CBAILEYC   99,376
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CBAILEYC's Recent Blog Entries

If a picture is worth a thousand words..

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Then this one says it all!

That's right - me, Mom, and a BBQ'd gargantuan turkey leg at the State Fair!
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What you don't see if the fact that we shared that bad boy with Kristan and Bill LOL fortunately, we weren't forced to eat the whole thing ourselves - not that we wouldn't have given it a good run for its money. Let's not discuss the giant basket of fries, and/or the elephant ear with raspberry sauce.

Uh. Well. Y'know.

Anyway, I'm bolting off again. We're heading to a consignment shop this afternoon for more shopping. OMG the shopping. And the food! It's a good thing PDX90 is starting this evening.
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Here's hoping they can save me from myself!
Much love....
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALKS_ARIA 9/9/2011 5:23AM

    Make sure you are adding extra (un tracked?!?!) exercise to your diet, as well as the food....

Splurging once in a while isn't a problem... it is when it becomes "regular" and brings your totals *way over* for the week (s).... You can get back on track!!!


You can do it!!!

aria

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MILLY61 9/8/2011 3:05PM

    He he he ...wicked :o)


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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 9/8/2011 11:26AM

    I love the picture! Enjoy your shopping!

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 9/7/2011 9:53PM

    Totally love the pic! Have fun with your mama and enjoy every precious moment with her! emoticon emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 9/7/2011 9:20PM

    Love the pic! So glad you're having such an awesome time.
Chris
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GAYEMC 9/7/2011 6:52PM

    Looks like you abd mom are having a great time. Now where's the rest of the family?

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JOELLEY23 9/7/2011 6:04PM

    love the state fair! great pic! elephant ears are the best creation ever. they really are and now i'm hungry for one...thanks!

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KINSBAILE 9/7/2011 4:38PM

    Awesome pic!

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HEALING_LORI 9/7/2011 1:38PM

    Look at you and your fun lovin' self! You always put a smile on my face! You and your mom look GREAT!
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ANNESYLVIA 9/7/2011 9:34AM

    Workout that 1/4 of the turkey leg and you will be fine.

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WCALDER 9/6/2011 10:37PM

    Glad you are having fun! Enjoy the treats!!! We will profusely beat the caories out of you later ... emoticon

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SUSUSUZZZIE 9/6/2011 8:46PM

    Awesome picture. Thanks for sharing a "little" piece of your turkey leg and the good time you are having with us!


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KIMSPDX 9/6/2011 6:18PM

    What a great picture! You guys look like you're having so much fun. Enjoy the shopping!

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DOUGZ69 9/6/2011 6:06PM

    Well, good to see you had fun and seem to have the perfect perspective. One of these days I hope to be as far along as you and making that half seem easy. Have a great day!!

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GAYLEP67 9/6/2011 3:23PM

    Great pic of you and Mom!! Hey...barbecued TURKEY...has to be better than deep fried butter or deep fried twinkies! I think this year at our fair (Canadian National Exhibition - CNE), they were serving a Krispy Kreme doughnut burger using the doughnuts as the bun! emoticon

With all of the running you're doing, no doubt you've already burned it all off. You look GREAT!!

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G
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WALKAWAY 9/6/2011 3:20PM

    Looks like you're having an emoticontime. OH, the elephant ear with raspberry sauce would have been my down fall.

Enjoy your family time. emoticon

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REALLY_ROBIN 9/6/2011 2:48PM

  What's Labor Day weekend without a few goodies! You look awesome! Hugs...Robin

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IRISHBEANERGAL 9/6/2011 2:37PM

    Our state fair is coming... and I know I'm gonna indulge... gearing up for it now even lol

You look like you are having a great time - enjoy your visit!

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 9/6/2011 2:15PM

    Yummy! Good for you choosing turkey over beef etc etc. You and your mom are really cute! I was able to take in two fairs this year and I sure enjoyed it! Spark on!

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KAREN42BOYS 9/6/2011 2:10PM

    I saw that in your food journal. I was very impressed with how honest you've been with your eating for better and for worse!

Rock on, woman!

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LAC936 9/6/2011 1:55PM

    I love State Fairs. It's great you have your Mom to have fun with. emoticon

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ROXIT22222 9/6/2011 1:44PM

    Way tooo funny! I love the picture and you guys look like you are having a grand time!

