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CICO June 26 - July 2

Monday, June 27, 2011

SP Report
Eaten 1,952
BMR* 2,082
Exercise 742
Total Burned 2,824
Differential -872

BB Report
Calories Burned 3228
Calories Consumed 1974
Calorie Balance 1254

SP Report
Eaten 2,191 (we're bordering on ridiculous here!)
BMR* 2,082
Exercise 771
Total Burned 2,853
Differential -662

BB Report
Calories Burned 2765
Calories Consumed 2220
Calorie Balance 545

SP Report
Eaten 1,950
BMR* 2,082
Exercise 475
Total Burned 2,557
Differential -607

BB Report
Calories Burned 2663
Calories Consumed 1973
Calories Balance 640

SP Report
Eaten 1,874
BMR* 2,082
Exercise 800
Total Burned 2,882
Differential -1,008

BB Report

Kash, so far BB it usually putting my calories burned 200-600 calories HIGHER than SP. It's been interesting to see, and I think that descrepency is what is giving me 'free rein' in my mind at least to eat so much over my range! Grrrr. Time to get back on track.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASHMIR 6/27/2011 2:28PM

    How does this match up to what the BUGG says? I loved my bugg...

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I've been bitten by the Bugg!..

Thursday, June 23, 2011

So my status on Wednesday was that I didnít get my run in on Tuesday, but I DID get a BodyBugg! Yay me!

First things first Ė I bought it off Craigslist for 40% off the price of a new one. It IS expensive in one way, yes, but.. Iím worth it! I am, really! Yes, I have to pay for the subscription to the tracking site, or purchase a digital display Ė I went for the web subscription Ė to reap the benefits of the data it collects. Iíve been pining for one of these puppies for a while now, but opted to get a Garmin several months ago because I wanted to focus on improving my running, and I have. Iím still a work in progress where running is concerned, but now I feel comfortable branching out to another gadget.

Iím a geek, what can I say? I love new toys! LOL

So I got the Bugg on Tuesday, and activated it on Wednesday and slapped that sucker on my left arm. Itís comfy, mostly unnoticeable really. You put it on and you forget about it. I like that in a gadget!

Hereís a screenshot of my feedback from the website for my very first day:

I compared this data with the data from SPís Reports, Daily Calorie Differential, and while thereís some discrepancy between the two, itís not huge:

Now, if you look at the BodyBugg site screenshot, you can see little peaks of activities on the graph. I slid the Bugg on around 8:30 and went about my day from there. The smaller spikes until 12:30 were the times I got up from my desk and walked around our floor. This, to me, is proof that while I may look like a dolt walking in a circle for a few minutes, itís worth it because it does increase, even slightly, my calorie burn for the day. Much moreso than just sitting on my rumpus all day!

From 12:30 to 1, I walked with my coworker. Nice peaks there!

Again, a few more walks around the floor until quitting time at 4:00. I drove home then, and at 5 started getting ready to go to the gym. I do as much crunch/core work at home as I can so I can get home sooner rather than later.

By 5:30, Iím out the door, walking to the gym, arriving 25 minutes later.

I do my ST from 6 to 6:30 or so Ė keep in mind all these times are estimates, +/- 5 minutes.

At 6:30, we find out our Zumba instructor called off sick. Bummer. But.. wait! There are three of us ready for class, and we happen to have the CD our instructor has made for us. Why not??

Heh. We did our Zumba class on our own. We know the routines (85% of each one at least) so we went through and did our own class. Nice! We Zumbaíd our hearts out until 7:20, and call it a night.

I walked home from the gym after that, another 25 minutes, then got cleaned up and settled in for dinner. I was STARVING!

So, if we total it up, I dedicated approx. 3 hours yesterday to fitness. Nice!
Even nicer is seeing that graph depicting my efforts, and the resultant calorie burn in total for all day.

I did set up my BodyBugg page with the goal of sports training AND losing weight. I want and need to be active, and I want and need to fuel my body properly. Having said that, I was blown away by the recommended target Calories in of 2050! Dang! I didnít quite make it yesterday, and Iím not sure Iím going to fling caution to the wind and go charging after that 2050 with gusto! LOL Iíll up my intake a bit Ė Iíve already expanded my calorie range up to 1800 because I havenít been feeling as if Iím eating well enough to support all my activities, and.. AND.. and Iím not releasing any real weight.

Yea, I said I didnít care about releasing more weight. I fibbed. I do care, of course I do, else I wouldnít still be here. I want to do it healthfully, and I want to do it in a permanent, sustainable manner. This is for life, and Iím willing to use whatever means are available to me to get this thing figured out and nailed down.

Of course, as soon as I feel confident that I do have it figured out, everything will change again!

So there Ė thereís my recap of Day 1 with the Bugg. Iím excited to see what else I can learn and whether or not this can really help me get back to releasing steadily again. Iíve had more than enough of this 222-225 business, thank you very much. I want to crack 220.. then 210.. then big ole 200! Itís within my grasp, and Iím reaching for it.. hard!
Spark On!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REALLY_ROBIN 6/25/2011 12:10PM


Thanks for sharing about the Bugg...I've always wondered how they work. You are doing so awesome there lady!

