let me know. After a rather successful 2011, 2012 has been... less so. I have seen my fair share of ruts lately. I am realizing more and more that this journey isn't easy.

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KAREN42BOYS 7/9/2012 12:09PM

    candy,
i'm sorry life sucks right now. do what you need to care for yourself. maybe it's time for counseling? i know i had to deal with a lot of yuck to get my head on straight.

wish we were closer, so i could at least sit sympathetically with you.

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Once more, with feeling...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Ok, I'm getting my fitness ducks in a row. I'm running consistently now when I'm supposed to be. I guess actually DECIDING that YES I AM going to run the PHM in October was what it took (and Holly's reaching out sure helped as well) to get me committed to the plan.
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This is the start of changing up my routine to work around our training classes with Maggie. I ran last evening, and while mile 1.5 to mile 2.5 was killing my shins for some reason, I worked through it, slowed down, and loosened up those muscles and was able to finish the whole 4 mi run in a respectable manner and pace.
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Now, to rein in the eating component. My face has been informing me lately, via breakouts, that I'm eating too much nut butter. Making our own nut butter at home is great! However, it does NOT mean I can eat it by the craptonne (new metric measure). It means I can only eat it in moderation, and pigging down half a bowl with half a box of Wheat Thins (low fat, mind you) is not a healthy way to deal with an urge to snack.
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Yesterday, I went over my calorie range by about 60 cal. That, my dears, if a far sight better than the 600 cals over previously! I'll take it as a sign of positive progress. If all goes well, I'll be down within the middle of my range today, and I won't feel deprived or starved or compelled to clean out one side of the cabinet of snacks because I'm "hungry".
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I'm up to 240.2 again. I'm not happy about it, but I'm working on it. I've decided I can use the scale again as one tool among many to help with my progress. I kind of kicked it to the curb a while back and ignored it completely, which.. Hello?! I believe contributed to the broadening of Eunice and her new friends, Bertha and Betty. Sigh. They've taken up residence below my belly button now and are in the form of a spare tire. Time to evict all of them, post haste!

Training runs - emoticon
Eating healthier, within range - emoticon
At least 8 cups of water a day - emoticon
Feeding my soul with puppy love - emoticon

Lather, rinse, repeat.
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGER622 7/2/2012 8:24PM

    i hear LOTS of positive progress! YAY!!! keep it up girl, you are motivating me to keep pushing! HUGS!

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NAYPOOIE 7/2/2012 7:08PM

    "Fitness ducks" made an interesting visual.

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ENDUROVET 7/2/2012 4:44PM

    Great news! I am still on the lookout for my missing mojo...

At least I made it by the gym yesterday for a half-hour "special".


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KAREN42BOYS 7/1/2012 4:48PM

    LOVE the word craptonne. Love it!

We're barely home from Catalina (home about 11 pm last night), so I've plowed through washing and drying the laundry but not folding yet. Ready to go buy a moleskin because I have a creative desperate need for one, and I want a half flat of strawberries.

Exercising went great! Hiked daily while we were on the island. Lap swam in the ocean one day for like 20 minutes and had plenty of playtime in the water other days. Even managed to get my 11 year old to get the snorkling bug, esp if we held hands (aw)! I could really tell that my training paid off on this year's big hike to Avalon -- other than a couple blisters from my SmartWool socks being on the verge of wearing out, I had no ill effects. 3 years ago, I napped on a concrete bench post that hike I was so spent.

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ROXIT22222 6/27/2012 10:39PM

    YAY! I'm so glad to hear this! Sometimes we have to go back to the baby steps that got us going in the first place. I know I'm still working on figuring out my new food to activity ratio. It's HARD.

Quick question (no need to answer me)... Have you reset your current weight on your body bug, and on Sp tracker? And re set your goal weight loss? Just a reminder if you haven't... I know I forget to some times esp when the weight goes UP.... it's always feels like admitting defeat.

Keep it up and I will see you at the PHM in Oct... if not before.. (I'm sure before)

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GETFIT2LIVE 6/27/2012 6:04PM

    Way to go, Candy! It's one step at a time, and you're well on your way. Homemade nut butters are the BEST but so easy to overdo! We make our own version of Nutella with cashews and semi-sweet chocolate morsels, and it is dangerous to have in the house, to put it mildly. Wish I could join you for the Portland Half; you are gonna ROCK IT, girl!

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GAYEMC 6/27/2012 4:27PM

    There's the Candy I know and love! I knew you would come back to us! Keep up the good work!

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FEISTYOWL 6/27/2012 1:18PM

    Good for you for getting back to it!! You are moving forward!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 6/27/2012 10:23AM

    I'm so happy to hear that you are back to running. And it sounds like you are loving it! Have FUN training for the PHM in Oct! Soon Bertha, Betty will be gone and Eunice will be on her way out. LOL!

