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Trying something new, blog-wise...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

New for me, at least. I've popped open a Notepad, and will be jotting down notes during the day as they come to me. Too often, I have a thought, think 'I should blog that' then get distracted and forget, and never come back to it.

My workday is spent on a computer, because technology is my job. Some days are frenetic, some days quiet. I never know, from one moment to the next, when we're going to get slammed. I like that it keeps me busy, and keeps me guessing. So, today, we'll see which it is - slow and steady, or jumping and jiving.

To start off, I've read my Runner's World emails this morning. The Daily Kick in the Butt was this:
If you set a goal for yourself and are able to achieve it, you have won your race. Your goal can be to come in first, to improve your performance, or just finish the race. It's up to you.
Dave Scott, U.S. Triathlete

Amen! And while this quote is about running, it's also about life. It's great to have outside sources reinforce what SP offers and teaches us. Let's keep pursuing our goal of finishing this healthy lifestyle race, yea?

Ok, off I go to sink into work (already received one request in the midst of writing this!). I'll update periodically during the day, I hope.

11 a.m.
We registered, last night, for the Heartbreak Half, 10K and 5K. I'll be running the 5K, Bill will be walking the 5K.
What? Yea, we DID do one last weekend. I explained to Bill that I wanted to do it so that I had run my one 5K for February, which was my original plan - to do a 5K in Feb and March, then move on to 10Ks for April, May, and June. It's the kind of sense that only makes sense to me LOL
Another picture from the Valentine's Run last Sunday. We ordered the official print as a 5x7 and should get it in a while. Yay!

Slamming morning. Whew! Through it all, I'm eating (slowly) my breakfast - Coconut Pineapple yogurt, diced pears, and a few walnut halves. Later I'll toast my crispy english muffin, and have it with a schmear of neufchatel. Yum! It'll total out to be 477 calories, which is a lot, but it'll last me from 7 to about 11:30. I guess I eat in stages at work, and never really thought much about it. Then it'll be a relatively light lunch, a Clif Bar for a snack (never tried one before, but I'm due to run 4 miles tonight and thought I'd see how it goes) and then an even lighter dinner. It'll all be in my shared nutrition tracker if you're curious later on.

14 windows open, most of them active. Yea, we're busy LOL
What's up with the ad banners above individual blog posts? Hmm...
I just read MezzoAngel's blog, A Glimpse of the Future

That's kind of where my head went over the weekend. I want to give up the struggle. I want to give up the angst. I want to give up fighting my body. I simply want to be. I want to do. I want to live my life, not as a constant battle, but by being conscious and present and mindful and putting in the effort. I envisioned myself on a run - not huffing puffing panting OMG'ing struggling, but.. running. One foot after the other - both feet off the ground, no matter how quickly or shortly. Just running. It was simple, it felt light (can you FEEL in a mental image? Hmm..) and it made me smile. I ran Monday night, 3.5 mi on the treadmill, up to 4.5 mph, and it FELT like what I pictured. It was good. 4 miles tonight, against at 4.5 on the tread. I'm starting to like that. Much better than 4.0 anyway.
Really??!? But.. ok. Breathe in... breathe out... repeat.
If typing were running, I'd be a world-class ultra-runner!
BodyBugg vs. FitBit vs Garmin Forerunner 305 -
Do you have any of them? What do you think?
If you could get any one, what would you recommend?
I know they all do different things - or well, the BodyBugg and FitBit are similar, and the Forerunner would be more about running.
Any thoughts?
11 a.m. - half hour until lunch, but I'm already hungry. I'll hold off until 11:30, which will just help me enjoy my lunch all the more! This is why eating during the week is so much easier than eating during the weekend. I have a limited amount of food avalable at work - sorta. I have a few Fiber One bars in my desk drawer; there's a vending machine across the haul in the kitchenette, that I haven't used in .. months; there's a cafe downstairs on the first floor of our building. These are all options for additional food, but my thinking has changed enough that they really AREN'T options at all.
At home? I have the fridge, the cabinets, the bins to dig into, and (previously) no set time for eating. I opted to eat on my work schedule last weekend, and it worked for me, so I'll keep at it.
Ok, here's my half-day update LOL Boy I'm a chatty-cathy today, even with as busy as it's been!
Seriously, I need to find a new vocation! Not everything is personal, but boy it sure does feel like it lately. Too much stress.
Kettlebells! I slacked off last week on my kb workouts because of the doldrums. Big mistake! 20 minutes last night kicked my patootie in a harsh way. Iím back on the kb train again.
Ah, lunchtime walk, how I needed thee. You were just right! A break in the rain/snow and a smidgen of sunshine made that the best 32 minutes of my day so far. So Iím windblown and my fingers ache from not having gloves to wear Ė thatís alright. It was worth the effort to clear my head!
So I signed up for the Virtual Race Ė W00TY-W00T!

