CATH0903   18,113
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My current struggle...

Sunday, May 02, 2010

I think people really develop patterns in life. Patterns of behavior and habits. I have a "diet" pattern. I change my lifestyle, add exercise, start eating healthier, etc. I typically last about 3-4 months. Sometimes a little more sometimes a little less…

Well, this time, I have not stopped. It is the beginning of Month 5. I am definitely facing that point in the pattern where I typically stop. This time is different. I still login daily, I still drink my water, I still plan my food for the day, I still check in to the message boards to keep up with everyone. I truly think of this as a permanent lifestyle.

But my exercise has slowed to a crawl. Strangely, I love exercise. I love my morning walk. I love the gym I go to. I love how I feel when I have worked out hard. I love how my body feels when I strength train. But, I have almost stopped completely. 2 weeks in April I did no exercise. The other 2 weeks I did minimal.

I feel like I need to know why. I plan it. I intend to go. Then when it is time, critical part here..... I tell myself I can do it later. Later sometimes happens, but rarely. I know with the gym and strength training, as much as I love it, I did go too fast. I hired a personal trainer and I was making progress so fast, we changed up to work on my "endurance". I was wasted when I was done. The weights were higher and I could barely do the 6-8 he asked for. That is when I started telling myself I needed a break.

Then the walks started to become optional. Oh, I will do it later in the morning between meetings. Oh, well, I can walk after work. Then 4 or 5 or 6 days go by and no walk. I love to walk. I love the cool air in the morning. At this time of year, I love listening to the the birds while I walk.

So why am I letting this happen? I feel like I should know why this is my pattern. But does it really matter? Do I just attack this like any other problem in my life and look for tasks, small steps to get over this? I did go to the gym this week. I told myself no pressure. Just go and do the fun stuff. Leave when you want. A little is better than none. I was there an hour. Maybe that is the answer. No pressure, just do something. I can work on continuous improvement later. Right now I just need to get moving.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLEARLY44 5/11/2010 12:52AM

    I do the same thing over and over. But now I tell myself that my walks will get harder if I wait too long. Hang in there, you will find the solution!

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ANGELFMABV 5/4/2010 9:07AM

    Thank you for posting this blog. It has rang true in my life a numerous amount of times. I have started again to start putting off. This is not a good thing and I believe that you bringing this to the forefront we can both kick it and say I am not falling into the same trap! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CKAYT56 5/2/2010 8:42PM

    In thinking through this in your blog, you have figured it out. Maybe joining a class, or setting up a time to walk with someone would help to get you there to do it. In the past that has worked for me, as I don't want to let the others down. And maybe you are right that it was too much too fast and you need to back down and start over at a slower pace. I absolutely agree with you that a little is better than none. You can do this, I know you can. You are going to break all of your old diet records and this will become a new lifestyle for you.


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DEBNICU 5/2/2010 11:36AM

    I think we all can relate to the struggles of this journey. Get back to walking, since you love it, and then get back to the gym and strength training on starting out more slowly and working back up. Good Luck.

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YELLOWBIRD01 5/2/2010 11:18AM

    Sounds like your exercising moved too fast, like you said in your blog. You have the right idea though about doing a little and take it from there - no pressure. Start with your morning walks again, get up and walk for enjoyment first and then add to it when you are ready! Like you said any movement is better than none!! You can do it!!

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GRACIESMOM70 5/2/2010 9:49AM

  I think you answered your own question. A little is better then none. No pressure- As for the food area- get rid of the word DIET- that is a no no- We are on a journey to be healthier and fit. It is a lifestyle change- Sure you can slip up here and there but basically stay focused.You are learning to eat better and that will be core of your life- you will embrace it when feeling so good. emoticon

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I am stronger than this! I can stop!

Monday, March 22, 2010

I have really been struggling with overeating. I recognize it is comfort eating. There are a lot of layoffs at my company lately. It seems like every other week I get an IM from someone asking if I heard about so and so....

So, off I go to the kitchen in search of comfort. Then one day leads to two days. Then I am falling right back into the habit of eating garbage (large quantities) day after day.

Well, I am re evaluating! I am taking this day by day. I am NOT going to go off my food plan today. There is plenty of calories and variety to my meal plan. It is healthy. If I find myself searching for unplanned food, I will stop myself. It is only for today!

I am strong. I am in control of myself. Eating does not keep my job or any of my coworkers jobs safe. I will continue to build one day at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMARAN 4/7/2010 11:14AM

    You said, "Eating does not keep my job or any of my coworkers jobs safe."

