CBAILEYC   97,047
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One year, 62 lbs, and 413 miles later...

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Today is my one year Sparkversary!

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I've come a very long way, and I've learned so very much. I started out around 285 lbs - I say around, because I wasn't brave enough to step on the scale when I first started. I may have lost some amount prior to first stepping on the scale.

I'm happy to say that I've released 62 lbs as of this morning.

Some of you who read my previous blog took my words to mean that I wasn't proud of myself, or of my accomplishments. Nothing could be further from the truth!

I RAWK and I RAWWR!
Heh.

That was taken this morning, before leaving for work. Since I've given myself permission to focus on fitness, I've eaten more, and released almost 2.5 lbs since Saturday. C'mon, it IS my anniversary, so I had to weigh myself to have an official entry! Otherwise, I'm breaking the chains of slavery to the scale (thank you, Gayle) and I'm charging full steam ahead with my fitness endeavors.

Speaking of which.. 413 miles baby!

That's right, 413 total miles, walking, biking, and running combined, since May 5, 2010. The more exciting thing for me, though, is the fact that 220.58 of those miles have been logged since Jan. 1, 2011! More than half my total mileage in just 5 months, mostly running!
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All that effort has helped whittle me down to the shape and size I am today.

Again, taken this morning. What you may or may not realize is that I am wearing my husband's old jeans. Size 38 x 32. Yes, the length matters, because remember, I've shrunk an inch or two somehow LOL

It's not necessarily a pretty picture there, with my stomach flap/gut showing so much - I do not show that part of me to anyone at all if I can help it. I LOVE THIS PICTURE! That flap/apron/gut is HUGELY smaller than it used to be. It will continue to shrink.

All of me will continue to shrink. I can see skinny me underneath the layer of fat that is covering my body. I can see a strong sleek thigh, with attached fat and skin. I can see growing muscles and more-defined tendons and veins in my arms and hands and wrists, aside from the extra padding. I have a dimple in my left cheek! My face cheek, yes! It wasn't there before, because my chubby cheeks were too full. Now, it's there, and it's cute! I can see a smaller more shapely torso, carrying the extra weight that is nearly separable - I can lift it, I can push it aside, I can see what I will look like one day without that extra fat and baggage hanging off me. I like what I'm seeing and feeling.

Don't you feel yourself up more often now that you're releasing, toning, getting in shape, getting fit? If not, I highly recommend it! Get a good grope on when you're in the shower. Appreciate your body, and the changes it's going through, thanks to your efforts, mentally and physically.

You guys, I am not quitting. I am not defeated. I am winning! I am charging ahead! I am kicking *ss and not even bothering to take names - I'm too busy running ahead to my next challenge!


created at www.wordle.net/

Thank you, Sparkguy. Thank you SP coaches. Thank you Spark friends and family. Thank you for being a part of my efforts to change my life. I am succeeding, and I will not be stopped.
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISA01605 5/7/2011 9:08PM

    Congrats on all your accomplishments! You do RAWK! I love your positive attitude most of all!

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BBGYRL4 5/7/2011 7:05AM

    Congratulations! All your hard work is definitely paying off! WTG on the 400+ miles, that's fantastic!! Keep up the great work!

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ZORAHGAIL 5/6/2011 2:32PM

    Awesome!

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IFDEEVARUNS2 5/6/2011 10:54AM

    You do rock! Totally. What an accomplishment! emoticon emoticon

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BAILEYS7OF9 5/6/2011 10:44AM

    You are emoticon emoticonon how far you have come! and 220 miles this year already???? wow!


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HOLLYL7 5/6/2011 10:01AM

    emoticon Congrats on all your accomplishments this year!! That mileage number blows me away - awesome!!!!

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ONENEL 5/6/2011 7:16AM

    emoticon You have had an amazing year and us on Sparks are so lucky to have met someone so awesome. Congrats on all your success and thank you for sharing with all of us.

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ANNESYLVIA 5/6/2011 7:02AM

    And that sounds more like my Candy! Welcome back!

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Anne emoticon

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LMLOPEZ 5/5/2011 9:22PM

    emoticon!!!!!
emoticon for posting your wonderful progress pictures and your accomplishment!!! You look as wonderful as you feel and it shows.
Hope you spend your anniversary kicking more a** and this time take the names-gotta know your adversaries ( laziness, apathy and the dreaded "I just don't feel like it")
Happy anniversary my Sparkfriend!!

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FANGLE 5/5/2011 8:15PM

    Congrats you are doing some awesome stuff.

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 5/5/2011 8:14PM

    Congrats! You've done an amazing job, and no doubt inspired many people other than me. I love 2011's mileage. Something to be very proud of! I wonder what you will finish the year with? Oh yeah and I'm totally with you on appreciating the body underneath the fat. I'm starting to see muscle refinement as well and it is fascinating!

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BAILEE_GRAVES 5/5/2011 7:37PM

    Awww Candy! SO very proud of you. You look marvelous and you can see in your face how very happy you are!

Can you believe we've been doing this for a year? And I feel like we're all (you-me-gayle) still going strong which tells me we have long since crossed that line in our minds eye and this IS our new life!

The fact that you logged over HALF your miles this year speaks volumes of your commitment. You truly are a more fit, healthy and stronger person than you were last year and I am so proud and so glad to be on this journey with you!

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RIGBY31 5/5/2011 7:05PM

    You have done fabulous this year! Your fitness is incredible, your weight loss is consistent (and a heck of a lot more than I'll have on my one year coming up shortly!). Most of all, you are a terrific cheerleader!
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CATHRINE2010 5/5/2011 5:09PM

    Wonderful Blog!! You are so amazing!! I am so proud of all the sparkers but especially you. emoticon

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MAKING140BY40 5/5/2011 4:46PM

    That is an awesome blog post! I love it! How amazing, 62 lbs.! I have fully committed myself to be saying the same thing soon. You're awesome and I am happy and proud to say you are my friend. Continued success to you! You rock!

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TRAINER_T 5/5/2011 4:32PM

    emoticonblog

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COOKWITHME65 5/5/2011 4:27PM

    Happy Anniversary Candy! You are such an inspiration.

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WALKAWAY 5/5/2011 3:53PM

    emoticonmy friend. Happy Anniversary. See there is a beautiful swan in there. emoticon

Thanks for all your support you are emoticon.

Hugs and here's to the future. emoticon emoticon

Addie

Comment edited on: 5/5/2011 3:54:08 PM

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IRISHBEANERGAL 5/5/2011 3:18PM

    Thank you so much for posting this... and I confess, I'm a shower groper! LOL... it's true.. I first started when I noticed I could see my toes again when I looked down in the shower.. I started grabbing that apron.. and checking my progress.. Happy to say it's shrinking, just like the rest of me.

WELL DONE - you are an inspiration. My anniversary will be next January.. and I am looking forward to it. My "finish date" is set for Feb 9th 2012...

Here's to all of us meeting our goals...

~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

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IMIN2GENES 5/5/2011 3:00PM

    Candy,

Awesome blog, my friend! Happy Sparkversary! Can I just say, you look FABULOUS! Love the pics from this morning. The dimple is pretty cute too! LOL!

You're such an inspiration for me! I can hardly wait to get to my 1 year anniversary. We're so gonna rock the rest of this month and then some!

Chris

PS - I'll remember to grope a little next time I'm in the shower! LOL!

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GAYLEP67 5/5/2011 2:40PM

    And thank YOU Candy for being such a huge source of support and inspiration to so many of US! You look absolutely AMAZING. You were beautiful at the beginning of your journey and you're absolutely radiant now.

Don't you just love the reports that you can run on SP? I do!! It's so motivating to see how far you've come and the progress that you're making day to day/week to week/month to month. Of course, feeling yourself up appears to be a good measure of success too (I love you!)!

Happy emoticon, my friend. Rock on!!

G
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KALYMI1 5/5/2011 2:16PM

    Way to go! You are such a motivation!!!!!

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Ambivalence...

Monday, May 02, 2011

"Ambivalence is experienced as psychologically unpleasant when the positive and negative aspects of a subject are both present in a person's mind at the same time. This state can lead to avoidance or procrastination, or to deliberate attempts to resolve the ambivalence. When the situation does not require a decision to be made, people experience less discomfort even when feeling ambivalent."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambival
ence


Yea, what 'they' said.

I am experiencing the discomfort of ambivalence when it comes to my weight. I'm .. scratch that. I started to type "I'm thrilled with my weight loss to date." That's not entirely true. I am content.. mostly satisfied.. gratified with my weight loss to date. I would not say "thrilled" would be the correct word at all.

I'm edging up on my one year Sparkversary here. This IS NOT that blog, yet. This IS the "it's almost been a year" blog. When I started, my goal was to lose 100 lbs, and it was a reasonable goal. Lose 100 lbs in 52 weeks. Do-able!

Only, life got in the way, as did detours and bad decisions and "screw it" moments and yes.. fish and chips. I've lost 60-63 lbs so far. I was up again on weigh-in day, to 225.4.

That was before I took off with the Tribe and ran 7.5 miles.