I've been off for a while, havne't felt like blogging, but I'm hanging in there and not gaining. I'm hoping to get back my enthusiam soon! I'm hoping it's this lack of sunny days. And that we actually get a summer...I know you can relate!

Hugs, Robin

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GAYEMC 6/24/2011 3:05PM

    I keep reading about those bugs. I'm anxious to hear what you think after a few weeks. I got my Garmin and still haven't figured out how to set everything. Guess I better get to work on that. No more toys until I do. Have you got your Wii yet?

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HEALING_LORI 6/24/2011 9:50AM

    Yippeee! emoticon
I'm so excited for ya! It sounds so neat. I'm a gadget geek too and things like this keep it exciting. I want one more than ever now. I was wondering though if it was at all awkward to wear all day long!?!?! Do you wear it at night?? I think I'll need to keep my eye on a used one too! No problems being used?? I love it and look forward to hearing all about your experience with it! I bet it makes you wanna keep moving to get those lines up... lol it would for me for sure!
Yayyy for you!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 6/23/2011 8:40PM

    I've been so curious about the Bugg and similar! Thanks for your blog and good luck to you on your goals!

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KWADHAMS 6/23/2011 8:03PM

    That is so cool. I would love to get a bodybugg. Thanks for going to my spark page. I am not as colorful with my blogs as my husband Rob(on2victory) is but at least I try to put a blog out every other day or so. emoticon

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TURTLERASKIN 6/23/2011 7:22PM

    Fascinating! I can't wait to hear the report after you're had it for a while.

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LINDAKAY228 6/23/2011 4:38PM

    That is so cool! I have wanted one for a long time but haven't been able to buy one yet. I do have a Garmin I bought last year that I really love for my running but still want the BodyBugg! Enjoy it!

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WCALDER 6/23/2011 3:43PM

    I ordered mine and it is supposed to be here tomorrow!! I can't wait to start using it. It's almost like a healthy Christmas


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LISA01605 6/23/2011 3:34PM

    I love the chart from the Bugg! I have been thinking about getting one but I am worried about actually wearing it. I don't want it to become a conversation at work or around friends with people asking what is on my arm. I love data and charts!

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PIXIEMOM13 6/23/2011 3:25PM

    Oh that is sooooo cool to read about your experience with the bodybugg. I would love to have one of those as well eventually..but like you I want a Garmin first!

And how awesome is that you and your friends did your own class! You didn't let the lack of instructor be a convenient excuse not to do something! That's a WIN in my book.

Comment edited on: 6/23/2011 3:27:56 PM

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CICO June 19-25

Monday, June 20, 2011

This is my Calories In/Calories Out tracker for the week of June 19 to June 25. We started doing this tracking on our 10 weeks 10 lbs challenge team.. back over the holidays I think. It's been a great tool for me to see how I'm doing.

This is mostly housekeeping for me, nothing all that exciting. I'll update this entry daily, or at the least every other day.

Eaten 1,566
BMR* 2,086
Exercise 0
Total Burned 2,086
Differential -520

Eaten 1,636
BMR* 2,086
Exercise 651
Total Burned 2,737
Differential -1,101

Eaten 1,671
BMR* 2,086
Exercise 0
Total Burned 2,086
Differential -415

Let's see if my formatting will stick when I post today's update. Nope :{
SparkPeople Report......................BodyBugg Report
Eaten 1,629.....................Eaten 1765
BMR* 2,086
Exercise 1,165
Total Burned 3,251.......................Total Burned 3105
Differential -1,622........................Deficit -1340

SP Report
Eaten 1,505
BMR* 2,086
Exercise 246
Total Burned 2,332
Differential -827

BB Report
Calories Burned 2520
Calories Consumed 1611
Calorie Balance 909

SP Report
Eaten 1,912
BMR* 2,082
Exercise 533
Total Burned 2,615
Differential -703

BB Report
Calories Burned 2949
Calories Consumed 1895
Calorie Balance 1090

SP Report
Eaten 2,693
BMR* 2,082
Exercise 703
Total Burned 2,785
Differential -92

BB Report
Calories Burned 3391
Calories Consumed 2563
Balance 828

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYEMC 6/21/2011 2:44PM

    Interesting, I might have to give it a try. I know they were tracking that on H2C last year.

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IRISHBEANERGAL 6/21/2011 11:02AM

    ok so I need to learn how to do this tracking of burnt (burned?) calories thingy - it really stinks being the non-techy gal. But your numbers are inspiring. I keep looking at them and thinking... it takes 3500 calories to make a pound, so does it take 3500 calories to lose one? hmmm.... I would LOVE to be visualizing the calories burned and then comparing it to see if I lose it on the scale... or would I totally obsess when they didn't match... hmm.. maybe being non-techy isn't so bad! LOL

At any rate - GREAT JOB keeping yourself accountable. Do whatever you need to do to be successful and NEVER EVER QUIT!