What a wise understanding! I remember one time, stuffing my face with brownies, crying. And then realizing that I was still sad, even though I was eating what I thought would bring me happiness.

Keep making good decisions. emoticon

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    I've been going through that stress eating as well. I find that focusing on how hard you've work to lose those 20 pounds may help. Also, a hard candy to suck on helps you from eating other things.

I also have started to have a bowl of cheerios at night and that seems to help the eating issue and that way I can make sure if fits in my nutrition tracker since I put it in early in the day.

Hope things get better. Stress is no fun. Here is some sunshine to brighten your day.... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOTHERLORI 4/4/2010 9:33AM

    I hear you! I've fallen off badly with the eating, but I'm still exercising! I have to find something to be happy about! You can do it ~ and it's not about all or nothing, it's about something you can stay with long term. So find your balance ~ and as I tell you, I'm telling myself :) Have a great Easter and enjoy yourself ~ without the extra food! emoticon

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BRANDTSGIRL 3/23/2010 6:37AM

    You have a emoticon THINKING approach emoticon Lean on you SPARK FRIENDS to help you get through this, remember YOUR NOT ALONE!

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FLYBALLJRT 3/22/2010 1:00PM

    emoticon Great attitude!! Every time you turn away from that food, give yourself a visual reference, so that you can see the progress you've made!!! You can absolutely do it!

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SASSYBEAN1 3/22/2010 12:37PM

    Just knowing that you've taken control will give you a much more positive and confident appearance... it may help with preventing your lay off too.

I'll be keeping you in prayer for job security!

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JUDITH1654 3/22/2010 11:17AM

    emoticon Great attitude and great plan! I know it's hard during these stressful times, but your point about how food won't save anyone is so right on! emoticon

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Just when you start to think you can do this, it isn't that hard...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I started SP on 12/28/09. It has been going great.

I am thinking "This isn't that hard. I can do this. Why did I struggle for so long?' Ahhh, I got cocky! BAM! The last 2 days I fell back so hard into my bad habits. I pretty much ate continuously from 1PM to 6PM. It was 100% emotional eating. I knew it while I was doing it, but I did it anyway.

So, I say, today is a new day. Back on track. But this is what is scary. What if this turns into the beginning of the end? No! I know this is not a mystery. I am 100% in control of what I eat and why. I want to be healthy. I don't want to feel like crap anymore. It isn't all or nothing.

If you don't have lapses, you don't learn from them. What will I learn from this lapse? I will not let 2 days turn into 2 years.

emoticon emoticon but tomorrow I will feel like emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    It is a constant struggle, but you will win because you realize the problem and are correcting it. It is good you aren't beating yourself up because that is what causing us all the fall. I too am an emotional eater and a very emotional person. I take it one day at a time and have to continually remind myself that the workout is much harder than it is to not eat the food.

Keep up the great attitude. You will win this battle!! emoticon

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EMERALDGIRL0 2/21/2010 10:44AM

    I am an emotional eater also and learning to see food as a tool for energy not comfort. The only thing I allow myself to get comfort out of is an ounce of my favorite dark chocolate and then only if I can "afford" the calories at the end of the day. Being aware is the first step...when we track our food regardless it holds us accountable. Today is a new day...that's why it's called the "present" :) Blessings & Peace! Jeanette

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CKAYT56 2/20/2010 12:15PM

    Hooray! Yes, I am celebrating for you....because you realized that it was emotional eating, habitual eating, etc. That is half of the battle. Yes, we learn from our mistakes. So you made a mistake, you recognized it, and now you can make adjustments for it. Add some extra minutes of exercise for a few days to burn a few extra calories. I tell my students that we all make mistakes and we can learn from them. So its not about making the mistake, it is all about how we will change so that we don't make the same mistake over and over again. I know that you like to knit, as I do, and sometimes when I feel that I might start in with emotional eating I pick up my needles and knit until the thoughts of eating are forgotten.

Char emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/20/2010 12:16:41 PM

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JUDITH1654 2/20/2010 11:48AM

    Recognizing it is half the battle, so you are on your way to establishing a new lifestyle. Don't beat yourself up - take baby steps. It will happen. emoticon

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SASSYBEAN1 2/20/2010 11:12AM

    We are SO alike on this journey, my friend. I did the same thing - except mine was after dinner snacking that I knew I wasn't supposed to have but did anyway. I stopped it after 2 evenings and went right back on program yesterday.

