Back at it

Monday, September 26, 2011

Full disclosure: I just took a 16 day break from my plan.

Many things contributed to this: first it was my birthday, then I got sick, then I was at a work conference, then I just said "to hell with it" and finished out the weekend.

I'm trying not to dwell on the break. I'm trying to focus on getting back on the horse and refocusing on my goals. I even have a reasonable plan for when the weather starts getting bad and I can't ride my bike to work anymore (this would be BodyRocking in my garage).

I set my goal far in the future so I could have this flexibility. And, really, it's more about a healthier lifestyle than about my waistline ...

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Eats

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I hate counting calories.

Actually, that's not totally true. I love precision. I love knowing what I did and how and how it will effect me.

I hate feeling overwhelmed by the duty of counting calories.

It just seems like so much to do and I have to do it for so loooooong!

My new attitude has helped stave off getting overwhelmed: I'm learning how to eat!

It seems really simple but it wasn't until I realized that I didn't really know how to eat. I mean, I would have a huge breakfast one day, none the next, and then doughnuts and coffee for the next week. I was, of course, aware that this was unhealthy but I lacked the experience of being satisfied with a healthier breakfast that was easy to prepare.

This learning is also going meal by meal. I'm getting the hang of breakfast. However I still only have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and dinner is anyone's guess. According to myNutrition Tracker I eat the most calories and fat at dinner. This is because we don't really have healthy dinner food in the house. We only have healthy breakfast food because that's all I've learned so far.

But I've got to start somewhere. Breakfast might as well be it. And tracking the calories/other nutrients is just a learning tool. I don't have to be a slave to every last unit. I need to apply my love of precision and learning to really getting how this whole meal system works.

Much love.

Language

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It's difficult for me to blog about my process without adding a lot of excuses or self-limiting language. All of that "well, I would do this but ..."

I would do lunges but I'm not good at them.
I would do this workout but I can't afford the equipment.
I would go running but I don't have my music.
I would look the way I want but I have all of these obscure medical issues.

And it's not just that I am using the above examples of self-limiting language. It is also that there is a run-up to the self-limiting language that is a *search for limits*. Not in the cool "push yourself to the limit" way ... but in the "let me find tons of external excuses" way.

Let me pick a workout that REQUIRES extra equipment.
Let me convince myself that I CAN'T run without music.
Let me find a hundred ways to diagnose myself with reasons that I can't lose weight.

That way I won't ever have to face the challenge ... because I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid that it will be possible.
I'm afraid that all these excuses were just *excuses*.
I'm afraid that I'll have no excuse not to love myself.

Loving myself is the hardest thing. Developing the belief that I deserve love is the hardest thing. Not lunges! Compared to accepting myself as a loving, lovable, whole, beautiful being lunges are a dream!

But I've figured out the secret!
(whispering) Don't tell my insecurities this ... but every time I *do* a lunge I love myself a little more. That bright laughter that bubbles up in the back of my throat right before I'm convinced I can't do anymore? That's the love growing inside. And every time I get there it sinks in a little more.

That secret is true of every aspect of this life change. Changing the way I eat. Exercising. Keeping records. Every thing!

Truth: I'm not lunging right now, I'm running. And biking to work. But lunges are in my immediate future!

Peace!

P.S. How's this for subconscious: In the first sentence I said "exercises" instead of "excuses" and every time I tried to type "lunges" I wrote "lunches". :)

Firsties

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

I can't say this is the first time I've tried to lose weight.

The first time I tried to lose weight was when I was in 7th grade. I followed an exercise program in Self magazine for about a month. I remember extolling the virtues of it to my best friend; how I didn't want junk food anymore, how I'd lost 7 pounds, how it was so easy to follow. And then I stopped.

Next I remember being on the Nordic Trac at my local YMCA for 20 minutes a day for about a month. This was right after a break-up. I looked great, I felt better every time I was on the machine. And then I stopped.

Every attempt at losing weight ends with "and then I stopped". Usually I stopped because I noticed that I *had* lost weight so I spend the next couple weeks "rewarding" myself. Then I lose motivation all together.

Not this time.

I've been convinced that, ultimately, there was nothing I could do about my body. I was doomed to live in this state of compromise or weary acceptance that I could never look the way I wanted to.

No longer.

This time I'm older. This time I'm wiser. This time I have a fantastic and supportive partner who is out there with me. We are determined to succeed.

And I'll just have to tell my sweet-tooth-sit-on-the-couch-sleep-an-extr
a-15-minute self that the "reward" will be the waistline. The "reward" will be the blood sugar. The "reward" will be looking down and not sighing in defeat.

The reward will be inner-love.

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