Wednesday, August 31, 2011
30 Day Picture Challenge
One of my besties, Bailee Graves, posted a challenge blog before taking a bit of a Spark break.
I am rising to the challenge (because, yíknow, being behind at work as well, I have nothing better to do LOL). Will you join us?
I'll be keepin' an eye out for you!
P.S. I'll try to get another blog up soon recapping my HTC experiences last weekend. Suffice to say it was most excellent!
P.S.S. My mom and my daughter are here until Monday, Sept. 12, so I'm only working half days at work, and taking the rest off as vacation time for shopping, eating out, shopping, dining out, shopping, having lunch out, shopping, going to the state fair, shopping, and grabbing a bite while we're out.
That'll be ME by the time they leave LOL
Much love, gang....
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Everyone needs a little funk in their day.
Super funk is even better!
I'm dealing. I'm moving forward. I am chair dancing to Chaka Kahn funkin' out with those killer pants! Girlfriend's got some slammin' curves going on there. Mmmmm'hmm!
So.. tell me. Tell me something good. Tell me what made you happy today. Tell me what made your week. Tell me.. whatever you want to tell me. I want to know!
Monday, August 22, 2011
MaggieRoseBowl had a great blog today. Well, she often has great blogs! Check it out, here:
Her blog got me thinking, and I hope I donít offend anyone with this train of thought, stream of consciousness thing going on here.
I am a fat girl. I may release the next 50-60 lbs eventually (please let me get rid of it, really) but even once itís gone, I will still be a fat girl. I may not be fat physically, but in my mind, in my body, I will be. Are some of us who are overweight.. obese.. morbidly obese.. are we akin to alcoholics? Where, even if we kick our habit, we will always be that addict?
Now, Iím not saying Iím addicted to food. I believe I have control and choice over what goes in my mouth (isnít that what an addict says?) and to that end, I have released the last 60-odd pounds. I have improved my health and my well-being, my shape and my form. But will I always be one bad decision away from gaining it all back?
Part of why Iím looking at things this way is the fact that for me it seems SO easy to gain or maintain weight. Why can I work hard, in earnest, for weeks, and have a bad day or two and Iím up X lbs? I know, I know, there are a variety of scientific reasons for that gain, anything from sodium to time of the month to amount of sleep to .. yea, I get it.
Iím not complaining about where I am right now. Iím actually starting to understand where I am right now.
Iím dealing with a fair amount of anger. I am internalizing my anger, I am rationalizing my anger, I am adopting the ďX happened even after losing weight, so obviously it doesnít matter if I lose or not, X happened and can happen again, regardless of what I loseĒ dangerous attitude. The only good thing about that is that Iím starting to recognize it. Thatís good, right?
Name the enemy, and take away its power. Face it, and triumph.
Iím gaining right now. Iím eating very very poorly right now. I can keep it together at work, for breakfast and lunch, and for snacks. But once I get home it all goes to hell in a handbasket Ė and itís an ugly handbasket, not even a pretty decorated one, itís just trashy.
Oh, to clarify Ė Maggieís blog did not bring me to these conclusions and last few paragraphs. Iíve been trying to figure out where my head is lately for a while now. I busted poor Teresaís chops over drinking Coke (Iím still grateful you know it wasnít meant meanly or spitefully) and yet Iím .. Iím out of control myself. It may not be Coke thatís doing it to me, but itís food in general. Itís eating out. Itís making lousy choices. Itís hurting myself with food. Itís feel stuffed and uncomfortable, and going back to the cabinet to see what else I can put in my mouth to try and satisfy the taste memory thatís going on in there. Itís always easier to point that wagging finger outward than it is to curl it back and point it at yourself.
Iím angry and hurt and I have to figure out a way to deal with it. The logical part of my brain has a pretty good idea of what I need to do, but Iím not there yet. Swallowing the anger is not working, obviously. Because the more I swallow my emotions, the more I try to stuff it down and keep it in with food, food, some food, more food, maybe a bit more food, how about more food, and food.
That is not going to work. Not anymore.
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