Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I had almost convinced myself not to do it when I landed in Orlando, but when I heard everyone talking about it, I got so excited that I knew I had to try.
Last weekend was daylight savings, so I got very little sleep when the alarm went off at 3 a.m. We were on the bus by 4 a.m. and at the race site by 4:30. I was so wound up I could barely gag down my bagel. I chatted with Snow White and traded Zoolander impressions with Goofy before walking for what seemed like forever to get to the start line.
I had problems almost as soon as the race began. I seriously considered pulling out at the first mile, but I knew I would be too ashamed. I broke it into segments and just kept talking to myself. "Don't end up on the first loser bus." Don't quit in the first hour. Don't quit before the castle." and so on.
The castle was in the sixth mile. I was slogging along, but the cast members were amazing. The park wasn't open yet, and they lined the course and cheered like we were vying for the lead! I ran the whole park portion, except when I hammed it up for the course photographers.
My hips and knees were screaming by mile 8, so the medics kindly biofroze them for me - something we repeated in mile 11. I had run the whole time, believing that that pace van was right behind me and I'd be "red flagged" at any moment. I'd gone out so fast in the beginning that it was hard towards the end, but by mile 12, I knew I could do it.
When I ran into Epcot, the park was open, and everyone was cheering for us. I was so overwhelmed that I cried. (Not for the first time that day, but the first time for a reason other than pain!) I ran with everything I had and set a new personal best. There were loads of people behind me, and I never even saw the red flag.
Afterwards, I boogied down at Disney Studios until early the next morning, wearing my tacky blinker light tiara and my gorgeous medal!
Thanks to everyone who cheered me on and tracked my progress. Knowing that you were "with" me when I ran over the timers on the course kept me going when I wanted to quit.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
So I had the "big work thing" today. It was rough. I survived. The Big Boss, the one I've blogged about before, went off and said my results were "completely unacceptable". My immediate supervisor was so upset by Big Boss' behaviour that he actually got up and walked around his desk to stand between us. Yes. Physically between us. Then he walked out to her car with her and told her off some more. I hear there was a big evaluation meeting yesterday, and all of my line supervisors defended me and said that my work ethic is terrific, and that Big Boss is being unreasonable.
After the assessment, I had to go to the doctor. I've been training for this half marathon for months, but as my health deteriorates, I find it harder and harder to walk, let alone run. He had some bad news. My blood work came back showing more evidence of Lupus and that the RA is progressing. And apparently, the difficulties with my training are because the Lupus appears to be attacking my heart, causing congestive heart failure. I've got appointments with specialists lined up to get everything checked out further. Hold a good thought on that front.
He advised me not to run the half marathon. He thinks the strain might be too much on my heart. I told him that I wasn't sure I'd have any self respect left if I gave up.
I need to think about it, but it seems a shame not to at least try. I reeeally want that medal, for so many reasons. It represents my self worth. As I've gotten larger, paradoxically, I've become invisible. I started running marathons when I realised that I was gaining weight no matter what. It would be years before the doctors finally believed me, but those medals were my proof that I wasn't a lazy pig as well as a giant f-u to anyone who thought I didn't matter. And even though I know it's bollocks, I feel like if I don't complete this race, then maybe they're right.
Please don't tell me it's stupid. I already know that.
The other night, I was chatting with a skinny colleague, and she suddenly asked me point blank why I'm so fat. I looked at her levelly and said, "I used to look just like you."
She was stunned. She literally couldn't get her mind around the idea that I could ever have been slender. I've lost 30 lbs. just in the time she's known me, but all she can see is the fat.
And she's my *friend*, so one can only imagine what the others think.
And then there's the race .... I thought I had to maintain a 17-minute pace, which would be really hard for me but not impossible. A few days ago, I learned that I need to maintain a 16-minute pace or be pulled off the course. I've never run a 16-minute pace, so I would either need to run the fastest race of my life, or face the embarrassment of being asked to leave the race.