~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 6/20/2011 11:25PM

    Interesting! Hey tonight I experienced something new that made me think of you. As I was riding up my nemesis (3 mile climb) a runner PASSED me. No fooling! I was pissed but also excited for him. That is or will be you some time.

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We survived the Mud Run MS Portland!... Picture heavy...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Chazeray and I tackled the Mud Run yesterday to help raise funds to battle MS. Let me tell you, it was unlike anything else I've ever done! There aren't enough words.. crazy, incredible, tough, funny, daunting, scary, ecstatic, filthy, fantastic.. I could go on and on!

6.2 miles, 30 obstacles, 1 day. Sounds like a piece of cake compared to what some people with MS face every day. That's the message that really spurred us on through out our quest to survive - we can face this challenge for one day, because it's nothing compared to what folks with MS deal with.

I've done a few 10Ks. I respect the distance, but knew this wasn't any ordinary 10K. Add to that the fact that my left leg has been bothering me since the 13 mile run and 5K race last weekend, and I was wondering if I was going to be able to make it through. That's what I had emailed my coach about, and quietly freaked out that I'd run myself into a stress fracture. I ran on Tuesday last week, but didn't run the rest of the week. I did Zumba on Wednesday, but was left limping and wigging out afterward. I iced and rested and took it easy the rest of the week, hoping I could milk some kind of performance from my leg on Saturday.

As has become my habit, one must dress appropriately for whatever battle she's facing.


Bill was his typical self and went with, carrying water and snacks and money and camera and enthusiasm - which wasn't easy because it was in the mid 50s and drizzly. Great way to spend a Saturday morning, eh? Standing around for 2 hours waiting for a couple of whacked out women! LOL

Speaking of.. my teammate, Chazeray!

I cannot say enough about this amazing lady. Chasity has a great can-do attitude, and honestly had she not agreed to do this challenge, I wouldn't have done it myself. We agreed on one of the many trips up or down the killer hill that we'd have to agree to forgive each other for getting ourselves into this!

See how neat and tidy and clean we look? Yea, that's before things got started. This was a fantastic event, the first one in the Portland area, and the course was built on amazing country 'donated' to the cause by the Sherwood Forest Equestrian Center.

Here's a glimpse of the map of the event. I only found this map today. Had I seen it before? No guarantee we would have done this LOL

Photo credit:

See that large beige spot that sorta looks like Africa? That's a hill. A big hill. The kind of hill that makes grown men cry like little girls. Ok, maybe not that bad, but it's HUGE. Before we got to the hill though we trecked through the woods and realized that we were relatively lucky - we took off at 9 a.m. with the first waves of DGAP (don't give a poop!) non-competitive runners. The trails were wet from the drizzle, and getting mucky from the feet pounding over them. It was only going to get worse.

30 obstacles. Seriously, I don't know that I can recall all of them. There was an awesome one where you waded through 2-3 feet of muddy water, only to climb up a giant hill of mud, to slide down the other side into more muddy water. We climbed over logs, we waded through mud, we slipped and slid and skidded and .. I'm tired just writing about it again!

Chas was a total super star and tackled all but one obstacle. She climbed the giant ladder thingy - I only went up two rungs then slid through and back down LOL I don't do heights. She did the monkey bar swing-a-ma-jig, and splashed down with a big ole sploosh! I ninnied out and bypassed that one, too!

There was a rope bridge - one rope above your head, one rope to balance on as you walk your way over water. I did that one! I was proud of that one, very much. I've lived a life of being too heavy to do crazy stuff like this, and old thoughts die hard. I just knew I was going to stretch the rope beyond its limit. DID NOT HAPPEN! I went really slowly, but I went, and I crossed that bridge and I was so stoked!

The only obstacle we both bypassed was the Leap of Faith. You climb up onto this platform 8-10 feet in the air and jump off into a hole, 8-10 feet deep, filled with muddy water.

No, thank you.


I could go on and on and ON about what we faced, what we did, and how it went. We crawled through creeks, we slipped on the trails, we laughed our way down hills and motored back up again. I think it was 4 times up, 5 times down. It's all a blur now.

The end. We made it to the end! The last obstacle standing between us and finishing. A low crawl, going through a mud pit, under a cargo net. The water was deep enough and the net low enough that you were down on your belly and slithering through. At one point my head got caught on the net because I refused to put my face in the water LOL The volunteer working the obstacle lifted the net so I could keep going. I made it to the end, but then couldn't get myself out of the pit. There were people all around, cheering and yelling and encouraging. I stopped trying to stand up and just crawled up the slick wall of mud until I was free. I rose up and threw my hands in the air with a Spark-inspired WOOHOO and took off for Chas.

We finished that run in 2 hours and 20 minutes. It was incredible. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Yes, it was harder than running 3 hours for half marathon training.


I can't wait to do it again!

The start/finish area.

