Friday, May 17, 2013
I've been so frustrated for months at my lack of progress. That I sometimes forget how far I've come. I need to finally start listening to my own advice and accept myself. I'm great how I am. If I lose more weight, great, if not, that's okay too. I need to be okay with myself finally. It's so hard too but I must get there.
Seeing this old bathing suit while I was cleaning out my closet really helped me see. I am not the person I used to be. Inside and out.
My current bathing suit, ON TOP of what I used to wear...
Monday, May 06, 2013
I did it!!!
I ran my very first half marathon!
yay!!!! I am still in shock that I actually did it!
I can't even tell you how nervous I was for this race!! I was a wreck all weekend. Barely sleeping and feeling sick. I knew I can do it, but I wanted to run at a decent time and this is something I've been working toward for so long. I almost couldn't believe it was finally here.
Sunday morning I woke up bright and early (4:30am) to head on over to the race. The half started at 6:45am and because it's such a big race we had to get there early to beat the traffic. I didn't mind the early time though, I couldn't sleep very much anyway that night. That early it was COLD. I knew it was going to warm up though so I wore shorts and a tank. Blue to support Boston. It was a little scary at the race because security was amped up big time, but it also helped you feel safe.
Here I am with my friends waiting inside
After hanging out inside in the warm heat it was time to get ready for the race to start. It is unreal the amount of people running the half. I'm not sure I've ever ran such a huge race before. It took a good 5 minutes waiting in our corral before we began. I had planned on staying with my friend the whole race. Unfortunately her knee was killing her, by mile 3 she ended up dropping out of the race.
I was all alone. For 13.1 miles. Which I was surprisingly okay with. I had a good pace going for almost the whole race. Seeing all the spectators with signs cheering us on is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I even had a friend who lived along the course, make me a sign! Which was so fun to see. I was doing really well til about mile 9. Then I started to slow down. Not too much but I was starting to hurt.
At mile 11 I started to get weepy. I couldn't believe I was so close and that I was actually doing this. Everything hurt but I was crying tears of joy.
The last mile is right along the beach. So beautiful and the perfect way for this Jersey girl to end a race.
I finished in 2 hours and 22 minutes!! I had wanted to finish in 2:30, so I am over the moon about that time!
Here I am minutes after finishing!
I can honestly say I have no need to ever try and run a marathon, but I will absolutely run another half marathon!! It was a great day and even though I'm still sore, I'm smiling from ear to ear.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
am back to reality from my awesome trip to Mexico. It was a vacation that I really needed and one that I won't soon forget. It was only 5 days long but it was awesome from beginning to end, and now I'm back to rainy NJ.
I went away with 4 other girls to an all inclusive near Cancun. We got an insane deal for the whole thing, rooms, flight, all inclusive. It was just way too good to pass up! The resort we stayed out was awesome. I highly recommend it. The food was delicious, the drinks even better. There was a huge pool with a slide and a cliff jump and it was right on the beach, where they had boating and kayaks available to use. So much fun!
I have always had a bucket list of things I want to do. This trip gave me the ability to conquer two of them! When I was overweight and away once, everyone I went with did ziplining. I couldn't go though because there was a weight limit. It killed me to not be able to go and I knew that one day I would do it. This trip allowed me to finally go ziplining!!! One of the best things ever! I want to do it again and again now
Me getting ready to zip line for the first time
On my way down
I even got to go upside down on them. Which was terrifying at first but really fun once you stopped feeling like you were gonna die. haha
I look like a pro here
After ziplining we went out on ATVs. I was not the best driver, but still a really cool experience.
Finally here I am conquering another item on my bucket list. You can see I'm screaming haha. Going down a zip line into water. I'm not scared of heights per se, but I am scared of jumping. The last obstacle race I did, there was a cliff jump that I didn't do. I got to the top and froze. I couldn't make the jump. I was so embarrassed that I vowed to myself to get over this fear and finally do it! I also jumped down from that ledge as well. Now I am ready for the next Tough Mudder
The rest of the trip was spent just relaxing and getting some sun. I feel so much better than I have in months. This trip has really taught me to let go. To face my fears head on and experience the world and everything in it. Now I am on to the rest of my bucket list. Which includes running my first half marathon on Sunday! EEK!!
Friday, March 01, 2013
To get back into the LOW 180s....
That is all.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
For months I have been in a deep dark hole. Call it depression, call it the winter blues, a funk, whatever fits the bill. Either way I haven't been myself and I didn't know how to pull myself out of this hole I was in. I was mortified that I had gained close to 20 pounds since October. The fact that what was once a loose fitting pair of jeans no longer fit was horrifying to me.
But I wasn't doing anything about it. I was wearing leggings and dresses and cardigans to hid the bulge of my stomach. I was eating whatever I wanted. While I was keeping up with my workouts, it was clear I couldn't run at my normal pace and keep up the way I used to. This extra weight was/is pulling my down literally and mentally.
Then I took a deep look at myself. I've lost over close to 120 pounds, and while I've gained about 20 of those pounds back, I know without a shadow of a doubt I will never let myself become 300 pounds again. Seeing me close to 200 pounds was enough for me to take notice and start to do something about it.
Then I realized that I need to give myself a break. Everyone slips. This is the first time in the 2plus years I've been on this lifestyle that I've slipped up. There are articles upon articles about how common it is for people to gain their weight back. Even the people on that shows the biggest loser gain some weight back, or more sometimes.
It doesn't mean we've failed. It shows that we are all human. Life throws curveballs at us all the time. This is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. And that journey will have it's ups and downs. And while I can try to prevent it, sometimes it's just too hard.
Which is why I'm going to forgive myself for gaining this weight.
I need to realize this was a blip on my journey. And it does not take away from the fact that I've still lost a hundred pounds. I DID that. All on my own, I can absolutely handle getting these pesky 20 pounds back off.
So starting today is the next phase of my journey. Where I acknowledge that I'm human and vulnerable. That it's okay that I gained this weight. That in the end it's just going to make me a stronger person. It's teaching me a much needed lesson that I never ever want to go back to the person I was. I am miserable with this extra weight, I could not imagine how I would feel weighing 300 pounds again.
I am strong, I am beautiful, and I know I can do this again and again if I have too.
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