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Monday, August 08, 2011

My week-long staycation starts TODAY! Actually, I just got home from work, and I am super wired with excitement over an entire week off without having to think about work. Here is my plan:

Image from

Okay, maybe that is not entirely accurate. I'm too much of a spaz of a human being to TRULY do nothing, but I love the idea of having a whole week of doing whatever I want whenever I want. Other than my saxophone lesson on Tuesday, I have no structured plans. Here are my plans for my staycation, in no particular order:

1) Clean house.
2) Clean yard (yikes!).
3) Have a movie/T.V. day (and probably order pizza from my favorite pizza joint).
4) Practice my sax at least an hour a day.
5) Go to kickboxing at least twice.
6) Do active things with friends (walks, bike rides, etc.).
7) Go to the beach at least once.
8) Go to the Saint Paul Irish Fair next weekend (my mother is a performer!).
9) FINALLY post some Nerdrageous Blog! entries.
10) Read, read, and read some more.

Other than that, there will be lots of down time, and I will just fill in the time however I please. I know how spoiled I am to live by myself and get to do whatever I want, but I promise to at least get off my ass.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMELA6289 8/10/2011 5:52PM

  Have fun, sweetie! XOXO

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1HAPPYWOMAN 8/9/2011 1:54AM

    Oooh, bask in the bliss! Staycations are the best....all the rest, but none of the stress of a travel vacation!

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ABB698 8/9/2011 1:37AM

    Well that sounds like a FABULOUS staycation! Enjoy every, well deserved minute of if, and just make sure to keep your ass well fed and clean.... emoticon

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HIKINGSD 8/8/2011 7:57PM

    Great goals! Enjoy your vaca :)

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REDSKINGIRL 8/8/2011 2:14PM

    Have a great week off!!

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HIPPICHICK1 8/8/2011 12:22PM

    Sounds like great plan!!
Wishing a wonderful staycation!

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EMRANA 8/8/2011 12:15PM

  mmmmmmmmm ~ savor every moment! Those are the best kind of vacations in my world ~ either staycations or spiritual retreats. My kitties love having someone to snuggle with all day and I love doing the snuggling!



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PRANA_DANCER 8/8/2011 10:18AM

    I have scheduled a staycation for later this month and much of it will be errands, chores and packing.

Also, when will your mother be performing? I'll have to make sure I'll see her. Maybe I'll even see you there!

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GINGERRA1980 8/8/2011 9:56AM

    well deserved I say!!! emoticon

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BECKYSRN 8/8/2011 9:50AM

    Sounds fun! Sometimes staycations are the best thing to do. Have a great week.

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LISADAVIDSON68 8/8/2011 9:32AM

    Enjoy your time off!!

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BILL60 8/8/2011 8:42AM

    Have a super time!!

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GEMINIAN1 8/8/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon it's finally here!!!
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    Sometimes those are the absolute best vacations. Enjoy!

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BECKY3774 8/8/2011 6:52AM

    Enjoy yourself!!!

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SKYRUNHER 8/8/2011 6:16AM

    sounds like heaven to me!

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APED7969 8/8/2011 4:59AM

    Have fun!

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    Enjoy your staycation!

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The Week in Review: Undressing at Kickboxing

Sunday, August 07, 2011

There have been some twinges of impatience this week with returning to kickboxing. I just feel so fat and out of shape being around the very fit fighters at my gym, as much as I try to convince myself that I belong there as much as they do. Even though I've lost nearly 40 pounds as of this week, I felt fat and gross. I almost wanted to cry one day after leaving the gym. Nobody was mean to me, nothing was just those thoughts creeping in: "I never should have gained the weight back." "Of course you're embarrassed, just look at you." "I want to be at my goal weight right NOW."

I know these thoughts are not true. I know they are unreasonable. But it kind of goes to show how joy may not be the only feeling as the scale goes down.

