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I gained 6 pounds and some much needed perspective...

Monday, November 30, 2009

It all started with Thanksgiving - I really didn't do too bad with my choices, actually. I started my day with a walk, and "healthied up" some of the dishes we served. I enjoyed the turkey, cranberries, roasted fresh sweet potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes w/cauliflower, a little spoonful of apple stuffing, and jello salad. I said "no" completely to gravy, rolls and butter. I did indulge in a piece of apple pie for dessert later and some Chex mix while we played games, but that was about it. Overall I felt I did okay. Somehow I gained 4 pounds, which I figured must be mostly fluid retention, because I know I didn't eat an excess 14,000 calories.

Then "it" happened - a bridal shower I was throwing with my cousins on Saturday. This not only involved baking petite cheesecakes and banana bread, but worst of all there was a half sheet cake from Costco - white with strawberry mousse filling - my absolute favorite. And one thing I have discovered on this journey, I am a CAKE ADDICT and bakery cakes with butter cream frosting are my drug of choice. Very few people showed up at the shower, and there was still half the cake left, so I "volunteered" to take that home "for my family" (liar, liar, pants on fire...I wanted it for MYSELF!). As I left, I wasn't even a mile away and I started picking at it with my fingers in the car, and next thing you know I had downed a whole piece while I was driving home. Then I had another piece after I got home. And another after supper. What the heck? I really thought I was better than this by now. Sunday would surely be better.

Sunday morning my resolve lasted for exactly 30 minutes after I woke up, and then I pretty much had a repeat performance of Saturday. By Sunday night, the cake was gone - FINALLY!

Oh, I forgot to mention, I also have not had a good workout since last Wednesday.

So, this morning, the scale registered 6 pounds gained over the past week. I was firmly in One-derland, but now the scale says 201 - a number I never wanted to see again. Depressing, humbling, frustrating...I could go on. However, something good has come from this. Honesty - with myself. I cannot have cake in my house - I cannot be trusted with it. I confessed to my husband that bringing that cake home was completely selfish on my part and had nothing to do with thinking of him and my boys - it was a compulsive act made by an addict, and I completely sabotaged myself in the process.

So, lesson learned, and now I'm back on track. No shame, no guilt - I'm forgiving myself and looking forward, with a focus on making good choices. Protein, protein, protein. Fruits & veggies. Water. Working out. I know I can lose those 6 pounds again, so I'm not going to let them become a stumbling block that keeps me off the wagon, I'm going to use them as a stepping stone to get back onto the wagon and stay there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEXTPANTS 12/27/2009 4:01PM

    Oh my..I was stopping by your page to "thank you" for your support ...I came across your blog. Now I have to THANK YOU for writing it! I can clearly see I am not alone in this weight loss battle.
I had the same type of experience over demons were in the form of TAMALES. My Husband brought home four dozen on Christmas eve...I thought I could control myself, what a joke...I couldn't at all. I feel so bad now :(
Anyway, thanks for your story, it's sure helps to know I am not alone. emoticon

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102633 12/2/2009 7:21AM

    Even though you spluged and binged you have come thru it all with the right attitude. In the Bible, the Apostle Paul says, "Forgetting those things which are behind, I press on toward the mark (the goal) of the high calling..."

Your high calling goal is to get rid of that six and then meet your ultimate weight loss goal. Along the road you will encounter these bumps in the path but you know what to do to remain healthy.

Good for you in seeing what happened and to get back into the game as quickly as you did. HEALTHY LIVING TO YOU!!!!

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CTENBRINK 12/1/2009 11:13AM

    Smile! You can do it!!!

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CHEVYGIRRRL 11/30/2009 7:55PM

    this sounds so much like me a few months ago. desserts were my drug of choice also...hang in there. you have a great attitude about it so no doubt you will lose those six lbs & thensome. you're on your way! :)

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NEXTYEAR 11/30/2009 7:33PM

    I know that feeling of not wanting to see 200+ It's what kept me overweight and happy at 198 for a long time. There's a lot of starting over and making small changes along the way. I know you're on your way.

