In 2012 I was really into my weight loss journey. I was practicing a healthy lifestyle and it was showing. By November I had lost 12 pounds and I was thrilled with my progress. I was exercising on a regular basis and was really motivated. Here is a link to a video my insurance company made about my journey with their coaching program for weight management:
That woman doesn't exist anymore. I want to know where she went and how I can get her back. I was really happy then and motivated. My compulsive eating disorder was under control...somehow and I was doing well.
Then 2013 happened. I changed for some reason and when I look back at it I say it was because of the demands of an ailing family member that made me lose focus. But it isn't right to blame it on someone else. I am completely at fault. Giving in to bad habits all over again. Letting situations and emotions control my eating habits.
We all know there will be speed bumps on this journey. Life will get in the way but it is how we react to it that matters. We can give in and give up or write off the less than stellar days and keep on going. In many respects, I gave up. I don't like to admit that, but looking at the situation I am now in leads me to believe I did give up, even if just for a little while. No one can be "perfect." We can strive to do our best and that's all any of us can do. I have not been doing my best. I've been doing a half assed job of it to be blunt.
So, I want that woman on the video back. I want to be able to walk 30 minutes at a time. I want to eat healthy, no binges and control the monster that lives inside of me. ED is his name. (Eating Disorder) I will do my best from now on, taking this journey seriously. Reminding myself what I have to gain from a healthy lifestyle. I want to live long and spend time with my dear husband. I want to enjoy my animals. I want to see my 25th wedding anniversary. I want to skydive!!!!! I want to live a long and healthy life. Not passing on until I am satisfied. I am no way satisfied right now.
My babysteps will start again. I have the water drinking down pat. Need to work on freggies and exercise. Need to work on my mind and the things I tell myself. No more negative thoughts. Only positive things. Maybe I need to restart my credit journal and remind myself of what I am accomplishing each day that is good, not associated with the scale.
Well, February is almost half over so I thought I would get an early start on up-dating my progress or lack thereof. I am not completely going backwards.
- I am dressing every day as one of my goals
- I am drinking 8 glasses of water each day
BUT I am not brushing and flossing every day, still a work in progress. I will admit I am just lazy about it. I know, I know, no excuse for poor oral hygiene. So many other physical ailments can come from poor oral health. Lord knows I don't need any more problems. So continue to work towards this goal will remain a challenge for me to tackle.
Exercising 15 minutes a day. I have been doing fairly well with this but recently have been taking more rest days than I would like to admit to. I did skip today as I was away from home doing a sleep study last night and when I got home I was more tired than I usually am and I went to bed for a few hours. Now my stomach is full from eating too much and I can't exercise on a full stomach.
Losing a pound. Is just not happening. My compulsive eating is getting in the way of my good intentions. Every day i tell myself i am going to do better and it ends the same way. I have over-eaten or binged and the day is ruined. Then my self confidence is dealt another blow. It makes me question whether I can ever be really successful on this weight loss journey.
I just can't wrap my head around this compulsive eating disorder and my need to eat!!!! My brain is just so dead set on thinking about food and what else I can eat. I do well for a day or two after a therapy session but then the stuff I learned goes out of my head and I am back to my old ways. I feel like for every step forward, I am taking two or three backwards. Does it ever get better? Can I
really change or should i just give up the aggravation and give in to my old lifestyle?
Today is the last of January and although I didn't meet all my goals for the month I did surprisingly well.
I never did lose the pound I wanted to. Actually I gained two!!! Oops. But I am not letting that get me away from my progress. The scale is only a small part of this journey.
I am on two streaks. The first streak is that I have exercised for 18 days in a row adding a minute a week so I am now up to 14 minutes of continuous exercise each day. I have taken to exercising first thing when I get up in the morning.
My second streak is 34 days for getting dressed first thing after getting up for the day. What a difference it makes being dressed. I feel much better about myself when I am dressed. ( Plus I am little warmer!!!)
So for February:
1. I still want to lose that pound for a start!!
2. Exercise 15 minutes a day 6 days a week
3. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
4. Dress daily
5. Brush & floss teeth daily
So half the month is over with, well almost. One more day. I thought I would get a head start on reporting in on how I was managing with my January goals. By now many of you that made resolutions have forgotten them already. I haven't forgotten mine. I work on them every day. Some days have better results than others.
My January 2014 goals were to:
- lose 1 pound. Starting weight was 243, I am up a pound right now, but that's due to salt consumption yesterday. Oops!!!
- exercise 5 minutes a day adding time as I was able. I have amended this goal and have been adding time by a minute each week. When I started this I was doing more than 5 minutes, but 5 was the minimum. So, now I am up to 12 minutes a day of walking on the treadmill.
- plan all meals in advance. I do this 95% of the time.
- drink 8 glasses of water a day. I do this 99% of the time.
- make a daily to-do list. I do this every day so far.
- get dressed daily. I am on a 17 day streak of doing this.
- brush & floss daily. I do this 99% of the time.
So, so far I am doing well with my goals. I haven't given up yet. All my goals are doable. Some just take more effort than others. It depends on how much effort I want to give this journey and right now I want to make the most out of it. Every small win or check mark in the plus column is one more step closer to my ultimate goal...a healthy lifestyle.
I must admit I am not unhappy to see 2013 go. It was not a very good year for me. My mom's chronic illness ending in her death took a toll on me.
I was very ambitious at the end of 1012 and set some, what I thought, were great goals for me to accomplish. Little did I know that the focus I had on myself would shift to my mom. I relinquished my self preservation mode to spend time caring for my mom long distance. I only realized after her death just how much I did for her on a daily basis. I gave up caring for myself and lost all sense of me. Mom was my number one priority. Now that she is gone I can once again put the focus back on me. I miss her terribly and that won't change but I no longer have to worry about her from day to day and can think about my needs. Does that sound selfish? Probably, but at this point I have to be a little selfish to get accomplished what I need to do to be healthy.
My goals for 2013 were:
- Exercise 70 minutes a day
- Lose 10 pounds
- Get dressed 3 times a week
- Control snacking, eat healthy snacks
- Brush & floss teeth daily
- Increase walking speed to 2.5 mph
- Vacuum the cat rug weekly
- Read devotional daily
- Listen to a sermon weekly
- I gave up exercise altogether
- I gained the 10 pounds back
- I rarely got dressed
- Snacking increased, not healthy ones either
- Gave up on oral hygiene
- Gave up walking
- Did vacuum the cat rug most weeks
- Occasionally read devotionals
- Only briefly listened to sermons. Certainly not weekly.
So 2013 was a bust.
So what about 2014?? I have decided to take things on a little different path. I am leaving 2013 on a streak. I did take some steps before leaving the year to get myself geared up for a better start. I am on a streak of getting dressed each morning. Today was day #3!! WooHoo!!! I have brushed and flossed each day for 3 days. I have pre-planned my meals the evening before and I am back to getting in at least 8 glasses of water (unsweetened ice tea) each day. I won't make large annual goals this year. I am making small, simple monthly goals this year. Trying something new.
For January I plan to:
- Exercise a minimum of 5 minutes a day increasing as I tolerate and build up my endurance.
- Plan all meals in advance, including snacks
- Lose 1 pound
- Drink 8 glasses of water
- Make a daily to-do list to including exercise time
- Get dressed daily
- Brush & floss daily
For me this is a good start. As I said I've been already working on some of them getting myself ready for the big reveal of the new year.