It's funny how we can see the number on the scale go down, yet be a bit oblivious to the changes in our bodies. It seems like one day clothing is super tight, and the next, it's practically falling off. I have been wearing the same workout pants since I started this journey almost 40 pounds ago. This week, during kickboxing, my pants actually started to fall off. Needless to say, trying to pull up your pants while wearing big bulky boxing gloves is neither graceful nor discrete. It got to the point where I just had to giggle at myself during class as I fought harder to keep my pants on than I was fighting with my opponent. I looked in the mirror at the gym, and saw how really baggy my pants are. So I bought a new pair of shorts (yes, shorts) this week. Hopefully then I'll just show off my mad kicking skills, and not my ass.

I can either choose to acknowledge and accept the changes in my body, or I can wait for my clothes to fall off before I realize what is happening. I know that, in the long run, it does not matter that I weigh 258 pounds right now. When I walked into my kickboxing gym again in February, I weighed over 290 pounds. For some reason, this week I had felt as though I hadn't gotten anywhere. All I have to do is put on those huge pants and remember that they were form-fitting a few months ago. I also have to remember that next summer, at this time, I will probably be near or at my goal weight. My routine will be no different than it is now, and I have to remember that I am just as valid an athlete now as I will be then.

On a more cheerful note, my week-long staycation starts tomorrow. There will be a lot of kickboxing and working out going on. I will do my best to keep my pants on...but I can't make any big promises.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANNIE50 8/14/2011 8:13PM

    emoticon Hey Miss Baggy Pants: I know how you feel. There are days I feel so gratified about the 30 lbs I have dropped so far, and I feel so much lighter and healthier and then, there are days I feel gross and just want to be done already. The difference between the two feelings - just my perception and my attitude, mostly. emoticon I am off to catch up on more of your wonderful blogs.

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PAMELA6289 8/10/2011 5:50PM

  I still have days where I'm fighting those negative thoughts! They really suck and they're mean. I think for me, it was a habit I had fallen into very early in my life, not feeling 'good enough' and being impatient with wanting to get 'there'

Who knows where 'there' is?

Anyway, losing the weight is just the beginning of the process. And I know you know this.

I celebrate your 40lb loss, your realization that you were beating yourself up, and the purchase of new shorts! Yay you!

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KOKOEK9 8/7/2011 10:38PM

    I QUIT BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF NOBODY ELSE IS. so you feel fat love you you must see yourself in a positive light. find the good in every bad thing. heres a craft project. find a picture of a women with the body you would like to have and a picture of yourself at the weight you would like to return to tear off the head from your picture and put it on the body you would like. put that where you will see it many times a day that is your goal I know you will make it

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FANGFACEKITTY 8/7/2011 10:31PM

    emoticon Go you! emoticon

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    Congratulations on your weight loss! You're doing great.

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EMRANA 8/7/2011 11:42AM

  Oh honey, I know all about that feeling! The one where you suddenly turn on yourself and forget all the progress for a few moments. So the universe said, okay, let's get through to her, we'll make her pants fall down! I have to smile when I look at it from that perspective. emoticon

You will get there, I'm sure of that. The kickboxing is going to really spark (no pun intended) your progress too!


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ERLYWA 8/7/2011 10:50AM

    I am SO HAPPY that you had that experience with your pants, so that you could be reminded in a very real way of the awesome progress you have made! :)

Hang in there, you are doing great!! emoticon

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    You are doing awesome! Keep up the great work! If you enjoy kickboxing, you belong there! Don't think otherwise!

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TAICHIDANCER 8/7/2011 8:36AM

    When I'm at my heaviest, I have this way of looking in the mirror where I don't really see how fat I am (I don't know what I'm looking at because it is ALL pretty fat at that point). But once I start to loose some weight and have a little success, suddenly I start really looking at my body and I notice the bulges that I didn't before. Then I start to think "I'm so fat" and then that transitions into "How did I let myself get so fat" and before you know it I'm down on myself and depressed precisely because I have made progress and am turning things around.

Clearly this is crazy, right? So ... I'll stop it if you will.

In the meantime, keep up the good work and have fun with your pants on or off.

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WHIPPEACHZ 8/7/2011 8:11AM

    I also have a hard time acknowledging my efforts at times. The other day I walked past a full length mirror in a store (I have none at home), and had to back up and look again... I couldn't believe I had missed the changes. Great Job your doing... it is definitely time to acknowledge that all that hard work is paying off. The weight will come off, just keep your pants on... or


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BILL60 8/7/2011 8:01AM

    Hang in there. If they fall off, they fall off. Congrats on your progress. Keep it up.


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MARVEEME 8/7/2011 8:00AM

    YIPPEE! You have officially earned the title of "Miss Droopy Drawers"! This is awesome, and save those big pants to show off in your "after" pictures, for sure!

The Salvation Army has been a friend to many during the shrinking process, as interim sizes can get expensive if you're always buying brand new.

Enjoy your staycation, and keep up the good work. We're all very proud of your progress. Take a minute to go to the nearest mirror, and tell that girl just how awesome she is, willya?

Many blessings!

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KKINNEA 8/7/2011 7:17AM

    Here's the next pair of pants becoming the new baggy standard!

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AMZY68 8/7/2011 5:59AM

    I'm pretty active and go to the gym a lot so I'm a lot fitter than I used to be. When I see people at the gym, whatever their size or fitness level I'd never think anything negative - I'd be thinking good on them for having goals and choosing to do something good for their health! Sorry to hear about the awkward pants situation haha but WELL DONE for working so hard.
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WOLF648 8/7/2011 5:14AM


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APED7969 8/7/2011 2:39AM

    I am also very impatient! I regularly feel like I haven't accomplished anything which is why I take my monthly progress photos and regular checks of clothes that were formerly too tight. Great feeling to have loose pants on :-) Enjoy you're well earned week off!

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ABB698 8/7/2011 2:07AM

    emoticonPants on the ground, pants on the ground, we all celebrate when our pants fall on the ground! emoticon
Enjoy your staycation!

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A toast to good days...

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Today was a day of fun, a day of good teachers, and a day of working out until I almost vomited. Funny, that's when I get the biggest grin on my face...

I had today off of work, and I had a great day. I started the day with a 15 minute Pilates session. What a great way to wake up! Then I practiced my saxophone for about an hour, then had my lesson. Since I'm starting to get to know my teacher better, I'm a little less uptight around him now. We joked around a lot today and my playing wasn't too gawd-awful. He seemed pleased with my playing today, and hopefully he could tell I had been practicing a lot this past week.

And then, I went to my first kickboxing class in well over a year. I was trying to remember the last time I was able to do kickboxing, and I believe it was in February of 2010. Needless to say, it's been a while. Since my main trainer is getting ready for his fight this upcoming Saturday, the instructor tonight was one of my other favorite teachers, Team U.S.A. Kickboxing coach Justin Whiley. I have always liked his teaching style--just the right amount of challenge while at the same time never overdoing it. He'll be running classes more often now, so I'll have the opportunity to learn from him and hopefully improve my kicking and punching.

Team U.S.A. Kickboxing coach Justin Whiley. Image from

I'm not going to lie, I was a little nervous about going to the class. What if I look stupid? What if everyone thinks I'm fat? What if no one will be my partner? What if I've totally forgotten how to kick? It really was ridiculous. I steered myself towards the beginners since I was just coming back, but Justin tapped me on the shoulder, shook his head, and pointed me to the other end of the mat with the advanced people. I paired up with a guy, which was nice since some of the women at the gym are very clique-y. We had a great workout, and I kept up okay until we did sequential kicks, which my leg just wouldn't tolerate. That's okay; I was very happy to be able to get through the whole hour. The gym was like a sauna, though--so I don't think I did too bad for working out in the 90 degree heat! And nothing works really deeply into my abs like kickboxing--I could feel it the day after my kickboxing workout earlier this week, and I'm sure I will feel it tomorrow. Hopefully soon I will be able to SEE it...