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XHOOSIERLOSER 11/30/2009 6:53PM

    We certainly can learn a lot from the little failures - which turns them into big successes! Just taking the time to think through the events and triggers, so that you have an understanding of why it happened, and now know what to do to prevent it the next time - HUGE STEP! You go girl! We're all learning every day...and by sharing, we help each other so much.


Comment edited on: 11/30/2009 6:53:41 PM

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CORRINER 11/30/2009 6:40PM

    I'm sure that 6 pounds will come right back off, it's probably different things than you are used to and maybe the sodium was way higher than you think. Like you said, lesson learned for the next holiday gathering that rolls around.

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PASTORWILEY62 11/30/2009 5:35PM

    wow awesome story, you know what that is so inspirational to me, i thought i was the only one who did that. you are a overcomer , we all have a set back some where but you did the right thing you got up dusted your self off and here you go again, watch those 6 fall right off emoticon

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FELICE73 11/30/2009 4:47PM

    You can do it! This happens to everybody. I was really surprised that nobody commented on the "amount" of food I ate for Thanksgiving (it was really not much - few pieces of turkey, pickles and then a spoon each of sweet potatoes, baked corn, stuffing and cranberries. A spoon each! Who knew I could eat so little??). I sat in awe of my 14 year old nephew who had a minimum of three plates FULL of food - getting a little hefty hisself!

I was so surprised when I had a six piece nugget that filled me up! The last fill I had really makes the difference! I still lost a pound this week.

When you have your weakness around it is sooooo hard to be good. Now kick that 200 ville FOREVER! You will do it; I have faith in you!!

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HARDCANDY1 11/30/2009 3:35PM

    Its okay to fall down as long as you get right back up as I know you will keep your head up and KEEP IT MOVIN!!!!


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JLDACQ 11/30/2009 1:39PM

    Our minds are sneaky, aren't they? We know we shouldn't eat X food, we work hard for many days, sometimes weeks, and we're successful in staying away from it. But the moment that it shows up within arm's reach, all that self-control and hard work we've done to move away from that addicting X food goes right out the window.

I think you did the right thing by admitting what happened, and your thought processes, to someone close to you. And it's good to hear that you were able to do it with your husband. A few weeks ago, I had a disaster with pasta -- completely selfish on my part -- and it wasn't until the next day that told My Guy that if he wants pasta in the house, that I'll still cook it, but he has to put it on the plate. Same goes with pizza. I just don't have the self-control to even come close to either one to put some on my plate.... someone else has to do it. It was a hard confession, and one I almost didn't make. But after I confessed it, I knew I could count on My Guy to help with those situations, so that I could stop failing. And it's working.

Spark On!!

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GLENDAJ5 11/30/2009 1:22PM

    Good for you for not beating yourself up over it. As long as we learn from our mistakes we are moving forward. This from somebody who gained 4 pounds in the last 2 days without even having cake. You are on the right track and worth all the effort it takes. Hope you have a great day. emoticon

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Out of balance and need to take back control

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Since starting my weight loss journey 11 months ago, something I have become more and more aware of is just how many areas of my life are seriously out of balance. Everywhere I look, there are extremes, most resulting from my own lack of self-discipline.

too much excess weight
too many bills/debt
too much "stuff"
too much to do
too much STRESS

too little energy
too little money
too little time
too little organization
too little BALANCE

I've had enough already!

Five months ago, I tackled the top of the list. I had adjustable gastric band surgery to deal with my chronic obesity, which I was never able to get under control on my own before. For the first time in my life, I feel more in control - not perfect (and probably never will be) but actively making progress and no longer leaving the outcome to chance. I know there are varying opinions on bariatric surgery, but believe me, this was not taking "the easy way out" - what it did was provide a tool - an opportunity for me to take back control. It requires hard work and dedication every single day, but I am doing it - I am losing the excess weight and gaining energy, strength, and health. The band has tipped the scale (pardon the pun!) in my favor and now long-term success is within my grasp.