So where does this leave things? I have to think about it, but I'm inclined to give it a go. And who knows? Maybe the Disney magic will make these poor arthritic joints move this jumbo princess faster than she's ever gone before, because that tiara medal sure would look good on me!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I've worked very hard this week in my quest to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in just three short weeks. I'm honestly worried that I won't be ready. On Saturday, I set out on a 12-mile training "wog" (walk/jog). We've enjoyed rain every day for over three weeks here, so I was pleased to see some sunshine on the run.
It didn't last, and my arthritis reacted to the up and down weather. Pretty soon my back, hips, and knees were a chorus of whinging body parts. I fell way off pace and eventually couldn't even jog. I just walked the last several miles. My three hour music mix finished, and I was still miles from being done myself. So I cued up another 60 minutes and kept at it.
All in all, it took me four hours and 3198 calories to complete 12.5 miles. When I got home, I couldn't get down the steps to take a shower and had to stretch on the living room floor for a while first!
Thanks to almost five hours of exercise for the whole day, I set a personal record of a 3600+ calorie deficit in one day. That's over a pound! Of course, the people who think it's merely "calories in/calories out" are deluded, as my scale proved to me today, when it posted a gain. However, I took it easy today and gave my body a chance to recover, and I'm hoping to see a big loss tomorrow.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
So here I am , standing on the scale, and you can clearly see from the expression on my face that I'm not happy.
I did my long run yesterday and really put my poor joints through Hell. I got up this morning, and for the second week in a row, saw a big gain after a hard workout. However do those Biggest Loser contestants do it??
So as of this morning, I've only lost 2.5 pounds in all of January. Not much of an accomplishment, huh? Well, that's why I'm glad I take my measurements every month.
So here I am, taking my measurements, and I look a lot happier, don't I? Please. None of you have taken your eyes off my taut, trim, magnificent tummy long enough to notice what my face looks like!
Well, according to my trusty little tape measure, I lost 9.75 inches last month, including two inches off of my waist, 2 1/2 inches from my hips, two inches off of my extra rolls. (I sooo look forward to the day that they are gone completely, and I don't have to talk about them anymore!)
Don't get discouraged is the scale doesn't love you. If you're working hard and living right, your body will change whether or not the scale acknowledges your efforts.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I notice a lot of people are blogging lately. Is it because the end of the year is usually a time for reflection, or just because we can now earn a point for it? Who knows.
Tunisia is famous for its dramatic, ornately exquisite doors. I think doors make a good metaphor for our choices. Sometimes, there just aren't that many doors available, and as we make choices, we open or close the doors we have. Sometimes, a good decision opens more doors and even creates new ones. Bad decisions can do the opposite.
A few days ago, my little MacDuff slipped through the front door and went on walk about in a city where people don't slow down for dogs. I couldn't find him and was shaking I was so scared. Had anything happened to him, it would have been a year to the day that my sweet Kadusha died. Thankfully, my neighbor found him, attempting to befriend the neighborhood tomcat, and I got him back safe and sound. It got me to thinking about this past year. Last year, I had a very difficult Christmas. A year ago today, I was in Disneyworld, hours away from being ditched by my friend and ringing in the new year by myself. And one year ago, I weighed 31 pounds more than I do today.
Thirty one pounds is nothing spectacular. Many people on this site lost three or four times that amount this year. But for me, with my health problems, it's a victory. I think my life is moving in the right direction in more ways than one, and I don't believe that is an accident. When we take control of one part of our lives, we often discover that we can get a grip on other aspects. It takes holding on, by your fingernails if you have to, until you get a moment to breathe and regroup. And then, step by step, making healthy choices day in and day out, those tiny decisions snowball into success or failure.
2008 hasn't been ideal, but it has definitely been better than 2007. My resolution for 2009 is to stay focused on my goals and make 2009 even better than 2008!
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