Tuesday, July 14, 2009
One thing I haven't done in years because of my weight was ride a bike. Tonight, my husband and I decided to pull our bikes out and ride up to the grocery store to pick up a few items. The store is pretty close, so I suggested that we go pedalling around the neighborhood some first to get some extra exercise. Hubby, being the voice of wisdom that he is, suggested that we better not, because we haven't biked for so long, we'll probably get sore and tired and then not make it to the store. I'm thinking to myself, you've got to be kidding, what a wimp!
Well, in the end, he was right, and I'm glad we did it his way. After the 15-minute round trip to the store, my butt was killing me and my legs felt like overcooked spaghetti. (I wonder how many calories are in humble pie!) That's not going to stop me from doing this again, though. I can't believe how fun and exhilarating it was. I am so thankful I can comfortably balance my body on a bike now. I never could have done that before I lost weight. I can't wait until we can do a family bike trip.
But I definitely need a new seat first. Ouch!
Monday, July 13, 2009
I have been struggling with this for awhile now, and I am hoping this blog will just help me come to terms with it and move on.
I am afraid to buy new clothes. I don't even want to go to the store and try them on. I've lost almost 60 pounds, and I'm running out of things I can wear, and the things I am still wearing are just hanging on me. At first I thought it was just about the money, but I am beginning to realize that was just an excuse. What's really bothering me is fear--I'm afraid that when I start trying things on and have to look at myself in the mirror, I still won't like what I see, that things still won't fit me any better or any more flattering than they did when I was at my heaviest, which will make me come face to face with that old fat girl inside again - a huge reminder of how much work I still have to do to get to my goal--almost like starting over. In a weird way, it's comforting wearing these big, baggy clothes--they are the tangible evidence that I carry around with me every day, reminding me of how far I've come. I find myself wanting to get rid of things that no longer fit, but at the same time, not really wanting to part with them.
I've lost weight before, but I can't remember ever feeling this way before. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, what did you do?
Saturday, July 04, 2009
But I didn't really believe it....that weight loss might stall when graduating from liquids to purees. Day 1 of purees, and I was up 1 pound, but that came right back off the next day, so I thought that was the worst of it. However, since then I have continued circling the same pound or two, so I think I'm temporarily stuck.
I have been eating typically between 800-1000 calories a day (I do share my log, if anyone wants to check it out), primarily protein, and carbs I eat are usually veggies/fruit. So, I'm wondering, is this just normal, or is there something I could be doing differently? I know it is not recommended to eat less than 1200 calories as that can slow the metabolism--could this be the trouble, and can it happen that quickly? With the lap band, should I be eating that many calories, and if so, how? I am already eating 3 meals that are 3/4 to 1 cup of food, plus 1 or 2 snacks, (my surgeon's office prefer no snacking but will allow it if portions are small and choices are healthy).
Am I in a rut from eating so many of the same things over and over? I have heard of calorie cycling to jump start metabolism, where you eat higher protein for a few days, and then have a day or two where you eat lower protein and higher carbs to kind of "trick" your metabolism. Has anyone with the band tried this?
Or maybe my weight stalling is totally normal for this stage, just like they said. Maybe my body just needs some time to adjust after having lost 10 pounds on liquids. I'm meeting with my dietitian this week, so I'm sure she'll have some insight for me.
The really cool thing, though, is that in all of this, I haven't been frustrated or tempted to "jump" off the wagon, which is what I have done so many times in the past. That "If I'm not losing anyway, I might as well just eat whatever I want. Why bother trying." thinking has been my arch enemy in the past. I don't know if I've really licked it for good, but for the moment I'm enjoying victory over it. I just keep plodding along, knowing that I've made a healthy change for my body, regardless of what my weight shows. I love my band!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I came home from the hospital Friday evening and today is my second day of clear liquids. So far, so good. It's all still a little surreal--after waiting for so many months for the big day to arrive, it came and went so quickly.
I couldn't wait to weigh myself when I got home...dumb move. I was up 5 pounds from the morning of admission. Of course, I know that can't be fat, it has to be fluid retention. I'm thinking I should stay off of the scale for awhile now...at least until I'm out of the clear liquid stage. We'll see if I actually have the willpower to leave the scale alone...I'm usually an "every day" weigher.
I'm enjoying my "cocktails" every 15 minutes, but I sure am looking forward to progressing to more than 1 ounce at a time. It's still three weeks until I get to pureed foods, so patience and determination are going to be the things I work on most right now.
Monday, June 08, 2009
So, my surgery date is finally here, this week on Thursday (6/11). Seems like it has been forever that I have been waiting for this. I started this journey last October, and for the first three months I just floundered--ate what I wanted, didn't exercise, and gained more weight. It wasn't until the middle of January before I started changing my lifestyle, and gradually over the following 5 months I felt like I really had this new lifestyle down. I lost 45 pounds and felt fantastic.
Then, it happened.
The closer my surgery date got, the more I started to mourn all the tasty foods that I wouldn't be eating anymore. Funny, I hadn't really thought about them at all over the last 5 months, so why they put me into such a tailspin now is beyond me! At first I let go a little bit and indulged in a few items...I tried to fight it, but I thought enjoying just a little bit would help keep me balanced and get it out of my system. But the closer I got to the big day, the stronger the pull was, until I finally stopped tracking my food and let loose completely--pizza, PF Chang's spicy shrimp, cheeseburgers, pasta, cake, cinnamon rolls, ice cream, pop--way too many indulgences in way too short a period of time. Today I am up 6 pounds...that's 6 pounds in 2 weeks...and I deserve it.
But, I think I actually did get it out of my system. Today I am re-focused and eating light and clean. My goal is to get this heavy, bloated yuck out of my system and get "clean" so I'm ready for surgery. I pray that my liver will be okay when the big day comes. I'm focusing on having primarily liquids today and tomorrow, and then all liquids on Wednesday. I am going to start walking again too. (I wish it wasn't so cold here!!)
I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm looking forward to having some R&R after the procedure.
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