Thursday, May 19, 2011
It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker.
The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!"
Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?"
"I'm yours for super sex," she answers.
So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
State Trooper on the NYS Thruway (I90) gave me a ticket
the other day. Speeding? No.
I was driving in the Granny lane (slow) and the Trooper
pulled up beside me. I hit a pheasent that stepped into the
road from the shoulder. Flew across the lane, hit the
Trooper's windshield and broke it.
The Trooper gave me the ticket for flipping him the bird.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Monday, May 16, 2011
Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
It's a very simple operation
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, "Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?"
The doctor replied, "You're not drinking enough water."
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $1200 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.
"Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 1200 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Thursday, April 28, 2011
THIS STUDY IS FOR PATIENTS WITH MODERATE TO SEVERE PARKINSONíS DISEASE. THE MAIN STUDY WILL INVESTIGATE THE BENEFITS OF PRELADENANT. THERE WILL ALSO BE A SUB STUDY TO SEE WHETHER THERE MAY BE A GENETIC OR INHERITED REASON FOR DIFFERENCES IN HOW PATIENTS RESPOND TO PRELADENANT. FOR EXAMPLE, WITH CERTAIN MEDICATIONS IT IS KNOWN THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENCES IN GENES THAT CAN CHANGE HOW LONG A MEDICATION MAY STAY IN THE BODY.
MY 1ST VISIT WAS APRILL 15TH, 2011. I WON'T KNOW IF I'M ON A PLACEBO, RASAGALINE OR PRELADENANT, ITíS ALL A LUCK OF THE DRAW. THIS VISIT INVOLVED AN EXPLANATION OF HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO BE IN COMPLETE COMPLIANCE WITH TAKING THIS DRUG. MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS TAKEN 12 TIMES. 6 LAYING FLAT AND 6 SITTING UP, I WAS ALSO GIVEN A FEW MEMORY TESTS SUCH AS: REPEATING 5 WORDS SEVERAL TIMES. THE WORDS WERE---FAIRY, VELVET, CHURCH, RED,--CANíT REMEMBER THE 4TH WORD. THEN I HAD TO DRAW A CLOCK AND PUT THE HANDS AT 10:50, NAME 3 ANIMALS FROM PICTURES, SAY AS MANY WORDS STARTING WITH THE LETTER F.. ĖSAY BACKWARDS NUMBERS GIVEN TO ME, AND A FEW OTHER QUESTIONS TO MAKE SURE I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING/. I WAS ALSO GIVEN 3 DIARIES TO FILL OUT EVERY HALF HOUR AS TO HOW MY DRUGS WERE WORKING. Whether I WAS ON OR OFF OR ASLEEP. ON AND OFF PERIODS ARE WHEN I CAN TELL THE DRUGS ARE WORKING IN REGARD TO MOBILITY, SLOWNESS AND STIFFNESS. I HAD 4 VIALS OF BLOOD DRAWN SO THEY CAN CHECK IRON, LIVER, ETC. ONE VIAL IS FOR THE DNA TESTING TO SEE IF THERE ARE DIFFERENCES IN PATIENTS REACTION TO THIS DRUG.
I THEN SAW A DERMATOLOGIST WHO DID A FULL BODY SCAN FOR ANY MOLES THAT COULD BE MELANOMA. PATIENTS WITH PARKINSONíS DISEASE HAVE A MORE THAN 2-FOLD INCREASED RISK OF DEVELOPING MALIGNANT MELANOMA COMPARED WITH THE GENERAL POPULATION, NO MALIGNANT MOLES WERE FOUND. I WILL SEE HER AGAIN ON MY 8TH VISIT.
WHAT THEY ARE HOPING FOR FROM THIS DRUG IS EXTENDING THE TIME L-DOPA (WHICH IS THE MAIN PD DRUG) WORKS IN YOUR SYSTEM, PERHAPS IT MAY SLOW THE PROGRESSION OF PD, AND IT MAY RESTORE THE DOPAMINE CELLS THAT HAVE DIED.
MY NEXT VISIT IS MAY 9TH. THIS IS A 12 WEEK DOUBLE BLIND STUDY. AFTER THE 12 WEEKS I CAN DECIDE IF I WANT TO CONTINUE ANOTHER 40 WEEKS WHERE I WOULD BE ON THE REAL DRUG.
HERE'S HOPING THIS IS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
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