Awesome that you are getting closer to being within your cal range. It's so hard to get back. And then add to it those things that urge us to eat a "craptonne" of them. For me - chocolate chip yesterday. Sigh. (Any my issue was purely because I haven't slept well the last few nights and yesterday was an early and long day. I do horrible without sleep.)

You are doing awesome and I can't wait to see a bunch more of these as you keep working on your goals!
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ANNESYLVIA 6/26/2012 9:14PM

    Great job Sweetie! Best of luck in your training for October race.



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IMIN2GENES 6/26/2012 8:24PM

    Keep up the great work! You are such an inspiration for me. Seriously! I let my spare tires creep back a little too much and have been frustrated. Reading your blogs and hearing your strategy has re-energized me. Thanks!
Chris
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PARASELENIC 6/26/2012 1:31PM

    In reading about running, etc., the more you run, the larger your appetite. The fact that you are eating a little over your limits right now makes total sense to me as you are just getting back into regular runs-- your body is used to regular running, and is adjusting its hunger accordingly, even if you're not mentally back in full swing yet. Makes total sense.

I'm glad you're back to it, and that you have an October goal to work towards-- not oo far away to seem like forever, but far enough that you have a comfortable range of time to build up your runner's brain again!

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4MY2KIDZ 6/26/2012 12:26PM

    You are my hero! I'm a better procrastinator, but I'm following your good examples. I have always found it interesting that a lot of diet advise says skip the scale (I too have kicked mine, well not to the curb, but under the bed). I find when I use it daily, generally same time every day to be consistent, it helps my mindset for the day. It may be up or down, I could be retaining water, or eaten a bad of Doritos, but it seems to help give me a boost to to treat myself better through the day. If its down, yay me, keep up the good work. If its up, dang it, show it whose boss. You will kick the half marathon's butt!

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MRS_EVA_K 6/26/2012 11:53AM

    You pulled in your own reins and you've done it well. Your unwanted visitors won't stay around for long!

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JANEMAR2 6/26/2012 11:15AM

    Keep up the great work!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 6/26/2012 10:57AM

    Sounds like you're on the right track. I like the direction in which you are heading! I've never named my "tires", well not names you'd use in polite society but maybe I should so I can encourage them to move on! LOL

Keep us posted on how things are going. I'm excited for you!

Can you teach me how to make my own nut butter? Is it hard to do? It's so expensive to buy it at the local organic store.

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LINDAKAY228 6/26/2012 10:43AM

    Congratulations on getting back on track so well! Great plan you've got going.

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IRISHBEANERGAL 6/26/2012 10:38AM

    Well balanced, as usual... when you jump back on track, you do it so well...

My "marines" are still hangin' around too- right around my belly button - wish they would figure out that this war needs to end soon and move OUT...

Keep up the good work - It's great to read (hear?) the excitement in your voice about your running again.

~Irish

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Check!..

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Thursday morning, 5 a.m., 3 mile run?

DONE!
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMIN2GENES 6/26/2012 8:18PM

    Awesome!


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TIGGER622 6/25/2012 9:10PM

    AWESOME!!! WAY TO GO!!!!

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ANIMAL_L0VER 6/25/2012 1:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROXIT22222 6/22/2012 2:32PM

    way to go! I was too busy playing to check in on you yesterday... Hope you have a great weekend.

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ANNESYLVIA 6/21/2012 9:18PM

    emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/21/2012 6:27PM

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GAYEMC 6/21/2012 5:00PM

    Awesome sauce!

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TERRYT55 6/21/2012 4:55PM

    YAY for you! What a great way to start the day......

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ROEBUNCH 6/21/2012 4:01PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DJ1SKYWALKER 6/21/2012 2:40PM

    emoticon

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 6/21/2012 2:38PM

    Woohoo! I wondered if that was you that went flying past when I was out with the pups! LOL

You go girl! Great job!

emoticon

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IRISHBEANERGAL 6/21/2012 2:32PM

    Roger that, 10-4!

Good job gal!

~Irish

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KAREN42BOYS 6/21/2012 1:24PM

    Ahwoo! And here I slept in because we head off Saturday for Catalina Island where I won't sleep as much, so I chose to gather me some sleep to sustain me!

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SHERWOODCYCLER 6/21/2012 1:20PM

    Good to go, then?

I am doing my women's running group at noon. Hope it isn't too warm....

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SUSUSUZZZIE 6/21/2012 11:33AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I'm so impressed! Way to go! You must feel great! emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 6/21/2012 11:26AM

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