They actually fired this cannon to start our first wave LOL It was a HUGE kabOOOOOOm!

On our way. It was too mucky for Bill to try and get out on the course, so this is really the only action shot of us on the path to glory.

This is just after the last mud low crawl, rounding the corner and heading for the finish.

I swear, I almost stopped here. I didn't think I could make it, but then.. I yelled 'kick it' to myself and kept on going!

Sweet victory! We made it!

I couldn't be happier - so proud of what we accomplished, for not quitting, for making it to the end!

In line at the wash off area. A gentleman with a giant hose - think firetruck hose - was spraying everyone off. We waited patiently in line for our turn to, on purpose, spin and turn and dance before a man with a giant waterhose shooting cold water at us LOL It was nutty, but good.

Post-wash off. Do we look cleaner? LOL It helped, but didn't come near enough to actually getting us clean. Keep in mind, it's still mid-50s and drizzly. We're cold. We warmed up while we ran, inbetween getting drenched of course, but when the race was over for us, the cold started setting in bigtime.

Bill was a paragon of wisdom - he had two handtowels in his backpack and gave one to each of us. We wiped our faces and hands off and he eventually opened our waterbottles for us. Yes, we were handed waterbottles as we crossed the finish line. Awesome! Except, our hands are so filthy, that there's mud all over the bottles and lids and .. we needed help!

Now, this event had various sponsors and vendors. You would not believe the rejoicing that took place when the big pink VooDoo Donut van showed up before the race LOL One young guy even ran down from barns toward the van, diving for it. Tooo funny.

During our run, I'd blurt out randomly "I want a DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOnut" That kept us going I think! Needless to say, as we were toweling off our faces and hands, we headed for the VooDoo truck and indulged. Chas and Bill each had an old fashioned. I had an apple fritter the size of the state of Delaware. Whatever calories I burned out on the course were cancelled out by that donut LOL

In all, it was a fabulous time. We retrieved our clean dry clothes and headed to the changing tent. That was another new experience. I've never changed in public, or in front of others. Just doesn't happen. Except, it did. Or mostly did. I couldn't bring myself to shuck my panties, so I wore my wet muddy panties under clean capris LOL I did cave and change my sportsbras (yes, I wore two) and tshirt for clean ones.

I think we cleaned up pretty good. What do you think?

And yes, that's the last little bit of the giant donut clutched in my paw LOL

I absolutely love Chas to pieces. That woman has a can-do, will-do attitude that I admire. I'm so glad that we've met here through Spark and have taken the friendship offline and onto the race course. I was worried my leg would slow me down, or that my running intervals would slow me down. Chas was patient and stuck right with me, encouraged me, inspired me, and made this whole adventure an experience I will never ever forget!

Mud Run MS Portland 2012? Oh yea, we are so totally there!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEYONDLIMITS 6/27/2011 1:44PM

    Just read your blog. Amazing what you did. I'd heard of the Mud Run, but didn't quite know what it was. Great blog about it. emoticon

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KAREN42BOYS 6/26/2011 2:17PM

    Indomitable! You are indomitable!

Fabulous race report! Your mantra "kick it!" is one I may adopt!

Slam, slam, slam! What a wonderfully crazy daunting thing you've accomplished!

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ZORAHGAIL 6/23/2011 1:57PM


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MAKING140BY40 6/22/2011 9:50PM

    Wow! Little did I know last Summer I would be walking with a great runner! Keep up the awesome work and thanks for the support!

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SMILESRME 6/22/2011 7:36PM

    Wow! You did a mud run! Love it!!!! That is something that I would love to do as well, and you have inspired me to do one someday! I love your play by play, sense of humor, and can-do attitude as well! You rocked the race and I adMUDe (admire!) you for doing it in style. Running with your friend sure made it that much more fun too, and for a great cause!

Julia : )

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MARGARITTM 6/22/2011 8:36AM

    I am running/ waddling/ crying my way through a Warrior Dash this Sunday ..... thanks for the tips and insights ..... wish me luck! Love the pics looks like a lot of fun.... Can't wait. apprehensive and excited at the same time

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DARK_CINDERELLA 6/21/2011 4:09PM

    Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

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IMIN2GENES 6/21/2011 10:17AM

    That is so awesome! You guys look great - clean and dirty! What fun! If Portland wasn't quite so far, I think I'd have to join in!


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CIVIAV 6/21/2011 8:51AM


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FRUITYCHERRY 6/21/2011 2:43AM

    I was invited this year, but chickened out. The gal that invited me said there is NO WAY I am getting out of it next year. Looks like fun! Thanks for sharing!!

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LINDABENEDICT 6/20/2011 11:15PM


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EUPHRATES 6/20/2011 10:59PM

    Oh this is SO COOL! Now I can't wait for the Warrior Dash I'm doing in September even more! emoticon indeed!

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    That little Pack-75 is small (including the boom when fired) compared to the M-198!

WTG on completing the run!!