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30 Day Picture Challenge

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

30 Day Picture Challenge

One of my besties, Bailee Graves, posted a challenge blog before taking a bit of a Spark break.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=44
56888

I am rising to the challenge (because, yíknow, being behind at work as well, I have nothing better to do LOL). Will you join us?


I'll be keepin' an eye out for you!
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C~

P.S. I'll try to get another blog up soon recapping my HTC experiences last weekend. Suffice to say it was most excellent!

P.S.S. My mom and my daughter are here until Monday, Sept. 12, so I'm only working half days at work, and taking the rest off as vacation time for shopping, eating out, shopping, dining out, shopping, having lunch out, shopping, going to the state fair, shopping, and grabbing a bite while we're out.
emoticon That'll be ME by the time they leave LOL

Much love, gang....
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LMLOPEZ 9/6/2011 11:05AM

    Enjoy your family time, sassy haired lady! Oh, forgot to ask...were you planning on doing any shopping while your family is in town? Tee Hee!
Laura

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MALKS_ARIA 9/3/2011 8:10PM

    wooohooo :) remember if all you do is a bit of portion control... you are better off, then not doing anything...

Have fun with your family!
aria

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GAYLEP67 9/1/2011 12:31AM

    Ughhh! Between you and Teresa I'm going to go through withdrawal!!!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 8/31/2011 5:24PM

    Enjoy your family time.

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GAYEMC 8/31/2011 4:33PM

    You don't have food on your mind do you? Have fun with mom and daughter and don't eat it all in one place.

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MILLY61 8/31/2011 3:16PM

    Very cute pic - you're funny :o) Have a great weekend with your Mum and daughter.


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IMIN2GENES 8/31/2011 3:07PM

    Enjoy your family time - shopping - with your mom and daughter! I'm sure you'll have a blast! Hope you have a great week!

I'm going to go check out this challenge...
Chris
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SUSUSUZZZIE 8/31/2011 2:58PM

    Have a fantastic time with your mom and your daughter! I hope you can squeeze in some running while they are here!

You look fantastic at work! Enjoy your afternoon!

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REALLY_ROBIN 8/31/2011 12:46PM

  Candy, you always make me smile! Can't wait to hear about HTC and your time with your Mom and daughter! Looking pretty hot there at work, lady! Have a great week!

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 8/31/2011 12:19PM

    Great pic and idea! I too am looking forward to hearing about HTC. Enjoy your family and you may find that when you stick to choosing healthy food options or forgoing a treat occasionally that the fam gets on the bandwagon. Anything is possible!

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BAILEE_GRAVES 8/31/2011 12:14PM

    LOVE IT! Yay!! You are gorgeous!

YES YES YES.....I can't wait to hear all about the HTC. I bet it was super.

Enjoy your family time. Everything else will take care of itself.

I'll see you in 30 days my friend!
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Good Morning!..

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Good morning SparkPeople - especially Sparkin' Hood to Coast and Coasties and Ghosties.
It's waiting for you....

Mt. Hood, Or-ee-gon, in all her sunrise glory.
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IFDEEVARUNS2 8/30/2011 1:27PM

    Next time I'll actually make it to Mt Hood (one of the pitfalls of being in Van #2). emoticon

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GAYEMC 8/26/2011 6:15PM

    As I was driving up the mountain at 6:00 this morning, it was raining and semis were spraying on the runners. I felt so sorry for them. By 9:00 I was sweating and had to strip down to my shorts and tank top. I'm sure they dried out.

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DITZYCHICK 8/26/2011 12:41PM

    Go get em' girl!!!

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REALLY_ROBIN 8/26/2011 8:48AM

  Thanks so much for your comment yesterday...Hope you have a great time with the race and your friends! Looks like you have a beautiful weekend to enjoy it all!

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TURTLERASKIN 8/25/2011 10:26PM

    Gorgeous picture. Have a great time!

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GETFIT2LIVE 8/25/2011 10:05PM

    BEE-UTIFUL picture, wish I were down there to see it in person!

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KIMSPDX 8/25/2011 4:18PM

    Awesome shot! I really miss seeing mountains when I'm here visiting my family (Chicago suburbs). Thanks for the glimpse of home!

