Saturday, March 02, 2013
I have spent my life being self reliant, priding myself on not asking for help, dealing with life and issues in my own way (not always in the best way) but in my mind I didn't have to ask for help. So this year I have been trying something different. My 17 year old daughter told me that there is no way she could feel comfortable living at my home any longer and needed to be somewhere anywhere else. I reached out to my brother and his wife to ask if they would have room to take her into their home so that she would be safe and finish her grad 12. They agreed. My daughter packed her clothes so fast and left without looking back. She has been gone a month. It is so hard to let go. I want to reach out pull her in my arms and never let her go.
Tonight I took her to a 4-H event and on the way home I asked her if we could work on having an open and honest relationship. She told me that there was no way she could ever see herself having a relationship with me. What she wants is a superficial relationship where it is just on the surface, no questions, only agreements with whatever she wants. I told her that I wanted a better, different relationship but that is not something she can see herself having with me. So I decided to do something different and get it out of my mind by sharing it on here and having a good cry while doing so.
So a bit of the back story. My 16 year old son has for the last year been on a downward spiral where he was miserable to be around, he would lie, steal money, rude, used drugs, I would drive him to school and watch him walk in the door and then get a call about him not being at school because he had walked through the school and right on out. He would do the bare minimum to get by and this continued until Nov when he was asked to leave school due to his attitude. Yes life with him was unbelieveable hard. Once he was asked to leave school, I insisted that he get a job, he started to turn around. In order to live in my home he needs to work, pay rent, do chores and be responsible. He agreed to the terms. He got a job two days later, gets up every morning for work on his own, gets to work on his own, pays rents, chores are hit and miss but they are getting better and he has stopped doing drugs in my home. He claims to be off drugs for a month now. Slowly life began to become better with my son, at which time, my daughter started to act up. Becoming verbally and physically abusive, running away from home, eventually leaving to live with a friend, a friend who wanted to pay for stuff, party with her and run around at night. The more I said the more I turned her away, finally I stood and watched and she decided to come home but that was when she made her announcement that she needed to be in a new environment. I want her to flourish and so agreed and reached out to my brother.
It hurt to hear her yell at me that she could never imagine having an open and honest relationship with me. So I am writing instead of eating. I am not going to give up having a relationship with my daughter it is just going to take time.