Yea, ok, so around mile 6 I started hyperventilating and trying to cry while trying NOT to cry and I couldn't breathe and I sounded like a major wheezer and I had to stop and lean over, hands braced on my knees and suck in as much air as I could and somehow keep it from sounding like a sob or a keening wail.
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I freaked out the lady who was running with me. I tried to wave her off, I would have preferred it had she run on without me, but we have a "no man left behind" policy which is GREAT for everyone else, just not ME, please leave me alone with my shame and wheezing and I'll catch up eventually. Carol stayed, though, which was good in the long run because it prompted me to stand upright again, get the waterworks under control, and start walking until I could breathe normally again and finished the last 1.5 miles under my own steam, albeit at a slower pace.

I don't know, maybe it was a physical wall. Maybe I hadn't fueled up properly that morning. Maybe I started out too quickly. Maybe it was a combination of all that and talking with Carol about my frustration with my weight loss, or lack thereof, and wondering if I was insane to be (attempting to do) training for a half marathon.

I busted my *ss last week, working out hard. Giving my best effort. Leaving it on the Zumba floor. Lifting until my muscles quivered, to the point of failure. Running solid miles. Busted. My. *ss. Kept in my calorie range, even if it did trend to the higher end toward the last part of the week - I was HUNGRY from working so hard. I worked, sweated, counted, weighed, and still gained.

Fine. I've lost this much, eventually I will lose the rest. If I start losing my mind over the scale and my weight and how hard I think I'm working only to be walloped with a GAIN instead of a loss? It's not going to work.

My eating is not going off the rails - this IS NOT my public declaration/permission to eat any/everything that comes within a certain radius. This is the definition of my ambivalence - I want to lose more weight, but if I don't, I can't let it defeat me. I'm fit and active. I could be MORE fit and active were I to weigh less. I acknowledge this. I just can't keep getting hung up on it to the point where I'm having a sissy-hissy-tizzy-fit in public.

I think weight loss is going to have to become a secondary by-product of my fitness pursuits. If I lose weight, great. If I don't, fine. I'm taking part in the Bootcamp challenge this month. I'm still going to Zumba and the gym. I'm still going to run. I'm still going to keep working.

That's what this IS - it's my public declaration that I'm not driving myself mad to lose weight now. I'm getting more fit and active and healthy. I feel like I'm bailing on my 10-week challenge team. I'm not quitting - I'm just allowing myself to stop going batsh*t crazy over it. Micro-focusing hasn't gotten me anywhere but emotionally upset and out of balance. Time to reign it in and get my act together.
C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYLEP67 5/4/2011 11:45PM

    Bravo for deciding to make this about your health and not about your weight. The two don't always go directly hand in hand. You have done such an amazing job improving your health this past year and I could not be prouder of you. You are a source of constant inspiration to me, Candy and I will always be thankful that I found you here on SparkPeople.

As for the weight loss slow down, girl, you are doing so much physical activity with running, zumba, and ST, do you really think you're not gaining muscle mass? I think you probably are. Stop being a slave to the scale (geez Gayle take your own advice!) and celebrate all of your successes.

Keep it up hon...you're doing GREAT!

G
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LISA01605 5/4/2011 9:15PM

    You are doing so well! You have lost over 60 pounds and you are running! You have to be proud of yourself for that. I truly believe that if you keep up with your exercise and keep eating well the pounds will come off. They have to. They are just being stubborn right now. I am having a week like that myself. I have been eating really well and I cranked up my exercise and the scale just won't budge. It happens to everyone. I think sleep is my issue. I think I would lose more if I slept more. I may need to eat more too but I am less sold on that idea. Hang in there! You are doing great!

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GAYEMC 5/3/2011 5:47PM

    I need to remember to save reading your blogs for these afternoon slumps. They always give me a laugh! Why do we always seem to get obsessed with the scale. Maybe our runs on Sunday will help. Have a good one!

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 5/3/2011 4:07PM

    Hmmm...guess what? Sounds like you're NORMAL to me! Yep, I think this is a very healthy part of the journey that you're on. Deciding it's about fitness and not weight loss is a very healthy perspective, especially since you have lost 60+ lbs. As long as you continue to do what you're doing, the weight will follow. In the meantime, don't worry about that public display. There's much worse things you could get caught doing in public. emoticon You're human, you're female, you're allowed. Here's to working your *ss off!

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ANNESYLVIA 5/3/2011 2:27PM

    Wow Candy, I had no idea you were not proud of yourself...I am proud of you!! I know the feeling of ambivalence very well, and not just with weight loss endeavors either. I experience it with relationships, parenting, and this week (which I blog about) taking care of a loved one (who I share a gene pool with) & looking into the future as I take care of this person, is very much the essence of ambivalence for me. I wonder why I am doing all this (eating healthy and exercising) when I pretty sure what the end results will be. Yet I like to believe I have some of your hope that maybe in the long run I can swing that end result in a better way.