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IMIN2GENES 8/25/2011 3:51PM

    What a beautiful view! Have a great day!!
Chris
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KAREN42BOYS 8/25/2011 12:49PM

    Oh what a lovely thing to share with us!!! I think it's been 10 years since I've seen it!

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WALKAWAY 8/25/2011 12:38PM

    Hope you have a great day. Looking forward to the follow up blog!

Have FUN my friend.

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BLACKROSE_222 8/25/2011 12:14PM

    NICE! Good morning!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 8/25/2011 12:14PM

    Good Morning! Thank you for sharing the sunrise!

Have a wonderful day!

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LMLOPEZ 8/25/2011 12:01PM

    What a beautiful view. Makes me want to put my running shoes on!

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WCALDER 8/25/2011 10:48AM

    Good Morning! Have an awesome day!!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 8/25/2011 10:48AM

    Wow! Beautiful! Enjoy your day!

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LIZZY3611 8/25/2011 10:41AM

    God morning. Have a blessed day! emoticon

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ROXIT22222 8/25/2011 10:12AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

oh and don't forget emoticon

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Tell me something good...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Everyone needs a little funk in their day.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWcAU
xIgXxc

Super funk is even better!

I'm dealing. I'm moving forward. I am chair dancing to Chaka Kahn funkin' out with those killer pants! Girlfriend's got some slammin' curves going on there. Mmmmm'hmm!
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So.. tell me. Tell me something good. Tell me what made you happy today. Tell me what made your week. Tell me.. whatever you want to tell me. I want to know!
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAOLOSER 8/24/2011 12:00PM

    Something good huh? How about something great!

I had an awesome hike yesterday at a place called Raven Cliff Falls here in north Georgia. The weather was perfect. The trail was in great shape and the scenery was scenic. Took a bunch of pictures and met some interesting people on the trail too.

Best part was that I could barely keep my shorts on since I reached the last hole on my belt. That was cool, I guess.

Hope you are doing well today and looking forward to moving up to the great Northwest in a few weeks. Maybe I will see you on one of the trails up there!

Have a great one!

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DITZYCHICK 8/24/2011 9:47AM

    You silly girl...love that you're living life and having fun. That's the only way!!! Thank you for the beads...your note made my morning!

Something that makes me happy??? It definitely has to be the sunshine...hands down!!! As you know it made a late appearance here this summer which has made me appreciate it all the more. When I wake up and look out the window it makes me smile and feel good on the inside. When I'm out hiking in the field I just love to feel the warmth of it soaking into my body.

Keep smiling girl and enjoying life!!! Your positive upbeat attitude will take you far!

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MOSTMOM1 8/24/2011 9:38AM

    The sun is shining, the sky is blue, I have a fresh haircut, today is a drive with the top down day, I'm still wearing the smile I had on yesterday. It's ALL good!!
What the world needs is MORE FUNK! Love, love, love your attitude!
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SUSUSUZZZIE 8/24/2011 12:41AM

    I am happy that I survived a very challenging day at work. I didn't just survive, I had a little success.

I am happy that it looks like I'm going to get a new bike frame. It's not a done deal, but it's almost certain.

I'm happy that I got my exercise complete even though it was such a long work day!

I'm happy that you made this request! It would be a good practice for me to think about what made me happy every day!

Have a wonderful day Wednesday!

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REDSHOES2011 8/24/2011 12:04AM

    My son started his new computer IT education and has just purchased his first computer under own steam.. Huge achievement for a 16 year old teenager with ADHD. He worked hard all summer on his foster parents farm to scrap the money together.. They are trying to teach him self responsibilty, mission was a success. I asked him how he felt, super.. I feel he will do great things..
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MALKS_ARIA 8/23/2011 11:55PM

    that I did not have to keep 24/7 watch on my 10 yr old son today... He was balanced out medically today better than he had been in days....

I got to sleep in, and catch up on the lack of sleep I had due to my son's time in ER.

Blessings

aria

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GAYEMC 8/23/2011 8:26PM

    Wish I could have seen the video this AM (work blocks so many sites), but it did just get my body movin a bit. What a flash back!