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GAYEMC 6/20/2011 8:57PM

    What a great blog Candice! Loved the pics, and the friendship between the two of you. I'd like to say I'll join you in 2012 but I have too many phobias, not the mud though. And how amazing we meet such wonderful friends on SP!

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TERRYT55 6/20/2011 8:36PM

    I had SO MUCH FUN just reading about your mud run.....I just can't imagine how much fun you had doing it. I've been looking for a mud run to do after reading Sandiegojohn's account of his. Now I can't wait to find one!

Thanks for making my day a little brighter with your blog. You ROCK!

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DUSTYGIRL25 6/20/2011 8:18PM

    Woo Hoo! Looks like soooo much fun!

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PURPLE180 6/20/2011 7:31PM

    You are totally emoticon! Wow, you guys did a FABULOUS job and it looked so fun. emoticon. GREAT blog.


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KIMBERLEY60 6/20/2011 6:30PM

    Wow! You are a brave woman. I never thought of a mud run before but it could be great fun with a friend. Maybe I'll have to see where the nearest one is to me! emoticon

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ABSOLUTZER0 6/20/2011 5:56PM

    Congrats! This was an awesome post! You two did GREAT! You got down and dirty with the course and come out victorious! Woohoo! Way to represent for us Sparkers!

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AFMARVIN 6/20/2011 1:52PM

    What a fantastic post! If anyone ever deserved a big old donut it was you two!

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RUNNER12COM 6/20/2011 1:18PM

    You are all kinds of awesome for this. Congrats on stepping outside of your comfort zone and going for it!

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GAYLEP67 6/19/2011 11:54PM

    Wow...thanks for sharing the mud run with us, Candy! Sounds like it was quite punishing but what a terrific cause...kudos to you and everyone who participated for taking on the challenge. Looks like they held something similar close to where I live called the Spartan Race - 5K with money going towards the Canadian forces personnel support agency.

Hope you managed to warm up after all was said and done. Hopefully with a nice warm bath when you got home!

Congratulations my friend. You never cease to amaze me.


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CHAZERAY 6/19/2011 11:24PM

    There's another one on the 25th. You ready?? Hahaha

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TURTLERASKIN 6/19/2011 9:24PM

    Awesome! Love the pictures, and I think the idea of a mud run is so much fun!

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COLUMBINE2 6/19/2011 8:57PM

    Wow.........and I refuse to stick my finger into a plant pot to see if it needs water. What a wimp I am! You are inspiring...the run itself was really challenging but the obstacles put it in outer space challenging.

Congrats on finishing it and supporting the drive to end MS!
emoticon emoticon

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 6/19/2011 8:42PM

    I cant begin to imagine that course. Glad you had fun!

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KASHMIR 6/19/2011 8:30PM

    Victorious!!!! Way to go!!!!

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ONENEL 6/19/2011 8:22PM

    Totally awesome!!!

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BAILEE_GRAVES 6/19/2011 7:53PM

    OMG Candy I am SO proud of both of you!! How incredible. You looked horrible (as in filthy) but you sure looked like you were having a blast!

And I agree with for sure deserved that apple fritter! And then some!!!


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ANNERBEES 6/19/2011 5:55PM

    What an awesome time it looks like you had!! This was great! Thanks for taking us through it with you! What a hoot! And you totally deserve that Apple Fritter too!! LOL emoticon emoticon

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I am worthy of notice...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

What follows is akin to a whiny whine full of whining, written by Mrs. McWhines-A-Lot. Do feel free to move along and wait for a happier more upbeat blog after the weekend. Hopefully.
Youíve been warned.

I am worthy of notice.

Do you know how odd that simple sentence is for me to type? For YEARS I thought I was doing a good job of packing on weight, putting up a wall, weaving a cloak of (fat) invisibility and hiding from the world. I didnít want to be noticed. I wore brown and black and gray because they were (bland and blah and boring) slimming. Oh sure, Iíd be Ďthe big ladyí or Ďthat fat chickí but I wouldnít be someone anyone would be interested in getting to know or paying any attention to.

Now, Iím working on busting out of my shell, coming out from behind the wall, and deciding that I AM worth noticing, and listening to, and meeting, and befriending, and being involved with.

It feels like an odd transition to go through. I mean, I embrace being an introvert, and needing down time, quiet time, to recharge and draw energy in. Iím not a big Ďlookit MEí kind of person. I like people. I used to like people mostly at a distance LOL Now I find Iím eager to become more involved, and BE involved and included by others.

Maybe Iím lacking in normal social skillz? Iím tongue-tied and dorky and not good at small talk or chatting with someone I donít know. I blurt without thinking Ė never offensive or bad things, just.. big ole DUH moments.

I am worthy of notice.
At work, since the culling of our department last August, the other lady in my group (there were three of us until my manager was let go) and I were handed off to other groups. Neither of our jobs really fit with the groups we are now members of, but they had to give us to someone. Someone has to be responsible for us, manage us. Ok, fine. But.. my manager, as much as I really like and respect him, doesnít know what to do with me. Iím not really included in the groupís efforts or activities. Iím forgotten about more often than not. My opinion isnít asked for, my skills arenít considered, my tasks arenít calculated into the greater scheme of things. I am not noticed or included in what seems to me to be important things.