Several virtual races, actually.
Your Virtual Races
ē Week of Apr 10-16, 2011 Ė 5K Walk/Run
ē Week of Apr 3-9, 2011 Ė 10K
ē Week of Mar 13-19, 2011 Ė 5K Running
ē Week of Feb 20-26, 2011 Ė 5K Walk/Run
The one for April 10-16 is the actual virtual race for SP, the others are real runs Iíll be doing here in PDX. They have options for all levels, even walking. If youíve always wanted to do a race, but havenít found one yet, or arenít sure if youíre up for it, arenít ready, whatever Ė TRY THIS! I mean, yíknow, no pressure. Just if you want to!
Zwickelmania is this weekend in Portland as well. Itís all about the beer. Weíll see if the Man would be interested in making the rounds.
Friday, Iím taking the day off from work, and heading with the Hubby and Step-Ex-Wife, down to Salem to see step-daughter-the-youngest. Sheís 7 months preggers now, and her birthday is coming up. Weíll go down, go to lunch, do some shopping for the baby, and head back home. Should be a very nice day. I canít wait for the lil bean to get here. Itís a boy, he has a twig. In fact, thatís what Bill has been calling him since we found out heís a he Ė Twig LOL
This has been a fun experiment. Itís plain to see that I DO have a lot of stuff going on in my head. I just need to let it out more often. The madness of work has eased up this afternoon, so thereís more flow-of-consciousness going on right now.
First impression of the Chocolate Almond Fudge Clif Bar Ė Interesting. It almost tastes.. minty? Cinnamony? Whatís up with that?
It certainly tastes better than a protein bar I tried a couple weeks ago. This is pretty good.
Dayís winding down. I need to finish up tasks and get ready for the great trek home. Actually, it IS a great trek home. I get to avoid the madness of the freeways and take surface streets, 20 minutes and Iím home.
Roxyangel, thanks for reading! I hope you had a great day, too! I love starting my day with that Kick in the Butt! Sometimes, it really does make a difference in my day.

Robbie and Rigby, I have an office supply fetish (LOVE little notepads and pens and things) so youíd think Iíd be more about taking notes. I donít, or rarely do. I use the computer for everything, which is fine, because my Blackberry syncs with my email and calendar and itís all good Ė until I forget the blasted Crackberry (like I did last night) and then Iím lost LOL Bad!

Addie, I thought of you and your status mention about a coworker. I think my fingers would have fit nice and tightly around some throats today LOL It was that kind of frustration, but fortunately, itís over. At least for today. I really do need to find a new line of work.

Anne, youíre sweet to say Iím interesting, but I think Iím just odd. Heh. I might do this again at some point, but itíll be a while. I appreciate you reading, regardless, and hope everyone is doing well at your home. Your mom and brother are still visiting, yes?

Shelli, Iím so ready for it NOW LOL nothing like impatience. This latest set of blahs and short bout of depression was .. well, depressing. Just when I think Iíve got it together and it simply IS life, I get dumped on my ear and reminded that Iím not quite there.. yet.
Alright, hereís me, finishing up and signing off. A good run, a good dinner, and a nice evening at home Ė sounds like the perfect ending!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYEMC 2/23/2011 7:47PM

    I'm just here catching up on stuff I missed last week. Love your new blog style. Have you tried Lara bars? They're the only ones I like, yummo!

I heard it snowed last week. Wonder if this forecast is really going to happen. Although I did wake up to snow and stood in it while waiting for the bus.

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CLARABRUNNING 2/16/2011 10:25PM

    ok, so I love the stream of consciousness thing!! reminds me of how my brain works!

A few things:

1) you GO on all the running - and the distances! I only done one "long" run a week, around 3-4 miles. I want to get more into my 10k training plan I picked up here on SP but have been tentative due to weaning off of the ankle brace. Plus, Tues and Thurs mornings I don't have alot of time to run though now it seems to be a little lighter at least until the time changes so I'm going to take advantage. You've inspired me. Tomorrow morning may just be a long run!

2) Have you tried Larabars? I eat one for breakfast every day and LOVE them. My fave flavors are the chocolate chip cookie dough and the chocolate chip brownie. They are all natural with just a handful of ingredients. They are very yummy and much more satisfying to me than most of the bars out there - and I'm kind of silly about not wanting a ton of ingredients too.

3) I have the Garmin Forerunner 305. I bought it as a reward to myself last year after finishing the C25k plan. I love love love it. I only use it for running and walking, but while I'm running I can see my real-time pace, and stay on pace (helps alot in races when the adrenaline hits and I'm tempted to run too fast at first) and also tracks the distance, etc. It has a lap feature too that I love especially when I do speedwork - so it breaks out my pace by my sprints/walk breaks so when I get home I can see how I performed. It is awesome. I know some people that have the body bugg - I just didn't want a monthly fee or anything like that at when I got the Garmin, running was mostly what I was doing. Now that I do other things 3 days a week in addition to running 3 days a week I had considered the body bugg but at this point am very happy with having my Garmin. I NEVER run without it now. Oh - and you can set it too to have alarms go off when you reach certain distances, or if you are going too fast or to slow, etc. It also has auto pause which is helpful when my puppy stops to go potty. :)

OK - now I've written about as much as you blogged! Your fault! LOL

Take care!

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ANNESYLVIA 2/16/2011 4:40PM

    Blow by blow...interesting idea. I am just not sure if anyone would want to read about my boring blow by blow days!! You on the other hand are quite interesting. I look forward to it.

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MRSBENNETT2 2/16/2011 3:16PM

    It'll be nice to get to that place where "all this" is just our day to day routine, without too much focus or effort. It'll just "be". It'll be part of life that we do to feel healthy and strong. Bring it on!

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RIGBY31 2/16/2011 3:11PM

    Scribbling notes throughtout the day... thought I was the only one who did that. I can't keep some of my brilliant thoughts for more than a few minutes, so it's a necessity. I'm on/off the computer all day too (at home). People must think I'm glued/addicted to SP. Well, I am... just not in an unhealthy way.

Comment edited on: 2/16/2011 3:33:19 PM

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WALKAWAY 2/16/2011 2:46PM

    Fun blog. Looking forward to seeing how the rest of your day went.


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ROBBIEMARIE 2/16/2011 10:49AM

    Wow, I could have written your first paragraph! I always have these thoughts (usually when I am working out), think about blogging and then don't. Great idea you have to jot down on the notepad. Writing this is making me laugh as I just realized while I was walking yesterday I had an inspiration for something I'm working on so I opened the voice memo on my phone to leave a note. HOWEVER, I forgot about it until now. hmmmmm Don't forget to open your notepad after you write on it!

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ADESSO1234 2/16/2011 10:37AM

  Fun idea- I'm looking forward to reading how your day goes.

I loved the runner's world quote. I've got to sign up to recieve their emails- nothing like some positive reinforcement to help you through the day!!

have a great day girl!! emoticon

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Valentine 5K/8K/12K...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

This morning we participated in the 7th Annual Fanconi Anemia Run/Walk 5K, 8K, and First Time Ever 12K

We were very lucky, and grateful, that the rain and wind from last night moved off. It was cool, but clear, and a perfect day for a run or a walk.

In addition to the great weather, I was so glad that I was able to meet Chazeray!

We met early at the fountain, and dilly-dallied about waiting for Courtney. We eventually headed down to the Morrison Bridge, and joined in the throng of people gathered under the bridge.

There were so many people, some dressed up, some just in straight-up running togs. Either way, the crowd had an energized current flowing through it, and as the time to start got closer, the antsier we (I?) got. We finally met up with Courtney, introductions were made, and a few pictures were snapped!

The run was along the river walk, which is a fabulous place to walk or run. Bill and I have walked it many times, and I'm looking forward to the weather moving on to spring then summer to make the most of it this year.

Our plan was -
Bill walking 5K
Chas and I running the 5K
Courtney running the 8K

We lined up in our respective crowds...

and then were off. Bill, Chas, and I were at the back of the 5K runner's pack, so we started off slow and eventually worked our way out onto the path. We all ran the first minute or so, then slowed with traffic until the next running interval came up.

I dropped back to Bill, and decided to stay with him through the course. Chas ran ahead, and I gave her a shout to take off, we'd catch up along the way. It was a great course - going right by my work building LOL - and the volunteers did a good job of keeping us all on track.

As we were getting close to the half-way point, we saw Chas come running back the other way. Girlfriend is speedy! WooHoo! Not too long after, we saw Courtney coming by as well. Awesome!

We made the halfway point, and set our sites for home. Bill hadn't really prepared or done much of anything to get ready for today, so he did well for not being ready. We jogged a few more intervals here and then, including running the last 75 yards or so to the end. As we neared the finish, we had Courtney and Chas, and other family, cheering us on. It was great, and I know we had big grins as we finished our efforts, putting in a time of 56 minutes.