So my boss asked me to name 3 things I was gratefull for today (I don't think he thought I could do it). I said easy. So, the gratefull things are also something good.
1. I woke up this morning
2. My dog loves me.
3. I have a job to go to which pays for my home and food.
4. I work with wonderful people
5. My company does wonderful work.
6. He made me stop.

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WALKAWAY 8/23/2011 7:42PM

    What made me happy today? MOSTMOM1's hoop video! emoticonHow can you not smile watching the joy in their faces. Love it.
Spark goodie from a friend. emoticon

Something good? Got my treadmill time in this morning. 40 minutes. emoticon Pat on the back from boss number 2 who was really cranky this morning about boss number 1 being gone. Pat on the back was for being there for this meeting today (where else would I be), covering his back and filling in the voids. emoticonThat's my job, right? Right. But it was nice to have the thank you, and in front of others too.

And I'm happy it's almost time to go home. WooHoo.

Hope you had a fantastic day my friend. Keep your chin up.

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Addie

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SASSYGIRLJENNA 8/23/2011 6:08PM

    I appreciated your comment on my blog so much I thought I would come over here and tell you that was something good today...we all can use the encouragement!

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NETGYRL 8/23/2011 4:28PM

    something good... ok!
1. I exercised even though I was really tempted to shine it on.
2. I tried on a pair of size 16 jeans that my partner bought for me last xmas and they fit!! A tight fit, but I am wearing right now as I type this and it's not too bad.

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TURTLERASKIN 8/23/2011 3:03PM

    I ran a little bit on my walk today! Okay, just for like a tenth of a block, but I did! And I thought of you when I ran, since you're my running inspiration!

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NUTSNUTSGETEM 8/23/2011 2:59PM

    "Tell me something good" is how I usually start a call with my other office. If it is a good day, you'll hear some guys with absolutely no musical ability whatsoever destroying the song!

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KAREN42BOYS 8/23/2011 2:48PM

    Today I got to swim with the team for the first time this month! And it didn't hurt!

My kids went back to school this morning.

I've eaten beautifully today.

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CHELLES_BELLS 8/23/2011 1:56PM

    Well... since you asked... I'm always impressed by the way I push through the tough parts of spin class compared to some of the tiny girls. I also ran a 5K this morning in 36 minutes (a new record).

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IRISHBEANERGAL 8/23/2011 1:46PM

    Tell me somethin' good...mmm mmm....

The Good - I am going to meet this super cool SP chick either on Wednesday or Thursday this week. She's like ummm like totally awesome (insert hair flip here) and funny and motivating.. and HUMAN... how could that not be good?

See you soon!

~Irish

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IMIN2GENES 8/23/2011 1:39PM

    Ooo.. I have a good one for you! There's this chick on SP, Candy I think her name is... emoticon she's accomplished so many things and always makes me smile. She's always so supportive! Yep! That makes me happy!

Spark on my friend! I'm happy to be sharing this journey with you. Good, bad and funky - it's good to have friends along for the ride.
Chris
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PS - My sore abs are making me happy today too! They needed the workout.

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BLACKROSE_222 8/23/2011 1:36PM

    AND I LOVE THE SONG!! WOO HOO!

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BLACKROSE_222 8/23/2011 1:36PM

    Things that make me happy (specifically today):

I'm going for beers with friends after work.
I'm going for a run (possible bike ride to save my knees, as they are a little twitchy today) after work.
I'm on SP while supposed to be working. emoticon
I'm looking forward to my del-icious lunch!

Things that make me happy (in general):

I can dance and sing and run and play like I'm 8 years old again - and it is wonderful!
I can make a schedule for my running, but I can also play with it as I need it.
I know that healthy eating will only get me to a better place in the Long Run.

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BESTCK 8/23/2011 1:27PM

    Fresh, hot coffee. A new project to work on with the Boss. Spark People. And the idea that it's never to late to change - this minute!

And my reminder email that I'm going to see ALICE COOPER this weekend! (Some parts of the past are worth reliving! )



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ROXIT22222 8/23/2011 1:16PM

    I love the smell of fresh rain after a long hot period! Open your window and take a sniff! (it may be too late now) The promise of more sunny skies for the weekend is making me smile. Going to be some nice weather for your HTC!!!!! I'll be thinking of you while I'm out of some trail hiking the oppisite derection of that crowd! emoticon

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TRILLIUM22 8/23/2011 1:11PM

    Made me feel like a high schooler again. Oh my. Who would have thought.

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WCALDER 8/23/2011 1:10PM

    Liam is as happy as ever. Even though he is cutting more teeth. I slept in this morning, and my migraine isn't as bad as this morning. I'm under 260lbs for the first time in like 10 years. Got to take the good with the bad, that's the "Fact of Life" another 80's reference !!! Much love ... W

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SMILESRME 8/23/2011 1:10PM

    Gotta love the *bling* on the lead singer! That is downtown funky and fun!!

Candy...and I gotta love your 'tude and positive vibes!! You rock and roll, my sparkfriend!

Telling you something good...had a great 5 mile run this morning; trying more of the Jeff Galloway method. Starting to walk earlier on my runs, instead of later. I noticed that you joined in this on a sparkteam. Is it helping you as well?

You need to read my blog about sparkfriends and prairie dogs and what they have in common! That was something good over the weekend! Hee hee!!

It's a fabulous day in the Sparkland neighborhood!
Joy!
Julia : )

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 8/23/2011 1:01PM

    Today: On2Victory posted about his upcoming marathon. He has worked so hard, shared so many victories and struggles and really wants this. It made me smile. He has transformed himself and amazes me.

Yesterday: CbaileyC posted a very honest blog about not being perfect. It made me forgive myself for the struggles I have been dealing with.

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PLATINUM755 8/23/2011 12:54PM

    I love that song too...and there's nothing like the funk to get your body moving...Keep up the good work!

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TEXASFILLY 8/23/2011 12:48PM

    *LOL* Thanks for the flasback 'n those ol' bell~bottom jeans. Yeah~ reminds me of high school daze. It's all good~ even the rough patches teach us lessons we need to learn. All the best, BB~

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Recognition..

Monday, August 22, 2011

MaggieRoseBowl had a great blog today. Well, she often has great blogs! Check it out, here:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=44
41563&SPShared=TRUE


Her blog got me thinking, and I hope I donít offend anyone with this train of thought, stream of consciousness thing going on here.

I am a fat girl. I may release the next 50-60 lbs eventually (please let me get rid of it, really) but even once itís gone, I will still be a fat girl. I may not be fat physically, but in my mind, in my body, I will be. Are some of us who are overweight.. obese.. morbidly obese.. are we akin to alcoholics? Where, even if we kick our habit, we will always be that addict?

Now, Iím not saying Iím addicted to food. I believe I have control and choice over what goes in my mouth (isnít that what an addict says?) and to that end, I have released the last 60-odd pounds. I have improved my health and my well-being, my shape and my form. But will I always be one bad decision away from gaining it all back?

Part of why Iím looking at things this way is the fact that for me it seems SO easy to gain or maintain weight. Why can I work hard, in earnest, for weeks, and have a bad day or two and Iím up X lbs? I know, I know, there are a variety of scientific reasons for that gain, anything from sodium to time of the month to amount of sleep to .. yea, I get it.

Iím not complaining about where I am right now. Iím actually starting to understand where I am right now.

Iím dealing with a fair amount of anger. I am internalizing my anger, I am rationalizing my anger, I am adopting the ďX happened even after losing weight, so obviously it doesnít matter if I lose or not, X happened and can happen again, regardless of what I loseĒ dangerous attitude. The only good thing about that is that Iím starting to recognize it. Thatís good, right?

Name the enemy, and take away its power. Face it, and triumph.

Iím gaining right now. Iím eating very very poorly right now. I can keep it together at work, for breakfast and lunch, and for snacks. But once I get home it all goes to hell in a handbasket Ė and itís an ugly handbasket, not even a pretty decorated one, itís just trashy.

Oh, to clarify Ė Maggieís blog did not bring me to these conclusions and last few paragraphs. Iíve been trying to figure out where my head is lately for a while now. I busted poor Teresaís chops over drinking Coke (Iím still grateful you know it wasnít meant meanly or spitefully) and yet Iím .. Iím out of control myself. It may not be Coke thatís doing it to me, but itís food in general. Itís eating out. Itís making lousy choices. Itís hurting myself with food. Itís feel stuffed and uncomfortable, and going back to the cabinet to see what else I can put in my mouth to try and satisfy the taste memory thatís going on in there. Itís always easier to point that wagging finger outward than it is to curl it back and point it at yourself.

Iím angry and hurt and I have to figure out a way to deal with it. The logical part of my brain has a pretty good idea of what I need to do, but Iím not there yet. Swallowing the anger is not working, obviously. Because the more I swallow my emotions, the more I try to stuff it down and keep it in with food, food, some food, more food, maybe a bit more food, how about more food, and food.

That is not going to work. Not anymore.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAM-MA 8/25/2011 8:42AM

    You know, I sort of missed this blog while my computer was down, so I am late in commenting, but I hope you will see it anyway.

I know exactly how you feel. I am sure that we all go through times like this. But... we HAVE come SO FAR..... I don't think that we can really go "back". I think that we have learned too much. This is a journey of Wellness... of body, mind and spirit.

We WILL find a way through. Whether it be through sweating it out, therapy, talking to each other, or even journaling. Iknow that you WILL find a way through. You ARE STRONG!! Youa ARE an inspiration to others. (Me included)and We love you!

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ANNESYLVIA 8/24/2011 9:38PM

    While I am on vacation I been jeopardizing my efforts every dinner I eat. And even a lunch too! I been great with Breakfast and snacks and most lunches but the dinners and desserts! I don't normally have desserts but holidays and vacations seem to call for dessert.

I believe I am a thin woman with a healthy appetite. That occasionally loses control. Care to joined me?

Mind over matter. Okay Duck? Thin woman, healthy appetite.

hugs, Anne

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ROXIT22222 8/23/2011 12:05PM

    All I can say is emoticon you've gotten some good advice here and I hope you have better days soon.

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BLACKROSE_222 8/23/2011 11:29AM

    I agree with what you have stated here, and really don't have much to offer on it. I know that food will always be hard for me, yet I sit here giving people advice that say things like "Hang in there", and "Take it one step at a time" - as I have trouble not reaching for a Rice Krispy Treat (I actually want one right now, even though I have TONS of healthy stuff on my desk).

HUGS, and Love - and know that you aren't the only one in this boat. I'm paddling along with you, and if there is even a slight hope we get where we want one day - then the paddling is worth it.

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TURTLERASKIN 8/23/2011 11:06AM

    You know, it's a funny thing. I had a family issue come up for the umpteenth time, and it almost broke me, as it usually does, and this time I sought out therapy. And what's been so funny about therapy is that I didn't realize that there were so many things in me -- feelings, memories, etc. -- related to so many different issues. Therapy has already helped immensely with my anger at some family members, and I'm working through other stuff. So, I found it helpful and therefore suggest it to you.

Other than that, I'll simply say, whatever you feel, whatever you do, it's okay. I still think you're a rock star. Like you, I'll always be the fat girl, even if I'm thin. But that's okay, too. We are who we are.

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LILLYPILLY24 8/23/2011 4:32AM

    Oh, what a real blog, and yes .... you're facing it now, and therein lies the answer.

I see you being so encouraging to so many people here - and I think it's time for YOU! Be encouraged, you're on your way. I read a couple of comments written by others and I agree with them - keep going, let it out, face the anger, work through this. I believe you can because you've already overcome so much (and maybe that first 60 was the easy part, and now you've come to the point of facing the emotional baggage - good, do it!).

I believe you can get through this, and I'll be following your blogs, cheering you on.

On a positive note ... while your eating after dark may suck, at least you're keeping to the plan for the rest of the day, still moving, still here. Thinking of you as you sort through this (((hugs))).