I am worthy of notice.
Iíve emailed my training coach about a possibly vital issue Iím dealing with. On Tuesday. I havenít heard back from him yet. I understand busy. I understand not everyone works on a computer all day, every day, and may not have access in order to respond in a more timely manner. I do understand that. The petulant 8 year old inside of me doesnít really care and wants to know why Iím not worthy of notice and a response and some encouragement and actual coaching.

I am worthy of notice.
Thereís a guy at our gym who apparently has noticed me. At first I thought maybe he is a BBW lover, has a fatty fetish, etc. Iím not used to being noticed by men. It just doesnít happen. So when it does happen, it catches me off guard and I wonder if Iím just hallucinating or seeing something there that isnít. But for reals, yo. This guy has noticed me and has made it pretty obvious. Iím at the gym with my husband, and I make that obvious as well LOL But still.. someone other than the man Iím married to has noticed me.. for me. And why not? Iím looking cuter in my workout gear. Iím working hard on the machines, on the mats, with the weights, kicking my own boo-tay in Zumba! I arrive with a glisten from running to the gym, cheeks in high color and eyes bright. Iím cute, damnit, and I appreciate the fact that someone has noticed. Iím not model material, but I might as well be compared to how I looked before. So yea, it is nice to have a stranger apparently appreciate the work Iím doing and putting into myself. Call it conceited, fine. My ego needs a boost every now and again as well.

I am worthy of notice.
Perhaps I come on too strong in my admiration of someoneís efforts Ė back to being socially awkward. Perhaps telling someone that they are your hero (here on SP) is too much and sounds too needy? Maybe it comes across as an emotional vampire, someone wanting to suck the accomplishment right out of you to make themselves feel better? I think I may have blown a friendship or two because I was so impressed with people, so wowíd and in awe that I gushed and praised and .. I donít know. I love you, my friends, who stick with me, read me, laugh with me. I adore YOU and wouldnít trade you for the world. The insecure 8 year old inside wants to know why Iím not good enough for some people to be nice to, back. Why I donít get the encouragement back that I try to give to so many people.

Gads that last batch of words just makes me cringe, but if Iím going to lay it all out for you, to get it off my chest and purge it from my worries, then itís gotta be honest.

So there. Iím done with my whiny needy ďpoor meĒ post. Fortunately, I donít go through these moods very often. Itís awful, and to be further honest with you, Iíve sat here teary-eyed while writing this, because Iím a ninny and obviously hormonal and feeling neglected.

Get over it already!
I will change the things I can, and come up with a game plan for those things that I canít. To that end, Iím now going to go for my lunchtime walk, absorb what sunshine there is out there while I can, then come back feeling better. After work, Iím going to meet Chazeray to pick up our Mud Run packets for Saturdayís event! I canít wait.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYTW 6/19/2011 9:28PM

  I can relate to you! I am a runner and really am an introvert at heart! I thrive on quiet time and alone time! But yet I have to balance that with a husband and a job that reqiures social interaction and cheery disposition while at it! It can be tough when you are not comfortable! emoticon

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KAREN1924 6/19/2011 9:16PM

    I truly admire you. You got my ATTENTION. I have been slacking myself so it is so refreshing to read something that tells me to GET OVER IT ALREADY!
Well, written and truly enjoyed the honesty.

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SENATOR9 6/19/2011 11:54AM

    Well written and yes we have to get thing off our chest at time
You been notice well done

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 6/18/2011 5:47PM

    Extremely well written and awesome insight. Love it!

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LISA01605 6/18/2011 9:44AM

    I could really relate to this blog. I too embrace my introvertedness but like people and do want to be included and invited places. I try to be outgoing when I can but I know I am socially awkward too. I have tried to hide behind fat also. I admire you for all of your accomplishments and I felt a kinship with you since you and I were the only ones posting to the CICO thread. I would look for your post and be happy when your numbers were good. Ok, I sound like a stalker but I am really not. I guess it would have been better if I actually cheered you on on spark instead of just in my head. I bet more people notice than you think. Anyway, I hope you are feeling better about things.

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GAYLEP67 6/17/2011 11:40PM

    Oh my gosh girl! You are SO worthy of notice and you are so noticed! Take a look at the responses to your blog - 3 pages of posts doesn't exactly scream unnoticed. You are worthy of every single response too.

Your candor tugs at my heart because we share so many of the same feelings/experiences. I have loved watching you evolve both physically and emotionally. I think the further you come, the more your confidence pours out and you will struggle to keep yourself hidden. Enjoy it and feel worthy of being noticed because you ARE!

Looking forward to reading about the mud run!



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ASHLEYKAT 6/17/2011 9:38PM

    Great post! I noticed! And it sounds like you're doing gang-busters!

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ANNESYLVIA 6/17/2011 3:57PM

    Everyone needs "me" time. And this was one of yours. So go ahead and whine! Whine is one of my middle names!