Candy...you are amazing don't forget that! You could not be anymore so even if you were at your goal weight.. I want to lose 42lbs I got as far as 33bls, too scared to see if I gained 1, 2 or 3lbs back! So, for my own sake I am not going to weigh in for a few weeks. This is my effort to combat some of my weight ambivalence. You are not alone.

We will get there just not this week. However, let us celebrate our emoticonone year SparkVersary with enjoying how far we got! WE LOOK GOOD! emoticon

emoticonAnne

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AFMARVIN 5/3/2011 9:48AM

    Hang in there! You will get there and don't forget that the scale is not everything.
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HOLLYL7 5/3/2011 8:04AM

    Losing over 60 pounds and becoming as fit as you are is a HUGE accomplishment!! I found your definition of ambivalent very eye opening this morning. Unlike you, I'm barely out the gate with the weight loss, but am feeling good about my commitment to exercise. I'm going to ponder why I'm feeling ambivalent today, because I know I'm procrastinating a full commitment to this program. Keep celebrating your victories, and don't make the mistake of underestimating how far you have come in this journey =)

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MRSBENNETT2 5/2/2011 9:33PM

    Honey, you got a LOT to be proud of! Just take a look back those almost 52 weeks and see how far you've come. My personal feeling about the "no weight loss" thing when you are working so hard is this: you are pushing your body to it's limits right now. If you want to keep pushing and training like you are, could you afford a few visits to a good tuned-in sports nutritionist? That way you can get a good idea of what you are truly burning so you can be adequately fueled for all these amazing goals you have!

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RIGBY31 5/2/2011 7:51PM

    Focus, not micro-focus keeps you sane. Big picture stuff, you know? I like how you're working so hard on your fitness. Getting strong on the inside is big part of a solid health program.


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IMIN2GENES 5/2/2011 7:34PM

    I don't think I could say much more or say it any better than Bailee_Graves. Just think about how much you have accomplished and how much you've learned. Think about how many people you've inspired or motivated (including me!). I know how you feel though. The little voices in my head can drive me crazy too! I know I can get crazy sometimes. I can overthink anything... I think that's why I'm so good at my job. One of my bosses once likened me to a bulldog. She said if I couldn't troubleshoot it and get it to work then nobody could. That's good, right? In science that may be good; but not so much in life sometimes.

The only thing I think I can add is just make sure you're eating enough to account for your extra activities. Just a thought...

Anyway, you've done so well so far! I'm sure you will meet your goal! Keep on Sparking my friend. I'll still be right here with you!
Chris
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BAILEE_GRAVES 5/2/2011 7:05PM

    I found that while I didn't meet my weight loss goal in my first year on Spark.....it was kind of like a practice run. I have LEARNED so much about what to do/what not to do; exericse, nutrition etc. and now as my 2nd year starts, that "spark" has been re-lit and now I want to take what I "learned" in my first year, put it into practice and really burn up year #2.

I know that's how it will work for you. I think it is somewhat sad to see that year anniversary come around and realize we didn't meet the weight loss goals we had hoped for. But it's just as important to look back and recognize how very far you've come and all the tools you'll have going into your 2nd year that you didn't have before.

You're doing wonderful and I know you'll continue to be successful in the days, weeks and months ahead. I'm extremely proud to be your Spark friend and you will ALWAYS continue to motivate me!!

Rock on my friend!!



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THISYEARSMODEL 5/2/2011 6:04PM

    Congratulations on your success! (Yes, it's success, even though you may not be where you want to be YET.) You'll get there! emoticon

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Want-power...

Thursday, April 28, 2011

"Forget will-power; it's about WANT-power. How badly do you want it."
- George Comalli

I posted the above a week or so ago as a status. I referred to it again today. And now, here I am yet one more time.

I want it. I want it really badly. Like, a lot. LOT. But.. what is 'it' exactly? What am I working on, driving toward, striving for?

I've been tired lately. The last two weeks or so I've felt sapped of energy. I'm still mostly sticking to my fitness routines - Zumba and ST, and running. I'm mostly sticking to my nutrition plan, determined to stick to the lower end of my range - which plummetted to the lowest range in a year's time when I reset my weight-loss goal. My goal used to be to go from 285 to 165. Now it's to go from 225 to 170. Ok.