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 8/23/2011 3:41AM

    Candy you have some very wise fiends. Regretfully, I don't have the eloquence of word that others have shared with you, but I will share my two cents. I understand your feelings. I've been having a bit of a struggle myself. I'm feeling good, thin, energetic, and food is such a form of socialization, celebration, etc. I've eaten unhealthy, and occasionally too much lately. I even went three days without exercising. The first two I was fretting with frustration, but by the third, I didn't want to exercise. Grrrr... that was the pits. For me, I think I am a food-a-holic, and I will always need to count calories and be aware. It is a small price to pay for my new body. Also, I've worked hard to identify emotions correctly, and explore the truth behind them. I agree that I will be a fat girl inside for a long time, but just as eating healthy has become a habit, thinking healthy is coming along towards being a habit as well. I encourage you to stop as you seek out food and identify the emotion and further the truth behind the emotion. It's painful and scary, but once faced, it can be dealt with. Go easy on yourself. You've come so far and with time you will arrive at your goal. The changes we've made have been hard work, at least for me, all the planning, thinking, and challenging myself has required a huge effort. I'm of the opinion it is ok to just coast for a while. When I'm on my bike, and I coast, returning to pedaling comes with renewed energy. I don't see why the same won't work for this health journey I'm on... You too!!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 8/23/2011 12:11AM

    I wish I had something to offer. I'm so beat down today that I can barely think. Your post and Maggie's post both hit home. I am afraid of what is to come, as I know I have stuff buried deep within, but because of you and others I know I can face it and beat it. I have thought that isn't carrying around the weight and shame for so long enough to heal. Why isn't it just as simple as eating healthy and exercising?

I wish you much luck sorting out these emotions. You have come so far and you are such an inspiration...even when you are struggling and not perfect, you are still an inspiration. We're all here behind you if there's anything we can do.

In the mean time, many
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EUPHRATES 8/22/2011 11:59PM

    I know those feelings SO very well. In fact, ďX happened even after losing weight, so obviously it doesnít matter if I lose or not, X happened and can happen again, regardless of what I loseĒ is EXACTLY why I gained all the weight back and more after I lost 60+ pounds in 2003. Which made me realize that having set up those expectations in the first place (I was going to "show him" that dammit I could lose weight and other people would find me attractive and THEN he'd start noticing me again) I totally set myself up for failure - because if he DID then it meant all his words about my weight not mattering to him had been a lie, and if he DIDN'T...then it was really just ME he didn't want anymore. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't. It took making this solely about ME and what *I* wanted (well that and getting rid of that toxic relationship) to finally get me to the point I could even think about trying again.
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You CAN do this! You are worth it!

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WALKAWAY 8/22/2011 11:40PM

    Holy Cow did this hit home with me when I read it this evening. I've been trying to swallow both anger and frustration from work and my personal life. emoticon And because it's sticking in my throat it's choking the happiness out of my life.

Have I figured out how to fix it? Not completely............but I'm working on it. Will it be easy, no, but I can't give up.

You are strong, feisty, awesome lady. Keep your chin up, be proud of what you've accomplished, and where your going to go.

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 8/22/2011 11:02PM

    Oh honey! I'm sorry to hear that you are battling these demons, but it sounds like you may be on the brink of revelation here. I believe you are at a tipping point with the anger, and your last line gives me hope. Dr. Phil always asks people who are in the middle of some dysfunctional behavior, "So how's that working for ya?" You've already recognized that it's not working for you, and that's half the battle! It's those darned emotions that make it hard to do what you know you need to do, so the key is to work on developing tools that can help explore the emotions. They have to come out someway, somehow; otherwise we wear them on our body (and in our body...I believe all that negative energy causes aches, pains, and illness). I have no idea if you keep a private journal in real life or not, but that might be a good start if you don't already keep one. Write it out and go back and look at it later on to see if you can find clues to help you develop a strategy for dealing with all of this. ALL of your success thus far has come from having a positive attitude, developing a strategy, and powering through! You CAN do this with the anger and the other emotional stuff; it will just take time. I'm quite an emotional person and I know I have to be VERY intentional about working on my emotional life in order to feel good. Otherwise, I eat my way into numbness at night so I don't have to deal with myself and my emotions. Please know that I am here for you if you need to talk privately. I love ya honey and I want only the best for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon Christine

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IRISHBEANERGAL 8/22/2011 8:49PM

   
Truer words have never been written/spoken: "Name the enemy, and take away its power. Face it, and triumph". A very courageous woman spoke those words - I think you know her. You are a strong woman -you have accomplished a lot. You will accomplish even more with every step you take.

I wish I had some magic words to make this resolve for you. (kind of like the magic pills we hoped for when we weren't eating properly or exercising). But I can say this--I am proud to call you my friend and will do anything I can to help you realize each and every goal you take on. And I know I will get the same from you. And this is from two women who have never met??? Pretty dang special if you ask me.