Remember you are blessed...last year you were concerned that you might be "let go" from your job. Today you still have one.

I still love gray & black. When I was a young teeny bopper my friends love pink, purple...I love blue and gray. Which is why my bedroom was painted gray. And now as an adult my living room is gray.

As for frighten off what if you did...their loss. Friendship and courtships...Some work some don't. That does not mean there is anything odd or wrong(etc)about you.
I love ya! And I hope you know that.

So some gym man thinks you emoticon are Eye-candy...well that's your name live it! Enjoy it. Expect it!

your buddy, Anne

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PAWSINAZ 6/17/2011 12:20PM


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GAYEMC 6/17/2011 12:09PM

    Oh Candy, I didn't read whiny at all, well maybe just a tad, but nothing wrong with a good whine now and then. And you are one of my heroes! I am so amazed at all you have accomplished since you started SP. OMG! You're training for a half! Did you ever think? And what about that mud run? I can hear you laughing already. So you are worthy of notice!

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BAM-MA 6/17/2011 7:32AM

    I didn't see this as a "whine" at all. I see it as a great personal affirmation. You ARE worthy of notice. You ARE worthy of having your questions answered and your work appreciated and your thoughts considered. You ARE worthy of being noticed at the gym. Kudos for recognizing it and working to come out of your shell!

Perhaps the reason that you don't get the responses that you need from work is that you have never insisted? I know that can be an issue for me. If we always tried to stay in the background (in our shells) people get used to treating us that way. When we are ready to come out, sometimes we have to say "I am here!" If you have an idea, seek out the decision maker and express it. If you are too shy for that... send an email... it is easier.

As far as your sparkfriends... one thing that I have figured out is that we all are on at different times, we all have lives that need our attention. There are times that we do not have the time online to pay as much attention to our sparkfriends as they deserve. I have gotten to a point where I can appreciate the positive comments that I receive, while understanding that when I do not get them, it is because people aren't always online with enough time to catch up with everything. Don't let that make you think that people don't recognize or appreciate your input or progress. You are doing great!

Keep up the good work!!!

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/17/2011 12:25AM

    Loved your blog! And kudos on the gym stalker, LOL!

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MOTLEM 6/17/2011 12:05AM

    Top blog; well written. Yes, we're all worthy of notice.

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ERLYWA 6/16/2011 11:27PM

    Boy, can I ever relate to this!! We spend so many years trying to be invisible, then when we're ready to put ourselves out there and get to know people and be more active and social, we expect ourselves to do it perfectly even though our self imposed hermit nature means we are totally out of practice! :)

I get it. Your story is similar to mine. Even our timing is the same, as this is what I'M trying to do right now, as well. Joined a hiking group. Invited a new friend to workout. Etc, etc...and it's awkward and uncomfortable and foreign. And I bumble and stumble and blurt just like you.

BUT. If we practice, we will get better. Just don't go back into the shell, no matter what.

And, by the way, I notice you. I notice your pretty smile in your photos, and your AWESOME Kermit shirt (only a truly fun and spirited gal would wear that, you know!) I notice your kind and caring comments on my page or my blog or sparkteam boards. I notice that you really care about your fellow sparkies and want to be there for them. Do not let anyone make you feel like this is not valued, simply b/c THEY didn't value it. Many, many of us value you!!

Hang in there :)

Comment edited on: 6/16/2011 11:28:03 PM

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CHERIRIDDELL 6/16/2011 11:22PM

    What an awesome post I love it !You certainly are worthy of notice!

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WALKAWAY 6/16/2011 10:56PM

    You are worthy! You are worthy! We all are.

emoticon emoticon


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RITZIBROWN 6/16/2011 10:53PM

    Thanks to CrazyDogLadyBo who shared this blog with me.
I admire your honesty, self awareness and ability to lay it all out. You're quite a woman and very worthy. Thank you for a touchingly, beautiful blog.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BAILEE_GRAVES 6/16/2011 10:51PM

    You are indeed SO very worthy my friend!!

You're honest and real and this's so refreshing in this world! I love when you're gushy and being so open and down to earth. SparkPeople is the better for you being a part of it!!

I have watched your accomplishments and have seen how far you've come and I have beamed with pride. Proud of the woman you have become; the woman you continue to evolve into. A woman who without question deserves to be noticed!!

You have turned your world upside down and by sharing it with all of us, you have encouraged and inspired so many people. We need more people like you in the world Candy!

I am proud to call you my friend; but more proud to say that YOU call me your friend!!


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COLUMBINE2 6/16/2011 10:12PM

    Great blog! I love your honesty and your thoughts. I've learned a lot from you and admire your determination to reclaim your life. You're a great model and keep learning from you!!

You are so much more than "worthy." You're a treasure.

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IMIN2GENES 6/16/2011 9:12PM

    Aw, Candy! You are such a great friend. This sounds more like a declaration than a whine. You ARE worthy of notice. I love reading your blogs, your honesty and openness and sharing this journey together. You inspire me, make me laugh and keep my butt moving!

