Saturday, January 28, 2012
As part of my goals I am going to blog at least once a month as a way of connecting here at Spark.
Its 28 days into the month and I am finally here.
I am happy to be actively losing weight and getting back into the jeans I had been wearing last spring. The scale is down about five pounds. I have a heavy day to day fluctuation which makes me very bonkers. I try to take the stance of my friend Barbara Boo who weighs daily and makes it a "non-event."
I dream of the day that being fit and healthy is a "nonevent." And if I look at myself objectively there is so much of myself that really is. My go to meals are healthful, I truly enjoy my walks and I choose activity over inactivity whenever possible. My spark page says, "I am putting one foot in front of the other until this feels like me>" I think "it" does feel like me. Now I need to begin to trust it more.
I was rereading a blog from the slowest loser yesterday. It was the one where he was sharing his father's "Freudian take" on weight loss. It basically said that our super ego sets up a higher than normal standard for our goals, and then "our self" believes that we can do this abnormally high goal and then we get down when its not achieved according to this skewed standard.
I have to admit I am very guilty of this syndrome. But, this week when I realized I would not reach the number I set on my wii at the beginning of the month I changed it two days before to a more realistic goal for two weeks from now. That felt like a very kind thing to do for myself.....in the past I would have just been thinking that I f'ed up by not going down 9 pounds in a month. I had this thought that the first 3 pounds of the 219 I weighed on January 1st would fly off due to holiday eating bloat. I am finding that it is much harder to really shed pounds as I am almost 3 years into this. But, the work I have done this month is reflected in my clothing and overall appearance. Yay.
And I am really happy that I have gotten back into exercise on an almost daily basis. That takes an effort to make sure it is happens, but it has been so rewarding. Setting the goal to be on the first page of the fitness minutes leader board at the separation team really helped me. I did get anal about checking in on it and I want to try to stop that kind of obsession around my efforts. I hope I can stay up there till January 31st. My reward is a luxury spark goodie to myself!
I also have to share that I really achieved that goal in bits and pieces. I started to try to get in walks at lunch whenever possible. So, 10, 15 and 20 minutes at a time can really do a lot. And the other biggie is that my blood pressure is up again and I am back on meds. the doctor said no exercise other than walking. At first I clung onto the "no exercise." But, once I got past that and was reminded that walking is good for high BP I seized every opportunity to walk that I could.
My new image I carry as I am working towards goals is of a sculptor chipping away at his work. That is how I think of my efforts. It’s not going to be one big action that will result in immediate change. It’s the tiny bits...maybe even a bit of dust at times coming off that all count towards the masterpiece.
I just read this:
Michelangelo once wrote that a true and pure work of sculpture -- by definition, one that is cut, not cast or modeled -- should retain so much of the original form of the stone block and should so avoid projections and separation of parts that it would roll downhill of its own weight. These words reflect Michelangelo's love of quarried marble and his reverence for the very stone that lies at the heart of his chosen art form of sculpture.
This will be my inspiration to not focus on the elusive “finished project.” I will think of myself as the quarried marble that Michael Angelo loved so much.
I love this image of a mountain marble quarry.
I think as I am chasing weight loss and “thinner peace” I am not looking all around me and seeing all the beauty that exists. It’s not always the case, but when I get trapped in it, it really sucks.
And here is my January photo: