Wednesday, February 16, 2011
New for me, at least. I've popped open a Notepad, and will be jotting down notes during the day as they come to me. Too often, I have a thought, think 'I should blog that' then get distracted and forget, and never come back to it.
My workday is spent on a computer, because technology is my job. Some days are frenetic, some days quiet. I never know, from one moment to the next, when we're going to get slammed. I like that it keeps me busy, and keeps me guessing. So, today, we'll see which it is - slow and steady, or jumping and jiving.
To start off, I've read my Runner's World emails this morning. The Daily Kick in the Butt was this:
If you set a goal for yourself and are able to achieve it, you have won your race. Your goal can be to come in first, to improve your performance, or just finish the race. It's up to you.
Dave Scott, U.S. Triathlete
Amen! And while this quote is about running, it's also about life. It's great to have outside sources reinforce what SP offers and teaches us. Let's keep pursuing our goal of finishing this healthy lifestyle race, yea?
Ok, off I go to sink into work (already received one request in the midst of writing this!). I'll update periodically during the day, I hope.
We registered, last night, for the Heartbreak Half, 10K and 5K. I'll be running the 5K, Bill will be walking the 5K.
What? Yea, we DID do one last weekend. I explained to Bill that I wanted to do it so that I had run my one 5K for February, which was my original plan - to do a 5K in Feb and March, then move on to 10Ks for April, May, and June. It's the kind of sense that only makes sense to me LOL
Another picture from the Valentine's Run last Sunday. We ordered the official print as a 5x7 and should get it in a while. Yay!
Slamming morning. Whew! Through it all, I'm eating (slowly) my breakfast - Coconut Pineapple yogurt, diced pears, and a few walnut halves. Later I'll toast my crispy english muffin, and have it with a schmear of neufchatel. Yum! It'll total out to be 477 calories, which is a lot, but it'll last me from 7 to about 11:30. I guess I eat in stages at work, and never really thought much about it. Then it'll be a relatively light lunch, a Clif Bar for a snack (never tried one before, but I'm due to run 4 miles tonight and thought I'd see how it goes) and then an even lighter dinner. It'll all be in my shared nutrition tracker if you're curious later on.
14 windows open, most of them active. Yea, we're busy LOL
What's up with the ad banners above individual blog posts? Hmm...
I just read MezzoAngel's blog, A Glimpse of the Future
That's kind of where my head went over the weekend. I want to give up the struggle. I want to give up the angst. I want to give up fighting my body. I simply want to be. I want to do. I want to live my life, not as a constant battle, but by being conscious and present and mindful and putting in the effort. I envisioned myself on a run - not huffing puffing panting OMG'ing struggling, but.. running. One foot after the other - both feet off the ground, no matter how quickly or shortly. Just running. It was simple, it felt light (can you FEEL in a mental image? Hmm..) and it made me smile. I ran Monday night, 3.5 mi on the treadmill, up to 4.5 mph, and it FELT like what I pictured. It was good. 4 miles tonight, against at 4.5 on the tread. I'm starting to like that. Much better than 4.0 anyway.
Really??!? But.. ok. Breathe in... breathe out... repeat.
If typing were running, I'd be a world-class ultra-runner!
BodyBugg vs. FitBit vs Garmin Forerunner 305 -
Do you have any of them? What do you think?
If you could get any one, what would you recommend?
I know they all do different things - or well, the BodyBugg and FitBit are similar, and the Forerunner would be more about running.
11 a.m. - half hour until lunch, but I'm already hungry. I'll hold off until 11:30, which will just help me enjoy my lunch all the more! This is why eating during the week is so much easier than eating during the weekend. I have a limited amount of food avalable at work - sorta. I have a few Fiber One bars in my desk drawer; there's a vending machine across the haul in the kitchenette, that I haven't used in .. months; there's a cafe downstairs on the first floor of our building. These are all options for additional food, but my thinking has changed enough that they really AREN'T options at all.
At home? I have the fridge, the cabinets, the bins to dig into, and (previously) no set time for eating. I opted to eat on my work schedule last weekend, and it worked for me, so I'll keep at it.
Ok, here's my half-day update LOL Boy I'm a chatty-cathy today, even with as busy as it's been!
Seriously, I need to find a new vocation! Not everything is personal, but boy it sure does feel like it lately. Too much stress.