When I get tired, I tend to lose my goofy side and settle into an over-analytical state, picking apart every little thing. It is tedious. I'm beginning to recognize when I'm doing it, and I know I need to stop or change the process - and get more sleep!

So what do I want, really?

I want to lose weight.
You've lost weight.

I want to release even more weight.
How much more?
Down to 170.
Why not 165? That'll put you in the healthy BMI category.
Because 170 sounds more reasonable for some reason.

Ok, so you want to be a slacker and only get down to 170.
Whatever.

How are you going to get there?
Fitness and nutrition!
Then why did you skip running Thursday night and go out to dinner instead?
Because sometimes, there will be fish and chips.
True that.

I've been more consistent since then though.
Yes. You've been better about what you're eating. Good.
Thanks.

I want to figure out how to fit Kettlebells into the mix again.
Just do it.
Thank you, Nike. Care to tell me when?
What about on Sunday?
That's a rest day. Supposed to be, anyway.
How badly do you want it?
Point taken. Maybe I can do a session after I finish my Tues/Thur runs.
Today's Thursday.
I'm tired.
So?
Ok. Kettlebell this evening after the run.
Good.
Maybe.
Grrr.

I want to run.
You already run.
Yes, but I want to run better.
Define 'better'?

I would really like to not be last again. Ever.
Sorry, no guarantee there.
I know.

You didn't go to track practice Tuesday.
I have a reason.
Excuse?
Same difference.

I was last, every lap, that first practice. I was the slowest person on that track last week. The workout increased (logically so) for this week and I knew I'd be last, again. Every time. I was last on Saturday, for the "easy" 3 mile trail run. I'm not as brave or determined as I seemed last week. I'm tired, and my ego is a bit more fragile this week than last.

And?

I want to run, and I am.
I'm running a 13 min/mile more consistently. That's a big improvement over 16 m/m.
I'm concentrating on my form - but if I continue to run like a girl, well then that's alright. I AM a girl, I can run like one.
I still enjoy running. Even after the trail run whooped up on me big-time, when it was over, I thought I'd like to do it again. It's like childbirth maybe? You forget about the agony that you endured during the event, and somehow figure on doing it again another time would be a good idea. Nuts. Completely nuts.
I'm looking forward to running with the Tribe on Saturday. 7.5 miles, my longest distance yet, starting at OMSI and heading out Springwater Trail and back.

I'm not going to be a elite runner. I'm going to continue to be a recreational runner, and do it because I enjoy it. If it starts making me feel worse about myself, then it will no longer benefit me to do it.

I'm not in competition with anyone else but myself.
I'm running because I can.
I'm running because I want to.
I'm running because I had always secretly wanted to but never thought I could.
I can.
I am.

So if I don't go to track practice again (and I might, once I get over this grumpy, vulnerable patch) that's ok. It doesn't make me less. It makes me old and tired, and done and showered and eating dinner before they even START the workout.

I want it. A lot. I am willing to work for it. I have to find that balance, that point where I'm doing enough to continue to meet my goals, even exceeding and improving my efforts, but not so much that I wear myself out, physically or emotionally.

Time to get some rest and get my goof back. I prefer that attitude much more!
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMIN2GENES 5/2/2011 12:34PM

    Oh, Candy! Your and my inner voice need to go out for drinks together! LOL! Your blog was so similar to some of the things I go through with myself it was scary!

I just went through a similar funk last week. It's better now! I just kept pushing and didn't let myself feel guilty for the time I did take off or the ice cream sunday I ate. You need a few rest days too!

Spark on my friend! We're gonna make those goals!
Chris
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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 4/30/2011 9:56AM

    Not only did I enjoy your dialogue because it's real and raw and a bit humorous and relate-able, but it makes me realize that right now my own issues surrounding job and housing are causing me to NOT want it right now. When I was successful back in the fall, it was because I wanted it. Now, not enough to override my other issues.

I think this is part of a necessary fleshing out process. It helps you figure out who you are, what you want, and what that all looks like in the course of a healthy lifestyle. There's nothing that says you have to continue something if you don't enjoy it and it's not meeting your needs. You obviously know that from what you've said in your blog, so now take that and run with it (no pun intended). This is a crucial part of your journey that will help you define what kind of runner you want to be. A year ago, did you ever imagine you'd be having a conversation about the logistics of a running program in your life? emoticon I wish you all the best as you continue to figure it all out. What a great problem to have! Hang in there hon! Here's to getting your goof on! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RIGBY31 4/30/2011 8:01AM

    As I see it, you've accelerated your running program. Of course you're tired! And with that comes all the other stuff (you mentioned in your conversation). Sleep it off, re-group, then back at "it", whatever that turns out to be. You'll find the balance.