Now I am beat--time for a date with a recliner, the T.V., kitties, and a big bowl of popcorn drizzled with olive oil. What a day!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMELA6289 8/3/2011 7:15PM

  YAY! It's always tough to not listen to your inner critic when you get back to something, but you overcame it and Justin saw through your silliness!

Hope you're feeling just as good today!

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GEMINIAN1 8/3/2011 1:24PM

    Good news; good news.
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DARKTHOR 8/3/2011 9:52AM

    Awesome job!

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EMRANA 8/3/2011 9:04AM

  YAY!!!! Sounds like a glorious re-introduction to your favorite sport. I love that the coach wouldn't let you join the beginners. emoticon


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BECKY3774 8/3/2011 6:41AM

    Now I want to try kickboxing! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ABB698 8/3/2011 2:41AM

    I love that Justin didn't let you act like a beginner. Hope your popcorn was yummy emoticon

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1HAPPYWOMAN 8/3/2011 12:08AM

    You are my hero! Yes you are! I hope someday I can be half the badass you are!

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EVERSTEPH 8/2/2011 10:47PM

    Incredible! Can't wait to hear more about it!

I love the [air] speedbags. emoticon I can be clumsy so it's no surprise that I start going so fast that I almost deck myself! emoticon

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ESILBO 8/2/2011 10:29PM



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    Wow! Awesome workout! Kickboxing intimidates me, but it sounds interesting. Good job! emoticon

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Sharing time! What are your best blogs?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

SANDIEGOJOHN has been posting some "retro" blogs referring to blogs he's written in the past about his journey. I haven't been around long enough to have "retro" blogs yet, but I do think that a major benefit of blogging is being able to look back. There are those words we write that change our whole lives in the very act of writing them out. I try to read as many of my SparkFriends' blogs as possible every day, and even if I don't always comment, I'm good friends with the "Like" button.

What are your personal favorites that you've written? Please share below or post a blog sharing your favorites and let me know. I would love to see the blogs that my SparkPeeps are really proud of and that have really helped seed some changes.

Here are mine:

"Hey, Can You Come Here a Quick Second?":

"I'm not going to be a success story.":

"Fat Athlete":

"Intentional Passion, Unintentional Inspiration":

"How Much Does My Happiness Weigh?":

"I don't regret being fat.":

"Getting Ready to Stay the Same: Considering Maintenance While Losing":

"Epic. Success.":

Oh, and if you don't have any favorite blogs you've written, go write one now!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINGERRA1980 8/1/2011 9:34PM

    i know you rock all your blogs! i love the way you write.... here is my blog to share that is my fav only because its my first one and when i read it i realize i am a long way from that now... emoticon

thank you for always being real!

Ginger emoticon

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ABB698 7/31/2011 2:12PM

    You are a wonderful writer, as is John, so it's hard to pick favorites! But I do like the idea of going back and referencing past blogs to really see how far your journey has brought you. For me ,pic blogs tell their own story. Keep on keepin on, you are a true inspiration!!
Have a fab Sunday Sparkie! emoticon

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SHOOPETTE 7/31/2011 12:11PM

    I'm not going to be a success story is my favorite ever, its really given me food for thoughts. thanks for sharing

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The Week (and Month) In Review: Those Pesky Last 100 Pounds

Sunday, July 31, 2011

As of this week, I am officially less than 100 pounds from my goal weight. I was expecting backlash on the scale this week after dropping 6 pounds last week, but instead I lost 1/2 pound. I guess I dropped a bunch of water weight last week. Anyways, YAY, 36.6 pounds down, 99.4 pounds to GOAL! Having less than 100 pounds to go seems very doable, although since I've been taking it pretty slowly, I look back and go, "Wow, I've lost 36 pounds already?" Time flies...