Now it's time to tackle the other items on the list.

I learned today that, barring a miracle, we will be filing bankruptcy and losing our home. After an 8-year slide backward, we have hit bottom with no where else to go. It's devastating - I can't believe this is my life. It seems surreal. But after deep contemplation about this, I am coming to terms with it and realize that this is the financial equivalent of obesity, and bankruptcy just might be the "surgery" we need to get on track. It's like the "band" that will constrain us financially and provide the opportunity to take back control. Please don't misunderstand. I am not glorifying bankruptcy. This also is not the "easy way out" - it is going to be one of the most difficult things we ever go through and will require hard work and dedication. But it is an opportunity for redemption - to take back control, start making progress, and do it right this time.

Eventually, we will be moving from our four bedroom home to a much smaller rental. With this will come the final purging of all the extra "stuff" that clutters up our home and our lives. A lot of it we could live happier without, and maybe if we would have said "no" originally, we wouldn't be in the situation we're in now. It is all life-draining - taking our time and money to manage and keep up. I'm ready for it all to be gone. I long for simplicity now.

I know none of this is going to be easy - neither is losing weight - but it has to be done. Just like I had fears before surgery, I am nervous now, wondering if I have what it takes to do the "heavy lifting" that is coming ahead. I wonder what the outcome will be. I wonder how my kids will adjust to the changes. One baby step at a time, and I will get through this.

It is said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think I'm going to be pretty ripped when I get on the other side of this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XHOOSIERLOSER 11/18/2009 2:03PM

    You are doing such a great job of putting this all into perspective. Things come into and go out of our lives for a reason that only God knows. Accepting the present and being ready for what is next will take you a long long way.

continue counting your blessings, and spark on!

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FELICE73 11/18/2009 10:16AM

    Your outlook and attitude is great! That is going to help and get you through the coming months.

So are WE ! Your sparkfriends. We will be there with you every step of the way. You can lean on us, cry to us, ANYTHING you need! You really are the shining star in my life right now and I appreciate it! You understand what I am going through and I understand what you are going through!!

You will pull through this. We were very close to bankruptcy before and were lucky to pull out of it. We very seriously considered if that wasn't the right thing to do. It is NOT the easy way out (and neither is WLS!). You gotta work just as hard!!

Just remember I am here for you! FOR ANYTHING!

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102633 11/18/2009 7:21AM

    Sometimes the consequences of our actions shake us into a reality check. I commend you on your taking control of the obesity issues in your life. I am so sorry about the financial loss that you are suffering.

You are facing it all with a positive attitude and you are right about taking each day with baby steps. You will survive everything that you are facing and some day will look back to see that you have grown stronger because of your experiences.

Keep on striving to be healthy in every area of your life and you will be the better for it.

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PASTORWILEY62 11/17/2009 8:07PM


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TONNIJ 11/17/2009 7:45PM

    I think you have a really healthy way of looking at what is going on in your life. You are regaining control. God doesn't always work in the manner that we think he will, but when we are willing to submit, he will guide us. Sounds like he is guiding you!

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To all my Spark Friends

Monday, November 16, 2009

I came across this article through the RealAge Newsletter (by Dr Oz) today.

"You might drop more preholiday diet pounds if you tap into this simple technology: e-mail.

Yep, in a study, dieters who got a little love, support, and motivation through e-mails dropped more weight than the dieters who hadn't received cyber support."

I can attest that all of the support I have received through my Spark People friends has meant the world to me. I have learned so much, and the encouragement and accountability has kept me on track, even on days when I felt like letting go. So, I don't want to wait until Thanksgiving to tell you - I am so thankful for you. You mean the world to me!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNASJOURNEY 11/18/2009 8:09AM

    I've only been on Spark for 4 days now and I can already feel the love and support. It is amazing to me how attached I've become in such a short amount of time. Having people around who are going through the same as you is soooooo nice!