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 4/28/2011 11:10PM

    Holy cow that was a real dialogue. It does just boil down to one thing: How bad do we want it? From there it's just a matter of doing what we know is right. I've confidence you will figure it out and I'm so glad you are getting your rest.

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GAYLEP67 4/28/2011 10:51PM

    Dude... Ya, dude... C'mon! THIS is part of the journey and part of the new lifestyle. I don't believe the new lifestyle means never going out to eat in lieu of working out. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes LIFE happens! It does involve consistency and you have to admit that you probably ARE pretty consistent. I know it sucks to be last but that's now and that's with THIS group. It doesn't mean you'll always be there and if you are, you're still showing up and doing it which is so much more important. Now if it's demotivating you, that's a different story.

Your funk and energy levels could be hormonal, seasonal, anything. Getting some rest is probably not a bad idea. Know that the negativity probably won't last for long and your RAWR will return.

Hang in there buddy! emoticon

G
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LMLOPEZ 4/28/2011 2:35PM

    Candy, you may be the slowest one on the track and you may be discouraged. It's tough enough that it makes you grumpy and rethinking. Please know that you are still faster than the version of you that is still sitting on the couch.
I'm with you-yesterday I had several glasses of wine at my golf dinner and not one, but two homemade cupcakes from Easter. Owned it, not proud of it, but feel like I'm slipping. I'm realizing that running for distance is a fun challenge when there's 40 thousand people, but I'm not in love-so I'm backing off. I can't wait to start getting in the pool-think I like the idea of triathalon stuff better but don't know yet!!
We've both been on about the same amount of time. I feel like I should be back to a size 0 like in my first year of college and able to kick a** in a advanced step class like in the old days. Why isn't my magical body appearing? Oh, yeah, because I had two beers while watching the Blackhawks game and I decided on having two servings of dessert-just because. :(
Know that we are on the journey with you. It's your journey and it's discouraging when you're not where you think you should be. A 13 mile minute is nothing to sneeze at-fast enough to be a run!!!!!
Now get some sleep-take a nap if you need to- and get back out there so you can become Candy!!!
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Track Practice....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

If you would have told me a year ago.. two years ago.. that I'd be reporting on my very first track practice, at age 43.. I'd have told you you were on crack!

Aaron, the leader of the Tribe (Portland Galloway Group) is also a member of the Run Portland Competitive and Ambassador Team .
www.runportland.org/
He sent out his message about the additional practice being held at the Lincoln High School track, and the link to Run Portland, so we'd all have the info we needed. I checked out the link, and that's when I sorta went 'uhhhhhhhhhh...'.

My inner lil brown duck went self-conscious and flipped out with "You've lost your mind, you're going to track practice with REAL runners, not just people who chug along to lose a few pounds, REAL runners who run, really RUN, and you're going to put yourself out in front of these people, really?????"

I shushed the duck with a simple "yes I am" and that was that. Mostly. The duck kept quacking in the back of my mind the whole way there, and through the first 30 minutes or so. Bill, good man that he is, went with me - we took Max (commuter train) so we wouldn't have to worry about parking, and then he sat patiently in the stands as we did our thing.

There were 6 Galloway folks, in addition to Aaron, at the track - in addition to tons of other people. Fortunately, one of the gals is in my 30/30 pace group, so while I was the slowest person there, I wasn't completely alone.

Yes Karen, we did crazy drills, active warm-up stuff LOL Butt kicks, high knee running, some sideways hoppy skippy move among others. It was good, and it was funny and fun. One day I'm going to come to grips with the fact that doing something "less" or half-*ssed doesn't mean I'm not going to look goofy or awkward. If anything, it accentuates the goof-factor! I'm trying to learn that in Zumba, too - don't just sorta do something to try and avoid looking funky. Just do it, do it with your whole heart, and goofy funky be d*mned!

Anyway, we did the active warm up, then did an easy jog around the track. Keep in mind, it's been a while since I've run any distance without walk breaks. The last continuous run I've done was a half mile, and that was very very slow LOL So the "easy jog" with these gazelle-like people had me huffing and puffing in no time, but I made it, and didn't fall too far behind. One lap is shy of a quarter mile, in case you're wondering. A whole mile is 1609 meters, or 4 laps around the track, plus a smidge.

Of course, then the real running started LOL All the while, the C&A team was gathering and starting their own active warm-up, and we had middle-school kids having their track practice as well, so there were lots of people around. Aaron explained the 'rules of the road' for track - the faster person coming up on your heels has the right-of-way. They'll let you know they're there by yelling 'left' or 'lane one' or 'track' something to let you know to get out of the way.