July has probably been my best month yet since I started on SparkPeople--oh, and my official 1 year SparkVersary is August 21st, so I'm excited to celebrate that. But anyways, I've just felt such a shift in my mindset over the past month that really pleases me. I feel very balanced, especially with my eating. If I overeat, I don't freak out, which halts the overeating. If I'm less hungry on some days (and not being ravenous at every moment is still a little unsettling in some ways), then I don't eat as much. And yesterday, I ate what I wanted throughout the day, and then tracked at night. I ate within my calorie range and I was happy that my appetite did that naturally. The day even included eating at a pizza place, where I got a solo pizza and a big Greek salad. Since the calorie range that I have now will be close to my maintenance range, I'm glad to see that I can eat like a normal person without constantly arguing and fighting with myself.

I completed Mesocycle 1 of Cathe Freidrich's Shock Training System (STS), and now I have a week off before I start the next mesocyle. I lost nearly an inch off of each of my arms--the most in a month since starting this journey! I have also been able to do a lot more lower body stuff, including kettlebells. I am not ready to lift weights yet for my lower body (still going to let my knee heal), but Pilates and kettlebells have been shaping my legs nicely.

My favorite thing that happened this month was that I found I am able to kick and my knee and legs are strong enough to kickboxing again. I will be returning to kickboxing and Muay Thai (see yesterday's blog). Nothing (NOTHING!) whipped me into shape like kickboxing. This time around, I won't be training for Olympic-distance triathlons while also doing intense kickboxing training, so hopefully, my body will be happier with me.

My workout scheme for August will look like this:

kickboxing/Muay Thai 3-4 days/week
STS upper body workout 2 days/week
kettlebells 2 days/week
Pilates 3 days/week
biking 2-3 days/week
swimming 1-2 days/week
walking whenever possible
yoga most days

Whew! It's been a long road to get back to this point and this level of exercise/training, but I'm glad to be back!

Hope everyone has a great plan for August!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMELA6289 8/2/2011 12:29PM

  Way to go, sweetie! Your weight loss is inspiring, but more importantly, your attitude is really amazing! I love reading your blog and appreciate all the time and thought you put into it!


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GEMINIAN1 8/2/2011 9:13AM

    July is your best month since starting Spark People and lets keep it going in August ... woo-hoooooo ... :-)
emoticonon getting 36.6 off your body.
Even MORE congrats too ...
"I feel very balanced"
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You're emoticon

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HIKINGSD 7/31/2011 10:48PM

    WOW!!! Your workout goals are serious, you go girl!

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EMRANA 7/31/2011 11:40AM

  WOW! I always love your blogs and I love this one too.

So much positivity and celebration! You have solid goals there that I know you can accomplish and you're returning to your first love of Muay Thai. When I got back to Callanetics, I felt the same way. Yoga will always be first in my heart, but I forgot how much I loved Callanetics all those years ago. Now my fitness feels complete.

Besides, I can't do the heavy workouts like you can because of my spine injury, so I live vicariously through you with things like that. It's still fun!

Congratulations on all you've accomplished ~ have a wonderful day!


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FITWITHIN 7/31/2011 10:31AM

    Great job!

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NORAB52GOOD 7/31/2011 10:03AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDAJ0621 7/31/2011 9:07AM

    Wow!!! Sounds like you will be very busy!
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FANGFACEKITTY 7/31/2011 6:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Congratulations and well done!

I would say "you can do it", but you're DOING it! emoticon

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JSPEED4 7/31/2011 5:15AM


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APED7969 7/31/2011 3:42AM

    Do you use a pilates DVD to do pilates? The only classes around that I've found are at the gym and the instructor is a client and I can't stand her. I've tried one or two dvds in the past but can't remember which ones they were and wans't overally impressed. Any recommendations?

Glad to hear things are going so well. Such an important shift in thinking. I'm not quite sure I'm there yet but it helps to hear other people who are :-)

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ABB698 7/31/2011 2:59AM

    You go girl! You are amazing!! emoticon

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    It's great to look back over a year and realize you have made progress! So much better than looking back and thinking, "what the heck did I do to myself?"

Congratulations! Great job.

P.S. what is kettlebell?
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MISTYBLUE716 7/31/2011 1:43AM

    emoticon emoticongood job! great attitude! emoticon

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