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L*I*T*A* 11/17/2009 8:16PM

    great......thanks for sharing..........blessings and hugs.................lita

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TEXASLYNN 11/17/2009 7:20PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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102633 11/17/2009 7:34AM

    The combined effort of many far exceeds the meager attempt of the one. It is true that there is great support on this web site and Spark People has been a real encouragement to me.

Let's all join together and commit to making it through the holidays with as little "damage" as possible. In fact with some encouragement we might even come out on the "loss" side of healthy living.

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ANEWME48 11/17/2009 12:51AM

    Thank you for posting this Case4Grace. I believe this to be true. With everyone I have met here and sparked with you have all given me support that helped keep me on track. I love all my new spark friends emoticon emoticon

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TONNIJ 11/16/2009 4:22PM

    I truly believe in this! I've had tons of email support as well as support here. Makes a HUGE difference!!! emoticon

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XHOOSIERLOSER 11/16/2009 1:04PM

    This is so true. Knowing that we are pulling for each other, and putting in writing what we are striving for, strugling with and overcoming - that combination can't be beat! I too am so thankful for for all of you!

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MORGANLAFEE 11/16/2009 12:53PM

    Thank you CASE4GRACE for sharing this. I agree support means so much in this journey. That's probably why support groups are out there for everything. It's great to hear cyper support works as well. I think SparkPeople proves this.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FELICE73 11/16/2009 12:48PM

    Anita, I am VERY thankful for you!! You really don't know how much your support, encouragement and comments mean to me! I don't want to get sappy but I really appreciate you!

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QUONNIE 11/16/2009 12:24PM

    Thanks for posting this. I want to say that you and my other friends at Sparkpeople have made all the difference to me as well. Thank you all for being there. And thank you Case4Grace!

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My life challenges

Friday, November 06, 2009

I don't like to whine about my problems, but I'm feeling like I need to open up about some challenges I'm dealing with in my life lately:
- Finances - pay cut and loss of income, some "bad" financial decisions, mounting credit card debt with increasing minimum payments and interest rates, medical bills, an adjustable mortgage we can no longer afford for a house we now owe more on than it's worth by about $50,000. We are losing ground each month, and bakruptcy and foreclosure may be in our future.
- Major family conflict and deteriorating relationships with my two teenage boys, even after a year of family counseling. This week I had a major clash with my 16-year-old son--an honor student who is a good kid but is extremely manipulative and arrogant toward me. He told me he doesn't respect me because I am too controlling and absusive with my "power" as a parent. On Thursday he left town for a 4-day trip with his high school band and wouldn't even say good-bye. He lost his cell phone the day before he left, so we have no way of communicating with him while he's gone.
- My sister-in-law is upset with me and I have no idea why--she won't speak to me. I called to wish her a happy birthday and she passed the phone immediately to her husband and wouldn't even say hello.
- Juggling crazy schedules between work and kids--long days and not enough sleep.
- My 1-1/2-year-old boxer dog has had problems with daily vomiting for over a year now, and we can't figure out why. Even on his special food (which is expensive!) he still vomits several times a day. We don't know what to do anymore to help him and are wondering if we need to give him up.

I'm trying to just take life one day at a time and not get too down. Some days are worse than others, and this week was a real doozie with all the tension between me and my son. I am a person of faith, and I know God will see me through this. Even with all these challenges, I know I still have a lot to be thankful for, and I am counting my blessings. I know things could be a lot worse!

One thing I am very thankful for is that in spite of all of the stress, I have NOT been eating emotionally. I even baked chocolate chip cookies and never even had one. I started going back to the gym again this week, and I think the exercise and "me time" is really helping with stress management. I really look forward to my workouts now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IZONPRIZE 11/10/2009 8:20PM

    I will be praying for miracles in every area of your life. Looks like you are a set up for God to show up BIG in your life. I pray our GOD of ALL strength and power will move on your behalf in a SUDDENLY kind of way. Peace in every circumstances is God's best for you and I pray that peace rules in your life like a umpire!

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FATSHIONISTA 11/7/2009 10:12PM

  Really really good that you are not eating when all of these things are going on. The control you are exercising there can carry over to other positive things.