In the midst of lap 2 or 3 for us, Holly and I heard a female voice shout 'left' as she came up behind us. We shifted to the right, only to end up in front of another gal running behind us. We shouted our apologies and kept going, and stuck to lanes 2 and 3 after that.

Sometimes, they don't say anything at all. We were still on the same lap, running (or doing our version of it anyway) when there was the sound of multiple footfalls coming up quick. This is all happening in instants, and the next thing I know, we are engulfed in a swarm of C&A runners. Like a pack of a 10-12 runners just flowed around us, and past us. I gasped out a 'holy crap' and heard a chuckle as they kept on going. Now, these amazing people really were just jogging and warming up. They weren't out'n'out running. And they still left me way behind, panting and going at it LOL It was intimidating at first, but then it took on an ocean-like quality - being out in the vast wide-open, only to be buzzed by a school of fast-swimming fish, bright and colorful and exotic, who barely notice you're a blip in their midst, before they're gone back into the depths again.

Or something like that.
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So we ran our laps.. supposedly at 5K pace. I explained to Aaron that I only have one speed or pace - GO - and I'd try to increase that a bit to get the most out of the workout. I did run faster, I felt, than I do on our long runs, walk breaks included, so I was mostly pleased with that. We were to run 4 to 8 laps, with a recovery period that took about the same amount of time as the run did. I ran 4, and the rest of the gang did a 5th lap, then we did a slow jog to cooldown, once again walk breaks included.

All in all, it was good. About half-way through - around the time the swarm overtook us, I forgot mostly about being self-conscious and just watched and listened and learned and tried. I was proud of myself for getting out there with the REAL runners and doing my thing, and not tripping anyone else up, nor myself LOL It was good. It really was, and I'll for-sure attend these track practices each Tuesday with the Tribe.

The only downer of the whole experience was a bit of an after-action report from Bill. Remember, he sat in the stands watching as we did our workout. He offered his observations, after he asked if he could, and I said yes, although I couldn't guarantee we'd still be married when he was done!

It appeared to him that I swing my arms/hands side to side, rather than forward and back, in what you could call a regular running motion. I try to keep my hands loosely curled, to avoid tension in my arms and shoulders, but guess I never realized I had a side-swing going on. It feels like they're pumping forward and back, so I'll have to pay more attention to what I'm doing to work on my form.

The other thing he said has settled in to niggle away at my confidence. He said it doesn't look like I'm running, but that I'm walking at a faster pace, then slower pace. I haven't seen myself run, so I can't dispute what he's said. It FEELs like I'm running. I know it's slow, and I'm good with that. I know I don't have the same kind of wide stride other runners have. I sorta shuffle along, my feet not going too far off the ground, but it is a run - to me anyway. Maybe it's not really? Before he said anything, like weeks before, I wondered if I could ask Aaron about form and maybe get a few pointers/tips/hints on how to improve mine. Apparently, I need more improvement than I initially thought.

So there you have it! A 98% positive report/review of Track Practice, ending on a paranoid note LOL I'll keep on doing my odd-looking run, and keep going to practice. All I can do is improve, right?
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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYEMC 4/25/2011 5:54PM

    Track? That's awesome! Crazy, but awesome.

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ANNESYLVIA 4/25/2011 4:42PM

    After all this time you still seem to wonder if you can do this or that. I am glad you eventually always take the chance anyhow. Because I know you can! Yep, you are a runner! emoticon

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AFMARVIN 4/24/2011 5:00PM

    Wow! I would be terrified to run with all those people!!! Great job and keep it up, you are such an inspiration. emoticon

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 4/22/2011 10:51AM

    You are emoticon I so enjoyed reading your blog and have filed away quite a bit of your attitude and ideas in my mind. I look forward to continuing to read about your successes!

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GAYLEP67 4/22/2011 9:36AM

    Every single time you speak of your self confidence wavering, I want to give you a hug or shake you (with love of course!) but I so understand the trepidation of putting yourself out there. I love the fact that you push forward, muzzle the little brown duck, and go for it each time though! You inspire me to kick my own lack of confidence to the curb every single day.

It sounds like the experience was educational and positive enough that you plan on returning so that's a definite win. I'm sure your form is something that you will perfect over time but contrary to what you keep saying honey, YOU are a RUNNER!
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DITZYCHICK 4/20/2011 10:06PM

    It's so fantastic that you've been able to calm your nerves and allow yourself to get out there and try new things. You obviously love this activity! I give you much credit for listening to the constructive criticism from your husband as well...not an easy thing to do! Keep it up girl...your enthusiasm is very inspiring!!!
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WALKAWAY 4/20/2011 7:15PM

    Your inner lil brown duck is an awesome swan about to bust out. Can you see the her? I can!

