Monday, September 26, 2011
Full disclosure: I just took a 16 day break from my plan.
Many things contributed to this: first it was my birthday, then I got sick, then I was at a work conference, then I just said "to hell with it" and finished out the weekend.
I'm trying not to dwell on the break. I'm trying to focus on getting back on the horse and refocusing on my goals. I even have a reasonable plan for when the weather starts getting bad and I can't ride my bike to work anymore (this would be BodyRocking in my garage).
I set my goal far in the future so I could have this flexibility. And, really, it's more about a healthier lifestyle than about my waistline ...
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I hate counting calories.
Actually, that's not totally true. I love precision. I love knowing what I did and how and how it will effect me.
I hate feeling overwhelmed by the duty of counting calories.
It just seems like so much to do and I have to do it for so loooooong!
My new attitude has helped stave off getting overwhelmed: I'm learning how to eat!
It seems really simple but it wasn't until I realized that I didn't really know how to eat. I mean, I would have a huge breakfast one day, none the next, and then doughnuts and coffee for the next week. I was, of course, aware that this was unhealthy but I lacked the experience of being satisfied with a healthier breakfast that was easy to prepare.
This learning is also going meal by meal. I'm getting the hang of breakfast. However I still only have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and dinner is anyone's guess. According to myNutrition Tracker I eat the most calories and fat at dinner. This is because we don't really have healthy dinner food in the house. We only have healthy breakfast food because that's all I've learned so far.
But I've got to start somewhere. Breakfast might as well be it. And tracking the calories/other nutrients is just a learning tool. I don't have to be a slave to every last unit. I need to apply my love of precision and learning to really getting how this whole meal system works.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
It's difficult for me to blog about my process without adding a lot of excuses or self-limiting language. All of that "well, I would do this but ..."
I would do lunges but I'm not good at them.
I would do this workout but I can't afford the equipment.
I would go running but I don't have my music.
I would look the way I want but I have all of these obscure medical issues.
And it's not just that I am using the above examples of self-limiting language. It is also that there is a run-up to the self-limiting language that is a *search for limits*. Not in the cool "push yourself to the limit" way ... but in the "let me find tons of external excuses" way.
Let me pick a workout that REQUIRES extra equipment.
Let me convince myself that I CAN'T run without music.
Let me find a hundred ways to diagnose myself with reasons that I can't lose weight.
That way I won't ever have to face the challenge ... because I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid that it will be possible.
I'm afraid that all these excuses were just *excuses*.
I'm afraid that I'll have no excuse not to love myself.
Loving myself is the hardest thing. Developing the belief that I deserve love is the hardest thing. Not lunges! Compared to accepting myself as a loving, lovable, whole, beautiful being lunges are a dream!
But I've figured out the secret!
(whispering) Don't tell my insecurities this ... but every time I *do* a lunge I love myself a little more. That bright laughter that bubbles up in the back of my throat right before I'm convinced I can't do anymore? That's the love growing inside. And every time I get there it sinks in a little more.
That secret is true of every aspect of this life change. Changing the way I eat. Exercising. Keeping records. Every thing!
Truth: I'm not lunging right now, I'm running. And biking to work. But lunges are in my immediate future!
P.S. How's this for subconscious: In the first sentence I said "exercises" instead of "excuses" and every time I tried to type "lunges" I wrote "lunches". :)
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