One comment on the money - try listening to Dave Ramsey, he's one of those no debt, all cash guru guys and is helpful for reorienting your thinking while you are still having the problem. Makes you look forward instead of being mired in it, he is on fox business on cable at 7pm central and he is somewhere on the radio. Hope all of it improves fast.

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MORGANLAFEE 11/6/2009 9:16PM

    Wow, good luck with the finances and other stresses. Good for you going to the gym and not eating chocolate chip cookies. Hang in there.

emoticon emoticon

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FELICE73 11/6/2009 5:31PM

    That me time sure does help. I haven't felt this good in a long time since I started going to the gym! Concentrate on you and everything around you will be better!

I wish you luck on the homestead and luck with the boys (I still have a few years from the teen years, whew!)

Your brother won't clue you in about your SIL?

Dogs - don't go there with the vomiting (and pooping for mine for no reason!). I had to put down my yellow lab due to an ear infection that made her deaf - it was sooo hard and then one of my kitties (my first ever) had kidney failure so I had to put her down too. It is tough but sometimes it is best.

I am SO PROUD of you for not stress eating! Prouder than you can imagine!

Keep up your great work and let me know if you EVER need ANYTHING! Feel free to call on me!! Support, gab, anything!

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A "light" pumpkin pie to try this Thanksgiving...

Thursday, November 05, 2009

I have never made this recipe - just received it in an email today and wanted to share. I'm definitely going to try it. I often skip the crust and just bake the filling in custard dishes. It's a very healthy treat that tastes great too!

The Best Light Pumpkin Pie

This pumpkin pie saves 100 calories per slice from the traditional version and it tastes identical!

1 cup ginger snaps (about 16 cookies)
16 oz can pumpkin
1/2 cup egg whites (about 4)
1/2 cup sugar (or substitute 1/4 c sugar + 1/4 c Splenda)
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (1.25 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp ginger, 1/4 tsp cloves)
12 oz can evaporated skim milk

Preheat the oven to 350. Grind the cookies in a food processor. Lightly spray a 9" glass pie pan with vegetable cooking spray. Pat the cookie crumbs into the bottom of the pan evenly. Mix the rest of the ingredients in a medium-sized mixing bowl. Pour into the crust and bake until knife inserted in center comes out clean, about 45 minutes. Store in the refrigerator.

Allow to cool and slice in 8 wedges. Optional: serve each wedge with fat free whipped cream.

Serves 8. Each slice: 165 calories, 1.5 g fat, .5 g saturated fat, 1.5 mg cholesterol, 170 mg sodium, 32 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 6 g protein. Diabetic exchange: 2 bread.

Pumpkin Pie Calorie Facts:
Store-bought pumpkin pie: About 260-290 calories per slice
Use a traditional pie crust in place of ginger snaps for this recipe: Increase from 165 calories to 220 calories per slice
Use 1/3 cup sugar and 1/3 cup Splenda in place of 1/2 cup sugar for this recipe: Decrease from 165 to 150 calories per slice
Cut this pie in 6 instead of 8: Increase to 202 calories per slice
Cut this pie in 10 instead of 8: Decrease to 120 calories per slice
Add light whipped cream from the can: 15 calories per 2 tablespoons

This recipe is excerpted from the 2004 Holiday Presentation Kit (

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORRINER 11/6/2009 3:04PM

    Thanks for the post. Good to have better alternatives with the holidays rolling around. emoticon

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FELICE73 11/5/2009 3:49PM

    I have been searching for pumpkin stuff on sparkrecipes and found a few recipes - even pumpkin cheesecake and a no crust pumpkin pie that I am going to try! My mom doesn't cook healthy so I will bring a few treats myself!!

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HULAMOMI 11/5/2009 1:30PM

    Yum, wondering if I can actually eat at thanksgiving is my biggest thing right now, seeing as I will have about 25 people at the house that day! I will pass this along to whoever of the 4 moms that will be here that day that we decide is going to make desserts!

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