Tuesday, May 13, 2014
At the end of my third week of this challenge, I'm down almost 11 lbs. I'm feeling better about myself and trying to make healthy choices every day. Keeping my promises to myself to cut out sugar and amp my exercise are also having the surprising effect of making me like myself more. I'm keeping my promises to myself, and that increases my self respect. I haven't done as well on the wheat elimination goal, but overall, not a bad effort.
Friday, May 02, 2014
So, I think anyone who follows my life knows that I have a difficult work situation. I work with some of the nastiest people around, and every day is a struggle to defend myself from emotional abuse, verbal attacks, and damage to my professional reputation.
I've tried to channel my frustration into self improvement, both for my own sanity and because I know it would really frost these miserable jerks' doughnuts if I came though with integrity and positive outcomes.
As in any bullying situation, the majority of people are bystanders who don't participate but don't help. With the *$#@heads, my shields are up, and I'm on guard. But sometimes, I let my guard down with the others, and yesterday, it came back to bite me.
I was reading a notice for an upcoming 5k on the bulletin board, and a "neutral" walked up and said in a surprised voice, "Are you thinking about that?"
I should have been guarded and said nothing. instead, I told him that I do races - mainly half marathons. I do not normally tell them ANYTHING about myself, because anything I say can be twisted and used against me. The moment I finished, I regretted my candor.
He exclaimed, "YOU?! How could YOU do that? Let's face it, you're carrying a LOT of extra weight -" I interrupted him and told him not to quit while he was behind. He kept going. I interrupted again and told him to quit digging.
He didn't. He was DETERMINED to make sure I knew that he thought that NO ONE as FAT as I am should even ATTEMPT to do anything. He would NOT let it go.
I want to write that I zinged him, walked away, and finished 100% on track. I didn't. I did. And I didn't.
I got home, intending to exercise, and instead ate. And ate. And ate. Then fell asleep. My classic numbing behaviour. I thought I'd conquered it because I've been doing so well recently in the face of exceptional hostility, but I guess I'm not there yet.
So, I'm up a pound and feeling kind of bad about myself. I slept a lot last night, got up and ate on track again, and I'm just going to have to take it from here. My only friend here returns today, and I am super excited that my "battle buddy"is back. I'm emotionally spent and physically exhausted, and I need reinforcement.
Monday, April 28, 2014
I am trying to forego wheat and sweets and to exercise every day. I was a few weeks into the challenge and failing every day, which was discouraging. So, I owned up to the poor results and decided to begin anew.
Sooooo, 100 Day Challenge Part Deux is under way. How are things going, you wonder? Oh, you weren't? Umm, you might want to skip the next bit then.
I did well on the sweets and pretty well on the "no wheat" and "yes exercise". Oooh, and I lost 5.2 lbs, too.
I'll be finishing the second week soon, and while the results haven't been so dramatic, things are moving in the right direction.
Work continues to be ... very bad. I'll stop there. I used to hide in my room and binge eat after a day of holding in intense feelings, but now I "vent" in the gym. Sometimes, I cry on treadmill, but I keep going. I have never in my life worked with a nastier bunch. Still, the upside is that I'm learning how to channel my emotions effectively, and that's a big step forward for me.
I do still work long hours, so I still sit at my desk much too much, but I'm trying to improve that, too. Day by day and step by step!
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