Kettlebells! I slacked off last week on my kb workouts because of the doldrums. Big mistake! 20 minutes last night kicked my patootie in a harsh way. Iím back on the kb train again.
Ah, lunchtime walk, how I needed thee. You were just right! A break in the rain/snow and a smidgen of sunshine made that the best 32 minutes of my day so far. So Iím windblown and my fingers ache from not having gloves to wear Ė thatís alright. It was worth the effort to clear my head!
So I signed up for the Virtual Race Ė W00TY-W00T!
Several virtual races, actually.
Your Virtual Races
ē Week of Apr 10-16, 2011 Ė 5K Walk/Run
ē Week of Apr 3-9, 2011 Ė 10K
ē Week of Mar 13-19, 2011 Ė 5K Running
ē Week of Feb 20-26, 2011 Ė 5K Walk/Run
The one for April 10-16 is the actual virtual race for SP, the others are real runs Iíll be doing here in PDX. They have options for all levels, even walking. If youíve always wanted to do a race, but havenít found one yet, or arenít sure if youíre up for it, arenít ready, whatever Ė TRY THIS! I mean, yíknow, no pressure. Just if you want to!
Zwickelmania is this weekend in Portland as well. Itís all about the beer. Weíll see if the Man would be interested in making the rounds.
Friday, Iím taking the day off from work, and heading with the Hubby and Step-Ex-Wife, down to Salem to see step-daughter-the-youngest. Sheís 7 months preggers now, and her birthday is coming up. Weíll go down, go to lunch, do some shopping for the baby, and head back home. Should be a very nice day. I canít wait for the lil bean to get here. Itís a boy, he has a twig. In fact, thatís what Bill has been calling him since we found out heís a he Ė Twig LOL
This has been a fun experiment. Itís plain to see that I DO have a lot of stuff going on in my head. I just need to let it out more often. The madness of work has eased up this afternoon, so thereís more flow-of-consciousness going on right now.
First impression of the Chocolate Almond Fudge Clif Bar Ė Interesting. It almost tastes.. minty? Cinnamony? Whatís up with that?
It certainly tastes better than a protein bar I tried a couple weeks ago. This is pretty good.
Dayís winding down. I need to finish up tasks and get ready for the great trek home. Actually, it IS a great trek home. I get to avoid the madness of the freeways and take surface streets, 20 minutes and Iím home.
Roxyangel, thanks for reading! I hope you had a great day, too! I love starting my day with that Kick in the Butt! Sometimes, it really does make a difference in my day.
Robbie and Rigby, I have an office supply fetish (LOVE little notepads and pens and things) so youíd think Iíd be more about taking notes. I donít, or rarely do. I use the computer for everything, which is fine, because my Blackberry syncs with my email and calendar and itís all good Ė until I forget the blasted Crackberry (like I did last night) and then Iím lost LOL Bad!
Addie, I thought of you and your status mention about a coworker. I think my fingers would have fit nice and tightly around some throats today LOL It was that kind of frustration, but fortunately, itís over. At least for today. I really do need to find a new line of work.
Anne, youíre sweet to say Iím interesting, but I think Iím just odd. Heh. I might do this again at some point, but itíll be a while. I appreciate you reading, regardless, and hope everyone is doing well at your home. Your mom and brother are still visiting, yes?
Shelli, Iím so ready for it NOW LOL nothing like impatience. This latest set of blahs and short bout of depression was .. well, depressing. Just when I think Iíve got it together and it simply IS life, I get dumped on my ear and reminded that Iím not quite there.. yet.
Alright, hereís me, finishing up and signing off. A good run, a good dinner, and a nice evening at home Ė sounds like the perfect ending!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
This morning we participated in the 7th Annual Fanconi Anemia Run/Walk 5K, 8K, and First Time Ever 12K
We were very lucky, and grateful, that the rain and wind from last night moved off. It was cool, but clear, and a perfect day for a run or a walk.
In addition to the great weather, I was so glad that I was able to meet Chazeray!
We met early at the fountain, and dilly-dallied about waiting for Courtney. We eventually headed down to the Morrison Bridge, and joined in the throng of people gathered under the bridge.
There were so many people, some dressed up, some just in straight-up running togs. Either way, the crowd had an energized current flowing through it, and as the time to start got closer, the antsier we (I?) got. We finally met up with Courtney, introductions were made, and a few pictures were snapped!