Somehow, and I recognize it from past efforts of weight loss - I think of it as "it's not that bad and I can start again tomorrow" - I need to stop it before it starts. Perhaps if I weren't watching tv and was cleaning up the house or doing something a little more active, I wouldn't feel that way.

Anyway - just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I'm very happy that you recognize it for what it is and aren't beating yourself up about it. Little by little, step by step - we'll get there!!

See you at the finish line! emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 2/20/2010 11:07AM

    emoticonBeen there, done that! In fact, I’ve been there and done that several times!
Mistakes are a given; we are humans and are not perfect!  Let go of the need to be perfect. Every time you get off track and take a detour on this journey, you have two choices: to keep walking backwards and give up; or to accept your detour as normal and forgivable, and take not one, but two positive steps forward.
If you never have problems, you’ll never have any successes. You’re in the process of changing your lifestyle, and finding solutions that work for you will take a lot of trial and error.
We all have times like this! The important thing is that you accept that you did it, forgive yourself, and move forward.
You have many friends here who care about you and want you to succeed.
emoticonYou are strong, you can do it!
Stay positive and don’t quit!

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I scheduled my physical...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I did it. I scheduled my physical. I went and had the blood work this morning so we can discuss the results next week during the physical. I also scheduled the dreaded mammogram for Friday and hopefully those results will be in before the physical also.

I don't know why I hate it so much. Well, I do. It's mostly that yucky pap smear business. But it has to be done. And this time, getting the blood work ahead of time, the dr. can actually discuss the results with me. Usually, I get handed the sheet for blood work after the physical and so I never find out the results. I assume they were OK, or someone would have called.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SASSYBEAN1 2/18/2010 7:56PM

    Good for you! It (the pap part) will be over in less than a minute... I don't have to tell you how important it is to get that done, I can promise you that cervical cancer is not a fun way to go. I think it's great that your doctor had you do the labwork before the appt! What a proactive doc!

Anyway, best of luck - I hope all is well.

Best, Sarah

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So self critical...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

All morning I have been down on myself because I overate yesterday. About 2400 calories…

I had been eating well all day, until about 6 PM. I was hungry so I ate dinner. (a not very tasting vegetable beef soup). I wasn't satisfied, so I ate more... Hmm, still not feeling satisfied, so I grabbed a handful of chocolate covered almonds. (Now at this point, I would still have been within my calorie range) But I was still roaming around. I then ate 2 chocolate covered cherries, and then found a bag of dark chocolate M&Ms. Please..... the big bag that was only about 2/3 gone.

So you can see why I was disgusted with myself. Why didn't I stop with the chocolate covered almonds? Why did I have to keep going? Then I had a shower thought. I did a lot of really good things yesterday. I got my 6 fruits and veggies, I drank 20 glassed of water, I walked 2.3 miles at 5 AM, then in the afternoon went to the gym for strength training and some cardio on the elliptical. It was a good day. I did some overeating from 6 to 6:45. Why is it that all I remembered this morning when I woke up was that 45 minutes of overeating? I need to cut myself some slack... And figure out a plan to nip it in the bud if it happens again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOLIE_ 2/7/2010 5:31AM

    Great post - that happens to me as well but I am glad you could see that you did achieve great things! I try to now look at things on a weekly basis so if I kill one day than I try to even it out over the week.

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HEALTHY4JEANNE 2/6/2010 10:19PM

    you did a lot of good things for yourself. I am so glad that you could see that!
:) Jeanne
I have eating days like that sometimes too. We are human.

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BRANDTSGIRL 1/26/2010 9:41PM

    Know that your not alone, I've been having the very same thing.
But together we can get over this hurdle.

I think your doing great!
I also thought I'd might add get rid of the sweet stuff...that's BIG thing I've learned on here at SP getting the junk food out.
I only have the sweet stuff just about 20 % of my week.

Comment edited on: 1/26/2010 9:44:22 PM

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SASSYBEAN1 1/26/2010 3:41PM

    It sounds like you're on the right track for nipping it in the bud. Me? I did a little of the same thing last night and what did I do first thing this morning...? Weighed myself and had a 1 lb gain (I know, it's not real weight gain) I also need to find a solution to stopping the overeating before it happens and I think mine was triggered by being too hungry before dinner and then not having my evening "ritual" skinny cow for dessert!

It really sounds like all in all you had a great day yesterday, and, really, it's what happens today that matters now.

Thanks for posting this blog and making me think about what I can do to prevent these blips in the journey. You are an inspiration to me.

Blessings, Sarah

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