We weren't the fastest, nor were we the slowest. What we were, was together. That was more important to me. I'll have other 5Ks and 10Ks to run, but this one seemed like the right one to do with the one you love, y'know?

Today was important to me. Yesterday, I nearly talked myself out of going to this event. Yesterday, I was so down in the dumps and discouraged, I was ready to give up. Yesterday was completely blah.

I'm so glad I did go this morning. Chas is great - friendly, chatty, patient! LOL and I'm happy to have met her. Bill's ex-wife (Courtney's mom) and her S.O. came down to cheer Courtney and us on - I always enjoy spending time with family. Being around others, even those in the big crowd of walkers and runner that I didn't know, helped.

I'm feeling isolated and alone in my efforts and struggles. I'm really looking forward to seeing Chas again (I think she may sign up for the Shamrock run in May) but we live too far apart to be running buddies. I'm lonely in my running, and while usually I'm alright with that, this period of the duldrums has been harder to overcome. Even though right now I'm ok with my interval running, I wonder/worry if I'll ever be able to actually run with someone. I guess it's just more reason to continue to work harder at improving.

Meh, I don't want to end a positive blog on a whiny note, so let's hear it for all the runners and walkers out there who got out and celebrated Valentine's day the 5K way!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZORAHGAIL 2/15/2011 6:26PM

    Great job Candy! DH & I skipped it this year but I'm looking forward to doing it next year.

Way to go!

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KASHMIR 2/15/2011 3:49PM

    emoticon Candy!!!

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BARTINPC 2/15/2011 12:22PM

  Great Job!! I'm running my next 5k two weekends from now for Mardi Gras. Can't wait!

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KAREN42BOYS 2/14/2011 5:03PM

    candy, good for you doing the run even if you'd just been feeling blah the day before!

there is a running buddy out there for you if you're ready to pursue her. with me blabbing on to anyone who will listen about my planning to do a tri, i've been amazed with how many people have said "well, hey, i swim monday and wednesday mornings, why don't you come join me?" or "do you know about the thursday running group that leaves from school right after drop off?" and such. now that thursday group runs faster than i do presently, so i'm not joining in with them, but i do swim mondays and wednesdays typically now.

does your kids' school have a parent email list? put out a buddy request on it. "i'm candy, josie bean's mom, and i'm looking for a running partner. i usually run 5k at a 13 min/mile pace" (tweak the above as needed). dare ya!

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NUTSNUTSGETEM 2/14/2011 2:19PM

    Thanks for your comments and congrats on your 5k! My son and I did one on Saturday. I was sick and he was indifferent to the run. But, you finish, and you always feel better about having done it. We have a family membership to the Atlanta Track Club and they put on runs every 3-4 weeks that are free for members. Most members are really (I mean really) fast. But, they all encourage even us slow runners at the back. You should see if there's anything like that near you because there really are runners at every pace, and you will have more than enough running buddies!

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ANNESYLVIA 2/14/2011 11:12AM

    I am glad you did it! It sound like you had a great experience.

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CHAZERAY 2/13/2011 10:46PM

    Your such a great writer Candy. I am so glad that we met up today. You guys are so great - I love your family. I did sign up for the Shamrock run today, so I hope to see you, Bill and Courtney.

emoticon for the wonderful morning.

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GAYLEP67 2/13/2011 10:40PM

    I'm so glad you didn't talk yourself out of going and so incredibly proud of you too. I have to tell you look AMAZING!! I love seeing you in your running gear and the picture of you and Bill is fabulous. I'm glad that you got to do this one together because you're right - that's what it's really about.
emoticon emoticon emoticon


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WALKAWAY 2/13/2011 10:19PM

    Awesome my friend. Glad to hear you had a great day. Sending lots of emoticon your way.

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ONENEL 2/13/2011 9:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I envy those of you that get out and run/walk. Your story is awesome!!!

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RIGBY31 2/13/2011 8:14PM

    I think running with your honey(s) is sweet! Glad you had a great day together.

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ANNERBEES 2/13/2011 8:06PM

    Congrats to you for getting out there even when you didn't 'feel' it! I love how you did it with hubby too!! I ran my first (and only one so far) 5K all by myself and would have enjoyed it MUCH more with a running buddy! Hubby and daughter were there to cheer me on and ran the last half mile with me and that is when we decided we would ALL do it next time! What a great Valentines story and thanks for sharing!! emoticon

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DITZYCHICK 2/13/2011 7:52PM

    So happy for you that you didn't talk yourself out of your Valentine Run! I haven't ever done any type of 5K or running event and really enjoyed reading about your experience. You sure did luck out with the was NASTY last night and is looking quite raining tonight as well. GREAT JOB getting yourself out there to enjoy the fresh air and a day of accomplishment with your Valentine!