Way to go my friend. emoticon

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 4/20/2011 2:13PM

    I'm so proud of you for not letting fear get in the way of what turned out to be a good experience. And now you can continue to build on this and not only work on form but speed. I do hope you are able to continue on a regular basis as you plan, because I know it will be good for you in many ways. And thank goodness for that man of yours! His being able to tell you the truth in love will only help you improve, as long as you decide to keep him around. emoticon

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THEMIGHTYLEX 4/20/2011 1:59PM

    What a difference a year can make! Your Track Practice recounting takes me back to school days on the track and field.

you are emoticon

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BAILEE_GRAVES 4/20/2011 12:53PM

    You're incredible Candy! But I want you to quit talking about the "real" runners. How many times do I have to tell you that YOU are a real runner!!

And love and hugs to your dear, darling hubby but you move however you have to move to keep going. Though I know that he in NO WAY intended it to, don't let it shake your self confidence. You're doing wonderful and I know you'll continue to do so!!

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IMIN2GENES 4/20/2011 12:50PM

    You are my hero! WAY TO GO CANDY! Such an awesome experience and great blog about it.

Don't let anything niggle at your confidence. You had the guts to get out there and do it! That in and of itself is HUGE!

Thanks for sharing! You totally rock!
Chris
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HEALING_LORI 4/20/2011 12:41PM

    RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT! You are my HERO! Seriously! Sounds like your run just has a bit of "swagga" to it! lol Sometimes (well all the time) I question wheather I'm actually running too and the answer is - "You bet we are running"! I've been out to the track a few times last week and pushed through my outdoor running experience - Thanks to you and my other Sparkpeeps who show me I can run outside with people around watching (although I'm sure they don't even acknowlege that I'm even there!
WAY TO GO CANDY!!! Keep up the great work!

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Be Fabulous..

Friday, April 15, 2011

Let's, shall we? You and you and YOU and ME! Let's be fabulous today. We are, absolutely, every swinging day, fabulous, but let's be MORE-SO today!


Kermit and I are going to have a rockin' good Friday. You too, right? I knew it.

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Oh yea, 2 of those 3 mystery pounds? Gone this morning!
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Mz. Kashmir is CORRECT - the scale lies.. or at the least is a very anti-fabulous thing sometimes LOL

Thank you, fabulous friends (do you see a trend here?) for hearing me and getting where I'm coming from.

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C~

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOLFKITTY 4/20/2011 1:56AM

    Niiice. :D
Jocelyn

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FANGLE 4/19/2011 7:07PM

    Nice shirt...you have really come a long way keep up the great work.

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THIRDXACHARM 4/15/2011 8:15PM

    Love the Kermit shirt and love the positive Friday attitude!

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GAYLEP67 4/15/2011 1:53PM

    Fabulous Friday? I'm THERE!! How about a wonderful weekend too?!

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LMLOPEZ 4/15/2011 1:43PM

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the picture!!! I was feeling like a standstill since the run (and had fun, but not so thrilled with my time) but got myself back on track yesterday. Thanks for being my sparkfriend and being so motivating. You look FABULOUS, girl! Work that Kermit shirt and stay green!!! LOL! Great Smile!!!
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IMIN2GENES 4/15/2011 1:15PM

    Fabulous Friday it is! I'm rocking the really bright pink today... LOL!

Chris
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HEALING_LORI 4/15/2011 12:45PM

    Yipppppy! Happy Friday too ya!
You make me SMILE!
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DITZYCHICK 4/15/2011 11:45AM

    It's Friday, and the sunshine is supposed to be coming this weekend, and we look and feel FANTASTIC!!!

Nothing describes all that better than FABULOUS!!! emoticon

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BAILEE_GRAVES 4/15/2011 11:43AM

    You ARE fabulous!!

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THEMIGHTYLEX 4/15/2011 11:28AM

    Fabulous Friday activated!
You're radiating positive vibes lady! Keep it going.

Loving the hair. (how is it you suddenly look 20 years younger?)

Comment edited on: 4/15/2011 11:30:05 AM

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ANNESYLVIA 4/15/2011 11:27AM

    Too funny, I just commented on your last blog telling you not to worry..etc...

I believe I will be fabulous with you today! I lost another pound and I think I look pretty good for a girl in the middle of aunt Flo's visit!


Right back at ya! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


So Fabulous! Let's toast on it! emoticon

Anne

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BD3269PM 4/15/2011 10:32AM

    Sounds good to me! Stay motivated!!! emoticon

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