Keep up the great work and keep that spark of your shining!

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STILLWATERS811 6/16/2011 9:02PM


I am so grateful CrazyDogLadyBo shared this blog with me (thank you Bo!), for so many reasons.

First, your honesty relieves me. I am glad to read a candid, no-punches-pulled account of your frustration, because it encourages me to do the same. I need to rant sometimes. We all need to rant sometimes. That you've done so makes it easier for me to do so when the time comes that I need to vent my own disappointments.

Second, your pain pulls at my heart. I can feel the hurt you've endured to have been overlooked at work, overlooked by the trainer, etc. I feel the pain of being overlooked sometimes. We all feel the pain of being overlooked sometimes. You have written something with which we can all identify and empathize.

Third, your resolve encourages me. I need to stand up sometimes. We all need to stand up sometimes. We need to stand up with you to say, "YES.. I am worthy of notice as well."

I think that's what I value most in your blog--the AHA moment that let's me say, "Me too. I too am worthy of being paid attention, of being valued, of being cherished, of being listened to, of being considered--well, of being considered...worthy."

How great a Spark gift is that?

Thank you.

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TURTLERASKIN 6/16/2011 7:09PM

    I'm glad you posted this! The first part is always the hardest, putting our feelings into words and saying the hard stuff. But it doesn't help to bottle stuff up, so let it out!

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    Yes, you are worthy of notice... 'nough said!

Keep doing what it takes! AND NEVER QUIT!

~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

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LESLIES537 6/16/2011 5:38PM

    You are VERY worthy of notice! I'm so glad to hear that you are recognizing that! Now, you just gotta BELIEVE IT! You are worthy of notice, happiness, love, and so much more!! emoticon

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    I agree with Karen! This does sound like a declaration!

This is my first visit to one of your blogs, your title drew me in, your writing kept me here.

Hi from a fellow dork who blurts things out with out thinking, working on that one!


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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 6/16/2011 4:47PM

    Hi Candy~ I treasure your words and you motivate me to work harder. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I love that on SP we can be honest with one another. There are so few times in our lives when we have that opportunity. At least for me... Anyway, you've done a lot of hard work, and deserve to be noticed. I think you look great! I think your activities are super and to tell you the truth I'm a little jeolous you have the ability, time and mooney to do all the events you do! So, my dear, Spark on, let your light shine, and keep being the beautiful woman both inside and out that you are. Some of us are working hard to catch up to you!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 6/16/2011 4:04PM

    You are worthy of notice! And I've noticed! I too gush sometimes when I find someone that has already "done it" and I too think that scares people sometimes. I don't mean to, I just want them to know I admire the hard work.

When I read: "Why I donít get the encouragement back that I try to give to so many people. " and I thought oh my, she's been reading my mind. I feel that way pretty often. There are a set of people who encourage me regularly and I adore them for that. Ok, I admit it, I get jealous when I see that someone has triple digit replies and I have 2 but hey, I love those 2 replies. LOL It's hard to not be jealous.

I'm excited for you for getting some male attention. It has to feel nice and just think, hubby gets to go home with you! He should be pleased about that.

Keep going. I'm proud of you. I look forward to hearing about all your successes!


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PARNELI 6/16/2011 3:45PM

    Let me tell you - I noticed you. When you changed your profile picture I said to myself, "Wow, She's been hugely successful. That's awesome!" What you may not know is that there are people here on SP who see your success and think of you as their hero. Did you know that? Did you know that not only are you worthy of being noticed but you're a hero to boot?

I say so sad, too bad for those people at your work who aren't taking the time to notice you. I'm pretty sure it will be tbeir loss someday.

And is there any of us who isn't an 8-year old sometimes? Dang it, I have my moments too. I still want to call my Mom when I'm sick (and she's coming to take care of me when I have surgery) and other "unbecoming" things come out of my mouth at times. I wouldn't consider your social skills anything other than being shy. I'm right there with ya! If I know you, I'll talk your ear off but put me in a room full of strangers and you won't hear a peep out of me.

I say embrace the wonderful new self you are becoming, smile back at your admirer and enjoy life - Mud Run (so envious of that one!) and all!!

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LMLOPEZ 6/16/2011 3:25PM

    Aww, Candi-you ARE worthy of notice!! Your personality shines through, maybe it's just easier to see by people with a "dimmer" view of life. Or maybe you're just smiling more. :)
Have fun on your run even if I don't post by then-still on vacation so hard to post and no blogs!!

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KAREN42BOYS 6/16/2011 3:04PM

This sounds like a declaration not a whine. A "watch out, world, Candy's got her sparkle going; best keep an eye on her because A. she is interesting and B. she's getting her feisty on."

With me at least, you've never come across as overly gushy. You've been friendly and funny and someone I'd want to hang with in real life should our lives overlap.

And a Mud Run! That sounds flippin' fun! I'll look forward to the blog photos!

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