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ROBBIEMARIE 2/13/2011 5:54PM

    Congratulations for making yourself follow through on this and doing it with someone special! I am very proud of you. I felt a very strong pang in my heart when I read your feelings about doing it alone. I am there as well!!!! I so wish we lived close so we could push each other as it seems like we are so on the same pace and ability. I am always wishing I had someone to walk, run, train with. Someone who would be right there with me, someone I could push and who could push me. Sob, sob, sob! ha We are bad! BUT it is so true and would make it easier. If only we could push the midwest and northwest closer together...... Hey, you just keep working at it girl! You are doing so fantastic with the fitness, the weight loss and the non smoking. I am very proud of you.

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BAILEE_GRAVES 2/13/2011 4:51PM

    What an awesome story!! And a beautiful picture at the end. I am SO SO SO proud of you for not talking yourself out of it! And tell Bill that is an incredible time for someone who had not prepared. He should be very proud!!

What a wonderful way to celebrate your love!!


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BLUEEYESXOXO 2/13/2011 3:55PM

    My DBF and I did the same thing. A nice 5K to share. His first. I was so proud of him for finishing, and with a great time! You are right. There will be more races to run, but today was about being with the one we love. :)

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MRSBENNETT2 2/13/2011 3:46PM

    Yay for you! Always good to see pictures of Portlands' lovely waterfront, too. :)

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Day by day...

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

First and foremost, I want to say thank you for your messages and care and concern. I truly appreciate it! And, I want to say I'm not normally a drama-mama! I realized my status update sounded overly-dramatic, as if I'm dealing with more than a horrid extended mood. I apologize for that.

I'm fine. Nothing has happened, everyone's healthy, etc. and so on. I'm simply dealing with emotional unrest, needs not being met, frustration at my efforts and lack of results, and other general external stressors. I tend to go quiet, rather than expressing what's going on in my head and heart, and that means bottled up cares and concerns eventually bubble over. That's what happened.

I'm processing and thinking and managing my way back to my sunny disposition. Sorta. After 5 days of no exercise or running, I ran 3.1 miles last night, and a pace workout of 2 miles tonight. It was all very very good. I felt strong in body, and I needed that. I'm on a KB break this week, and have eased off with my mileage. I have a Valentine's 5K on Sunday, so that's what I'm focusing on.

I'm also going to go to a few local gyms to check them out. My work offers a discount for certain places, and one of them happens to be nearby. I want to see if it would be a good fit for me. I kept saying I couldn't afford a gym, or a trainer, but you know what? I can't say that with any confidence anymore, because I don't actually KNOW that to be true. Asking, checking things out, doesn't cost anything. Being informed, I can make a better decision for myself, and not just cop out with "can't afford it".

I watched the latest Heavy the other night. It was hard to watch at first because the woman on the show signed up for the program, had a trainer, facility, dietician, the whole shebang, and she appeared to be ungrateful and uninterested in really being there or giving it her all. I'd give anything to have an opportunity like that! So, I will make my own opportunity and see what I can find out about the different gyms.

See? It's not all doom and gloom in my corner. I'm dealing, coping, moving forward, slowly but surely. That's one thing I keep telling myself - at my lowest point last Saturday, I tossed up my hands and said "I give up. I can't do it anymore. I quit!"

To h*ll with that, I've come too far, too well, to simply give up. I'm worth the effort, no matter how slow and laborious, how much I struggle. The only person who can beat me is me, and I'm not giving up. I'm not going to quit.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALKAWAY 2/10/2011 10:24PM

    Candy, sometimes you just have to take time to re-evaluate. Nothing wrong with that. I get to feeling weighed down by everything that's going around, family, etc., and wonder how the heck am I supposed to find time to take care of me too! You just have to keep moving forward, it might be little steps, but your moving forward.

Don't let the flame go out, because you are worth the effort.
emoticon emoticon

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ANNESYLVIA 2/10/2011 3:37PM

    Yeah, Candy back!

Good luck on Sunday's run and finding an affordable gym.