The run was along the river walk, which is a fabulous place to walk or run. Bill and I have walked it many times, and I'm looking forward to the weather moving on to spring then summer to make the most of it this year.
Our plan was -
Bill walking 5K
Chas and I running the 5K
Courtney running the 8K
We lined up in our respective crowds...
and then were off. Bill, Chas, and I were at the back of the 5K runner's pack, so we started off slow and eventually worked our way out onto the path. We all ran the first minute or so, then slowed with traffic until the next running interval came up.
I dropped back to Bill, and decided to stay with him through the course. Chas ran ahead, and I gave her a shout to take off, we'd catch up along the way. It was a great course - going right by my work building LOL - and the volunteers did a good job of keeping us all on track.
As we were getting close to the half-way point, we saw Chas come running back the other way. Girlfriend is speedy! WooHoo! Not too long after, we saw Courtney coming by as well. Awesome!
We made the halfway point, and set our sites for home. Bill hadn't really prepared or done much of anything to get ready for today, so he did well for not being ready. We jogged a few more intervals here and then, including running the last 75 yards or so to the end. As we neared the finish, we had Courtney and Chas, and other family, cheering us on. It was great, and I know we had big grins as we finished our efforts, putting in a time of 56 minutes.
We weren't the fastest, nor were we the slowest. What we were, was together. That was more important to me. I'll have other 5Ks and 10Ks to run, but this one seemed like the right one to do with the one you love, y'know?
Today was important to me. Yesterday, I nearly talked myself out of going to this event. Yesterday, I was so down in the dumps and discouraged, I was ready to give up. Yesterday was completely blah.
I'm so glad I did go this morning. Chas is great - friendly, chatty, patient! LOL and I'm happy to have met her. Bill's ex-wife (Courtney's mom) and her S.O. came down to cheer Courtney and us on - I always enjoy spending time with family. Being around others, even those in the big crowd of walkers and runner that I didn't know, helped.
I'm feeling isolated and alone in my efforts and struggles. I'm really looking forward to seeing Chas again (I think she may sign up for the Shamrock run in May) but we live too far apart to be running buddies. I'm lonely in my running, and while usually I'm alright with that, this period of the duldrums has been harder to overcome. Even though right now I'm ok with my interval running, I wonder/worry if I'll ever be able to actually run with someone. I guess it's just more reason to continue to work harder at improving.
Meh, I don't want to end a positive blog on a whiny note, so let's hear it for all the runners and walkers out there who got out and celebrated Valentine's day the 5K way!
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
First and foremost, I want to say thank you for your messages and care and concern. I truly appreciate it! And, I want to say I'm not normally a drama-mama! I realized my status update sounded overly-dramatic, as if I'm dealing with more than a horrid extended mood. I apologize for that.
I'm fine. Nothing has happened, everyone's healthy, etc. and so on. I'm simply dealing with emotional unrest, needs not being met, frustration at my efforts and lack of results, and other general external stressors. I tend to go quiet, rather than expressing what's going on in my head and heart, and that means bottled up cares and concerns eventually bubble over. That's what happened.
I'm processing and thinking and managing my way back to my sunny disposition. Sorta. After 5 days of no exercise or running, I ran 3.1 miles last night, and a pace workout of 2 miles tonight. It was all very very good. I felt strong in body, and I needed that. I'm on a KB break this week, and have eased off with my mileage. I have a Valentine's 5K on Sunday, so that's what I'm focusing on.
I'm also going to go to a few local gyms to check them out. My work offers a discount for certain places, and one of them happens to be nearby. I want to see if it would be a good fit for me. I kept saying I couldn't afford a gym, or a trainer, but you know what? I can't say that with any confidence anymore, because I don't actually KNOW that to be true. Asking, checking things out, doesn't cost anything. Being informed, I can make a better decision for myself, and not just cop out with "can't afford it".
I watched the latest Heavy the other night. It was hard to watch at first because the woman on the show signed up for the program, had a trainer, facility, dietician, the whole shebang, and she appeared to be ungrateful and uninterested in really being there or giving it her all. I'd give anything to have an opportunity like that! So, I will make my own opportunity and see what I can find out about the different gyms.
See? It's not all doom and gloom in my corner. I'm dealing, coping, moving forward, slowly but surely. That's one thing I keep telling myself - at my lowest point last Saturday, I tossed up my hands and said "I give up. I can't do it anymore. I quit!"