Conquer your demons - slay your dragons.. and keep moving forward - do WHATEVER it takes, and NEVER quit! This is our life journey - LIVE IT and own it.

~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

August Mantra:

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all" - Helen Keller



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GAYEMC 8/22/2011 8:47PM

    Oh Candy, I wish I had some words of wisdom, again, but I've been so off my track lately I don't even know what to say. Most of my adult life I was pretty thin and I still see me that way, until I look in the mirror. I have yet to delve into the psychological reasons why we look in that mirror and not see what is really there, a human being, with faults and perfections blended together. I do know I'm too old to take much of it seriously anymore.

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KAREN42BOYS 8/22/2011 7:36PM

    I was in a food recovery group for about a year and a half I think; we worked on the emotional and spiritual stuff behind our overeating. What you wrote here feels so familiar. The stuffing the feelings in, the hurting myself with food, the pacing back to the cupboard.

Candy, this may sound bizarre, but this is actually a good place to be. You are totally able to say what you're feeling. Those feelings are not being stuffed in at least the same as you used to.

With how angry you sound, it sounds like a big fight is coming, and you might want it to be a supervised fight. A counselor, psychologist, pastor to help you fight through what needs to be said and to help find a path that may lead to real healing.

I cannot overemphasize the fruits that I've gained from working through the junk I was carrying. Bitterness, resentment, brokeness, overwhelmed, critical were all so common for me. Working through that junk plus learning how to care for this body of mine has transformed me. I want that for you.

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IMIN2GENES 8/22/2011 6:54PM

    I'm not really sure I can give much advice to you. What I can offer you is an ear to listen anytime you want to talk it out more. For me, writing it down and reading what I wrote sometimes really helps. I hope you find your answer soon and can let go of the anger.

Take care of yourself my friend! I'm here for you!
Chris
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NETGYRL 8/22/2011 6:51PM

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BAILEE_GRAVES 8/22/2011 6:48PM

    You know sweetie, you said to me one time "My problem is I've become content where I am." And I think that speaks volumes for both of us.

We were the REALLY fat girls before we started Spark. Now we may not be REALLY fat; but we're still overweight; still heavy. BUT much thinner than we were and certainly much healthier than we were. And it feels GOOD! You and I are mirroring each other in so many ways. We've been stuck for months; yet not really gaining. The few lbs here and there. They go up; they go down. Over and over again.

For now I think we're enjoying the fruits of our labor of the past 12 months. And knowing that we can splurge (see my dinner tonight) and while it may seem like you're out of control, you know you're not. Even though it seems like you're stuffing yourself at night, think about what you were eating 2 years ago.

But knowing we're not 100% on track brings on guilt. The bottom line is we have to learn to LIVE with this new lifestyle. And that means good days; with awesome runs and great nutrients. Other days watching movie marathons and drinking too many cokes.

But as long as the good days are still out numbering the bad ones; don't beat yourself up too much. You're in control. Yeah, like an alcoholic you're (me-we) ALWAYS going to have to be aware of "calories in; calories out" but we've learned alot. We know where that line in the sand is and I don't believe for a minute we'll ever cross it again.

We're a year older; we have less weight to lose; our bodies have adjusted. So it's harder to lose. But as long as we're not going back up on a regular basis.....sit back and enjoy life. This is what you worked so hard for last year. Those last pounds will take care of themselves sooner or later.

For now, be happy. You've earned it! You look great and you're healthier than you've been in a long time.

You're right where you should be right now Candy. And you've never looked happier!!

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BESTCK 8/22/2011 6:35PM

    It's not exactly like being drug or alcohol addicted. It can't be, because we can't say, "I just won't have food anymore". If it were that easy I would quit it like I quit smoking. And, I've noticed, that people aren't as tolerant or considerate when it comes to my food demons as they are to my Dad and his alcohol. (He's been sober 30 years this month, but still battles diabetes because of his food addiction.) Why people insist that one is a disease and the other is a matter of self control is beyond me.

I am an addict. I know this, because I can overeat good food just like I can overeat junk. Because I'm looking for something to make me feel "better".

Good luck coming out of your rut. Let me know if I can help in any way.

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