I would not compare yourself to that other lady...she must blame life for her situation instead of taking matters in her own hands and make it happen.. YOU on the other hand take life and makes it happen...with smiles too! emoticon

Anne emoticon

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LMLOPEZ 2/10/2011 2:39PM

    Candy, that's what Sparkpeople and blogging is for-to help lend a hand so you can pull yourself out of the valley a little faster!! :)
Glad you're back and back on track. Make sure you look at Sparkguy's blog today; he has info on virtual races you can track. Great for us runners!!

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RIGBY31 2/10/2011 2:22PM

    Being down is just going to happen. Just like up is just around the corner. You're a smarty for seeing it for what it is and still moving forward. Sometimes we need to be our own cheerleader, pep ralley and parade all rolled into one!

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GAYLEP67 2/10/2011 1:28PM

    Recognizing what's going on and dealing with it. That's a huge step right there my friend. We all travel our hills and valleys and unfortunately, you've hit the valley. I know you're strong and you really HAVE come so incredibly far so I know you won't throw in the towel. Even though we're making these changes for a better, healthier life, life IS still happening for all of us and sometimes it lobs things at us. Keep ducking and dodging. Revisit your "before" pictures and remember what things were like in your old way of life. You will quickly see that you really are seeing a lot of success for your efforts. Gyms may seem unaffordable but through your healthier lifestyle, I'm sure you're seeing cost savings that you could redirect that way (money saved by not eating out, not smoking, etc).

The mantra I've developed in the last few months with all that life has thrown my way is "one day at a time". Amazing how that small phrase keeps me going...

I hope the sun begins to shine for you soon my friend. I'll be thinking of you running on the weekend and hopefully you will hear me cheering you on from Canada!


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KAREN42BOYS 2/10/2011 11:37AM

    candy, you are really walking the walk of learning to care for yourself for real.

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DITZYCHICK 2/10/2011 12:41AM

    There's a fighter in you and it's showing...great job being strong, not giving up, and taking it day by day. I completely understand the feeling of overloaded emotions as it affects me too. Is weather a factor for you at all? Weather definitely affects me and my moods, and makes it more difficult for me to cope with the everyday things. Exercise has helped me quite a bit though. GREAT JOB getting your workouts in the last two's great to hear that they made you feel good and strong. One day at a time'll all work itself out.

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CLARABRUNNING 2/9/2011 10:46PM

    You go girl, glad to hear you are not backing down. I have definitely had my ups and downs on my own journey, but I'm better for each time I went through that. It will only make you stronger. You can totally do this, girl! And GREAT JOB on the run! I'm so incredibly proud of you!


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MRSBENNETT2 2/9/2011 10:45PM

    I think it's unfortunately natural and normal to feel this way sometimes. It's a lot you have on your, marriage, family, and your pursuit of health! Overwhelming even though it's all good, positive stuff. Don't feel bad about occasionally needing to take a step back and ramp down a little. You are listening to your body BEFORE your body says " won't cut back well I'll cut back for ya" and whammo...injury. Take care of yourself and be gentle with your sweet self too. emoticon

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BAILEE_GRAVES 2/9/2011 9:51PM

    You've come too far to go back beautiful lady!!

While it's hard as you pass through the valley, you know that this too shall pass. And I don't say that lightly or flippant. I too have walked in the shoes you're now in and my heart aches for you as I know it's a difficult time.

But I know your commitment runs deep and the change in you HAS been made. This time in your life is nothing more than a hiccup that you will soon look back on as a wonderful learning experience.

Deep breaths; one day at a time and soon you will be back to your happy, care free self!

Until then.....

Keep smiling; Keep shining; knowing you can always count on me; for sure. That's what friends are for!!

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JBMORETTO40 2/9/2011 9:07PM

    That's great that you get discounts at your local gym facilities!

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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

As we grow, our perspective changes. This is a good thing. It keeps life from becoming stagnant, from becoming something that we're going through rather than participating in. I'm hip deep in my life right now. I'm wide awake, charging forward, yes pausing for a small break now and again, slowing down to catch my breath, but then rolling on once more.

A year ago, for breakfast I would have had a big-*ss bowl of grapenuts with whole milk and enough splenda to choke a horse!

This morning? I've mixed a vanilla yogurt with diced pears and a quarter cup of grapenuts. The grapenuts have softened in the yogurt, and the flavors have melded together. I can't tell you the last time I tasted something SO good.

Well, that's not entirely true - I CAN tell you when. It was dinner, yesterday. Brown rice with green beans and asparagus and planked steelhead. Or the day before that when I had an english muffin with a smear of homemade almond-walnut butter.

This eating healthier thing is pretty alright. Food TASTES amazing. Delish! It's little things that I suppose I took for granted previously while I was stuffing them down my gullet rather than actually tasting and appreciating the food I was taking in.