To h*ll with that, I've come too far, too well, to simply give up. I'm worth the effort, no matter how slow and laborious, how much I struggle. The only person who can beat me is me, and I'm not giving up. I'm not going to quit.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
As we grow, our perspective changes. This is a good thing. It keeps life from becoming stagnant, from becoming something that we're going through rather than participating in. I'm hip deep in my life right now. I'm wide awake, charging forward, yes pausing for a small break now and again, slowing down to catch my breath, but then rolling on once more.
A year ago, for breakfast I would have had a big-*ss bowl of grapenuts with whole milk and enough splenda to choke a horse!
This morning? I've mixed a vanilla yogurt with diced pears and a quarter cup of grapenuts. The grapenuts have softened in the yogurt, and the flavors have melded together. I can't tell you the last time I tasted something SO good.
Well, that's not entirely true - I CAN tell you when. It was dinner, yesterday. Brown rice with green beans and asparagus and planked steelhead. Or the day before that when I had an english muffin with a smear of homemade almond-walnut butter.
This eating healthier thing is pretty alright. Food TASTES amazing. Delish! It's little things that I suppose I took for granted previously while I was stuffing them down my gullet rather than actually tasting and appreciating the food I was taking in.
Food is now part fuel, part entertainment. I have yet to come up against something that I don't like that I feel I have to eat because I'm on a "diet". I'm not on a "diet"; I'm eating healthier, and enjoying it.
I'm trying hard to live by one of my favorite sentiments - if I can't have fun doing something, then what's the point? Of course, as an adult, I know not every waking moment of my life is going to be FUN. I also know that I decide how I feel about something, how I react, how I deal.
It is important to recognize the power of our emotions--and to take responsibility for them by creating a light and positive atmosphere around ourselves. This attitude of joy that we create helps alleviate states of hopelessness, loneliness, and despair. Our relationships with others thus naturally improve, and little by little the whole of society becomes more positive and balanced.
- Tarthang Tulku
That's one of my mindful efforts or goals. To find the light, the positive, the smile.. and to share it. Unfortunately, as by-golly-good as this sounds, I have not been able to bring this state of mind to my driving. For some reason, other people drive me nuts on the road. They go too slow, too fast, turn without signaling, signal without turning, you name it, and it sets my teeth on edge. I'm trying to stop myself though, when I get a little shouty (and cussy) while in the car, and remind myself to breathe in.. breathe out.. and let it go because it's not doing any good to pop a vein over someone else's driving habits.
For a while, my efforts at releasing more weight (I'm trying to remember to not say losing, because when you lose something, it sounds like you're hoping to find it again, and I have NO interest in finding what I'm letting go) was similar to stop-and-go traffic. My will, my drive, my determination was in the slow lane, and I couldn't switch lanes or get by whatever was blocking me. This shoved me way off track, when it comes to my goal line. You know, the goal line Spark provides? Yea.
It's taken me 3 months to release 9 lbs - to go from 238 on Nov.1 to 229 on Feb. 1. That's pretty discouraging in a way. That's an average of 3 lbs a month. Then again, I let go of 5 just in January, so.. yay me! I've found my groove again, and I'm sticking to it.
Hey DitzyChick - I DID THAT!!
Speaking of sticking.. I have this mental image of myself stuck in my head. I've released pounds, I've shrunk in inches (I need new measurements this week), I've dropped dress/pant/shirt sizes. Still though, I'll lay out my clothes for the day, having picked out a blouse I bought in Dec. while Mom was here, and think "there's no way that's going to fit me". I go ahead and put the blouse on, though, and it does fit. In fact, it fits well; it's not sucking to my bulging tummy, it's not strangling my apparently unusually broad shoulders or cutting off my monstrously long arms. It simply .. fits. It looks nice. I look nice in it. How did that happen? How did I fit in that blouse that should not fit me? I think it's going to take me a while to adjust my mental image to catch up with the reality of my size now. I'm no skinny-minny by any means, but I'm smaller than I think I am. I'm cool with that.
Yea. My perspective has changed quite a bit. It's still changing. I'm still evolving. I guess that's my plan, my goal for February. Keep evolving. Keep releasing. Keep running. Keep KettleWorx'ing. Keep on keepin' on!
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