Food is now part fuel, part entertainment. I have yet to come up against something that I don't like that I feel I have to eat because I'm on a "diet". I'm not on a "diet"; I'm eating healthier, and enjoying it.

I'm trying hard to live by one of my favorite sentiments - if I can't have fun doing something, then what's the point? Of course, as an adult, I know not every waking moment of my life is going to be FUN. I also know that I decide how I feel about something, how I react, how I deal.

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It is important to recognize the power of our emotions--and to take responsibility for them by creating a light and positive atmosphere around ourselves. This attitude of joy that we create helps alleviate states of hopelessness, loneliness, and despair. Our relationships with others thus naturally improve, and little by little the whole of society becomes more positive and balanced.
- Tarthang Tulku
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That's one of my mindful efforts or goals. To find the light, the positive, the smile.. and to share it. Unfortunately, as by-golly-good as this sounds, I have not been able to bring this state of mind to my driving. For some reason, other people drive me nuts on the road. They go too slow, too fast, turn without signaling, signal without turning, you name it, and it sets my teeth on edge. I'm trying to stop myself though, when I get a little shouty (and cussy) while in the car, and remind myself to breathe in.. breathe out.. and let it go because it's not doing any good to pop a vein over someone else's driving habits.

For a while, my efforts at releasing more weight (I'm trying to remember to not say losing, because when you lose something, it sounds like you're hoping to find it again, and I have NO interest in finding what I'm letting go) was similar to stop-and-go traffic. My will, my drive, my determination was in the slow lane, and I couldn't switch lanes or get by whatever was blocking me. This shoved me way off track, when it comes to my goal line. You know, the goal line Spark provides? Yea.

It's taken me 3 months to release 9 lbs - to go from 238 on Nov.1 to 229 on Feb. 1. That's pretty discouraging in a way. That's an average of 3 lbs a month. Then again, I let go of 5 just in January, so.. yay me! I've found my groove again, and I'm sticking to it.

Hey DitzyChick - I DID THAT!!

Speaking of sticking.. I have this mental image of myself stuck in my head. I've released pounds, I've shrunk in inches (I need new measurements this week), I've dropped dress/pant/shirt sizes. Still though, I'll lay out my clothes for the day, having picked out a blouse I bought in Dec. while Mom was here, and think "there's no way that's going to fit me". I go ahead and put the blouse on, though, and it does fit. In fact, it fits well; it's not sucking to my bulging tummy, it's not strangling my apparently unusually broad shoulders or cutting off my monstrously long arms. It simply .. fits. It looks nice. I look nice in it. How did that happen? How did I fit in that blouse that should not fit me? I think it's going to take me a while to adjust my mental image to catch up with the reality of my size now. I'm no skinny-minny by any means, but I'm smaller than I think I am. I'm cool with that.

Yea. My perspective has changed quite a bit. It's still changing. I'm still evolving. I guess that's my plan, my goal for February. Keep evolving. Keep releasing. Keep running. Keep KettleWorx'ing. Keep on keepin' on!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRSBENNETT2 2/5/2011 5:21PM

    You have excellent perspective, my dear! I'm going to come back and read this blog when I get discouraged.

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COOKWITHME65 2/4/2011 9:37AM

    You are doing so great. Hard when the scale moves slowly but at least it's moving down. Keep it up.

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KAREN42BOYS 2/1/2011 9:54PM

    candy, great blog (fyi, your sparkpage is just lovely). it's all about our perspectives changing really, isn't it? i used to flip out over people speeding near our school while i was biking my kids to school. the anger was not doing me any good and it wasn't changing people's speed. so i started smiling and waving at those speeding drivers. my logic is they'll slow down wondering if they know me or not, and because i've smiled and waved i feel like i've done something and i can let go of their stupid choices.

and clothing changing fit. i'm there. i'm realizing that my undies are fitting loose, and what's weird is that per my hip measurement, they SHOULD fit. i'm taking it as a sign that so much of my bum is now beautiful muscle that the undies are loose. maybe i'm wrong on that, but i like that image!

and i'm still wrestling with who do i identify with. the people who weigh what i used to (or even more) or the people who live the way i do or the way i want to be. even just at the gym. any rate, this blog got me to think in good ways. thanks. :)

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WALKAWAY 2/1/2011 7:47PM

    emoticonblog. Keep up the great work. emoticon

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GAYEMC 2/1/2011 7:24PM

    Congratulations on the release of those 9 lbs (I like that, release, mind if I use it?). Anyway, pat yourself on the back, that's 9lbs gone for good.

LOL on the driving, you sound like me. I have very little patience in a car so with pride I walk or take the bus as much as possible.

Glad to see you back posting, I've missed you!

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DITZYCHICK 2/1/2011 6:14PM

    That's right...YOU DID DO THAT!!! Way to be proud and take ownership! I really enjoyed your blog...I was reading along in agreement and nodding and looking at how well you've been doing! You have a GREAT ATTITUDE and YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!

I so agree with you and must say that this process has been fun in seeing how our "perspective" changes and we look at things differently. It's fun to see these transformations within ourselves and think back and what choices we used to make. It definitely feels better!!!

THANK YOU for this INSPIRING BLOG today!!! I'm with you...going to keep on keepin' on!!!

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ANNESYLVIA 2/1/2011 4:31PM

    I hope to follow your lead. Lead the dance my friend!

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RIGBY31 2/1/2011 1:45PM

    Thank you for your words this first day of February! I have been, well slow isn't the exact word... perhaps minutely making progress. Progress only I can see and feel, but isn't that the point? Me? Time for me to kick it into 2011 gear like I had planned.

*... food is part fuel, part entertainment*. That must become my mantra for weekends!

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ROBBIEMARIE 2/1/2011 11:56AM

    Keep on keeping on you beautiful, positive woman! I love the idea of releasing those pounds. I am going to swipe that idea and start referring to it that way. emoticon

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L-OSTER8 2/1/2011 11:40AM

  Your Mind Is A Powerful Part Of Your Life!

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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A good blog, share-worthy. I'm learning this, and I'm grateful for it.

Everywhere I see runners, I'm checking them out - I'm not judging, but I'm looking at what they're wearing ('Oh, neat hat!' or 'I need to get some capris') and how they're running ('Such long strides, will I ever be able to stride like that?') and the weather and in general thinking "You go on runner. Run. Good for you!"

I was passed several times on Saturday by other runners, and I hope they had those kinds of thoughts, too. Just run...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DITZYCHICK 1/27/2011 4:34PM

    Oh, I really loved that article! I'm a new runner...not something I ever thought I'd do, and I find that I really like it!!! (BTW...I DID THAT!!!) I'm so new though, that I have yet to experience being passed by other runners on the trail. Wish I could say it's because I'm that fast, but's just because I haven't been out there too much yet and just haven't seen too many other runners out and about at the same time as me. I've been secretly dreading the day when other runners do end up on the trail with me and pass me like I'm standing still...and they will. I truly hope they have the same traits as YOU and as the great team of runners in the article.

This is so encouraging...if all runners are this wonderful, then that must be the reason that I was tempted to give it a try! Thank you so much for the link!

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HEALING_LORI 1/27/2011 10:46AM

    Thanks again Candy! From one runner to another.... Keep up the GREAT work! You are my inspiration to RUN emoticon

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GAYEMC 1/26/2011 6:09PM

    I love seeing other runners and walkers and hope everyone is having a good time. And it puts a smile on my face.

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ANNESYLVIA 1/26/2011 8:44AM

    Wow, running is your love! Is it not? It is right? You write with passion when it comes to your running. I am happy you found your niche. Enjoy!


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REALLY_ROBIN 1/25/2011 11:43PM

    Thanks for sharing that blog. You are doing great and will become a great runner, long strides and all! Each day we are putting one more piece in oue puzzle, and when we are done we are going to have an amazing picture and life! Hugs and love...Robin

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RIGBY31 1/25/2011 11:13PM

    Good, positive thoughts being put out there by you! Makes life a lot more pleasant.

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LMLOPEZ 1/25/2011 8:54PM

    Way to go-I still see runners and think "good for them", it's still cold here and I don't feel like a runner but I still will run. Love where you are!!

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MRSBENNETT2 1/25/2011 7:52PM

    I've always thought it's all about getting out there and just DOING something good for yourself - and anyone worth their salt that is further along the fitness journey ought to recognise another's journey. So good for you!

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ADESSO1234 1/25/2011 7:33PM

  Thanks for sharing that- I really enjoyed it :)

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ROBBIEMARIE 1/25/2011 6:26PM

    Thanks for the post. I really enjoyed it. I think you are right on with your comments about running as well. I am a 'slow fat runner' and have many times been passed by others who take a moment to push me on with a 'good job' or 'keep going, you can do it'. I'll never be a fast lithe runner but it doesn't stop me from dreaming of such and the smallest fun and encouraging comment by a speedster feels so good. Keep up your running!

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